Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

Should I give my deceased father's ring to my fiancé?

After trolling through a number of posts I have yet to find anyone that is in the same predicament that I am in. My FH and I have been looking at all different ways to cut costs for our wedding and just today I thought about giving him my deceased father's gold wedding band. A little background: My father died tragically almost 15 years ago when I was a young teenager. He was a man that certainly had a hard life and had more than his share of demons, but he was a man that loved his wife and child dearly. I don't know if offering My FH the ring would be inappropriate or just wrong for the potential bad juju that the ring may have (yes, I have probably watched a few too many syfy flicks!) Have any of you been in this situation or know of someone else's situation? Thanks!

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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    The ring is just a ring.  It has no bad juju.  It is not the ring from Lord of the Rings that you need to throw in a volcano to destroy.

    Talk to your FH about this.  He may or may not be okay with it.  Typically when you use rings from family members you do so because it is something meaningful to you and you want to pass it down.  Not just because you want to save some money.

    lc07wink0erin
  • dblaising said:
    After trolling through a number of posts I have yet to find anyone that is in the same predicament that I am in. My FH and I have been looking at all different ways to cut costs for our wedding and just today I thought about giving him my deceased father's gold wedding band. A little background: My father died tragically almost 15 years ago when I was a young teenager. He was a man that certainly had a hard life and had more than his share of demons, but he was a man that loved his wife and child dearly. I don't know if offering My FH the ring would be inappropriate or just wrong for the potential bad juju that the ring may have (yes, I have probably watched a few too many syfy flicks!) Have any of you been in this situation or know of someone else's situation? Thanks!
    I have my deceased father's wedding ring too. We are going to sell it and put the money towards our rings. It's gold and neither of us are particularly fond of gold so we will get something we like.
  • princessleia22princessleia22 Oceanfront Property in Arizona member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    Yeah, you need to decide this for yourself.  If you do give him the ring, do it for sentimental reasons, not just to save money. I don't think a ring carries bad juju with it. It's a ring that once belonged to man that loved you and took care of you and could now be going to the new man in your life that loves and cares for you. 

    My e-ring belonged to DH's grandmother.  My cousin plans on using wedding band from her grandmother who was married for 5 years before her husband died of cancer. Yeah, their marriage was cut short by death, but they loved each other dearly for those 5 years, so it has some good connotations to it also. 

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  • If you were going to use it for sentimental reasons then I think that is great (though you should check with your FH first and see if ok with it. However if it's just to cut costs then I wouldn't use it. There are lots of cheap bands available, I got my FH a tungsten ring which was considerably cheaper than the white gold or gold options. I told him I was happy to pay for the white gold since I felt a little bad spending so much less on his when I know he must have spent a lot on my rings but he honestly like the look of the tungsten better so that is what I bought him. The rings he decided between were <$300 compared to the white gold ones which were pushing $800+ I know there's a guy at work who found an even cheaper option and bought like 3 identical rings for under $100 (he's prone to loosing things).

    For what it's worth the ring doesn't have bad juju, it's just a ring, but if you are worried about juju then I wouldn't use it. Not because I think it has juju but because I think a lot of supernatural stuff like that is simply minds playing tricks on people so if you're worried that any time he gets stuck in traffic or something bad happens you'll blame it on the ring then honestly just save yourself the stress and don't use it.
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  • princessleia22princessleia22 Oceanfront Property in Arizona member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer

    If you were going to use it for sentimental reasons then I think that is great (though you should check with your FH first and see if ok with it. However if it's just to cut costs then I wouldn't use it. There are lots of cheap bands available, I got my FH a tungsten ring which was considerably cheaper than the white gold or gold options. I told him I was happy to pay for the white gold since I felt a little bad spending so much less on his when I know he must have spent a lot on my rings but he honestly like the look of the tungsten better so that is what I bought him. The rings he decided between were <$300 compared to the white gold ones which were pushing $800+ I know there's a guy at work who found an even cheaper option and bought like 3 identical rings for under $100 (he's prone to loosing things).

    For what it's worth the ring doesn't have bad juju, it's just a ring, but if you are worried about juju then I wouldn't use it. Not because I think it has juju but because I think a lot of supernatural stuff like that is simply minds playing tricks on people so if you're worried that any time he gets stuck in traffic or something bad happens you'll blame it on the ring then honestly just save yourself the stress and don't use it.

