Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions

singing instead of a reading?

Is that crazy? I went to a wedding recently where instead of having a reading at the beginning of the ceremony they played a song. It felt a bit awkward for me but that's what they wanted, so that's just fine, but I want something a little different.

FI and i have always played music together. Actually the night we met was at a party where his band was playing and late into the night the host and i talked about the band/music/the fact i loved the music and loved to jam/sing with my friends and he was like "okay, great, we're gonna go up to the garage and youre gonna sing one with them." And within minutes we were singing Dead Weather into the same microphone, inches from each others faces.

So we've talked about possibly playing guitar/singing a song at the beginning of our ceremony instead of a reading. I'm thinking the Civil Wars rendition of "Dance Me to the End of Love".

Would that be really weird? I mean we will both be nervous, but that's something I've always had to deal with getting on stage, and music might help us ease off the nerves caused by actually getting married .

If you were attending a wedding do you prefer a reading, would something like this be nice, or would you rather we just skip it and do our vows?

Re: singing instead of a reading?

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If the couple getting married are the ones performing I would probably roll my eyes.  But if a song was sung in place of a reading I really wouldn't care.  As horrible as it is to say, as a guest I don't really pay that close attention to the readings or even the vows that are being said.  Mainly because they aren't for me, they are for the couple.  I am there to just witness two people get married, not to be moved or impressed by what is read or sung.

    InLoveInQueenslabro
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    Well, I think your own roles need to be limited to saying your vows. If you yourselves sing or do readings, it's going to come off too much like a performance, which in turn could seem AWish. 

    If there is any singing or readings, I'd ask members of your wedding party or other guests to do them.  And many people will probably prefer that you just skip them and do your vows.

    InLoveInQueenslabro
  • jacques27jacques27 member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments 5 Answers
    edited October 2015
    Singing instead of a reading?  Sure.  I've seen it done.  No big deal.

    But truthfully, every wedding video I have ever seen with the bride(s) and/or groom(s) singing/dancing or otherwise performing makes me cringe.  Sometimes it's what I call the American Idol audition factor where the person performing thinks they are way better than the actual are and you just feel bad for them, or they are so nervous that it definitely affects their performance and again feel bad.  But there's also something about it I can't quite put my finger on - there's always just some little element of the people involved putting too much emphasis on being entertaining or wanting to show off, even if not intended.  Even the ones that aren't as blatant attention grabs like a choreographed reception dance (for example, singing a song while walking down the aisle) almost always comes off at least a little insincere - like saying vows just wasn't good enough.

    Although, I personally never saw much point in readings, either.  But I'm a short and sweet kinda gal, so ymmv.
    MairePoppyOliveOilsMom
  • JediElizabethJediElizabeth member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    edited October 2015
    I wouldn't mind seeing the bride and groom singing, but as PPs have said, I think they should leave stop at just the vows for the ceremony. 

     However, a first song to/with each other instead of a first dance at the reception is something I could get behind. I wouldn't do more than one spotlight type things like that, though.
    InLoveInQueens
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Is that crazy? I went to a wedding recently where instead of having a reading at the beginning of the ceremony they played a song. It felt a bit awkward for me but that's what they wanted, so that's just fine, but I want something a little different. FI and i have always played music together. Actually the night we met was at a party where his band was playing and late into the night the host and i talked about the band/music/the fact i loved the music and loved to jam/sing with my friends and he was like "okay, great, we're gonna go up to the garage and youre gonna sing one with them." And within minutes we were singing Dead Weather into the same microphone, inches from each others faces. So we've talked about possibly playing guitar/singing a song at the beginning of our ceremony instead of a reading. I'm thinking the Civil Wars rendition of "Dance Me to the End of Love". Would that be really weird? I mean we will both be nervous, but that's something I've always had to deal with getting on stage, and music might help us ease off the nerves caused by actually getting married . If you were attending a wedding do you prefer a reading, would something like this be nice, or would you rather we just skip it and do our vows?
    What made you feel awkward about it?  Seems to me like if experiencing something similar at another wedding made you feel a certain way, the same would apply to your guests.  

    The only .01% exception I can think of would be if your guests would expect it out of you.  I have one friend that I can think of that wouldn't surprise me if she wanted to sing at her ceremony, literally one.   And she didn't, she had karaoke breaks during the reception because she enjoys performing and so do many of her friends.
    image


  • Is that crazy? I went to a wedding recently where instead of having a reading at the beginning of the ceremony they played a song. It felt a bit awkward for me but that's what they wanted, so that's just fine, but I want something a little different.

