No dancing at reception

[Deleted User]

So my fiance and I have been considering having a wedding with limited dancing. We were thinking about having our first dance and possibly a few more songs that have their own dances (electric slide etc) but thats it. We do not come from families that love to dance and we would much rather find some alternatives to help keep guests entertained without feeling pressured to dance. 

STARMOON44

Your first dance is supposed to open the dancing for your guests. It's rude to let everyone watch you and then cut short the fun for them. If you don't think people want to dance, either don't have dancing at all, or have dancing and also provide space where it's quiet enough to talk. But no limited dancing and other entertainment.

WinstonsGirl

We didn't have a dance (which surprised me, cos I love dancing) as we lost amplified music at 9pm.  We had a Polynesian show after the dinner for entertainment and then a bunch of us went to the hotel restaurant for karaoke at 9:30 for an after party.  

Jen4948

If you don't want there to be general dancing, then skip the "first dance" for you and your FI. "First dances" lead the guests into believing that everyone will get to dance, whether or not you think they'll want to dance. Leading them on by making them watch you dance but not allowing them to dance is unfair and impolite.

climbingsingle

Agree with PPs. If you're not going to allow people to dance, you shouldn't be doing a first dance. 

spockforprez

We are having a non-dancing-focused reception as well. We will do a first dance and father/daughter dance right after we are announced - that is customary where I'm from, as opposed to doing them later in the evening in other areas. Our reception will be a bonfire with a band/jam session and a couple games. 

But, we will leave the option up to the guests if they want to dance - there will be space for dancing and a reasonably danceable iPod playlist. Who knows, if the right song comes on I myself might want to dance! I'm not opposed to dancing, I just prefer slow-dancing to party/club dancing, and FH hates the pop music that is usually played at dancing-type receptions, so we didn't want to have a reception that we ourselves would hate lol. I think for the playlist we'll do country, jazz, some standards, and some older pop stuff that FH won't mind. Michael Jackson, Stevie Wonder, that kind of thing.

jacques27

I will be the voice of dissent about the "first dance".  I don't mind it (I mean, I don't look forward to it and I only watch for about 15 seconds before I return to my conversation), but that's mostly because the last few friends I had who got married did their first dance together after cocktail hour, but before dinner.  All three actually had dancing later, but I personally wouldn't miss the dancing or think it was altogether weird for the couple to have a first dance together without the traditional dancing afterward when it's timed this way.  I think the key is to time it well before traditional dancing would start and phrase it as "first dance together" instead of "first dance" that kicks off the rest of the dancing. 

That said, I would have zero interest in seeing other spotlight dances (mother/son, father/daughter, wedding party, etc.) and I would think it terribly weird and awkward if you had only a few other well-known dances and then just ended it.  Either commit to dancing or just nix it altogether.  Half-assing it is guaranteed to get you lukewarm, awkward results.

[Deleted User]

Thanks for all of your responses. I do not think that having a first dance between my husband and I will be such a terrible idea at a dance free wedding. It was an idea we were considering. Nothing is set in stone as of yet but we are definitely trying to make our wedding what we want it to be as opposed to simply trying to uphold traditions just because. I do appreciate the feedback 

princessleia22

We had dancing, but it wasn't the focus of our reception.  We had only 25 guests.  We usually had a couple people on the dance floor, but we had a comfortable seating area at the venue and most people just hung out and talked.  It was very laid back and enjoyable. I liked that the dancing was available for those who wanted to, but it wasn't the focus of the reception.

XrebeccaX

We didn't have any dancing, just chats and drinks (and bacon sandwiches at midnight!). We had a very small DW and the idea of dancing awkwardly with my husband as everyone gawped at us could not possibly have been less appealing.

I will echo what a PP said about having the couple's first dance after cocktail hour but before dinner being something to consider. My SIL did this and it was quite nice.

Jen4948

Knottie06017562 said:

Thanks for all of your responses. I do not think that having a first dance between my husband and I will be such a terrible idea at a dance free wedding. It was an idea we were considering. Nothing is set in stone as of yet but we are definitely trying to make our wedding what we want it to be as opposed to simply trying to uphold traditions just because. I do appreciate the feedback 

That's just it. "Dance free" means that it IS a terrible idea for you and your FI to dance while no one else gets to and making them watch you.

If you want to dance with your FI without others dancing, then have that first dance in private, not at the reception. The reception is to thank your guests for attending your wedding, and no one wants to be "thanked" by watching you dance while not getting to dance themselves. Your guests will side-eye you for using them to stroke your ego.

hellohkb

My guests aren't really into dancing so we're putting a table with some games so that anyone who does want to dance can dance, or they can play a game, or they can sit and talk.