    I agree with this for cost... there are some cheap ring options out there.  We bought my husband's ring on Amazon for $20... that doesn't make it any less valuable to us.  We went with a ceramic/carbon-fiber ring because DH didn't want metal (he's an electrician).  But, that same ring was listed for $200 at local jewelry store.  Or check Walmart or stores like that. 

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  • How emotionally attached are you to the ring? Would you be devasted if he lost it? Of course any of would be upset if our husbands lost their rings as it was the ring you gave him on your wedding day. But for you would you be more like "OMG, you lost my dad's ring, it meant so much to me and it can't be replaced!!!" If you have an emotional attachement to the ring and would be hurt if it got lost or damaged, then I wouldn't use it.

    If you have no emotional attachement to it, ask FH how he feels about it. If the ring isn't his taste, sell the ring or take it to a jewelry shop that takes trade ins. My husband took his wedding band from his first marriage and traded it in towards the cost of my E-ring. He got more for it using it as a trade in then if he would have pawned it. He had tried pawning it just outright before & they barely offered him anything. As a trade in, he got a few hundred for it.

  • Thank you all for your responses! I think I will offer my fi the ring and see what he thinks :) 
    MairePoppy
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    One other thing to think about:  After you get married, the ring becomes your FI's to keep or get rid of-even if you get divorced (unless you have a prenup that stipulates otherwise-if this is an issue for you, I'd check the law where you are to see what it provides for in that situation).  Before you give it to him, make sure you're okay with not getting it back in the future.


  • Jen4948 said:

    One other thing to think about:  After you get married, the ring becomes your FI's to keep or get rid of-even if you get divorced (unless you have a prenup that stipulates otherwise-if this is an issue for you, I'd check the law where you are to see what it provides for in that situation).  Before you give it to him, make sure you're okay with not getting it back in the future.

    Agree.  My sister married her first husband using Dad's wedding ring.  The marriage was a disaster.  Don't know what happened to the ring.


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  • Erikan73 said:

    How emotionally attached are you to the ring? Would you be devasted if he lost it? Of course any of would be upset if our husbands lost their rings as it was the ring you gave him on your wedding day. But for you would you be more like "OMG, you lost my dad's ring, it meant so much to me and it can't be replaced!!!" If you have an emotional attachement to the ring and would be hurt if it got lost or damaged, then I wouldn't use it.

    If you have no emotional attachement to it, ask FH how he feels about it. If the ring isn't his taste, sell the ring or take it to a jewelry shop that takes trade ins. My husband took his wedding band from his first marriage and traded it in towards the cost of my E-ring. He got more for it using it as a trade in then if he would have pawned it. He had tried pawning it just outright before & they barely offered him anything. As a trade in, he got a few hundred for it.

    This. Also what @cmGragain and @Jen4948 said. Consider the emotional attachment. I considered giving Mr.W my grandfather's ring, since he is the only man I have ever met that even came close to loving his family/now-wife like my Grandfather did his. H ended up deciding that I should keep it (I have it on a chain that I wear sometimes) because he was afraid it might get damaged or lost, and he said that HE would feel too anxious. Instead I had "My Hap" (Gpa's nickname) engraved on the inside of his band. He (and my G-Mother) bawled when he saw it. There are other ways to honor your father's love for his family if that is what you are wanting, but I wouldn't let "bad juju" be a factor. If it is solely cost, the options are abundant for inexpensive rings. I would advise against selling it unless you are 100% sure you will not regret it later. You don't generally get enough out of selling a plain gold ring to justify the potential remorse down the road.

    Erikan73 said, I traded in the diamond from ExH to the store where he bought it. MrW didn't want to use the credit to buy my ring (even though I told him that he should), so he used it to buy me a rocking pair of schmancy earrings to go with it. Let the exes be useful now. It's oddly cathartic :)
  • If its to save costs then I agree thats a bad reason - especially if *heaven forbid* your marriage ends. 

    On that note: My finace will be using his fathers wedding ring (deceased 10 yrs) and his mother lost we wedding rings years ago - used the insurance money to get a single custom ring made. She is giving us that ring and its diamonds and paying for a custom engagement and wedding band for me (finace bought me a simple ring for christmas months before we were engaged that I wear as an an engagement ring). Her only stipulation is that we give it to our daughter or grandaughter. 

    My cousin also was married with her fiances grandparents rings. The grandmother handed over her engagement ring and wedding band and the grandfather (deceased) band. Reusing rings is common but make sure its for emotional reasons and not financial . 
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