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Dress Shopping - Trying same dress as friend

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Re: Dress Shopping - Trying same dress as friend

  • I guess it's lucky for me that I don't plan to have a bridal party... no BM drama what-so-ever for this girl! 

    I really appreciate all the feedback. I've not yet replied to her email because I initially started to type up this really long response telling her off and calling her out for not putting in any effort. I've learned it's not a good idea to get caught up in the moment and let my anger take over where I'd end up either say things I don't mean, or forget to say something that I later remember I should have said. 
  • Your friend is definitely being BSC. I get it- you tried on the dress to see the silhouette. OMG! Big deal. Your friend does not own the dress style.

    I had bought myself a dress, then had a dress fiasco, resulting in being unable to wear my dress on my wedding day. LUCKILY I was able to borrow my dad's girlfriend's step-daughter's wedding dress (she offered it when she heard what happened). LUCKILY it fit near perfect. I, SP29, walked down the aisle in another woman's wedding dress! *the horror* 

    I would respond to her simply, as other PPs have stated. 

    You really can't call her out for not putting in any effort. I get it, it sucks when you're good friends with someone and you think that they would want to be part of whatever exciting is going on in your life- particularly when you did the same for them, because you wanted to. But your friend is not required to do anything regarding your wedding, and not required to reciprocate what you did for her. I agree to let this go so that you can enjoy your wedding planning experience. If you say she does stuff like this all the time, then maybe it's time for a general face to face chat after the wedding. Or, you take your friend how she is. 

  • Your friend sounds like a lot of drama... I started a thread in Snarky Brides about my friend who thinks she owns every detail from her wedding. Like if I have my hair somewhat similar to what she did, I'm copying her. If my flowers have pops of orange, I'm copying her (we're both October brides). If my veil is ivory, I'm copying her. You can't win. 
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  • cotton8744cotton8744 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    edited September 2015

    Your "friend" has emotional issues. How old is this woman? My friends would find it hilarious or offer to give their dress to me for the day (I would as well). It's a dress. I don't understand this need some brides get to copyright everything about their wedding. But then they all pull ideas off of Pintrest and go to Davids Bridal so in all honesty they are using recycled ideas as well. When my friends get engaged I tell them where I got my dress, what I liked about it, I recommend the venue I used, the food I served, etc. Heck if my best friend was smitten with the dress and wasn't 40 pounds lighter than me I would just give her it! It's not like I can really do anything else with it, unless I was to go as a Zombie bride for Halloween.

    But then, I like my friends and want to help them out in any way I can to make them happy. I'm also don't have emotional issues that your friend seems to have. The way she insulted your upbringing just shows that she has had these unstable emotions towards you for some time.


    Cut your losses with this woman! She seems like the type that when she becomes a mother she will get pissed at you because you named your daughter Emily Layla and her daughters name is  Lila Elizabeth. You will have "stolen" her daughter name because of how similar they are. Stay awayyyyy from crazy women like this!

  • monkeysip said:
    Your friend is nuts

    A.  No one has an exclusive right to a wedding gown.  There's absolutely no reason why you shouldn't be able to wear the same dress another friend wore.  She has no reason to be mad.

    B.  The dress is a pretty common silhouette without anything that makes it really stand out from other dresses (I don't mean that in a negative way--its beautiful!).  Just saying that A LOT of brides wear dresses that look like that, and I can't imagine ANY guest looking at you thinking "Didn't so and so wear that dress to her wedding?".  It's not like you're both wearing this dress:  image
    The thing I don't understand with her is that I have absolutely NO intention of purchasing or wearing the same dress she wore for her wedding. I've found a different dress (alot different in my eyes) with a similar silhouette. I only tried on "her" dress because the first place I went was David's and they don't carry Maggie Sottero so I was left to their selection. I wanted to see if that silhouette looked good on me so that I'd know whether or not I should keep trying to seek out the designer dress I've fallen in love with online or if I should go back to the drawing board. 

