A bit of background: I was adopted as an infant. I'm black; my adoptive family (who I really just refer to as my family) are white aside from some biracial cousins. My FI is white and so is all of his family.
My FMIL has always been a bit distant to me. But she's a bit chilly to my FI as well; he says that's just who she is. It hasn't been a big deal, since she lives nowhere near us. But she's come to visit us for a week (her idea - she wanted to see where we are with wedding planning) and I'm picking up on a really unsettling vibe.
My FI proposed using his paternal late grandmother's ring, which his father gave him for the proposal (FMIL and FFIL are divorced; I get along great with FFIL). FMIL made a comment about how it was good he hadn't asked for her mother's ring, since her mother wouldn't have wanted it to go to someone like me. Okay, ouch, but she didn't say she shared that opinion so I let it go. Then, I heard her laughing on the phone with someone about how she's going to have to give her future grandchildren Oreos and take them to the zoo to see the zebras. I asked my FI to talk to her, and he said that she said she was sorry and she hadn't realized how it would sound.
But today, when we were talking about dresses, I showed her one that I really like from the Alfred Angelo Disney collection - one of the Cinderellas. And she immediately pointed to the Tiana dress, worn by a black model, and asked if I didn't think that would be more appropriate with my hair (which I wear in dreads).
I cannot wait until this woman leaves. I am so glad she and FI aren't close, since the less I have to do with her the happier I will be. FI feels awful about all of this and keeps saying that she's never made a comment about my race to him and that maybe if I spend more time with her she'll come around. But I don't want to spend special, getting over your racism time with her. I just want her to go away.