Guess What Day It Is!

labro

Wait for it...

labro

I literally have nothing else exciting to talk about today. It's another busy day full of meetings but at least traffic was light thanks to Veterans Day and possibly Diwali (nobody is in my office anyway).

@cu97tiger shared an interesting article yesterday that I thought we could discuss. It's 4 things all married couples/couples considering marriage should talk about.

http://apracticalwedding.com/2015/11/newlywed-checklist-wills-life-insurance/

H and I haven't done ANY of these. And I'm not even 100% sure on some of them, like life insurance. So where is everyone else at? Or have you even thought about a will, end of life decisions, etc.?

Peaseblossom55

Yay it's Wednesday! Yay Hump day! I took one of my medications last night, I only take it twice a week but the next day I feel groggy and congested after it. I guess it could be worse. I always say I need to get to bed earlier and then I don't. Although I'm groggy just from the medication. I slept well.

I need to run errands after work and I feel so lazy. I don't want to at all. I need food in the house though. Anyone have anything interested planned for today?

jenjen047

Hiiiii long lost friends! I'm sorry I've been MIA all week and I promise to read the threads to catch up.

I have nothing really going on....FI made me a wonderful dinner last night (LINK)and I ate way too much but it was so worth it.

Over the weekend I got my wedding shoes! They were pricey but SO COMFORTABLE. The designer is Angela Nuran and she is an ex-dance teacher who specializes in insanely comfortable but still pretty evening shoes. They actually felt sort of like dance shoes! I wore them around the store for an hour and had no issues at all. I got these:

I also had a minor crisis with David's Bridal. I went with one of my BMs to pick up her dress on Sunday. Thankfully she decided to try it on before we left the store, because we realized it was the wrong dress. DB isn't getting another shipment of her dress until mid to late December, and she is out of town for the holidays so she can't get in for alterations until January 3 (less than 2 weeks before the wedding). DB promised they will rush the alterations and get them done, but I just hate having no wiggle room at all. If the delivery is delayed at all or there is any issue with alterations it could be a problem. UGH.

I thought of 2 WR questions this morning that I'd love your help with:
1. How many slow songs did you play at your reception?
2. Did you give your photographer a shot list? If so, please send me an example! I have no idea how detailed I'm supposed to get.

Peaseblossom55

@jenjen047 I love the shoes!
To answer your questions:
1. I don't remember how many slow songs we played, or had requested. I know there were at least 4-5.
2. I thught about giving our photographer a shot list but H & I talked it over and we trusted our photographer to get the shots we needed and we were beyond pleased. We also had two photographers. The only shot I requested of him was the "Sunday on the Island of La Grande Jatte" shot.

labro

@jenjen047 LOVE those shoes!!!!!!!!!!!!!

re: DB - I would just NOT go with their alterations. Take your friends gown to a seamstress somewhere else. She or he will be able to make any changes MUCH faster. I've heard horror stories about DB alterations.

Question 1 - We played a few but I don't remember how many. Our DJ was pretty good at providing a mix and reading the crowd and we just trusted him. We ended the night with a final slow dance though. I think we had a couple requests for slow songs and that was it.

Question 2 - Yes. I'll PM you my photographer's questionnaire. It was primarily focused on what group shots we wanted and who needed to be in them. I found it to be very helpful and kept things moving along/organized.

jenna8984

Hi!! Not doing much at work today, actually looking into vacations for the spring. We usually take trips each spring and fall but were unsure about spring 2016 with TTC but since I'm not pregnant yet, we may as well book something! Just not sure what or where...we just did a Caribbean cruise, and we've already done Cancun & Jamaica...and our budget is about $2500 so probably no chance of going back to Europe. Thinking maybe CA or HI. Any suggestions?

From that list in @labro 's post we have pretty much all of them. We have life insurance each, we know passwords, we know wishes for a "vegetative state" and burial, although not on paper. We have discussed wills however we're waiting until we have a child so we don't have to pay to edit it once a child comes.

@jenjen047 Yay shoes! We didn't have a DJ so I can't give tips there but from other people's wedding I'd say I enjoy a slow song about 5 per night/ 1-2 per hour.

MissKittyDanger

@Peaseblossom55 no plans -.-' just tax course! I feel you on the lazy ...

@jenjen047 We had a few. Maybe 3? I know our DJ was good and could tell when slow songs were needed.
As for photo list .... honestly, we didn't have one. My photographer {who I knew personally} knew I didn't want many formal shots, and pretty much followed me around {Matt's step-dad spoke to her and followed Matt, so we got lucky}
I know pinterest is hated here, but there are some really interesting ideas that people suggest. {example, groom looking at bride when she isn't aware} My photographer did some of those and they end up being really cute!!


Not much tonight or last night. Tomorrow is groceries, Friday I'm probably swinging over to thrift store and walmart across from my work to check out some stuff.