    She's simply mad at me for trying it on.. and she said nothing prior to me going shopping that I was forbidden to try on "her" dress. We're close and I genuinely thought she'd find it funny that the David's Bridal employee pulled that dress for me to try after I explained the designer dress to her because my friend and I had discussed previously that the dress I love had a similar shape to "her" dress. 

    I could understand this reaction if I were planning to actually buy it, and lets say she kindly asked me not to because it would hurt her feelings, and I ignored her and did it anyway... That would be a sh*tty move on my part, but all I did was try it on, and try to share the experience with someone who I thought was a good friend since she was unable to accompany me when I wanted to go shopping.. 

    I'm truly at a loss.... 
    Srsly? After all this you're "truly" at a loss? You texted your friend a photo of you in her dress, but wait a smaller version. You can't understand at all that she wouldn't just find this totally amazeballs awesome? Yes. She 100% reacted poorly. But if she's such a good friend it's on you too to try and comprehend.
    I don't quite get what all the fuss is about either.  Do you think that part of the reason this girl acted so bent was because she has body image issues?

    Body image issues aside, it's still ridiculous and immature to get bent over a friend trying on "your" wedding dress, especially when it was sent within a group of images of other dresses tried on during the same trip, and was clearly meant to be a playful joke between friends.

    I agree that given his friend "didn't want the focus taken away from her" while she was planning her wedding, that OP should have figured out she was an immature drama queen, and that the joke wouldn't be well received.

    OP, either respond to the email with a simple, 'I'm very sorry I hurt your feelings, that was not my intention" and move on, or just ignore it and move on.  It's usually best not to engage people when they are being drama queens, but if you want to remain friends with her and feel like she'll remain butthurt unless you apologize, then just apologize.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • "We were brought up very differently" what the fuck is this girl on about? 

    I'm an overweight bride and I do get down on myself when I'm a bridesmaid because I feel huge and unattractive next to slender girls in similar attire. That's my issue, not theirs. I can see why she'd be upset about seeing you in her dress. If I'm in her shoes, imagining getting your text... well, that sucks. It hurts. And I would have to do some getting over it. 

    However, again - not your problem. My/her problem. The healthy thing to do is pull out the photos that made me look like a million bucks and remember the way I felt on my wedding day. And/or to go smooch with my H who loves me the way I am. Never in 1,000,000 years would I write that email.
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  • SP29 said:
    Your friend is definitely being BSC. I get it- you tried on the dress to see the silhouette. OMG! Big deal. Your friend does not own the dress style.

    I had bought myself a dress, then had a dress fiasco, resulting in being unable to wear my dress on my wedding day. LUCKILY I was able to borrow my dad's girlfriend's step-daughter's wedding dress (she offered it when she heard what happened). LUCKILY it fit near perfect. I, SP29, walked down the aisle in another woman's wedding dress! *the horror* 

    I would respond to her simply, as other PPs have stated. 

    You really can't call her out for not putting in any effort. I get it, it sucks when you're good friends with someone and you think that they would want to be part of whatever exciting is going on in your life- particularly when you did the same for them, because you wanted to. But your friend is not required to do anything regarding your wedding, and not required to reciprocate what you did for her. I agree to let this go so that you can enjoy your wedding planning experience. If you say she does stuff like this all the time, then maybe it's time for a general face to face chat after the wedding. Or, you take your friend how she is. 

    I wanna hear this story.  Have you already posted about the dress fiasco?  Can you point me that way?
  • Jbutrfli4Jbutrfli4 member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    edited September 2015
    adk19 said:
    SP29 said:
    Your friend is definitely being BSC. I get it- you tried on the dress to see the silhouette. OMG! Big deal. Your friend does not own the dress style.

