Should my sister's future in-laws be invited to my wedding?

Knottie81625387

My wedding is a month away (a weekend-long destination wedding). We've been engaged for 14 months and our guest list has been set for almost a year. My younger sister got engaged last week and my mom wants to invite my sister's future in-laws to the wedding. Is that appropriate? I have met them one time and my mom met them for the first time this week. I feel that having them there will take the focus off of our wedding and celebrating our love and relationship and put some of the focus and attention on welcoming my future brother-in-law's family to ours. Shouldn't the focus of the weekend be joining my family to my fiance's family?

Is my concern rational or am I being selfish?

lyndausvi

It's not unusual for people to invite siblings in-laws to weddings.   I personally didn't, but I've seen it happen many times.  Most of the time there already a connection.  For example, I know my BIL is inviting his sister's in-laws.  There is a connection there. Not a big one, but we all have spent time together.   Since there really isn't a connection, I do not see why you need to invite them. 

.  However, your excuse is a little off.   If your sibling's in-laws are invited it in no way puts more focus on your sister's wedding.   It's doesn't take away from your future in-laws either.   That is just silly to think that way.

If your parents are paying I would take that into consideration.

randomslove

Have invites already gone out? Then, no.

If you haven't sent out invites, then it's up to you if you want them there for not, unless your parents are paying for a significant enough portion that they get a say in guests.

While I understand not wanting a bunch of strangers at your wedding who have little-to-no connection to you, I also don't understand how this would take the focus off of you and your FI, so yes I find that concern a little odd. And, unless the families are really close, I've never heard of inviting your sibling's FILs to the wedding being a "thing."

thespeshulestsnowflake

Knottie81625387 said:

My wedding is a month away (a weekend-long destination wedding). We've been engaged for 14 months and our guest list has been set for almost a year. My younger sister got engaged last week and my mom wants to invite my sister's future in-laws to the wedding. Is that appropriate? I have met them one time and my mom met them for the first time this week. I feel that having them there will take the focus off of our wedding and celebrating our love and relationship and put some of the focus and attention on welcoming my future brother-in-law's family to ours. Shouldn't the focus of the weekend be joining my family to my fiance's family?

Is my concern rational or am I being selfish?

You are a month out, yes it is too late inviting people. At this point it would be B-Listing.

But you reasoning is off and very selfish.

novella1186

My H invited his sister's in-laws to our wedding. They're close to H's parents, and H knows them pretty well, and I had met them several times and even had a couple Thanksgiving dinners with them, so it wasn't weird at all. Even if H and I didn't know them, though, if his parents had asked for them to be invited we would have complied because his parents contributed financially to our wedding. 

Are your parents paying? If so, they get a say. 

And have you already sent invites? If so, it's too late to invite more people because it will look like a B-list. 

If you do invite them, having them there is not going to steal your thunder. It won't change the focus of the day or make it about your sister rather than your family joining your FI's family. Don't worry about that. 

JaxInBlue

Agree with PPs.  A month out, it will be obvious that your invitation of sister's FILs is last minute and not part of your original guest list.  Your mom might be more sympathetic to an argue that focuses on that - "Mom, it's too late to invite them now; I wouldn't want them to feel like second-tier guests" - rather than the concern that they could pull focus.  (Which. I agree, they wouldn't.)

Could you suggest to your Mom that instead of meeting them at your wedding/reception, perhaps you and she throw a small, official, welcome-to-the-family dinner for your FBIL, and invite his parents to that? 

lyndausvi

Reading fail.

I missed it's a month out.   Too late to send out an invite IMO.

Knottie81625387

Thank you for your input. I realize I'm feeling a bit selfish. This is rooted in years of sibling rivalry and our parents pitting us against each other. At least I'm aware that I'm being irrational - that's something, right? Ugh.

Feelings aside, yes, the invitations went out in June. Our responses are due next week. So they will definitely know they were added last minute. My mom is paying for most of this and she is the one that wants to invite them - so she gets the last call... just like everything else in this wedding.

thespeshulestsnowflake

Knottie81625387 said:

Thank you for your input. I realize I'm feeling a bit selfish. This is rooted in years of sibling rivalry and our parents pitting us against each other. At least I'm aware that I'm being irrational - that's something, right? Ugh.