This weekend I'm hoping to do xmas shopping, or at least pricing xmas gifts. There are some people we do Hickory Farms for, and I don't think that kiosk is set up yet. I do want pinkberry though .... lol

As for the link above

1 - Wills - we're thinking of doing them when we buy a house, or at least when we decide to have a child

2 - Life Insurance - Not sure if Matt has any, but my insurance was set up after we lived together so he's already beneficiary.

3 - Medical Directive/Living Wills - we're aware how the other feels in certain situations, but like wills, we haven't written anything down.

4 - Documents - for the most part, yes we have each other's passwords to things. He knows mine because it's easy and many times I just pass off my card to have him pay for something and I'm lazy or busy {or in the case at the dentist, not

helloliv

Good morning!

@labro - The camel is cracking me up!
@Peaseblossom55 - I hope you feel better soon.
@jenjen047 - Love the shoes!

I'm off work today and am still in bed, blogging and continuing bingeing on Grey's Anatomy. I'm up to season 8 and I actually don't know how many seasons there are. Kind of crazy, but over these last 8 seasons they have featured two patients with the kinds of tumors I had and both of them died. Eek!

Today I only have three goals:
- Don't eat all the things (I have a hard time moderating when I'm home)
- Get in a workout
- Change out my summer clothes with my winter clothes (how have I still not done this?!)

We'll see how that goes.

labro

@jenjen047 I was going to email you something else and now I can't remember! Do you?

labro

@jenna8984 H has a legal plan at work so we're thinking of handling most of that stuff next year. We know each other's wishes but we don't have anything formal at all and I think I'd just feel better knowing something existed that we could always amend at will.

Blue & White

Hi!!!!!

Thanks to all the brave men and women (my grandpa and brother in law to start!) that have served to keep our country brave and free! And thanks to my school district to giving us the day off. I needed it.

Quick update on my life: my sister just got married so all 4 siblings are married and there are now 8 kids that come home to my parents' for Christmas lol. We are loving it here in Florida and our jobs and lives are going well. I went scuba diving in our pool this past weekend to practice some skills. I'm having a really gross surgery in June for scar removal that should hopefully make me not have to deal with my skin issue as often. I'll be in the hospital for 3 weeks which means 3 weeks of knotting on painkillers!

In regards to @labro 's article...
1) we have life insurance through work but not outside of work. We made our payouts equal so whoever dies, the survivor gets the same amount (probably weird of us)

2) living will/ will: I almost wrote one before my surgery a few years ago. I will be writing one this year. We have discussed the living will topics ad nauseum and are well aware of where we stand. We both want assisted suicide to be legal before we are old so that we don't have to suffer like J's grandma did after a broken hip.

3) I know most of his passwords and he knows my important ones. They're not written down though.

I feel like I combined a few

Hi!!!

500days

@jenjen047 very pretty shoes! As for the BM dress, def take the dress somewhere else for alterations. Looking back, I can't even believe that I had alterations done on my dress the week of the wedding lol I picked it up the day before the wedding.

I think we played about 2-3 slow songs the entire night? I don't even remember the songs but I have lots of photos of couples dancing. For photos, I emailed a list of photos I wanted to the photographer and just listed people's names so the photographer could call them by name so it could get done faster.

@labro I have life insurance through work with my H but definitely waiting on a will until we want a child. This reminds me that I still need to change my name on 2 cards...
---------------------------
Today I am relaxing. Just TV and sweatpants on the agenda. Even though I should really deep clean- but I can do that Saturday. I'm really digging this midweek day off and wish it happened more often. I feel like the weekend isn't so far away and that the next two days at work won't be super horrible.

Peaseblossom55

We started preparing and talking about some of these things over the summer when I was pregnant and well we never finished.
I believe we are set with the life insurance. We need to discuss things like a will though. I probably won't bring it up until we are pregnant again or have a living child. Since some of it will have to change when that happens.

Blue & White

@Peaseblossom55 I loved that shot at your wedding so I'm glad you requested one!! The only shot my photographer didn't get that I wish we had now was us with both sets of parents. Lol. Weird I know!

@jenjen047 best of luck with your DB alterations! I've always used random alterations people cause they're way cheaper but you can always use your bridezilla charm on DB to get what you want

labro

@Blue & White WHY HELLO STRANGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where have YOU been missy?

jenna8984

Totally just wanted to throw it out there that whoever owns a home should have life insurance that at least covers the outstanding mortgage balance. Most life insurance through employer only covers one or two times your salary, and (depending on COL location of course) generally this is half the amount you need to pay off the house.

speakeasy14

@jenjen047 do not have DB do alterations. They over charge and do not provide great quality. Every bridesmaids dress I've worn I had altered by a local seamstress. Being 5'2" I always need a lot of alterations and have never paid more than $75. Your shoes are gorgeous. As a guest, a few slow songs scattered throughout the night is always nice. I love watching all the older couples get up for those songs, and my bf always makes sure to bring me out anytime a slow song comes on.