Additionally, my cousin has autism and my mother also has some sensory issues with noise and can't really be around loud music for a long time. We decided to convert the bridal suite that's next to the reception space into a "quiet room" for anyone who needs a break from the noise.

spockforprez

jacques27 said:

I will be the voice of dissent about the "first dance".  I don't mind it (I mean, I don't look forward to it and I only watch for about 15 seconds before I return to my conversation), but that's mostly because the last few friends I had who got married did their first dance together after cocktail hour, but before dinner.  All three actually had dancing later, but I personally wouldn't miss the dancing or think it was altogether weird for the couple to have a first dance together without the traditional dancing afterward when it's timed this way.  I think the key is to time it well before traditional dancing would start and phrase it as "first dance together" instead of "first dance" that kicks off the rest of the dancing. 

That said, I would have zero interest in seeing other spotlight dances (mother/son, father/daughter, wedding party, etc.) and I would think it terribly weird and awkward if you had only a few other well-known dances and then just ended it.  Either commit to dancing or just nix it altogether.  Half-assing it is guaranteed to get you lukewarm, awkward results.

That's how I always interpreted it, precisely because in my area (rural Virginia) the first dance is done immediately after the b&g are announced into the reception - so after cocktail hour, before dinner as you said. I've never been to a wedding where it wasn't done that way. "First dance" to me means "Bride and groom's first dance as H&W," not "First dance of the evening."

Here, the general timeline is announcement/introduction > B&G first dance > F/D dance (if applicable) > M/S dance (if applicable) > dinner > dancing > cake/toasts > more dancing.

ShesSoCold

Regardless of when the first dance occurs, I agree that it's not quite right to have a spotlight dance without opening dancing to everyone.

My H and I didn't have dancing at our wedding. It would have been really nice to have a first dance but it just didn't make sense. So we didn't. There's no good way to have a spotlight dance when no one else will be dancing.

CMGragain

Lots of weddings don't have dancing at all.  It is forbidden in many churches, especially in the south.  I didn't have dancing at my wedding.  (If you could see DH dance, you'd understand why!)  I saved a lot of money and stress.

climbingsingle

CMGragain said:

Lots of weddings don't have dancing at all.  It is forbidden in many churches, especially in the south.  I didn't have dancing at my wedding.  (If you could see DH dance, you'd understand why!)  I saved a lot of money and stress.

You seem to put down your husband and make him the butt of your "jokes" pretty often. How sad.

huskypuppy14

spockforprez said:

jacques27 said:

I will be the voice of dissent about the "first dance".  I don't mind it (I mean, I don't look forward to it and I only watch for about 15 seconds before I return to my conversation), but that's mostly because the last few friends I had who got married did their first dance together after cocktail hour, but before dinner.  All three actually had dancing later, but I personally wouldn't miss the dancing or think it was altogether weird for the couple to have a first dance together without the traditional dancing afterward when it's timed this way.  I think the key is to time it well before traditional dancing would start and phrase it as "first dance together" instead of "first dance" that kicks off the rest of the dancing. 

That said, I would have zero interest in seeing other spotlight dances (mother/son, father/daughter, wedding party, etc.) and I would think it terribly weird and awkward if you had only a few other well-known dances and then just ended it.  Either commit to dancing or just nix it altogether.  Half-assing it is guaranteed to get you lukewarm, awkward results.

That's how I always interpreted it, precisely because in my area (rural Virginia) the first dance is done immediately after the b&g are announced into the reception - so after cocktail hour, before dinner as you said. I've never been to a wedding where it wasn't done that way. "First dance" to me means "Bride and groom's first dance as H&W," not "First dance of the evening."

Here, the general timeline is announcement/introduction > B&G first dance > F/D dance (if applicable) > M/S dance (if applicable) > dinner > dancing > cake/toasts > more dancing.

I always see the couple (some weddings are 2 brides or 2 grooms) dance after the cocktail hour too. But  where the M/S and/or F/D dance occurs varies. The timeline I usually see splits up the parent dances until later in the evening, so people aren't sitting around waiting to eat. We had our timeline like this:  

announcement/introduction > B&G first dance (where everyone was invited to dance 1/2 way through song) > toasts> salad > cake cutting> dinner >cake> dancing> F/D dance  and M/S dance at same time>  dancing > 

Some people don't like to cut into the dancing once it starts, but I like it because it gives people a break too.