    I had bought myself a dress, then had a dress fiasco, resulting in being unable to wear my dress on my wedding day. LUCKILY I was able to borrow my dad's girlfriend's step-daughter's wedding dress (she offered it when she heard what happened). LUCKILY it fit near perfect. I, SP29, walked down the aisle in another woman's wedding dress! *the horror* 

    I would respond to her simply, as other PPs have stated. 

    You really can't call her out for not putting in any effort. I get it, it sucks when you're good friends with someone and you think that they would want to be part of whatever exciting is going on in your life- particularly when you did the same for them, because you wanted to. But your friend is not required to do anything regarding your wedding, and not required to reciprocate what you did for her. I agree to let this go so that you can enjoy your wedding planning experience. If you say she does stuff like this all the time, then maybe it's time for a general face to face chat after the wedding. Or, you take your friend how she is. 

    I wanna hear this story.  Have you already posted about the dress fiasco?  Can you point me that way?
    The story starts on the 1st page of this thread and through the comments other parts of the story were also added along the way. I've not yet responded to her and if/when I do, I plan to simply tell her the truth. I thought, being good friends, that she'd laugh at the irony of the situation and ask her to try to understand I only tried it on because it was similar in some ways to the Maggie Sottero dress that I've been searching for, which by the way, I purchased today and I feel like there's so many elements that are NOT similar there's no way anyone would think we bought the same dress. She has to know that there was no ill intent in sending the picture to her and that I had absolutely no interest in trying to buy the same dress as "her" dress... If she chooses to still be mad at me after that then there's probably nothing I could do about it.... and it's not worth trying to find out why...
  • "We were brought up very differently" what the fuck is this girl on about? 

    I'm an overweight bride and I do get down on myself when I'm a bridesmaid because I feel huge and unattractive next to slender girls in similar attire. That's my issue, not theirs. I can see why she'd be upset about seeing you in her dress. If I'm in her shoes, imagining getting your text... well, that sucks. It hurts. And I would have to do some getting over it. 

    However, again - not your problem. My/her problem. The healthy thing to do is pull out the photos that made me look like a million bucks and remember the way I felt on my wedding day. And/or to go smooch with my H who loves me the way I am. Never in 1,000,000 years would I write that email.
    YES! The upbringing comment!!! Ok so we both grew up in the same general area north of Chicago. She grew up in Lake Zurich and I grew up in Waukegan (if you're familiar with this area, you may kind of understand what she meant by that? We met when she started to work at a place that I was working, that was 10 or so years ago. We've also worked together ad 2 other places since then (currently working at the same place together now). 

    I really don't understand how our upbringing has anything to do with this whole dress situation though. Because I wasn't raised the same as her makes me clueless to wedding etiquette? I'd say the only glaring thing that stands out to me making our upbringing different is that her family was/is a little wealthy and could afford to buy her a car when she turned 16. My family on the other hand wasn't wealthy. I bought my own first car at 18 with money I made from working. I never got hand-outs from my parents and when I had enough $$ to move out to be on my
     own, that's what I did. 

    For her wedding, her dad shelled out maybe $20K. For my wedding, my FH and I will be covering all of the expenses. I'm estranged from my parents for reasons that don't need to be discussed. My FH's parents may give us some $ or help us with the planning, but I don't expect it from them. I'd rather like to know that we were able to get it all done on our own without any hand outs and if we get some, I'll be nothing but grateful.

    This whole dress issue brings me back to another instance with her; We were putting together plans for her to go dress shopping and I suggested that it maybe would be fun if we could get appointments at the same place/same time so that we could try dresses on together. She agreed so I went ahead and booked my appointment too. We went to the bridal shop and almost everything they had was far over my budget so I just decided I wouldn't try anything on and we proceeded with her appointment. She didn't buy a dress there and we went to a few other places before she found her dress, but I didn't bring the idea up again since I still had far more time before I really needed to start shopping for my dress anyway.

