Etiquette

Save the Dates???

13

Re: Save the Dates???

  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited October 2015
    We are having our ceremony in a small log chapel in a state park with just our parents and grandparents October 2016. A week later we our having our reception with 200+ guest. My family will be local traveling 1hr or less while my fiances family will be traveling ~3hrs and some guest will be coming from out of state. We have already have had several questions asking when and where our reception is and what hotels are in the area. There are also 2 other weddings in my family next fall as well. I wasn't planning on sending save the dates but with all the questions and now 2 more weddings is it something I should do even though it's only for the reception?
    I am going to revisit the OP's original post.  I am disregarding some of the offensive remarks she has made.

    1.  There is nothing wrong with having your small ceremony in the chapel.  You should take your guests out for a nice lunch or dinner immediately afterwards.  THIS will be your wedding reception.

    2.  There is nothing wrong with having a party to celebrate your marriage at a later date.  It is NOT your wedding reception.  No wedding dress, no wedding traditions.  It is a party for your friends and family.  It is not a part of your wedding in any way.  You get one day, and yours was the day you had your wedding ceremony and your wedding reception with your small number of guests.  It is OK to have food, drink, and dancing at your party, but you are not "the bride" and your FI is not "the groom".  No "first dance", but you can have a special dance.  Do not expect gifts.

    3.  You can send out STDs,  but be very clear that it is a party to which you are inviting people, not your wedding reception.  Personally, I think eight weeks time should be enough for people to plan, and you can communicate by word of mouth/family grapevine for out of town guests.  Sending STDs for a party seems too pretentious, at least, to me.
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    ILoveBeachMusicsouthernbelle0915HeffalumpSP29
  • @upgirl9190

    I am admittedly confused. You and your family and friends typically skip the wedding ceremonies because they are inconvenient. Most of the weddings in your circle have gaps. And yet you haven't put two and two together to realize that ceremonies are really only inconvenient when they do have gaps?! And that most of your friends and family probably, in some way shape or form, find this rude and, you got it, inconvenient?!

    I'm glad you aren't having a gap, but please recognize that those that do have gaps are inconviencing you. And that is pretty rude.

    Others are also right to say that people might decline your marriage celebration over going to someone else's full wedding. If I were equally close to two couples and I had to chose between a full wedding and just the celebration, I would definitely chose the full wedding. They want me there enough to include me in on EVERYTHING. Witnessing their marriage and celebrating with them after. I would chose that over going to the celebration thing where the couple just wants to party. Because after the wedding day that's really all it is - just a party. You can still definitely do your celebration a week later, just try not to be too butthurt if people decide they can't/don't want to go. You made your choice, they will make theirs.

    Also, I wanted to add that Save the Dates are pretty appropriate for many non-wedding instances. It's basically like saying "hey put this in your calendar so you can decide later whether or not you want to go/plan ahead a bit." They can be as formal as a fancy letter or as informal as a text or evite - their purpose is the same. We use more formal postcard-type STD's for work-related events (conferences., training seminars, charity luncheons) These aren't inappropriate or wrong. I do think that your STD should match the formality of the event. As in - if you're hosting a fairly fancy wedding please don't send an eSTD. If you're hosting a girls cocktail hour, an eSTD is 100% appropriate.

    @PoodleDoodleOoo I like you over here! I hope you lurk less & comment more.
    kimmiinthemittenCMGragain
  • There is nothing wrong with having a party to celebrate your marriage at a later date.  It is NOT your wedding reception.  No wedding dress, no wedding traditions.  It is a party for your friends and family.  It is not a part of your wedding in any way.  You get one day, and yours was the day you had your wedding ceremony and your wedding reception with your small number of guests.  It is OK to have food, drink, and dancing at your party, but you are not "the bride" and your FI is not "the groom".  No "first dance", but you can have a special dance.  Do not expect gifts.

    It will be just like a wedding reception. I am the bride. I will be in my dress. My FI is the groom and will be in his suit. We will have a first dance and the rest of the wedding traditions (cake cutting, garter/bouquet toss, etc). I have absolutely no concern over guest attending. They same people will attend whether or not they got to go to the ceremony and they will bring gifts. I had a cousin do something similar a few years ago and had a full and amazing reception, no complaints. Some out of state family has already booked flights and hotels.

     My family respects our decision for a small ceremony because they know that the location we have chosen is truly "us". The park we are having  our ceremony at is dedicated to forestry and logging, there is no better place for two foresters to get married. We like the chapel in the middle of the forest because wandering around the woods all day is where we feel happy and most at peace. The silence of the forest is our "church". Our lumberjack theme will be carried over into our reception and those we have shared that with love it and can't wait to come.

    Our anniversary we will celebrate will be our reception date, not our ceremony date. We already have something to celebrate on our ceremony date, the first day of deer hunting season.
  • upgirl9190upgirl9190
    10 Comments First Anniversary
    member
    edited October 2015
    Yes, lumberjack theme! Buffalo plaid, axes, crosscut saws, trees, logs, pine cones, lanterns, and pine scented candles! I even have a plaid shirt to wear over my dress!!!
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    Yeah I'm with you on the MUD^


    "Lumberjack theme" is what tipped your hand, OP.

    based on her local board posts, I think she's just a legit bridezilla. Lumberjack is definitely a thing where she's from.
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    thespeshulestsnowflakeInLoveInQueens
  • lc07lc07 Sunny Southern California
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member

