Maid or Matron of Honor- which is correct?

hacked

I know that a Maid of Honor is an unmarried bridal attendant.  A Matron of Honor is a married bridal attendant.  If a woman is widowed or divorced, is she a Matron of Honor or a Maid of Honor?  If they revert to a Maid of Honor, any clarification on this would be appreciated. 

Is "Honor Attendant" an acceptable title? 

Thank you so much! 

mileybangerz

hacked said:

I know that a Maid of Honor is an unmarried bridal attendant.  A Matron of Honor is a married bridal attendant.  If a woman is widowed or divorced, is she a Matron of Honor or a Maid of Honor?  If they revert to a Maid of Honor, any clarification on this would be appreciated. 

Is "Honor Attendant" an acceptable title? 

Thank you so much! 

I would ask her what she prefers.

And "Honor Attendant" really isn't acceptable.

redoryx

I'd just ask her what she's comfortable with and go with that.

hacked

Actually, I am asking on her behalf.  She does not know what to tell the bride, and is worried about getting it wrong.  I think it is sort of like a "once you are married" kind of thing.  You can never not be back in that never-married state.  You either are or you are not.  In this case, the bride is having two maids/matrons of honor, sisters.  The older sister asked me what I thought.  She is divorced, and her sister is newly widowed.  Hope this clarifies.

[Deleted User]

hacked said:

Actually, I am asking on her behalf.  She does not know what to tell the bride, and is worried about getting it wrong.  I think it is sort of like a "once you are married" kind of thing.  You can never not be back in that never-married state.  You either are or you are not.  In this case, the bride is having two maids/matrons of honor, sisters.  The older sister asked me what I thought.  She is divorced, and her sister is newly widowed.  Hope this clarifies.

I think Matron sounds silly, so for that reason only, I'd go with Maid of Honor for both sisters.  Though either one is fine.  I don't think there's a wrong answer here.

SP29

Well, if I take it from my mother who is divorced, she still technically goes by Mrs., in which case I would assume the equivalent is Matron. Also IME, women who are widowed still go by Mrs. (husbands name) (if they had changed their name in the first place). 

Too bad there is no equivalent of "Ms" in this case. Maid/Matron seems a silly distinction these days (did it ever serve a purpose though?)- it does change or affect the role in anyway. 

redoryx

hacked said: Actually, I am asking on her behalf.  She does not know what to tell the bride, and is worried about getting it wrong.  I think it is sort of like a "once you are married" kind of thing.  You can never not be back in that never-married state.  You either are or you are not.  In this case, the bride is having two maids/matrons of honor, sisters.  The older sister asked me what I thought.  She is divorced, and her sister is newly widowed.  Hope this clarifies. **oh boxes, we were friends again for awhile and now you hate me**

Let's be honest, they are all pretty much made up titles anyway as the women with said titles all have the same role: show up on time to the wedding in the correct dress. 

Technically speaking, Maid is for unmarried women so seeing as how she's not married that would probably be the right one to default to. 

mileybangerz

Heck, she can be called whatever she wants.  I don't think there is a right or a wrong here..

JediElizabeth

I almost had a man of honor before I ultimately decided on my sister (though he's still a bridesman).

If we can have that, can we have a word that has nothing to do with a woman's marital status, too? Lady of Honor? Woman of Honor? Superheroine of Honor?

lyndausvi

I do not think it really matters as they are all pretty much made up.

However, I think Matron is actually the correct title.  Kind-of like how you are a Miss before you get married, but if you divorce or become a widower your either stay Ms or Mrs.  You never go back to Miss so-to-speak.

Again, whatever she wants will work.   Last I heard there isn't title police going around red marking programs or correcting DJs who use the "wrong" title at your wedding.    Could be wrong though.  Apparently weddings have evolved since I got married 7 years ago and there might be now.

Have no fear, I'm sure CMG will pop in here soon enough to tell us what the correct "traditional" title will be. 

hacked

I agree that we need a better word.  They are needing to print programs, and the bride wants to know what they want to be called.  Maybe Maidtron of Honor? :-)

CMGragain

Matron of Honor is correct.

lovesclimbing

I know I wanted to be called maid of honor in the two weddings I've been married. I told my sister I was NOT a matron because I was early 20s. Matron, by definition, is an older woman. The other wedding I was also called matron. No programs, whatever, I still say I've been a maid of honor twice.