    Fast forward to a few months later: She's found her dream dress and has moved onto other wedding duties. Out of nowhere, she felt it was necessary to bring up to me that she secretly was upset with me because I had suggested that we try on dresses together. I apologized but I reminded her that we discussed it and that she agreed that it'd be fun. I told her that she should have said that she wasn't comfortable with the idea right when I suggested it. It's not like I'm a mind reader. But I didn't really see what the big deal was since it didn't even end up happening anyway, 

    It's starting to seem like she is just keeping these things in her back pocket, "all of the times" that I said or did something that she didn't like or made her uncomfortable. Instead of being an honest and open person/good friend, she holds it all in until some random moment when she wants to take them out and slap me in the face with them. 

    After reading through all of these comments on here, I totally agree with all of you who are telling me to simply apologize for upsetting her and reminding her there was no ill intent and explain reason why I tried it on, and that  I thought she'd get a little laugh over the irony of the situation . Nothing more... the ball will be in her court. I'm no longer thinking about calling her out for her lack of interest because that could just open a whole other can of worms and who knows what else she's holding onto from the past that she wants to throw in my face and use as an example that I'm a shitty friend..... She's the shitty friend who's selfish and has a sense of entitlement, and unrealistic expectations of the world revolving around her, no matter what else is going on in her so-called friends lives. . . 
  • Jbutrfli4 said:
    adk19 said:
    SP29 said:
    Your friend is definitely being BSC. I get it- you tried on the dress to see the silhouette. OMG! Big deal. Your friend does not own the dress style.

    I had bought myself a dress, then had a dress fiasco, resulting in being unable to wear my dress on my wedding day. LUCKILY I was able to borrow my dad's girlfriend's step-daughter's wedding dress (she offered it when she heard what happened). LUCKILY it fit near perfect. I, SP29, walked down the aisle in another woman's wedding dress! *the horror* 

    I would respond to her simply, as other PPs have stated. 

    You really can't call her out for not putting in any effort. I get it, it sucks when you're good friends with someone and you think that they would want to be part of whatever exciting is going on in your life- particularly when you did the same for them, because you wanted to. But your friend is not required to do anything regarding your wedding, and not required to reciprocate what you did for her. I agree to let this go so that you can enjoy your wedding planning experience. If you say she does stuff like this all the time, then maybe it's time for a general face to face chat after the wedding. Or, you take your friend how she is. 

    I wanna hear this story.  Have you already posted about the dress fiasco?  Can you point me that way?
    The story starts on the 1st page of this thread and through the comments other parts of the story were also added along the way. I've not yet responded to her and if/when I do, I plan to simply tell her the truth. I thought, being good friends, that she'd laugh at the irony of the situation and ask her to try to understand I only tried it on because it was similar in some ways to the Maggie Sottero dress that I've been searching for, which by the way, I purchased today and I feel like there's so many elements that are NOT similar there's no way anyone would think we bought the same dress. She has to know that there was no ill intent in sending the picture to her and that I had absolutely no interest in trying to buy the same dress as "her" dress... If she chooses to still be mad at me after that then there's probably nothing I could do about it.... and it's not worth trying to find out why...
    That wasn't addressed to you.  She was asking SP29 about her wedding dress fiasco.



  • Jbutrfli4 said:
    It's starting to seem like she is just keeping these things in her back pocket, "all of the times" that I said or did something that she didn't like or made her uncomfortable. Instead of being an honest and open person/good friend, she holds it all in until some random moment when she wants to take them out and slap me in the face with them. 

    After reading through all of these comments on here, I totally agree with all of you who are telling me to simply apologize for upsetting her and reminding her there was no ill intent and explain reason why I tried it on, and that  I thought she'd get a little laugh over the irony of the situation . Nothing more... the ball will be in her court. I'm no longer thinking about calling her out for her lack of interest because that could just open a whole other can of worms and who knows what else she's holding onto from the past that she wants to throw in my face and use as an example that I'm a shitty friend..... She's the shitty friend who's selfish and has a sense of entitlement, and unrealistic expectations of the world revolving around her, no matter what else is going on in her so-called friends lives. . . 
    Your first paragraph makes me think there are some issues with immaturity, or more that your friend never learned how to interact/deal with people, for whatever reason. 

