Wedding Party

Junior groomsman?

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Re: Junior groomsman?

  • CMGragain said:
    1.  Your FI decides who are the groomsmen, not you, and not your FSIL.
    2.  Repeat this to yourself, ten times every night:  "There is no such thing as a perfect wedding."
    3.  People are more important than your vision of your perfect wedding.  Your FI's nephew is a human being with feelings that can be hurt.
    4.  People are more important than your wedding pictures.
    5.  You are going to be seeing your future relatives for many years.  It is foolish to rock the boat over something this small. 
    Thank you for your constructive criticism. You're right. I will leave this in my fiance's hands. I only wish FSIL would have confirmed with my fiance first before putting the bug in her son's head about being in the wedding.
    CMGragainlc07
  • FWIW, OP - when my brother got married my nephew was 3 and was RB.  Now, its a huge age difference, I know, but there were similarities between your description of my nephew and your FI's nephew.  My nephew wore an Eagles hat and wouldn't take it off, ceremony and family pictures afterwards.  My nephew also carried his stuffed elephant, Eddie, the whole time.  Eddie was dressed in a tux, so he fit the formality.  My nephew also sort of roamed around the chapel between standing next to his dad (the BM), my parents in the front row, and his mom in the 2nd or 3rd row.  He did not cause a distraction for anyone present.

    At my wedding a year and a half later, that same nephew did not wear his Eagles hat, but did carry Eddie.  He sat with his mom and dad in the 2nd row the whole time after he walked down the aisle.  Eddie still wore his tux!

    Then another year and a half later, that same nephew was again a RB in my sisters wedding.  He sat in the front row with me after walking down the aisle.  Eddie was still there in his tux.  And prior to us all being announced into the reception, here is where he started to have a melt down.  He was crying and very upset.  He walked into the reception with his cousin and walked directly to his parents, Eddie under his arm.

    This whole story is to tell you that anything can happen when you have a child in your wedding.  You just have to roll with the punches of what can happen.  For my nephew, Eddie is a very calming presence, which is why he has always been included.  Eddie makes a great addition to our family portraits, you just have to have a little bit of humor.  If there is something that makes this 10 year old calm (minus a noise making machine), then allow him to bring it and carry it with him.  But I think this entire decision should lie with your FI.

    Thanks for sharing your story, OliveOilsMom. It helped me see that some things are out of my hands and that's okay.
    spockforprez
  • CMGragain said:
    1.  Your FI decides who are the groomsmen, not you, and not your FSIL.
    2.  Repeat this to yourself, ten times every night:  "There is no such thing as a perfect wedding."
    3.  People are more important than your vision of your perfect wedding.  Your FI's nephew is a human being with feelings that can be hurt.
    4.  People are more important than your wedding pictures.
    5.  You are going to be seeing your future relatives for many years.  It is foolish to rock the boat over something this small. 
    Thank you for your constructive criticism. You're right. I will leave this in my fiance's hands. I only wish FSIL would have confirmed with my fiance first before putting the bug in her son's head about being in the wedding.
    She was wrong to have pushed for this, but it is between your FI and her.  Don't get involved in this.  It will only mean trouble for you.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • Granted, we don't know your nephew-to-be, but I really don't get this mentality toward kids on TK where they're seen as a nuisance. This boy might be distracted, but really, there's no reason he can't behave for 10 minutes to walk down the aisle and stand there while you say your vows. That's his only duty. Your FSIL shouldn't have mentioned it to him, but now that she did, I would not want to disappoint him and hurt his feelings, especially for what (in my opinion) are petty reasons.
    CMGragainILoveBeachMusic
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    Granted, we don't know your nephew-to-be, but I really don't get this mentality toward kids on TK where they're seen as a nuisance. This boy might be distracted, but really, there's no reason he can't behave for 10 minutes to walk down the aisle and stand there while you say your vows. That's his only duty. Your FSIL shouldn't have mentioned it to him, but now that she did, I would not want to disappoint him and hurt his feelings, especially for what (in my opinion) are petty reasons.

    Nobody has to like or want kids at their weddings. And some people don't. Neither you nor anyone else who isn't paying for the wedding or actually marrying at that wedding is entitled to question anyone's decision has to get why.