I think matron is "correct" but I'd go with whatever I feel like. If I got divorced tomorrow, I'd still consider myself a maid of honor for any weddings in the next 15 years or so.

CMGragain

The title "Matron of Honor" is not related to the modern definition of the word matron.  It is a traditional title.  "Maid of Honor" is reserved for never - married females.  I know - it is sexist and very old fashioned, but many wedding traditions are just that.

Until relatively recently, bridesmaids were just that - unmarried females only!

IrishPirate60

I'd go with Woman of Honor (or Women, in this case). Let's start using vocabulary that reflects changing circumstances.

artbyallie

JediElizabeth said:

I almost had a man of honor before I ultimately decided on my sister (though he's still a bridesman). If we can have that, can we have a word that has nothing to do with a woman's marital status, too? Lady of Honor? Woman of Honor? Superheroine of Honor?

Your username makes me want to just call all attendants Jedi. It's a gender-neutral title, after all! Jedi of Honor. Bridesjedi. Groomsjedi. Lightsabers for everyone!

thisismynickname2

Heck, as long as you're not saying there are two "maid of honors" or "matron of honors" I consider that a win. 

(I'm lookin' at you, 21 year old brides on Say Yes to the Dress...)

banana468

lovesclimbing said:

I know I wanted to be called maid of honor in the two weddings I've been married. I told my sister I was NOT a matron because I was early 20s. Matron, by definition, is an older woman. The other wedding I was also called matron. No programs, whatever, I still say I've been a maid of honor twice. I think matron is "correct" but I'd go with whatever I feel like. If I got divorced tomorrow, I'd still consider myself a maid of honor for any weddings in the next 15 years or so.

That is incorrect.   However I think it's the socially assumed definition. 

IrishPirate60

thisismynickname said:

Heck, as long as you're not saying there are two "maid of honors" or "matron of honors" I consider that a win. 

(I'm lookin' at you, 21 year old brides on Say Yes to the Dress...)

The grammarian in me begs to differ. "MaidS of honor" or "MatronS of honor" The plural goes with the noun, not the adjective. Like the gathering of Attorneys General.

MandyMost

I'd just list the "Bridal Party" and list the names, without giving anyone these silly made up titles. 

JediElizabeth

IrishPirate60 said:

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thisismynickname said:

Heck, as long as you're not saying there are two "maid of honors" or "matron of honors" I consider that a win. 

(I'm lookin' at you, 21 year old brides on Say Yes to the Dress...)

The grammarian in me begs to differ. "MaidS of honor" or "MatronS of honor" The plural goes with the noun, not the adjective. Like the gathering of Attorneys General.

I think you misread that....she was pointing out that Maid of Honors or Mateon of Honors are terms that sound like nails on a chalkboard to those of us who understand grammar.

lovesclimbing

banana468 said:

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lovesclimbing said:

I know I wanted to be called maid of honor in the two weddings I've been married. I told my sister I was NOT a matron because I was early 20s. Matron, by definition, is an older woman. The other wedding I was also called matron. No programs, whatever, I still say I've been a maid of honor twice.

I think matron is "correct" but I'd go with whatever I feel like. If I got divorced tomorrow, I'd still consider myself a maid of honor for any weddings in the next 15 years or so.

That is incorrect.   However I think it's the socially assumed definition. 

----boxes-----

Well, Merriam-Webster disagrees with that. "an older married woman who usually has a high social position.
: a woman whose job is to be in charge of children or other women
: a female nurse who is in charge of the other nurses in a hospital
Full Definition
1 a : a married woman usually marked by dignified maturity or social distinction" - from my MW phone app.

Oxford - "A woman in charge of domestic and medical arrangements at a boarding school or other establishment. 2. A married woman, especially a dignified and sober middle-aged one."

Dictionary.com - "1.
a married woman, especially one who is mature and staid or dignified and has an established social position."

Google (I don't know where Google gets their definition) - "1. a woman in charge of domestic and medical arrangements at a boarding school or other establishment.
2. a married woman, especially a dignified and sober middle-aged one."

And even if some definitions do not include an age, the connotation is of an older woman.

CMGragain

lovesclimbing said:

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lovesclimbing said:

I know I wanted to be called maid of honor in the two weddings I've been married. I told my sister I was NOT a matron because I was early 20s. Matron, by definition, is an older woman. The other wedding I was also called matron. No programs, whatever, I still say I've been a maid of honor twice. I think matron is "correct" but I'd go with whatever I feel like. If I got divorced tomorrow, I'd still consider myself a maid of honor for any weddings in the next 15 years or so.