    You don't "save up" things that bother you and bring them out against someone when you finally decide you are mad. That is a very immature way to deal with any relationship, and is not going to serve your friend well in life. 

    A mature person would be direct and state the issue, then the two people communicate and deal with it. Believe me, I HATE confrontation, but I'd rather something be direct to my face than passive-aggressive and leave me guessing, "Is something wrong? What did I do wrong?". I hate that feeling. It reminds me of being a child- because that's exactly what it is, the way children deal with issues. 

    Anyway, up to you how you want to deal with this friendship. Apologize and leave the ball in her court. But if it were me, I'd probably start distancing myself from this friend because it sounds like you're always going to do something wrong...
  • Viczaesar said:
    Jbutrfli4 said:
    adk19 said:
    SP29 said:
    Your friend is definitely being BSC. I get it- you tried on the dress to see the silhouette. OMG! Big deal. Your friend does not own the dress style.

    I had bought myself a dress, then had a dress fiasco, resulting in being unable to wear my dress on my wedding day. LUCKILY I was able to borrow my dad's girlfriend's step-daughter's wedding dress (she offered it when she heard what happened). LUCKILY it fit near perfect. I, SP29, walked down the aisle in another woman's wedding dress! *the horror* 

    I would respond to her simply, as other PPs have stated. 

    You really can't call her out for not putting in any effort. I get it, it sucks when you're good friends with someone and you think that they would want to be part of whatever exciting is going on in your life- particularly when you did the same for them, because you wanted to. But your friend is not required to do anything regarding your wedding, and not required to reciprocate what you did for her. I agree to let this go so that you can enjoy your wedding planning experience. If you say she does stuff like this all the time, then maybe it's time for a general face to face chat after the wedding. Or, you take your friend how she is. 

    I wanna hear this story.  Have you already posted about the dress fiasco?  Can you point me that way?
    The story starts on the 1st page of this thread and through the comments other parts of the story were also added along the way. I've not yet responded to her and if/when I do, I plan to simply tell her the truth. I thought, being good friends, that she'd laugh at the irony of the situation and ask her to try to understand I only tried it on because it was similar in some ways to the Maggie Sottero dress that I've been searching for, which by the way, I purchased today and I feel like there's so many elements that are NOT similar there's no way anyone would think we bought the same dress. She has to know that there was no ill intent in sending the picture to her and that I had absolutely no interest in trying to buy the same dress as "her" dress... If she chooses to still be mad at me after that then there's probably nothing I could do about it.... and it's not worth trying to find out why...
    That wasn't addressed to you.  She was asking SP29 about her wedding dress fiasco.
    Yes, I want to hear the 'dress fiasco' that ended with someone wearing her dad's girlfriend's step-daughter's dress.
  • I agree with PP's, your friend sounds overly sensitive and a little dramatic. Especially since you had zero intention of buying the dress, and you made that clear (at least it sounds like you did). I would give her a vague apology: "I am sorry I hurt your feelings, I did not realize you would take it that way." And then zip it on wedding talk, and don't ask her to be more involved than she already is. PPs are completely correct that picking a highly popular DB gown does not entitle her to the exclusive rights to it, but I don't think pointing that out to your friend will result in anything positive.

    Pure speculation here, as a 5'3", size 10 street clothes woman here: She may have been feeling like the dress looked better on you than her, and that you were rubbing that in her face by sending the photo. Not to say that her feelings are valid, but I guess if one of my thinner friends tried on my dress, and I thought it looked better on them than me, I may feel a little bummed. Not that I would take that out on my friend, since it would be my issue. But could be why she had the reaction she did.
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • I wonder what she  would say if you suggested a double wedding. In my head it goes......

    Bride friend says: "Avada kedavra"
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