    FI and i have always played music together.
    Actually the night we met was at a party where his band was playing and late into the night the host and i talked about the band/music/the fact i loved the music and loved to jam/sing with my friends and he was like "okay, great, we're gonna go up to the garage and youre gonna sing one with them." And within minutes we were singing Dead Weather into the same microphone, inches from each others faces.

    So we've talked about possibly playing guitar/singing a song at the beginning of our ceremony instead of a reading. I'm thinking the Civil Wars rendition of "Dance Me to the End of Love".

    Would that be really weird? I mean we will both be nervous, but that's something I've always had to deal with getting on stage, and music might help us ease off the nerves caused by actually getting married .

    If you were attending a wedding do you prefer a reading, would something like this be nice, or would you rather we just skip it and do our vows?

    What made you feel awkward about it?  Seems to me like if experiencing something similar at another wedding made you feel a certain way, the same would apply to your guests.  

    The only .01% exception I can think of would be if your guests would expect it out of you.  I have one friend that I can think of that wouldn't surprise me if she wanted to sing at her ceremony, literally one.   And she didn't, she had karaoke breaks during the reception because she enjoys performing and so do many of her friends.


    Good point. All of the above points are good. I didn't really think of it as being AWish, and i certainly don't want it to come if that way. I guess i felt awkward cause i was in the WP and standing there listening to some terrible song that kept skipping. Only wedding I've been to with a reading you couldn't even hear the guy reading. And we probably won't write or own vows because I'd rather just write him a letter and give it to him in private. So basic legal requirements for vows, handfasting, and gtfo for cake. :)

    We are gonna try to get a friend of ours band to play at the reception, at which point we could join them for first song instead of a first dance. And then after the band plays their set I'm sure it will turn into all out old-time jam session as it normally does when my family gets together, which will be awesome for us.
  • I think your plan to skip the song at the ceremony and join the band later is a good one. We were at a wedding once where the bride wrote and sang to the groom before the spotlight dances at it was awkward. The song was long, multiple verses and a chorus after each verse; the groom looked uncomfortable as did most of the guests.

    If you and FI performing with the band later on happens naturally (you jump in on your favorite song, causally get up there, not announcing it and making people stop what they are doing to pay attention, etc) then I think it could work.
    InLoveInQueens
  • I think your plan to skip the song at the ceremony and join the band later is a good one. We were at a wedding once where the bride wrote and sang to the groom before the spotlight dances at it was awkward. The song was long, multiple verses and a chorus after each verse; the groom looked uncomfortable as did most of the guests.

    If you and FI performing with the band later on happens naturally (you jump in on your favorite song, causally get up there, not announcing it and making people stop what they are doing to pay attention, etc) then I think it could work.

    Yeah i don't think we would even announce it like "please join us as we listen to the first song" lol. We would just hop up there, do our thang and get down. if people listen cool, if they're too busy socializing cool. And then may have a little side jam with the band leader later cause we only rarely get to hang out and music always happens when we do.
    charlotte989875
  • I'm not a fan if the B&G do it for the "it's AWish" reason. Its kind of like the people who want to surprise their new spouse by performing their first dance song or choreographing a dance. It reeks of ammature talent show.
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    image
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    I also think the idea of singing your "first song" is AWish.  If you guys want to sing, I would leave it for later in the night.

    But could you record your recessional song together and play the recording when you recess?  That is not nearly as AWish as signing a song live during the ceremony and/or your first song.  You can put the recessional in your program, so people will know its a song you two recorded specifically for the wedding. 

  • I also think the idea of singing your "first song" is AWish.  If you guys want to sing, I would leave it for later in the night.

    But could you record your recessional song together and play the recording when you recess?  That is not nearly as AWish as signing a song live during the ceremony and/or your first song.  You can put the recessional in your program, so people will know its a song you two recorded specifically for the wedding. 

    How is doing a first song different from spotlight dances as far as being AWish?
  • lovegood90lovegood90 Ontario member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited October 2015

    I also think the idea of singing your "first song" is AWish.  If you guys want to sing, I would leave it for later in the night.

    But could you record your recessional song together and play the recording when you recess?  That is not nearly as AWish as signing a song live during the ceremony and/or your first song.  You can put the recessional in your program, so people will know its a song you two recorded specifically for the wedding. 

