Home Ceremony and Destination Wedding

Knottie27953843

I would like to get married in my home Catholic church because I know the priest and it is important to me to have a Catholic marriage ceremony. However, I fell in love with the wedding venues in Puerto Rico. I was thinking to have a Catholic ceremony in church for my immediate family and invite all my guests to come to Puerto Rico. In Puerto Rico, my fiance and I would write our own vows and say them for all our guests. We are also thinking that using a venue in Puerto Rico will be less costly for us. More for the guests but they can enjoy it as a vacation when it is cold at home . Any suggestions and advice would be very helpful. 

Thanks!

MobKaz

Knottie27953843 said:

I would like to get married in my home Catholic church because I know the priest and it is important to me to have a Catholic marriage ceremony. However, I fell in love with the wedding venues in Puerto Rico. I was thinking to have a Catholic ceremony in church for my immediate family and invite all my guests to come to Puerto Rico. In Puerto Rico, my fiance and I would write our own vows and say them for all our guests. We are also thinking that using a venue in Puerto Rico will be less costly for us. More for the guests but they can enjoy it as a vacation when it is cold at home . Any suggestions and advice would be very helpful. 

Thanks!

You marry once.  You need to decide whether it is more important to marry within your faith or at a pretty venue.  To be honest, if marrying in your faith is so important, I don't understand why you would be conflicted at all.

Is there a reason you can't have a Catholic wedding ceremony in Puerto Rico?  How would a destination wedding be less costly for you than a wedding in your home town?  You can marry at home, and attempt to have a "destination reception", but having a "re-do" vow "ceremony" would be disingenuous.  I would have no desire to spend good time and money watching someone reenact marriage vows. 

Choose a destination wedding or a home wedding.  You do not get both.

knottie2b256f5c2ae42586

Wouldn't you already be saying your vows in front of your guests at your Catholic ceremony?

If you want to invite guests to your honeymoon, that is fine and your choice. But it would be more of a vacation for everyone and not anything really related to your marriage other than just family/friends sharing some (expensive) time together.

AddieCake

It's ridiculous to go on wedding tour just so you can have a ceremony at all the locations you like. That's essentially what you'd be doing here.

WinstonsGirl

Honestly, I'd feel like second choice that I was invited to a second "wedding" and not the first one.  Why am I not important enough to see you really get married??

AddieCake

WinstonsGirl said:

Honestly, I'd feel like second choice that I was invited to a second "wedding" and not the first one.  Why am I not important enough to see you really get married??

Because Puerto Rico! Vacation where it's warm in the winter! Everyone wants their vacation plans decided for them by a bride and groom!

WinstonsGirl

AddieCake said:

show previous quotes

WinstonsGirl said:

Honestly, I'd feel like second choice that I was invited to a second "wedding" and not the first one.  Why am I not important enough to see you really get married??

Because Puerto Rico! Vacation where it's warm in the winter! Everyone wants their vacation plans decided for them by a bride and groom!

Haha.  You're in the same situation as me Addie.  No winter vacations for us unless they're over Christmas break.  Joys of teaching

Jells2dot0

If it's that important to have a Catholic ceremony, have a traditional wedding at home, HM in Puerto Rico, and hire a photographer to take pics of you on your HM. So, that way, you don't make your family and friends travel for a redo, you don't make certain people feel like second choice, and you get your pretty pictures on the beach. 

artbyallie

I seriously doubt anyone would want to buy a plane ticket to go see you say vows after you are married. And I doubt the Catholic Church would look kindly on a wedding reenactment outside the church - that makes it look like getting married there didn't count.

lyndausvi

I know a girl who had a Catholic wedding one week, but their reception the following week because she wanted a specific venue and she could not get a Catholic wedding the same day.   This was local and people were side-eyeing it.   I can't imagine what people would think about a destination reception.

FWIW - I would not attend a destination reception. 

OliveOilsMom

If you take your faith so seriously as to have a Catholic ceremony (I am Catholic as well), then why are you trying to diminish the Sacrament by having a re-do ceremony later in PR?  You will be legally and sacramentally married in the Catholic Church.  Anything you do in PR would be just for show.  I know that you cannot personalize vows in a Catholic ceremony, but those vows have been repeated by countless couples and I feel that has much more weight than any personal vows.  The vows I spoke were also spoken by my parents, grandparents, aunt/uncles, cousins, etc., that, to me, has much more impact.

