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Etiquette

Can I ask if DH can come?

A friend from school is having a private wedding. She made a Facebook event for a celebration afterwards at a local bar and invited all of our school friends to the event. The invite isn't clear, but it sounds like they reserved the private dining area but it's a pay-for-your-own-drinks sort of situation. It's not a wedding reception so much as an informal "hey we'll be at this bar celebrating that we got married! come and celebrate with us!" 

DH wasn't invited to the Facebook event. The friend getting married isn't Facebook friends with DH, so I'm not sure if she could have even invited him anyway. Would it be totally out of line for me to ask her if he's invited? His feelings won't be hurt if he's not, I just don't want to look super rude by showing up with him if SOs aren't invited.

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Re: Can I ask if DH can come?

  • If it were me I would ask and personally I would be upset and not go if my FI wasn't invited. Does the FB event say that guests of attendees are welcome? That is a setting. If that is the case then I wouldn't bother asking and would just bring him along. 
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    charcoalandblushthefanciestbeckler
  • If it were me I would ask and personally I would be upset and not go if my FI wasn't invited. Does the FB event say that guests of attendees are welcome? That is a setting. If that is the case then I wouldn't bother asking and would just bring him along. 

    Nope, it's a private/secret event with no option for guests to invite other people. I think I'll just send her a facebook message or text her and ask her. I just wanted to make sure it wouldn't be super rude to do that. On the one hand I know it's always rude to invite yourself/invite other people. But on the other, this sounds like a super casual get-together where it might not be a big deal.

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  • JediElizabethJediElizabeth member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    edited September 2015
    If it were me I would ask and personally I would be upset and not go if my FI wasn't invited. Does the FB event say that guests of attendees are welcome? That is a setting. If that is the case then I wouldn't bother asking and would just bring him along. 

    Nope, it's a private/secret event with no option for guests to invite other people. I think I'll just send her a facebook message or text her and ask her. I just wanted to make sure it wouldn't be super rude to do that. On the one hand I know it's always rude to invite yourself/invite other people. But on the other, this sounds like a super casual get-together where it might not be a big deal.
    Most of my parties are private/secret on facebook, but that's because I don't want people to invite other friends that I didn't invite. (If they're not on the guest list, it's probably because my apartment is too small for them, or I have a private issue with them.) However, significant others are always welcome, even if I'm not FB friends with them. I'll usually put it in the description, but it's always implied, even if I forget.

    I'd send her a text or private message asking, but I'm sure she'll be happy to see him, there, too!

    (Edited for missing words)
    charcoalandblush
  • Definitely ask. I think it's really not rude to ask about SOs if it is unclear. It would be rude to ask about children.
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    charcoalandblush
  • anjemonanjemon Minnie and Paul (MN) member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    I'd ask too. I know it's a wedding event, but for all our FB events I always assume I'm inviting both halves of a pair if one is invited. Some of them aren't on FB, some of them may not be my friends on FB, but I always plan for both of them. 
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    charcoalandblushthefanciestbeckler
  • I would ask.

    Because this is a social event, all SOs should be included. It is rude of the hosts not to invite SOs, not rude for you to ask, "Hey, I wanted to clarify- are SOs invited as well?". 
    charcoalandblush
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I'd ask.  Hopefully there will be room for your DH.
    charcoalandblush
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I would ask, and I wouldn't go if she says no.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    southernbelle0915levioosa
  • thefanciestbecklerthefanciestbeckler Chattanooga, TN member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    You should definitely ask. You are married - someone should not invite you without your H.  Surely it was just because she is not friends with him on there. Regardless, she should have clarified in the description that S/O's or spouses are welcome.

    SP29charcoalandblush
  • AddieCake said:

    I would ask, and I wouldn't go if she says no.

    This.
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  • I would ask, my guess if she would were friends with DH on facebook, he would have gotten invite too. To put on an invite like that, you and your spouse or significant other are invited to come but then not open the can of worms for everyone who is truely single on if they can bring a guest or not and so on, is kind of hard. But since it's pay your own bill too, I would hope she wouldn't have an issue if you asked. No harm is asking.
    charcoalandblush
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    SP29 said:
    I would ask.

    Because this is a social event, all SOs should be included. It is rude of the hosts not to invite SOs, not rude for you to ask, "Hey, I wanted to clarify- are SOs invited as well?". 
    I generally agree, but I've found that grad school type events sometimes take on the same thing as single-gender events. Sometimes s/o's are invited, sometimes it's just students. This one might be special because it is wedding related, but it's still more along the lines of a workplace happy hour. 

    Still, I agree that it's fine to ask. Most of my school group invites specify whether s/o's are invited, or someone asks the group who will be bringing guests. 
  • Since it sounds like an informal after party that you are paying for yourself, I would bring your H along.  But, yes it is polite to at least ask, and I would not attend if they said no.  
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    Anniversary
  • Apparently I was worrying about this too soon - before I even got around to texting her to ask, she posted in the event that the invitation is open and feel free to bring SOs/dates/other friends.

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    PupatellaSP29
  • Or perhaps someone else the same question first. But either way, good to know it was intended and just forgot to mention originally. 
    charcoalandblush
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