    How is doing a first song different from spotlight dances as far as being AWish?
    Why bother asking for opinions then?

    Formerly martha1818

    image


  • edited October 2015



    I also think the idea of singing your "first song" is AWish.  If you guys want to sing, I would leave it for later in the night.

    But could you record your recessional song together and play the recording when you recess?  That is not nearly as AWish as signing a song live during the ceremony and/or your first song.  You can put the recessional in your program, so people will know its a song you two recorded specifically for the wedding. 

    How is doing a first song different from spotlight dances as far as being AWish?

    Why bother asking for opinions then?


    ******

    Well i can see how singing during the ceremony is AW, as readings and songs seem to be generally awkward/boring for people anyhow.

    It's a genuine question. Im just wondering why she thinks it's AWish. If singing together at our wedding is considered AWish, why aren't spotlight dances considered AWish especially since they are announced?

    We won't be doing spotlight dances because we don't dance. (We will have an open dance floor for any one that's wants to tho.)
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    I also think the idea of singing your "first song" is AWish.  If you guys want to sing, I would leave it for later in the night.

    But could you record your recessional song together and play the recording when you recess?  That is not nearly as AWish as signing a song live during the ceremony and/or your first song.  You can put the recessional in your program, so people will know its a song you two recorded specifically for the wedding. 

    How is doing a first song different from spotlight dances as far as being AWish?
    Why bother asking for opinions then?
    ****** Well i can see how singing during the ceremony is AW, as readings and songs seem to be generally awkward/boring for people anyhow. It's a genuine question. Im just wondering why she thinks it's AWish. If singing together at our wedding is considered AWish, why aren't spotlight dances considered AWish especially since they are announced? We won't be doing spotlight dances because we don't dance. (We will have an open dance floor for any one that's wants to tho.)
    Well the first dance is also a means to open the dance floor to your guests.  So it is never AWish for the "couple of the night" to have a dance to themselves.  A lot of times I see couples start their first dance solo and then after about a minute invite all their guests to join them.

    But for me whenever a couple performs (singing, elaborate dances, etc) I just side eye it, mainly because I just don't get the need to show off.  All eyes are already on you so why the need to have perform?

    southernbelle0915OliveOilsMom
  • edited October 2015





    I also think the idea of singing your "first song" is AWish.  If you guys want to sing, I would leave it for later in the night.

    But could you record your recessional song together and play the recording when you recess?  That is not nearly as AWish as signing a song live during the ceremony and/or your first song.  You can put the recessional in your program, so people will know its a song you two recorded specifically for the wedding. 

    How is doing a first song different from spotlight dances as far as being AWish?

    Why bother asking for opinions then?
    ******

    Well i can see how singing during the ceremony is AW, as readings and songs seem to be generally awkward/boring for people anyhow.

    It's a genuine question. Im just wondering why she thinks it's AWish. If singing together at our wedding is considered AWish, why aren't spotlight dances considered AWish especially since they are announced?

    We won't be doing spotlight dances because we don't dance. (We will have an open dance floor for any one that's wants to tho.)

    Well the first dance is also a means to open the dance floor to your guests.  So it is never AWish for the "couple of the night" to have a dance to themselves.  A lot of times I see couples start their first dance solo and then after about a minute invite all their guests to join them.

    But for me whenever a couple performs (singing, elaborate dances, etc) I just side eye it, mainly because I just don't get the need to show off.  All eyes are already on you so why the need to have perform?

    **********

    Ok. I can see that. So then what about performing at all? Ya'll have talked me out of a "first song". I can see where that could be AW.

    What pushes my need to perform? This is what i love to do. This is what FI and i do on the weekends for fun. Our band doesn't gig anymore since we had our baby (she's 2 now), but we still play at friend's parties, and always jam at any and every family gathering (birthdays, reunions, holidays, random stopping by). It would be a dream that after our friends band plays their set (which they will be paid for) that our family musicians, old-time/bluegrass musician friends, and rock/punk musician friends can just like pull up a chair and jam. If someone wants to get up and perform all the equipment, PA system (if we even use one), and instruments are ours and i think it would be a good time.

    If it's relevant our wedding will only be about 60-75 people, and most of those are family members.

    I guess i should reconsider performing at all tho. I certainly agree with you about choregraphed dances and stuff like that, so i don't want to be a hypocrite. Thanks for all the input ladies.