    You just need to accept that if kids aren't invited, then it's not okay to bring them anyway or insist that they be allowed to attend as a condition of your own attendance. If you can't or won't attend without your kids, you're allowed to decline, but it's none of your business why the kids (or anyone else, for that matter) weren't invited in the first place.
  • Jen4948 said:
    Granted, we don't know your nephew-to-be, but I really don't get this mentality toward kids on TK where they're seen as a nuisance. This boy might be distracted, but really, there's no reason he can't behave for 10 minutes to walk down the aisle and stand there while you say your vows. That's his only duty. Your FSIL shouldn't have mentioned it to him, but now that she did, I would not want to disappoint him and hurt his feelings, especially for what (in my opinion) are petty reasons.
    Nobody has to like or want kids at their weddings. And some people don't. Neither you nor anyone else who isn't paying for the wedding or actually marrying at that wedding is entitled to question anyone's decision has to get why. You just need to accept that if kids aren't invited, then it's not okay to bring them anyway or insist that they be allowed to attend as a condition of your own attendance. If you can't or won't attend without your kids, you're allowed to decline, but it's none of your business why the kids (or anyone else, for that matter) weren't invited in the first place.
    Uh, what??? This thread isn't about inviting or not inviting kids to the wedding. It's about a person who wanted her future nephew in the wedding party, then changed her mind because he's too "distracted" to walk down the aisle. Try to stay on topic.
    Maggie0829spockforprezViczaesar
  • I think you're misinterpreting what I'm saying. When I say he's distracting, I mean that his mother as well as various relatives will be constantly watching him to make sure he's behaving when they should be enjoying the ceremony. I think I've solved my own problem though. But thank you for your opinion.
    Pet peeve:  people who try to micromanage what other people are doing during the ceremony (looking at their phones, watching their kids, etc.).  All eyes don't have to be on you at all times, and if someone is checking email or telling their kid to sit still, it won't invalidate your vows.
    ShesSoCold
  • Wildcat144Wildcat144 member
    Third Anniversary 10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited November 2015
    Update:

    Fiance and I talked last night and he has the same reservations that I had about including his nephew in the wedding party. He suggested offering him a different role and I told him I would support whatever decision he makes. Thanks to everyone who offered constructive criticism and advice. It was truly helpful.
  • Knottie#s, you're one of the most gracious people I've seen taking criticism on these boards. I like you. Change your name and stick around a while.
    Thank you. I think I'll do just that :)
    JediElizabeth
  • edited November 2015
    I think this is something for you and your fiance to discuss, without input from your family or his, but ultimately, it's up to him. It is HIS nephew and HIS sister. If you don't want him as a Jr.Groomsmen, and if your fiance is okay with that, then maybe have HIM talk to HIS SISTER--that way, it's not coming from you, but from him and she might feel a little better about it.

    However, I don't really see the big deal with having him in the wedding party and calling him a Jr.Groosmen. I mean, he isn't a teenager or adult ( and he wouldn't he be participating in the Bachelor party or other adult-only festivities with the older guys) so I don't know why he would get the "Groomsmen" title. Jr.Groomsmen isn't "pointing out the obvious".  My fiance and I are planning on having 2 Jr.Bridesmaids and 2 Jr.Groomsmen (all four between ages 10 - 12 --by the time the wedding happens).  I LOVE kids and think they make the wedding party, pictures and the overall event much more fun.  But that's just me and my opinion.

    It's not really that big of deal and I would probably save yourself (and your fiance) the headache of going back and forth with family over this.  He will probably make an adorable Jr.Groomsmen ;)

    Hope this helps & Good Luck <3 !
  • LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE this <3 !!
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    I think this is something for you and your fiance to discuss, without input from your family or his, but ultimately, it's up to him. It is HIS nephew and HIS sister. If you don't want him as a Jr.Groomsmen, and if your fiance is okay with that, then maybe have HIM talk to HIS SISTER--that way, it's not coming from you, but from him and she might feel a little better about it.


    However, I don't really see the big deal with having him in the wedding party and calling him a Jr.Groosmen. I mean, he isn't a teenager or adult ( and he wouldn't he be participating in the Bachelor party or other adult-only festivities with the older guys) so I don't know why he would get the "Groomsmen" title. Jr.Groomsmen isn't "pointing out the obvious".  My fiance and I are planning on having 2 Jr.Bridesmaids and 2 Jr.Groomsmen (all four between ages 10 - 12 --by the time the wedding happens).  I LOVE kids and think they make the wedding party, pictures and the overall event much more fun.  But that's just me and my opinion.

    It's not really that big of deal and I would probably save yourself (and your fiance) the headache of going back and forth with family over this.  He will probably make an adorable Jr.Groomsmen ;)

    Hope this helps & Good Luck <3 !
    Two reasons not to use "junior" for kids' roles:

    1) Kids find it condescending. Calling them "junior" in this conrext sends the message "You're too young for what's good, and what you are old enough for is inferior." They already know from daily life that they don't have the same responsibilities or the same privileges as adults, and they don't need to have it rubbed in with a wedding role title.

