Etiquette

Save the Dates???

24

Re: Save the Dates???

  • upgirl9190upgirl9190
    10 Comments First Anniversary
    member
    edited October 2015
    In my family very few people attend the ceremony. There may be 50 people at the ceremony and well over 200 at the reception. Between work, kids activities and travel ceremonies are inconvient, especially if they are hours before the reception. Even when they are back to back most just show up when dinner is going to be served and skip the whole "lets awkwardly stand around" cocktail hour. As far as the pre marriage counseling, we don't need to discuss what it's going to be like to live together, how we are going to do chores, how finances will work, how many kids we want, we've done that and things are going very well. Even if we wanted counseling, I wouldn't get it from a church. I'd go to a licensed therapist.
  • In my family very few people attend the ceremony. There may be 50 people at the ceremony and well over 200 at the reception. Between work, kids activities and travel ceremonies are inconvient, especially if they are hours before the reception. Even when they are back to back most just show up when dinner is going to be served and skip the whole "lets awkwardly stand around" cocktail hour. As far as the pre marriage counseling, we don't need to discuss what it's going to be like to live together, how we are going to do chores, how finances will work, how many kids we want, we've done that and things are going very well. Even if we wanted counseling, I wouldn't get it from a church. I'd go to a licensed therapist.

    I know of several marriages that ended in divorce even though they lived together beforehand for several years; you're very fast to dismiss counseling.

    Note for lurkers ... the comment regarding a ceremony being hours before a reception .... this should never happen.
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    emmaaaPrettyGirlLostcharcoalandblush[Deleted User]
  • Note for lurkers ... the comment regarding a ceremony being hours before a reception .... this should never happen.

    This is VERY VERY common for Catholic weddings. The church will only hold the ceremony  only at specific times, usually 1:30pm on Saturdays. Most receptions don't start till 5 or 6pm so your guests have a few hours to return home, run errands or whatever before the reception starts or as I've seen most do skip the ceremony and come only to the reception. Because so many people skip the ceremony they must not find it that important, which is why I'm not concerned over having a private ceremony and party later (even though I'm not having a Catholic wedding).
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
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    I'm the odd man out who has less interest in the reception (except for cake) than the ceremony.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    CMGragainonefootinthebayoucharcoalandblush
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
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    AddieCake said:
    I'm the odd man out who has less interest in the reception (except for cake) than the ceremony.
    I like the reception more because I can actually socialize.  I do not do good sitting still either.  I get distracted.   Especially in a church.   To be fair, I'm horrible in meetings or sitting in a class  :(

    That said, I've only missed ceremonies when I had other obligations.  One time it was work.  Another time I had another wedding that day.  The other wedding's reception was going on during the 2nd wedding's ceremony and gap.   I wasn't about to miss a reception in order to see a ceremony and then find something to do during the gap.     






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    kimmiinthemitten
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall
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    I won't abide a gap. I will go to the ceremony and then home if there's a gap.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    PrettyGirlLost
  •  Nope, sorry. I've attended multiple Catholic weddings without a gap and you'll find plenty of women on here who have hosted Catholic weddings without them. Gaps are rude and not an excuse for poorly planning your wedding timeline.

    Having helped my cousins with Catholic weddings the time is set by the church, there is no negotiating, it's take it or leave it and it's usually early afternoon, one was even in the morning. So unless you want lunch reception...there's a gap and if your guest our Catholic they understand and even expect it. I don't find it rude. I have been to many weddings thru the years and they have always had gaps. This ceremony right before the reception is new for me. I have been to ~10 weddings in the last few years and only one has not had a few hour gap. 

    Why do you (and your family) go to weddings? For a free meal? Or to see a couple get married and celebrate with them?

    To celebrate, party, and visit with family and friends we haven't seen in a while.

    Addiecake: There is no need for vulgar language. It's inappropriate.
  • It's not against TOS, so you'll just have to get over it.

    Just because it's not against the rules, doesn't mean its appropriate. It's clear you don't have any etiquette...should you really be posting advice on an etiquette board? I don't think so.
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
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    Using curse words on a messageboard where they are accepted and allowed does not equate to not knowing etiquette. Additionally, it's not up to you what language is appropriate on this forum, but thanks for playing. Excuse me now while I go get my mittens, which clearly will be needed to interact with you.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    charcoalandblush
  • Using curse words on a messageboard where they are accepted and allowed does not equate to not knowing etiquette. Additionally, it's not up to you what language is appropriate on this forum, but thanks for playing. Excuse me now while I go get my mittens, which clearly will be needed to interact with you.