That is incorrect.   However I think it's the socially assumed definition. 

----boxes----- Well, Merriam-Webster disagrees with that. "an older married woman who usually has a high social position. : a woman whose job is to be in charge of children or other women : a female nurse who is in charge of the other nurses in a hospital Full Definition 1 a : a married woman usually marked by dignified maturity or social distinction" - from my MW phone app. Oxford - "A woman in charge of domestic and medical arrangements at a boarding school or other establishment. 2. A married woman, especially a dignified and sober middle-aged one." Dictionary.com - "1. a married woman, especially one who is mature and staid or dignified and has an established social position." Google (I don't know where Google gets their definition) - "1. a woman in charge of domestic and medical arrangements at a boarding school or other establishment. 2. a married woman, especially a dignified and sober middle-aged one." And even if some definitions do not include an age, the connotation is of an older woman.

Not for a wedding title.  Matron of Honor simply means married woman.  My sister was my matron of honor.  She is younger than I am.

SaintPaulGal

"Maid" comes from "maiden," AKA virgin.  The presumption was that a woman would be "pure" until her wedding day, so unmarried=virgin=maid.  One can cease to be married through widowhood or divorce, but one never returns to maidenhood.  

But the whole thing is silly.  I can guarantee you that the vast, vast majority of maids of honor are not "maids" anyway.  Call your attendants whatever feels comfortable.  

SaintPaulGal

Oh, and a somewhat off-topic aside:  I wish we as a society of women could let go of the almost-pathological desire to avoid anything that is seen as "old."  I see it here with the "but I'm too YOUNG to be a 'matron'" and in real life with the whole anti-"ma'am" crowd.  Listen, I'm in my mid-20s.  Unless you are 10 years old, I'm not calling you "miss."  Unless you want us to move to "Hey you!", "ma'am" is the way to go.  But if you call anyone under 75 "ma'am" they are bound to have some sort of existential crisis.  Look, nobody is saying you're old.  It just means you are a grown-ass woman.

oliviabee22

She should decide what she wants to be called. The names are archaic by today's terms anyway, as some of the other girls mentioned. I had two MOHs - my little sis is unmarried and my older is married - but she just preferred the title "maid" rather than "matron" - just a personal preference nothing ageist or anything so it was fine by me. :-)

lovesclimbing

SaintPaulGal said:

Oh, and a somewhat off-topic aside:  I wish we as a society of women could let go of the almost-pathological desire to avoid anything that is seen as "old."  I see it here with the "but I'm too YOUNG to be a 'matron'" and in real life with the whole anti-"ma'am" crowd.  Listen, I'm in my mid-20s.  Unless you are 10 years old, I'm not calling you "miss."  Unless you want us to move to "Hey you!", "ma'am" is the way to go.  But if you call anyone under 75 "ma'am" they are bound to have some sort of existential crisis.  Look, nobody is saying you're old.  It just means you are a grown-ass woman.

----

When I am old, I will have no problem being called old or a matron. But by many definitions, I am not a matron regardless of my feelings on wanting or not wanting to be one. And I call people ma'am all the time and have no problem being called that.

OwningAHome1981

I don't think it matters. My sister was married @ my wedding and we called her "maid of honor." Most people don't realize it anyway... especially men. So don't stress about it!

ShesSoCold

OwningAHome1981 said:

I don't think it matters. My sister was married @ my wedding and we called her "maid of honor." Most people don't realize it anyway... especially men. So don't stress about it!

Thank you for reopening this almost three week old thread for this extremely important, pertinent information. 

OwningAHome1981

ShesSoCold said:

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OwningAHome1981 said:

I don't think it matters. My sister was married @ my wedding and we called her "maid of honor." Most people don't realize it anyway... especially men. So don't stress about it!

Thank you for reopening this almost three week old thread for this extremely important, pertinent information. 

Thanks for being a jerk

CMGragain

OwningAHome1981 said:

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ShesSoCold said:

OwningAHome1981 said:

I don't think it matters. My sister was married @ my wedding and we called her "maid of honor." Most people don't realize it anyway... especially men. So don't stress about it!

Thank you for reopening this almost three week old thread for this extremely important, pertinent information. 

Thanks for being a jerk

@OwningAHone1981, This is a very childish response.  No one called YOU names.  I think I do not like you.