CMGragain

climbingwife said:

Lots of weddings don't have dancing at all.  It is forbidden in many churches, especially in the south.  I didn't have dancing at my wedding.  (If you could see DH dance, you'd understand why!)  I saved a lot of money and stress.

You seem to put down your husband and make him the butt of your "jokes" pretty often. How sad.

You should be so happily married for 39 years.

climbingsingle

CMGragain said:

climbingwife said:

Lots of weddings don't have dancing at all.  It is forbidden in many churches, especially in the south.  I didn't have dancing at my wedding.  (If you could see DH dance, you'd understand why!)  I saved a lot of money and stress.

You seem to put down your husband and make him the butt of your "jokes" pretty often. How sad.

You should be so happily married for 39 years.

Hey, I'm just pointing out what I see. You continually put him down. You make him the butt of your jokes. Instead of being concerned about him falling on your trip, you seem more concerned about him making YOU fall. And I'm pretty sure you posted about him falling off the roof, again poking fun at how much of a dope you think he is. 

My parents have been married for 45 years. I have a good example of what a happy marriage looks like. 

MairePoppy

Eh..My husband walks and dances like a duck. I've been telling him that for 35 years. We still dance and laugh at each other. 

 

climbingsingle

MairePoppy said:

Eh..My husband walks and dances like a duck. I've been telling him that for 35 years. We still dance and laugh at each other. 

 

My H totally has some interesting dance moves. Could it be embarrassing? Sure. But like you said, it doesn't stop us from dancing. We tore up the dance floor at our wedding, and some of the most hilarious pictures are of us dancing. I love it. 

TheCheeseWench

climbingwife said:

CMGragain said:

climbingwife said:

Lots of weddings don't have dancing at all.  It is forbidden in many churches, especially in the south.  I didn't have dancing at my wedding.  (If you could see DH dance, you'd understand why!)  I saved a lot of money and stress.

You seem to put down your husband and make him the butt of your "jokes" pretty often. How sad.

You should be so happily married for 39 years.

Hey, I'm just pointing out what I see. You continually put him down. You make him the butt of your jokes. Instead of being concerned about him falling on your trip, you seem more concerned about him making YOU fall. And I'm pretty sure you posted about him falling off the roof, again poking fun at how much of a dope you think he is. 

My parents have been married for 45 years. I have a good example of what a happy marriage looks like. 

In my own life I see your POV @climbingwife , but we are newlyweds. I think that in time couples grow into their own dynamic. My Grandparents were married for 65 years. G-Mo was (and still is) mouthy as Hell. She didn't make fun of him, but damn could she be HIGH MAINTENANCE. My Grandfather was a freaking saint putting up with some of her shenanigans, but it made him happy to do/be that. Every couple relates in their own way. In the 5 years since he has been gone, she has said at least 100 times that she "can't wait to go home to him, because he needs her (there) to tell him what to do". Watching them for all of those years, I'm pretty sure he would agree. That's the beauty of love, each one is different

climbingsingle

TheCheeseWench said:

climbingwife said:

CMGragain said:

climbingwife said:

Lots of weddings don't have dancing at all.  It is forbidden in many churches, especially in the south.  I didn't have dancing at my wedding.  (If you could see DH dance, you'd understand why!)  I saved a lot of money and stress.

You seem to put down your husband and make him the butt of your "jokes" pretty often. How sad.

You should be so happily married for 39 years.

Hey, I'm just pointing out what I see. You continually put him down. You make him the butt of your jokes. Instead of being concerned about him falling on your trip, you seem more concerned about him making YOU fall. And I'm pretty sure you posted about him falling off the roof, again poking fun at how much of a dope you think he is. 

My parents have been married for 45 years. I have a good example of what a happy marriage looks like. 

In my own life I see your POV @climbingwife , but we are newlyweds. I think that in time couples grow into their own dynamic. My Grandparents were married for 65 years. G-Mo was (and still is) mouthy as Hell. She didn't make fun of him, but damn could she be HIGH MAINTENANCE. My Grandfather was a freaking saint putting up with some of her shenanigans, but it made him happy to do/be that. Every couple relates in their own way. In the 5 years since he has been gone, she has said at least 100 times that she "can't wait to go home to him, because he needs her (there) to tell him what to do". Watching them for all of those years, I'm pretty sure he would agree. That's the beauty of love, each one is different

Listen, I'm 35 years old. While yes, I am a newlywed, I'm not young and naive. And like I said, my own parents have been married for 45 years. My grandparents were married until my grandfather died. I have countless aunts and uncles that have also been married for 35+ years. I've been around many successful and happy marriages. My point is this: CMG constantly makes her husband the butt of her jokes. She puts him down. I know you haven't been here very long, but after posting on TK for two years, I've seen a lot of her posts. And 99% of the time when she's talking about her husband, it's not positive. And I think that's sad.  

lyndausvi

climbingwife said:

TheCheeseWench said:

climbingwife said:

CMGragain said:

climbingwife said:

Lots of weddings don't have dancing at all.  It is forbidden in many churches, especially in the south.  I didn't have dancing at my wedding.  (If you could see DH dance, you'd understand why!)  I saved a lot of money and stress.

