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Wedding Woes

To Drunk Groom

Hey ladies, I'm in desperate need of a vent and reassurance. My wedding was Friday and the ceremony went, well, I felt pretty and I loved our flowers. These positives have kept me going...because as we speak I'm on my honeymoon but am having such a hard time getting over how drunk my groom was. After making our rounds and saying our hellos we had our first dance and anniversary dance. He quickly disappeared and after some more mingling I wanted to dance so I tracked him down outside having a cigar with his buddies. To make it back to the dance floor took forever...everyone wanted to chat. Just when I thought I'd gotten him there he started feeling sick and I had to get him hydrated. At this point people started leaving. I'd been on the dance floor maybe 3 times and have serious guilt about not being a "good bride" and being there with our guests. I'd had high hopes I could sober him up for our last dance, Michael Bubles Last Dance, even though nobody would see it, but I saw it wasn't going to happen and had my FIL and MOHs hubby take him upstairs. He spent the night passed out on the bathroom floor, puking, which I had to clean up. I cried all night. He of course feels awful and apologized the next day. He doesn't have a drinking problem, his friends kept handing him drinks, he had been so nervous, had hardly eaten...but I still feel robbed of my time on the dance floor and feel my guests must be talking about the antisocial bride and drunk groom. I feel robbed of my wedding night with my husband. I'm having a really hard time forgiving, both him and myself.

Re: To Drunk Groom

  • If you chatted with guests like you said you did, you weren't antisocial. Did you do table visits so you said hello to everyone? 

    What do you need to get over this? A night out dancing with your H?  A night out dancing with your girls? I understand the disappointment but you can't go back in time. As far as your wedding night, I think youre overestimating the number of couples that have some sensual romantic night of passion. A lot of us are exhausted and either go right to sleep or just relax, eat leftover wedding cake in bed, go out with friends etc. So figure out what you want from H (make it reasonable)- maybe you can even have your "re-do" while on your honeymoon.


    mrsconn23spockforprezOliveOilsMom
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Well, you can't change the past. Dwelling on it will do you no good. Do what you've been doing - focus on the good. Remember the happy moments. Enjoy your honeymoon and don't let this ruin your vacation. 

    My wedding night wasn't as I expected it either. We were both so exhausted (and yes, drunk, by the time the end of the night rolled around), that we just passed out. It wasn't romantic. But the days following the wedding were some of the best of my life. 

    MesmrEwe
  • I don't blame you for being pissed off at him, but I don't understand why you're mad at yourself/you need to forgive yourself. 

    Your husband got drunk and made an ass of himself. You had to spend the night cleaning up after him. Presumably he's an adult who is capable of making decisions and saying "no." In this case he made very bad choices. If this was a one time thing, then you'll have to decide if you can forgive him and get past it. If he makes a habit of drinking to excess and making poor choices, that could spell trouble for your future as a couple.
    InLoveInQueensJediElizabethMesmrEwe
  • I entirely agree with the others!  It really does happen more than you realize, unfortunately that doesn't help now that it's after the fact.

    Next, in the future - he cleans his own self-inflicted vomit up.  You know, it's one thing to help the guy keeping things cleaned up when there's a bug that comes through, but self-inflicted, oh HE** NO!...  Draw that line now and make it clear! 

    If anything, you probably got scared straight with future drinking at events.  I suggest you have a talk with YH about expectations in the future, you spent the night chasing someone who was drunk at the cost of your experience of your wedding and no amount of apology is going to change that, so change what you can for the future.  Just because his buddies kept handing him drinks, doesn't mean he had to consume them, that was his choice.  At this point it's after the fact, but when you're involved in weddings in the future, you can warn other brides "You do not want to spend the wedding night cleaning up vomit" and that they discuss all things alcohol with their SO's and WP.  Yes, this stuff happens more than you realize.  I've heard of officiants going as far as to say "If I detect the smell of alcohol on anyone in the WP the wedding will be immediately cancelled!" and forcing the subject because everyone forgets about the wedding night when it comes to alcohol and performance...

    The ship has sailed, forgive what needs forgiveness, take the lessons learned and realize that you did what you had to do in that moment with the information you had.  Hindsight is always 20/20 when it comes to things like this.  The only thing you can do now is set the ground rules for all things alcohol now and into the future. 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited October 2015
    Could have been worse.  As a church organist, I once saw a drunk groom throw up in front of the entire congregation before saying his vows.  They took him out and cleaned him up, and then continued with the ceremony.  I guess that is what friends are really for.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • IrishPirate60IrishPirate60 Clare Island member
    Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    If the B or G is noticeably drunk before the ceremony, it's reason enough to question whether s/he is able to freely consent. Marriages have been annulled on such grounds.
    ILoveBeachMusicsimcal18HedgehogMama2016
  • Hey ladies! I can't tell you how much better it made me feel coming back from my honeymoon and reading your replies. Although I'd thought I'd gone into everything with low expectations I think I still expected things to be a certain way. I'm trying to focus on the positives- like how we got some great pictures and the flowers were lovely. I also explained to my husband how I felt and we're planning a big New Years Eve out to celebrate the end of 2015. I suppose I should consider myself lucky he wasn't to drunk for the ceremony...lol. It could always be worse. :)
  • Hey ladies! I can't tell you how much better it made me feel coming back from my honeymoon and reading your replies. Although I'd thought I'd gone into everything with low expectations I think I still expected things to be a certain way. I'm trying to focus on the positives- like how we got some great pictures and the flowers were lovely. I also explained to my husband how I felt and we're planning a big New Years Eve out to celebrate the end of 2015. I suppose I should consider myself lucky he wasn't to drunk for the ceremony...lol. It could always be worse. :)
    Maybe he should be the DD as a compromise for being an ass at the wedding. 
    MNNEBrideOliveOilsMomLilredhairedgirl
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