    2) There are only 3 things a kid attendant can't do that an adult attendant can: sign the license as a witness, drink alcohol legally, or enter adult establishments. They can go up and down the aisle and stand by the groom or bride. There is no need to call them "junior" because they are not legally allowed to do those three things.
    [Deleted User]
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers


    Jen4948 said:

    Granted, we don't know your nephew-to-be, but I really don't get this mentality toward kids on TK where they're seen as a nuisance. This boy might be distracted, but really, there's no reason he can't behave for 10 minutes to walk down the aisle and stand there while you say your vows. That's his only duty. Your FSIL shouldn't have mentioned it to him, but now that she did, I would not want to disappoint him and hurt his feelings, especially for what (in my opinion) are petty reasons.

    Nobody has to like or want kids at their weddings. And some people don't. Neither you nor anyone else who isn't paying for the wedding or actually marrying at that wedding is entitled to question anyone's decision has to get why.

    You just need to accept that if kids aren't invited, then it's not okay to bring them anyway or insist that they be allowed to attend as a condition of your own attendance. If you can't or won't attend without your kids, you're allowed to decline, but it's none of your business why the kids (or anyone else, for that matter) weren't invited in the first place.

    Uh, what??? This thread isn't about inviting or not inviting kids to the wedding. It's about a person who wanted her future nephew in the wedding party, then changed her mind because he's too "distracted" to walk down the aisle. Try to stay on topic.


    My post was in response to this poster's saying she doesn't get a certain point of view. Nobody is required to limit their responses in a thread only to what the OP posts, so bear that in mind before you accuse anyone of being "distracted" or trying to tell them how to post- which isn't fucking up to you.
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited November 2015

    I think this is something for you and your fiance to discuss, without input from your family or his, but ultimately, it's up to him. It is HIS nephew and HIS sister. If you don't want him as a Jr.Groomsmen, and if your fiance is okay with that, then maybe have HIM talk to HIS SISTER--that way, it's not coming from you, but from him and she might feel a little better about it.


    However, I don't really see the big deal with having him in the wedding party and calling him a Jr.Groosmen. I mean, he isn't a teenager or adult ( and he wouldn't he be participating in the Bachelor party or other adult-only festivities with the older guys) so I don't know why he would get the "Groomsmen" title. Jr.Groomsmen isn't "pointing out the obvious".  My fiance and I are planning on having 2 Jr.Bridesmaids and 2 Jr.Groomsmen (all four between ages 10 - 12 --by the time the wedding happens).  I LOVE kids and think they make the wedding party, pictures and the overall event much more fun.  But that's just me and my opinion.

    It's not really that big of deal and I would probably save yourself (and your fiance) the headache of going back and forth with family over this.  He will probably make an adorable Jr.Groomsmen ;)

    Hope this helps & Good Luck <3 !
    Are you kidding? No ten year old want to be an "adorable" anything, much less a "junior" groomsman!
    You don't select people - or children-to be in your wedding party because you think they will make your photos look "fun". That is using people. Not very nice!
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    [Deleted User]ryanandjoe4Jen4948
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    So @JerseyBrideToBe2017 if he doesn't participate in the activities, he can't just be called groomsman? He has to be called junior groomsman? I guess anybody who has wedding party members who don't attend the activities outside the ceremony should all have to have junior tacked onto the title then? That's the criteria? Plenty of adult wedding party members don't go to the things. Do you not see how ridiculous that is?
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    [Deleted User]
  • I think this is something for you and your fiance to discuss, without input from your family or his, but ultimately, it's up to him. It is HIS nephew and HIS sister. If you don't want him as a Jr.Groomsmen, and if your fiance is okay with that, then maybe have HIM talk to HIS SISTER--that way, it's not coming from you, but from him and she might feel a little better about it.

    However, I don't really see the big deal with having him in the wedding party and calling him a Jr.Groosmen. I mean, he isn't a teenager or adult ( and he wouldn't he be participating in the Bachelor party or other adult-only festivities with the older guys) so I don't know why he would get the "Groomsmen" title. Jr.Groomsmen isn't "pointing out the obvious".  My fiance and I are planning on having 2 Jr.Bridesmaids and 2 Jr.Groomsmen (all four between ages 10 - 12 --by the time the wedding happens).  I LOVE kids and think they make the wedding party, pictures and the overall event much more fun.  But that's just me and my opinion.

    It's not really that big of deal and I would probably save yourself (and your fiance) the headache of going back and forth with family over this.  He will probably make an adorable Jr.Groomsmen ;)

    Hope this helps & Good Luck <3 !
    Based on this logic, you damned well better be referring to the rest of your bridal party as senior bridesmaids and senior groomsmen in your wedding programs.

    [Deleted User]CMGragain
  • LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE this <3 !!
    LOL wut?
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