    Part of proper etiquette is being polite and using your manners, so yes swearing does equate to knowing etiquette.
  • Well my wedding does not have a gap, so I'm not treating my guest rudely. I don't find gaps rude. I have grown up with weddings having gaps and my family is accustomed to that. We usually go hang out at my uncles house and have a few beers and pizza before the reception. Someone had tried to have deli trays and such for guest in the "gap" time and they were left with all the food because everyone split and went home or back to their hotel.  I think it is all dependent on what your guest are used to and what is tradition in your family.  Not really sure what "actions" you are referring to. I'm just stating my opinion like everyone else. Just because you don't agree with it doesn't mean is poor character.
  •  Nope, sorry. I've attended multiple Catholic weddings without a gap and you'll find plenty of women on here who have hosted Catholic weddings without them. Gaps are rude and not an excuse for poorly planning your wedding timeline.

    Having helped my cousins with Catholic weddings the time is set by the church, there is no negotiating, it's take it or leave it and it's usually early afternoon, one was even in the morning. So unless you want lunch reception...there's a gap and if your guest our Catholic they understand and even expect it. I don't find it rude. I have been to many weddings thru the years and they have always had gaps. This ceremony right before the reception is new for me. I have been to ~10 weddings in the last few years and only one has not had a few hour gap. 

    Why do you (and your family) go to weddings? For a free meal? Or to see a couple get married and celebrate with them?

    To celebrate, party, and visit with family and friends we haven't seen in a while.

    Addiecake: There is no need for vulgar language. It's inappropriate.
    don't look at my Sigy GIF then.......


    We live 45 min away from the nearest town with a church, even if they would allow us to do counseling elsewhere it would never fit in our schedules. And frankly I feel that the whole concept of premarriage counseling is a bit ridiculous. We been together for 7 years and lived together for 5, counseling is just a waste of time. My original question was about save the dates. I'm not looking for criticism as to where I choose to hold a ceremony, so unless there are suggestions about the save the dates there is no need to comment. I guess I should have read more posts before posting a question myself, I would have seen that these boards are nothing more than insults and attacks on people's ideas rather than constructive suggestions.
    Internet 101 - LURK FIRST Pre martial Counseling is never a waste of time. It doesn't matter how long you have been together, you never know everything about your partner or what they are thinking. To think it is ridiculous makes you seem a bit immature to be considering marriage at all. Sends out STDs if you wish, but realize that if your intent is to get people to choose your celebration over attending the other 2 weddings, you will probably be disappointed...assuming the other weddings include an invitation to the ceremony - the important part of the ordeal. Telling people not to comment on your bad ideas or only only give suggestions about your specific question will go over like a hot dog buffet at a PETA convention..."welcome" to TK :smirk:
    I'm not asking people to choose one wedding over another, I'm just informing them of the date and location. I find it very rude that you would choose a wedding ceremony over attending just a reception for family or friends. You should be there to support the couple however they choose to arrange their wedding.



    I think I'm stuck in a box... Anyway am I the only one who saw that? NO people are choosing to attend the WHOLE FN PURPOSE of the actual event. Understand? They are choosing to go to the ceremony AND the reception not just the one thing. In their minds they can attend the actual reason they are spending the money to drive, fly, whatever they are doing, bring a gift and take up a weekend whole weekend not just attend a party. The person who is inviting them to both thought enough about them to invite them to both.. That's the one I'd go with too.

    Agreed. I think it's pretty clear that this person doesn't understand the importance of the ceremony. She thinks a wedding is about a big party. I wonder what she thinks a marriage is about?
    I am not a practicing Catholic, my H is. we married in a Catholic church, (with no gaps) I am now a big supporter in the marriage counseling, it makes you look past the typical questions and opens up the communication to more in-depth discussions about each other. we have been together for almost 4 years (got married on Oct 10th) and lived together for almost 3, communicate well (our priest even commented on how well we communicated, not tooting our own horn), and have little to no conflict, if there is we work it out without fighting. I know that the counseling helped us, maybe not as much as people who feel they need it, but it still helped even thought we didn't NEED it.

    If language o
    We have worded the invitation to show that its only a party not a ceremony. The family that we have shared the idea with absolutely love it. Most people never attend the ceremony anyway or don't want to so why waste the effort to find a place to hold so many people when you really don't need that. Plus with all the ridiculous hoops churches make you jump through, it is not worth it. We are planning to show short video of our ceremony at the party.
      Offensive to people that it is not ridiculous to jump through said hoops...


    Catholic, Lutheran, community churches, reformed churches....we tried them all
      Offensive that you ran though ALL religions, and didn't just decide that your church's requirements are too much for you to participate in.


    there are more but this is getting too long.. or already is too long..
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