    Edit cause boxes
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    I'm just getting back to this thread now, but Maggie summed up exactly why I think singing the "first song" is AWish.  I'm glad to read you are reconsidering.

    I see nothing wrong with singing later on into the reception, after the band does their set.

    kimmiinthemittenInLoveInQueens
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers

    Is that crazy? I went to a wedding recently where instead of having a reading at the beginning of the ceremony they played a song. It felt a bit awkward for me but that's what they wanted, so that's just fine, but I want something a little different. FI and i have always played music together. Actually the night we met was at a party where his band was playing and late into the night the host and i talked about the band/music/the fact i loved the music and loved to jam/sing with my friends and he was like "okay, great, we're gonna go up to the garage and youre gonna sing one with them." And within minutes we were singing Dead Weather into the same microphone, inches from each others faces. So we've talked about possibly playing guitar/singing a song at the beginning of our ceremony instead of a reading. I'm thinking the Civil Wars rendition of "Dance Me to the End of Love". Would that be really weird? I mean we will both be nervous, but that's something I've always had to deal with getting on stage, and music might help us ease off the nerves caused by actually getting married . If you were attending a wedding do you prefer a reading, would something like this be nice, or would you rather we just skip it and do our vows?
    What made you feel awkward about it?  Seems to me like if experiencing something similar at another wedding made you feel a certain way, the same would apply to your guests.  

    The only .01% exception I can think of would be if your guests would expect it out of you.  I have one friend that I can think of that wouldn't surprise me if she wanted to sing at her ceremony, literally one.   And she didn't, she had karaoke breaks during the reception because she enjoys performing and so do many of her friends.
    Good point. All of the above points are good. I didn't really think of it as being AWish, and i certainly don't want it to come if that way. I guess i felt awkward cause i was in the WP and standing there listening to some terrible song that kept skipping. Only wedding I've been to with a reading you couldn't even hear the guy reading. And we probably won't write or own vows because I'd rather just write him a letter and give it to him in private. So basic legal requirements for vows, handfasting, and gtfo for cake. :) We are gonna try to get a friend of ours band to play at the reception, at which point we could join them for first song instead of a first dance. And then after the band plays their set I'm sure it will turn into all out old-time jam session as it normally does when my family gets together, which will be awesome for us.
    This makes me think of my friends example.  Your reception is simply the thank you for your guests for attending your ceremony.  Aside from feeding them an appropriate amount of food for the time of day, having a seat for any butt, and not including anything that costs your guests money, you're free to party however you choose.  The most common activity is dancing, however, some people have games, some people sing karaoke and some people have a jam session.  What makes it AWish is when your guests are forced to be a captive audience to your activity; like a mandatory slide show.
    image
    [Deleted User]
  • edited October 2015







    Is that crazy? I went to a wedding recently where instead of having a reading at the beginning of the ceremony they played a song. It felt a bit awkward for me but that's what they wanted, so that's just fine, but I want something a little different.

    FI and i have always played music together.
    Actually the night we met was at a party where his band was playing and late into the night the host and i talked about the band/music/the fact i loved the music and loved to jam/sing with my friends and he was like "okay, great, we're gonna go up to the garage and youre gonna sing one with them." And within minutes we were singing Dead Weather into the same microphone, inches from each others faces.

    So we've talked about possibly playing guitar/singing a song at the beginning of our ceremony instead of a reading. I'm thinking the Civil Wars rendition of "Dance Me to the End of Love".

    Would that be really weird? I mean we will both be nervous, but that's something I've always had to deal with getting on stage, and music might help us ease off the nerves caused by actually getting married .

    If you were attending a wedding do you prefer a reading, would something like this be nice, or would you rather we just skip it and do our vows?

    What made you feel awkward about it?  Seems to me like if experiencing something similar at another wedding made you feel a certain way, the same would apply to your guests.  

    The only .01% exception I can think of would be if your guests would expect it out of you.  I have one friend that I can think of that wouldn't surprise me if she wanted to sing at her ceremony, literally one.   And she didn't, she had karaoke breaks during the reception because she enjoys performing and so do many of her friends.
    Good point. All of the above points are good. I didn't really think of it as being AWish, and i certainly don't want it to come if that way. I guess i felt awkward cause i was in the WP and standing there listening to some terrible song that kept skipping. Only wedding I've been to with a reading you couldn't even hear the guy reading. And we probably won't write or own vows because I'd rather just write him a letter and give it to him in private. So basic legal requirements for vows, handfasting, and gtfo for cake. :)

    We are gonna try to get a friend of ours band to play at the reception, at which point we could join them for first song instead of a first dance. And then after the band plays their set I'm sure it will turn into all out old-time jam session as it normally does when my family gets together, which will be awesome for us.