Of course the DW will cost you less, its because you are passing on the costs to your guests!  I'm sure you will probably choose an all inclusive resort so that the reception meal will be paid for by your guests.  This is taking a PPD to the extreme.  Jellsdot had a great suggestion of having your Catholic ceremony and reception at home, then honeymoon in PR and hire a photographer to get pics of you there.

Casadena

Jells2dot0 said:

If it's that important to have a Catholic ceremony, have a traditional wedding at home, HM in Puerto Rico, and hire a photographer to take pics of you on your HM. So, that way, you don't make your family and friends travel for a redo, you don't make certain people feel like second choice, and you get your pretty pictures on the beach. 

This.  I feel like this would be a fantastic compromise for what you want.  I agree with PP's that if a Catholic wedding is that important to you, you shouldn't attempt to re-do it at another time just for pretty pictures.  I promise you, the view/décor/venue is not what you'll remember about your wedding day.

Liatris2010

Would you want to spend your vacation time and money watching someone pretend to get married at a destination you had no say in?

CMGragain

Having a re-do ceremony after you have received The Sacrament of Holy Matrimony in the Catholic Church is an insult to the Catholic Church and to every Catholic who would be a guest at your re-wedding in Puerto Rico.  There is simply no way to do this without insulting a lot of people, including your priest.  Forget it!

[Deleted User]

As a guest I would be mad if I found out that I spent hundreds, possibly a few thousand to travel to what I thought was your wedding only to find out it was basically a vow renewal. The only people I would spend serious money on to see a vow renewal is my parents, my in-laws & maybe siblings.

 

Knottie27953843

Thank you all for your thoughts. It has helped me think of it from the other side. I am going to pick one. 

Knottie54122851

I am having a wedding in mexico in May and having a small ceremony at home so that my ill grandfather will be able to see me walk down the aisle. The actual destination wedding is for the majority of my guests. The small local ceremony will be for mainly older family members!

Jells2dot0

Knottie54122851 said:

I am having a wedding in mexico in May and having a small ceremony at home so that my ill grandfather will be able to see me walk down the aisle. The actual destination wedding is for the majority of my guests. The small local ceremony will be for mainly older family members!

This is very nice for your family but very rude to everyone else. It's obvious that having your grandfather at your wedding is really important. I get that. I'm sure everyone gets that on some level. But, it doesn't mean you get to be rude to everyone else. Get married at home, have your grandfather walk you down the aisle, get some great pictures of it, then head to Mexico for your honeymoon. While you are there, hire a photographer to get some awesome pics of you on the beach. If you want people there with you (a la Jennifer Aniston) invite people there as part of your honeymoon -not as a wedding. Because it won't be your wedding. It's a re-do.

TheCheeseWench

Knottie54122851 said:

I am having a wedding in mexico in May and having a small ceremony at home so that my ill grandfather will be able to see me walk down the aisle. The actual destination wedding is for the majority of my guests. The small local ceremony will be for mainly older family members!

Knottie54122851 My 91-year old Grandmother has always been one of my best friends, and before planning my DW, we made sure she was going to be able to attend. She went to the Doctor and got his "all clear" to go. She was very excited. In the months since she has weakened significantly, and decided she just can't make the trip. She said that honestly she would be hard pressed to last through the entire thing even if it was local, as she tires after an hour or so out of bed. We have decided to have her attend our actual wedding via Skype. She is very excited about this. My uncle will be staying with her while my Mother attends the wedding (G-Mo lives with her) and we will have someone (an employee of the venue) in charge of manning an ipad at the wedding so that she can see the ceremony. She even wants us to set the ipad up on a stand on the welcome/guestbook table so that she can see all of the guests arriving (and what Grandmother wants, Grandmother usually gets). I agree with PP that is is not okay to have a second wedding ceremony. You get married once. You are either putting on a phoney baloney show for your Grandfather, or for all of the people taking the time to come out and watch you GET MARRIED.

redoryx

Knottie54122851 said:

I am having a wedding in mexico in May and having a small ceremony at home so that my ill grandfather will be able to see me walk down the aisle. The actual destination wedding is for the majority of my guests. The small local ceremony will be for mainly older family members!

