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Wedding 911
Knottie72544239
member
To Invite or Not to Invite an Aunt Who Hates my Fiance
in Wedding 911
My Fiance and I recently spent a week at my families time share and my aunt stayed with us for a few days. It was the first time she had ever met my fiance and in less than 24 hours she had determined that she did not like him and she wasn't exactly shy about it. She pulled me aside to express her dislike and worry about my fiance, she ignored him and barley spoke to him with the exception of her telling him we rushed our engagement, and also said quite a few negative things to my mother. Her attitude and commentary eventually turned into tension between everyone and made for a very poor vacation.
At this point I am very hurt by her actions and comments and I am extremely torn regarding inviting her to our wedding. If she can't be happy for me and will only keep the negative commentary going at the wedding I do not want her there, however I worry that the drama that will come from me not inviting her will be much more stressful and difficult to deal with.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: To Invite or Not to Invite an Aunt Who Hates my Fiance
How far out is your wedding? Do you need to make decisions on the invite list now?
Who's paying? If your parents are paying and they want this aunt there, you won't have much ground to stand on.
What are your family dynamics? Let's say that Aunt Phyllis is your mom's sister and they have 2 other brothers. If your mom is equally close to Aunt Phyllis as she is to your two uncles, then it would look pretty bad not to invite her.
IMO, invite her. If she is so adamantly against the union, she'll likely decline. But at least you have done your part. If she says some tacky things at the wedding, it will reflect poorly on her (not you). And unless she somehow grabs the microphone and goes on a tirade, I doubt you'll notice her being a gossipy busybody during your wedding / reception.
With out all the information:
Have you actually talked to this aunt and not just through others, and said to her, "aunt, we are hurt by your comments, and would appreciate if you kept them you yourself, if you can not then we are worried it will effect our relationship in the future" (notice how I didn't mention a wedding or "our day" at all..) This is bigger than the one day that will be your wedding day. Sit down with her just you and her listen to what she says, and take the wedding hat off for this conversation.
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If your aunt hasn't said what about your FI she has a problem with, I'd ask her first: "Aunt, it's clear that you don't like FI, but I don't understand why. Can you please explain?" and then see where things go from there. If it's minor, or if she's just being a jerk, I'd respond, "I'm sorry you feel that way about him" but not engage her further. I'd probably still invite her to the wedding but have security available to remove her and any other guests if necessary. If she's so much of a jerk that inviting her just isn't worth it, then I'd leave her out and tell whoever, "Her attitude to our engagement warranted her not being invited" and bean-dip or otherwise indicate that the subject is closed.
But if she says that your FI has a serious problem, then I'd consider looking into it to see if her dislike is based on anything rational, and if it is, to do something about it if that's called for.