Feelings aside, yes, the invitations went out in June. Our responses are due next week. So they will definitely know they were added last minute. My mom is paying for most of this and she is the one that wants to invite them - so she gets the last call... just like everything else in this wedding.

To the bolded, the one who is paying gets a say. Its her money so she can invite whom she wants. If you wanted it your way, you should have paid for the wedding.

randomslove

Maybe try talking to your mom about JaxInBlue's suggestion to throw a small dinner for them, and talk to your parents about why it's rude?

anjemon

Yeah, it's too late to invite them without it being a B-List. 

But I don't think having them there would pull anything from you and your FI on your special day. As far as I know, my wedding wasn't at all about joining our families. We joined to start a family and the inlaws got to meet grandparents etc at the rehearsal diner, but I think during the actual wedding the families talked to the other family members from out of town. So I think your reasoning sounds faulty and fairly selfish, but it doesn't change the answer.

luckya23

I toyed with the idea of inviting my sister's MIL, assuming she could bring my brother in law's kids whom he rarely sees and I have never met, but I wasn't even speaking to my sister by the time invitations went out.

ETA: My sister would have been meeting her own step children too, and I still don't think that any less "focus" would have been on my own "joining of families". 

So I don't think it's weird, but your logic is.  I spoke with the people I wanted to speak with at my wedding, and it wasn't like everyone was 100% focused on us as a couple the whole time.  There were definitely times that I even lost track of my new husband!

anjemon

Oh and I don't really think it's weird to invite your siblings inlaws to the wedding. Both of my sisters inlaws were invited to mine. Granted they were already married for a couple of years. And it was really nice to have another set of grandparents to hold small children during the reception. 

And I might be biased because one of my sister's MIL helped throw my hometown shower. Our families got close.

justsuzie

Don't worry about B-listing.  This seems like a special circumstance.  The engagements of your sis happened after the invites went out and now that they are engaged your mother feels it important to invite.  But...for a destination wedding this seems very late to be plausible.  Could they even get a flight and room?

mrscomposer

 Knottie81625387 said:

My wedding is a month away (a weekend-long destination wedding). We've been engaged for 14 months and our guest list has been set for almost a year. My younger sister got engaged last week and my mom wants to invite my sister's future in-laws to the wedding. Is that appropriate? I have met them one time and my mom met them for the first time this week. I feel that having them there will take the focus off of our wedding and celebrating our love and relationship and put some of the focus and attention on welcoming my future brother-in-law's family to ours. Shouldn't the focus of the weekend be joining my family to my fiance's family?

Is my concern rational or am I being selfish?

 

Like, seriously with the bolded?  I'm glad you've acknowledged that you're being selfish, because holy hell.  Will there be any other engaged couples there?  Are you not worried that them being engaged will take the focus off of you?  Are you now un-inviting your sister for getting engaged?  Or the people who had the most recent wedding before yours - will they not take the focus off for being newlyweds?  You see where I'm going with this?

My sister's inlaws were invited to my wedding, but my to-be inlaws weren't invited to hers.  My BIL is going to invite my parents to his.  No one cared either way.

If the invitations hadn't already gone out and your wedding wasn't a month away, this would be a non-issue.  On the one hand, it is definite b-listing.  On the other hand, it could be seen as the same situation as a single guest who got into a relationship after receiving the invitation - an invite to the SO should then be extended.

Either way.  Your mom is paying.  If she wants to invite them, she can do so.  It doesn't mean that they can or will come.

bethsmiles

My mom wants to invite my brother's GF's parents. I've never met them but it really doesn't seem like a hill worth dying on. It's two people and in the grand scheme of things I probably won't even remember they are there, if they even come.

I agree with PPs that your reasoning comes across as selfish, It's your wedding day, you don't need to worry about anyone taking attention away from you. And besides, your wedding day isn't about getting attention so who cares if your sister and her FI get a little attention on that day? You probably won't even notice or care.

southernbelle0915

It's really too late. Maybe your mom can plan a vacation with them another time.