    Ok, well I'm finally convinced this is MUD. Thanks for playing. In case you're not, YOU posted to an etiquette board and asked for advice. You got it. If you choose not yo follow it, whatever. But factually and legally, you will not be a bride (you'll be a wife). And your HUSBAND will not be a groom. And your wedding anniversary will be the day you get married. But I kind of like your logic....it means I can throw myself an omg-I'm-21 birthday bash and have it in the spring even though my bday is in the fall. Because my cousin did it so that makes it real.
    Agreed. OP sounded like a troll to me from page 1. I don't believe any of this is real life. 
    InLoveInQueens
  • OMG!  If OP is for real, she is one of the most self absorbed posters ever!  I will probably see a few little girls dressed up like brides on Halloween night.  Maybe OP will be one of them.
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    spockforprezmileybangerzInLoveInQueensJediElizabeth

  • But guysssssssssssss, look how awesome this is!
    image
    that bride even looks disgusted...
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    PrettyGirlLostonefootinthebayouYogaSandy
  • Our lumberjack theme will be carried over into our reception and those we have shared that with love it and can't wait to come.

    We already have something to celebrate on our ceremony date, the first day of deer hunting season.

    *sigh* So romantic


    Please post pictures.

    image
    ShesSoColdryanandjoe4OliveOilsMomInLoveInQueens
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod




    But guysssssssssssss, look how awesome this is!
    image

    that bride even looks disgusted...


    The url is ILostABet.com
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

    ryanandjoe4spockforprez
  • @mileybangerz: 

    OMG! I love the picture! I haven't really searched our theme because I figured it didn't exists.I guess I need to do that for more ideas!!! My fiance was going to wear a suit but I bet he would like the Carhartts way more, maybe even a flannel shirt!


  • edited October 2015

    @mileybangerz: 

    OMG! I love the picture! I haven't really searched our theme because I figured it didn't exists.I guess I need to do that for more ideas!!! My fiance was going to wear a suit but I bet he would like the Carhartts way more, maybe even a flannel shirt!


    Omg!! You didn't think lumberjack was a theme? When hipsters are constantly dressed in flannel with beards and "lumbersexual" is a thing?

    Come on. It's basically a youneek twist on the old rustic/mason jar theme.
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    PrettyGirlLostOliveOilsMom
  • drunkenwitchdrunkenwitch
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    member
    edited November 2015

    Don't half assed the hipster shtick, make sure you go all out and only serve PBR and artesian toast at your reception. 

    And don't play any obscure bands that have been heard on KEXP, that means they've totally sold out.   

    thisismynickname2PrettyGirlLost
  • Yes, lumberjack theme! Buffalo plaid, axes, crosscut saws, trees, logs, pine cones, lanterns, and pine scented candles! I even have a plaid shirt to wear over my dress!!!

    Is this lumberjack theme really a thing? Lumberjacks work in harsh conditions and isolation. That doesn't strike me as "wedding".
    YogaSandy
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    Yes, lumberjack theme! Buffalo plaid, axes, crosscut saws, trees, logs, pine cones, lanterns, and pine scented candles! I even have a plaid shirt to wear over my dress!!!
    Is this lumberjack theme really a thing? Lumberjacks work in harsh conditions and isolation. That doesn't strike me as "wedding".
    Her name is U.P. Girl as in Upper Peninsula (Michigan).  She may be a troll, but lumberjack was the main profession in the UP for a while!  We should all throw profession themed weddings LOL.
    image
    mileybangerz
  • Yes, lumberjack theme! Buffalo plaid, axes, crosscut saws, trees, logs, pine cones, lanterns, and pine scented candles! I even have a plaid shirt to wear over my dress!!!
    Is this lumberjack theme really a thing? Lumberjacks work in harsh conditions and isolation. That doesn't strike me as "wedding".
    Her name is U.P. Girl as in Upper Peninsula (Michigan).  She may be a troll, but lumberjack was the main profession in the UP for a while!  We should all throw profession themed weddings LOL.
    Is it bad that I'm from/in Michigan and totally missed that's where she got her username from?
    SP29
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    Yes, lumberjack theme! Buffalo plaid, axes, crosscut saws, trees, logs, pine cones, lanterns, and pine scented candles! I even have a plaid shirt to wear over my dress!!!
    Is this lumberjack theme really a thing? Lumberjacks work in harsh conditions and isolation. That doesn't strike me as "wedding".
    Her name is U.P. Girl as in Upper Peninsula (Michigan).  She may be a troll, but lumberjack was the main profession in the UP for a while!  We should all throw profession themed weddings LOL.
    Is it bad that I'm from/in Michigan and totally missed that's where she got her username from?
    I did too but she posted in a local board that I had previously posted in and that's how I figured it out!  She's an oxymoron - a troll from the UP!
    image
  • Yes, lumberjack theme! Buffalo plaid, axes, crosscut saws, trees, logs, pine cones, lanterns, and pine scented candles! I even have a plaid shirt to wear over my dress!!!
    Is this lumberjack theme really a thing? Lumberjacks work in harsh conditions and isolation. That doesn't strike me as "wedding".
    Her name is U.P. Girl as in Upper Peninsula (Michigan).  She may be a troll, but lumberjack was the main profession in the UP for a while!  We should all throw profession themed weddings LOL.
    Is it bad that I'm from/in Michigan and totally missed that's where she got her username from?
    I did too but she posted in a local board that I had previously posted in and that's how I figured it out!  She's an oxymoron - a troll from the UP!
    Okay that makes sense. I haven't really posted in any of the Michigan local boards.
    kimmiinthemitten
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