    This makes me think of my friends example.  Your reception is simply the thank you for your guests for attending your ceremony.  Aside from feeding them an appropriate amount of food for the time of day, having a seat for any butt, and not including anything that costs your guests money, you're free to party however you choose.  The most common activity is dancing, however, some people have games, some people sing karaoke and some people have a jam session.   What makes it AWish is when your guests are forced to be a captive audience to your activity; like a mandatory slide show.

    *****ughboxessss****

    This makes absolute sense, and really puts into perspective what not to do and therefore what's okay to do and within the realm of "not an AW" lol. Thank you. :)

    I think, like your friend, everyone will expect us to play and sing *something* at some point. So maybe after food and cake and thank yous and toasts, and before the band hops down after their last song. (If we aren't too drunk by then lol)
  • I am a retired professional musician.  My daughter sings professionally in the Washington, DC area.  Neither one of us would even think about performing at her wedding.  Ugh.  It is your wedding, not a talent show.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg

  • Is that crazy? I went to a wedding recently where instead of having a reading at the beginning of the ceremony they played a song. It felt a bit awkward for me but that's what they wanted, so that's just fine, but I want something a little different. FI and i have always played music together. Actually the night we met was at a party where his band was playing and late into the night the host and i talked about the band/music/the fact i loved the music and loved to jam/sing with my friends and he was like "okay, great, we're gonna go up to the garage and youre gonna sing one with them." And within minutes we were singing Dead Weather into the same microphone, inches from each others faces. So we've talked about possibly playing guitar/singing a song at the beginning of our ceremony instead of a reading. I'm thinking the Civil Wars rendition of "Dance Me to the End of Love". Would that be really weird? I mean we will both be nervous, but that's something I've always had to deal with getting on stage, and music might help us ease off the nerves caused by actually getting married . If you were attending a wedding do you prefer a reading, would something like this be nice, or would you rather we just skip it and do our vows?
    What made you feel awkward about it?  Seems to me like if experiencing something similar at another wedding made you feel a certain way, the same would apply to your guests.  

    The only .01% exception I can think of would be if your guests would expect it out of you.  I have one friend that I can think of that wouldn't surprise me if she wanted to sing at her ceremony, literally one.   And she didn't, she had karaoke breaks during the reception because she enjoys performing and so do many of her friends.
    Good point. All of the above points are good. I didn't really think of it as being AWish, and i certainly don't want it to come if that way. I guess i felt awkward cause i was in the WP and standing there listening to some terrible song that kept skipping. Only wedding I've been to with a reading you couldn't even hear the guy reading. And we probably won't write or own vows because I'd rather just write him a letter and give it to him in private. So basic legal requirements for vows, handfasting, and gtfo for cake. :) We are gonna try to get a friend of ours band to play at the reception, at which point we could join them for first song instead of a first dance. And then after the band plays their set I'm sure it will turn into all out old-time jam session as it normally does when my family gets together, which will be awesome for us.
    This makes me think of my friends example.  Your reception is simply the thank you for your guests for attending your ceremony.  Aside from feeding them an appropriate amount of food for the time of day, having a seat for any butt, and not including anything that costs your guests money, you're free to party however you choose.  The most common activity is dancing, however, some people have games, some people sing karaoke and some people have a jam session.   What makes it AWish is when your guests are forced to be a captive audience to your activity; like a mandatory slide show.
    *****ughboxessss**** This makes absolute sense, and really puts into perspective what not to do and therefore what's okay to do and within the realm of "not an AW" lol. Thank you. :) I think, like your friend, everyone will expect us to play and sing *something* at some point. So maybe after food and cake and thank yous and toasts, and before the band hops down after their last song. (If we aren't too drunk by then lol)
    I'm totally cool with the band doing their music, you hearing a specific song start up, jump up screaming "this is my jam" and join in with the lead singer at the microphone on the chorus.  People can look up from what they're doing going, "oh, look, the bride is singing.  cool.  damn, I forgot she was so good." and go back to whatever they're doing.  I love that.  It is definitely the 'captive audience' thing that gets to me.  So as long as you don't hold your guests captive and let them go about their evening, you're good.
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