Wedding Etiquette Forum

Advice needed for Aisle Walking Parents

So I'm getting guilt trips from both parents. Long history short, my parents divorced when I was 13, and I've lived half-way across the country with my mom with visitations to my dad during the summer and half of holidays.

When I started planning my wedding, I was slightly pressured into having just my mom walk me down the aisle. It was a good choice at the time because I didn't want to offend either my bio-dad or step-dad by having one or the other. As soon as I told my dad I was going to have my mom walk me, I could hear the disappointment in his voice, and felt so guilty. I fully admit that he hasn't treated me the best, but I'm still a daddy's girl. The guilt was eating away at me for the longest, so I talked with my step-dad to make sure he'd be okay with my incorporating my bio-dad (my fiancée ended up asking him to be his Best Man after that discussion, which made me ecstatic!). So I had changed my decision to having both my mother and bio-dad walk me down the aisle. When I went to tell my dad, he told me that my initial decision had upset him so much and told me that he was so traditional about it that he had considered not coming to my wedding or at least not staying for the reception because he was so upset about not walking me down the aisle. He still holds a grudge against my mother for taking me away. Let's just say that he and I both felt relieved after that conversation.

But now I'm getting guilt trips from my mom and aunt (step-dad's sis and mom's bf) about having them both walk me. They are holding on to the fact that my bio-dad hasn't played a big part of my life for the last 15 years, and how it detracts from my mom being a part of that. They feel like its going to look like my mom "can't let go."

I know ultimately it is my decision, and I felt so relieved and content between the second conversation with my bio-dad and the guilt trips from my mom and aunt. And I would absolutely love to have both of them walk me down the aisle.

Any advice out there on how to handle the guilt trips?

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Re: Advice needed for Aisle Walking Parents

  • This is your decision, Anybody who doesn't like it and makes a fuss only makes themselves look like an ass who can't play nice for your sake the day of your wedding.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • I can sort of see your mom's point of view.  You had given her this honor (even though it seems like it wasn't your idea initially) and then because of your dad's disappointment (ok, he wasn't going to come?  I would say GOOD don't come then) she then had to step aside and "share" the honor which wasn't the original arrangement.

    If she's remarried though, it makes no sense at all to say it looks like she hasn't moved on.

    I do think it's up to you, but neither of these were really your ideas to begin with.

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  • Jen4948 said:
    Sounds like a come-to-Jesus is in order with all these guilt-trippers: "Look, it hurts me that no matter what decision I make, someone comes along and tries to make me feel guilty about it and change it.  While I'm sorry you don't like my decision, I've made it and the subject is closed."
    Nailed it.
  • I would tell them both since you can't behave like adults for one day, then I'll just walk myself down the aisle.

    I get that decisions were made, feelings were hurt and then things were revamped, but in the long run you need to do what's best for you and not let them use emotional blackmail to get what they want.

     

  • Jen4948 said:
    Sounds like a come-to-Jesus is in order with all these guilt-trippers: "Look, it hurts me that no matter what decision I make, someone comes along and tries to make me feel guilty about it and change it.  While I'm sorry you don't like my decision, I've made it and the subject is closed."
    This.  Plus, "my other option is walking down the aisle alone.  So if I don't stop getting guilted about walking with you both, I may just change to my second option."
  • Jen4948 said:
    Sounds like a come-to-Jesus is in order with all these guilt-trippers: "Look, it hurts me that no matter what decision I make, someone comes along and tries to make me feel guilty about it and change it.  While I'm sorry you don't like my decision, I've made it and the subject is closed."

    Yes. Why are you expected to care how it affects them but they don't care how it affects you?
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • All the parents, including step-parents, are acting like brats. You've asked both your mom and dad to walk you down the aisle, each can accept or decline, whichever suits them. One shouldn't try to get the other kicked out of the lineup. It's time to tell everyone that they are making you miserable over this decision. 
                       
  • Thank you everyone for your advice. I truly appreciate it :)

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  • SP29SP29 member
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    This is your decision to make, and yours alone.

    Decide who you would like to walk you down the aisle (I've seen both the mother and father walk the bride down the aisle before, it's not weird), or no one at all.

    As other PPs have said, tell them your decision, and if that is that you'd like them both to walk with you, they either accept, or they can be seated earlier.
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