You seem to put down your husband and make him the butt of your "jokes" pretty often. How sad.

You should be so happily married for 39 years.

Hey, I'm just pointing out what I see. You continually put him down. You make him the butt of your jokes. Instead of being concerned about him falling on your trip, you seem more concerned about him making YOU fall. And I'm pretty sure you posted about him falling off the roof, again poking fun at how much of a dope you think he is. 

My parents have been married for 45 years. I have a good example of what a happy marriage looks like. 

In my own life I see your POV @climbingwife , but we are newlyweds. I think that in time couples grow into their own dynamic. My Grandparents were married for 65 years. G-Mo was (and still is) mouthy as Hell. She didn't make fun of him, but damn could she be HIGH MAINTENANCE. My Grandfather was a freaking saint putting up with some of her shenanigans, but it made him happy to do/be that. Every couple relates in their own way. In the 5 years since he has been gone, she has said at least 100 times that she "can't wait to go home to him, because he needs her (there) to tell him what to do". Watching them for all of those years, I'm pretty sure he would agree. That's the beauty of love, each one is different

Listen, I'm 35 years old. While yes, I am a newlywed, I'm not young and naive. And like I said, my own parents have been married for 45 years. My grandparents were married until my grandfather died. I have countless aunts and uncles that have also been married for 35+ years. I've been around many successful and happy marriages. My point is this: CMG constantly makes her husband the butt of her jokes. She puts him down. I know you haven't been here very long, but after posting on TK for two years, I've seen a lot of her posts. And 99% of the time when she's talking about her husband, it's not positive. And I think that's sad.  

meh.

My grandparents were married for 55 years. Aunt/Uncles over 40.  3 of my dad's cousins have been married 50 years this year.   My parents just hit 47.  Parent's BFFs just hit 48 years. My cousins are pushing 38 years together. My siblings each have been with their spouses for 20+ years. I could go on and on.

I don't find CMG's remarks about her husband all that sad.   Kind-of normal too me.   It's pretty one sided because we only hear CMG's side.      If we were around both of them we might find that is how they interact.      

 I agree it can be a fine line though. Teasing and criticizing can easily turn into red flags, bad marriage or even verbal abuse. 

Lords know my parents bitch about each other, yet they would be lost without the other.  I can see how someone who only heard from one side from might think it's sad.

MairePoppy

My parents parents complain and tease each other, too. They've been doing everything together for 60 years. It's only natural they'd get annoyed once in awhile.

My grandparents were married till my grandfather died in his 70s. My sweet grandmother used to tease my grandfather about cheating at scrabble, being stubborn and she often said he was a bum when she met him. He would agree with her on all counts - he absolutely adored my grandmother, who according to him could get lost driving around the block, was a cheap skate and he ratted her out on dying her hair. He was her world. I wish all of you the kind of marriage they had. 

Maggie0829

climbingwife said:

TheCheeseWench said:

climbingwife said:

CMGragain said:

climbingwife said:

Lots of weddings don't have dancing at all.  It is forbidden in many churches, especially in the south.  I didn't have dancing at my wedding.  (If you could see DH dance, you'd understand why!)  I saved a lot of money and stress.

You seem to put down your husband and make him the butt of your "jokes" pretty often. How sad.

You should be so happily married for 39 years.

Hey, I'm just pointing out what I see. You continually put him down. You make him the butt of your jokes. Instead of being concerned about him falling on your trip, you seem more concerned about him making YOU fall. And I'm pretty sure you posted about him falling off the roof, again poking fun at how much of a dope you think he is. 

My parents have been married for 45 years. I have a good example of what a happy marriage looks like. 