The ceremony IS your wedding. Why is this always so fucking hard for brides to understand?

[Deleted User]

redoryx said:

show previous quotes

Knottie54122851 said:

I am having a wedding in mexico in May and having a small ceremony at home so that my ill grandfather will be able to see me walk down the aisle. The actual destination wedding is for the majority of my guests. The small local ceremony will be for mainly older family members!

The ceremony IS your wedding. Why is this always so fucking hard for brides to understand?

Exactly!  At which one will you be legally wed?  That one is your wedding.  The other one is you putting on a play.

ShesSoCold

adk19 said:

show previous quotes

redoryx said:

Knottie54122851 said:

I am having a wedding in mexico in May and having a small ceremony at home so that my ill grandfather will be able to see me walk down the aisle. The actual destination wedding is for the majority of my guests. The small local ceremony will be for mainly older family members!

The ceremony IS your wedding. Why is this always so fucking hard for brides to understand?

Exactly!  At which one will you be legally wed?  That one is your wedding.  The other one is you putting on a play.

Yeah you don't just have weddings without divorces. It's not a concert tour. Are these same people going to plan multiple births when they have a baby?

Knottie54122851

redoryx Is there a reason you have to be a rude **edited due to TOS violation** People do what they want to do for their wedding! You can state your opinion without being mean and rude! 

Knottie54122851

ShesSoCold Which is why Destination wedding locations ask you if you will have a legal ceremony or a SYMBOLIC ceremony. There is NOTHING wrong with having a symbolic ceremony and getting legally married at home in your city/ county of residence. Many times it is less of a hassle to have a legal wedding where you live vs in Mexico or where ever you decide to have your ceremony! Have people forgotten that you can also get legally married at a courthouse and decide to have a wedding celebration or a full on wedding later. You never know ones circumstance so lets be respectful and not rude! 

Knottie54122851

Jells2dot0 My family members and friends attending also have no issue with attending a symbolic ceremony. I think people are looking too deep into it! People are allowed to have their wedding the way that they want and whatever suites them and their situation. 

ShesSoCold

Knottie54122851 said:

ShesSoCold Which is why Destination wedding locations ask you if you will have a legal ceremony or a SYMBOLIC ceremony. There is NOTHING wrong with having a symbolic ceremony and getting legally married at home in your city/ county of residence. Many times it is less of a hassle to have a legal wedding where you live vs in Mexico or where ever you decide to have your ceremony! Have people forgotten that you can also get legally married at a courthouse and decide to have a wedding celebration or a full on wedding later. You never know ones circumstance so lets be respectful and not rude! 

No. No you cannot. I mean, unless there is a divorce, which seems like way more trouble than it's worth. Do you know the definition of a wedding? Do you understand what getting married means? If people are not legally binding their lives, it's just dress-up and a skit. 

justsie

A wedding is a wedding. I would ABSOLUTELY not spend money to watch someone play dress up because they wanted to not do the actual work of getting married legally. This is a really poor attitude to have. 

Are you going to lie to everyone (your nearest and dearest) about you already being married?

MairePoppy

Here's the thing - when I go on vacation, I like to pick the place and time that I'm going. I don't want to use my vacation time and money for a trip that someone else planned.  

justsie

Knottie54122851 said:

redoryx Is there a reason you have to be a rude **edited for TOS violation**? People do what they want to do for their wedding! You can state your opinion without being mean and rude! 

Knottie54122851 said:

Jells2dot0 My family members and friends attending also have no issue with attending a symbolic ceremony. I think people are looking too deep into it! People are allowed to have their wedding the way that they want and whatever suites them and their situation. 

JIC

MobKaz

Knottie54122851 said:

redoryx Is there a reason you have to be a rude **edited for TOS violation**? People do what they want to do for their wedding! You can state your opinion without being mean and rude! 

redoryx

Knottie54122851 said:

redoryx Is there a reason you have to be a rude **edited for TOS violation**. People do what they want to do for their wedding! You can state your opinion without being mean and rude! 

Someone didn't read the TOS.