In my own life I see your POV @climbingwife , but we are newlyweds. I think that in time couples grow into their own dynamic. My Grandparents were married for 65 years. G-Mo was (and still is) mouthy as Hell. She didn't make fun of him, but damn could she be HIGH MAINTENANCE. My Grandfather was a freaking saint putting up with some of her shenanigans, but it made him happy to do/be that. Every couple relates in their own way. In the 5 years since he has been gone, she has said at least 100 times that she "can't wait to go home to him, because he needs her (there) to tell him what to do". Watching them for all of those years, I'm pretty sure he would agree. That's the beauty of love, each one is different

Listen, I'm 35 years old. While yes, I am a newlywed, I'm not young and naive. And like I said, my own parents have been married for 45 years. My grandparents were married until my grandfather died. I have countless aunts and uncles that have also been married for 35+ years. I've been around many successful and happy marriages. My point is this: CMG constantly makes her husband the butt of her jokes. She puts him down. I know you haven't been here very long, but after posting on TK for two years, I've seen a lot of her posts. And 99% of the time when she's talking about her husband, it's not positive. And I think that's sad.  

Every couples dynamics are different.  And like others have said, you only hear one side of every story.  If teasing and making jokes about each other work for CMGr and her husband who are we to say that it is wrong.  Seems like it has worked for almost 4 decades so it can make you sad all you want, but that doesn't mean that there is something wrong with their relationship just because you say so.  I mean who is to say that if CMGr's H was here that he may be agreeing with her saying "yeah I can't dance worth crap lol!"

H and I have been together over 13 years (married over 4) and we constantly tease each other. We laugh at each other when we do stupid shit.  If he says something jokingly but it hurts my feelings I tell him (and vice versa), he apologizes and we move on.  But that rarely happens because we know each other very well and we also know where to draw the line because that is what happens when you are with someone for so long, you learn about each other.

And this is probably the main reason why I don't talk a lot about my relationship with H on here (whether jokingly or seriously). I know people will read into everything and I don't need strangers judging my relationship when I know full well how my relationship is...which is awesome!

MairePoppy

climbingwife said:

MairePoppy said:

Eh..My husband walks and dances like a duck. I've been telling him that for 35 years. We still dance and laugh at each other. 

 

My H totally has some interesting dance moves. Could it be embarrassing? Sure. But like you said, it doesn't stop us from dancing. We tore up the dance floor at our wedding, and some of the most hilarious pictures are of us dancing. I love it. 

_____________________________________________________________________

I dance better after a few drinks.  My husband is the one who was embarassed by my technique. None of us can dance, but we still have a great time trying. And our partners have a great time making fun of us. In my album of my DD's wedding, I have two full pages dedicated to various family members amazing dance moves.  

I imagine CMGr and her husband are more reserved than we are. That's ok, too. 

climbingsingle

This is totally different than teasing and ribbing each other. Last I checked, CMG's husband was not a member of this board. She's making fun of him and putting him down on a forum that he doesn't read. IMO, making fun of your husband BEHIND HIS BACK is shitty. And yes, sad.

CMGragain

Ha! Ha!  What makes you think he doesn't read this board?  He is standing behind me, massaging my neck right now, and reading your silly judgmental post.

PS.  He HATES dancing.  He knows he doesn't do it well.

Maggie0829

climbingwife said:

This is totally different than teasing and ribbing each other. Last I checked, CMG's husband was not a member of this board. She's making fun of him and putting him down on a forum that he doesn't read. IMO, making fun of your husband BEHIND HIS BACK is shitty. And yes, sad.

Well you can think that all you want but that doesn't make your thinking right.  And how do you know for a fact that she is doing it behind his back?  She may very well tell him exactly what she writes on here.  He may be sitting right next to her and reading what she posts.  I don't know why you feel the need to call out CMGr all.the.time.  We get it, you are not a fan of hers, so why not just block her?  Then you wouldn't have to be so sad about the fact that she makes fun of her husband.

climbingsingle

Maggie0829 said:

climbingwife said:

This is totally different than teasing and ribbing each other. Last I checked, CMG's husband was not a member of this board. She's making fun of him and putting him down on a forum that he doesn't read. IMO, making fun of your husband BEHIND HIS BACK is shitty. And yes, sad.

Well you can think that all you want but that doesn't make your thinking right.  And how do you know for a fact that she is doing it behind his back?  She may very well tell him exactly what she writes on here.  He may be sitting right next to her and reading what she posts.  I don't know why you feel the need to call out CMGr all.the.time.  We get it, you are not a fan of hers, so why not just block her?  Then you wouldn't have to be so sad about the fact that she makes fun of her husband.

So now you're telling me what I can and can't post? If she wants to make fun of her husband in 99% of her posts, I'm allowed to call it out and say it's lame. I swear, some of you just blindly defend CMG and it's baffles me. Any other poster, you'd be jumping on board saying how crappy it is to be putting your husband down. 

Correct me if I'm wrong - when HGF was here, she made a post where she made fun of her husband, and she was practically crucified.