@jenna8984 flights to Europe are crazy cheap right now, so may be doable with that budget. If you go on airfarewatchdog.com you can set up alerts for different areas to see when flights are cheapest. I have alerts for all my dream places and places we frequent. If you're sticking with CA or HI, you can't go wrong with either.

@labro Because of our living situation my bf and I have discussed our wills. Basically the house is in his name, so he has me listed as his next of kin in his will. We have also had the worst case scenario conversations, and what to do if one of us dies and/or is on life support. The last thing about documenting, we do not do.


*Forgot about my updates*
So I helped out at our work event last night. My company sponsors a historic theater, and last night we sponsored opening night of Elf the Musical. We had a private cocktail hour for all of our employees who bought tickets, so it was my job to man the door and hand out drink tickets. As a thank you I was gifted a free ticket for the show. They did a really good job, and it was pretty close to the movie.

Tonight I'm cooking my first dinner in my house and I'm so excited! I have to remember that I'm cooking for 2 and not 6. There may be lots of leftovers haha

labro

@jenna894 That's really interesting. I guess I consider ourselves lucky because our mortgage is low enough that one of us could pay for it plus other bills without income from the other person. But having life insurance would certainly help to offset things. I know right now we get some sort of basic coverage through work but I haven't opted to pay for anything additional.

Blue & White

@labro I've been busy as heck. I walked into the principals office yesterday. He asked how i was doing and my response was "stressed out". I missed a deadline for a field trip form apparently. Luckily that will work out but agh paperwork

jenna8984

@labro Yea same here. One of us could technically afford all our bills on our own but it would leave nothing for savings, and if that one person left got laid off it would be a disaster. So we have insurance that would pay off the house and put about 1 year salary in the bank just in case the survivor was ever laid off.

Peaseblossom55

@Blue&white hello stranger! I love that photo too it's one of my favorites.

Peaseblossom55

jenna8984 said:

Totally just wanted to throw it out there that whoever owns a home should have life insurance that at least covers the outstanding mortgage balance. Most life insurance through employer only covers one or two times your salary, and (depending on COL location of course) generally this is half the amount you need to pay off the house.

Yea we definitely did this when we upped our life insurance. We did want the other to be scrambling about what to do.

[Deleted User]

@labro wins the internet with the camel. I love camels.

@jenna8984 - I hadn't even thought about having enough life insurance to cover the mortgage balance on my house. I still own the one in Oklahoma even though I moved...my brother and his FI will live in it after their wedding in December. I'd hate for something to happen to me and my parents or BF get stuck with the mortgage. Thanks!

Happy Veteran's Day, everybody. I'm at work today, but I'm thinking especially of my late great-uncle, a WWII vet, my grandfather, who served in the Navy in the early 1950s, and BF's father, a Vietnam vet. And of course, all of my students. I work at a school dedicated to serving them during and after their service, and I'm so proud to be able to do so. (Yesterday I learned that we were ranked in the top 15 "Schools for Veterans" by Military Times...which is awesome.)

Today I am grading and wishing it was acceptable to drink wine at the office. This evening my department chair is coming to do my course observation, so I'm a little nervous about that. I think it will go well, but I'm doing a little extra prep just in case.

As for the article...BF is much more organized about those sorts of things than I am. He's older and has a dangerous job where writing a will and planning for life insurance is something he has to do. I know what I need to know should, God forbid, something happen to him. I, on the other hand, need to get on that. I have life insurance through work, but I don't have a will.

labro

@futuremrshistorian Before my dad retired from the Army, it was a requirement every year for him to update all of his documentation re: wills, living wills, etc. The military definitely takes it seriously.

Are your brother and his FI going to rent your house from you? Just curious. That sounds tough having to cover your mortgage plus the place you're renting now.

lavenderfields13

Regarding the article- We have not really talked about this stuff in depth but we should. H is so hard to have a serious conversation with- he just makes jokes about everything and it can get annoying. We definitely don't have any type of will. As far as life insurance he's the beneficiary on mine (my mom is second) and he still needs to change me to his primary on his.
We really should talk more about this, even if it's not in writing because unfortunately you just never know what's going to happen. Like, if he were to die I honestly don't know if he wants a Catholic funeral/burial. He was raised Catholic but doesn't follow the religion now and I honestly don't think he even believes in it anymore but the ILs would fight for the Catholic tradition but I don't know if that's what he wants. I'm going to make it a point to talk to H about this stuff soon. Thanks for bringing this up. Not fun stuff to talk about but necessary.

@jenjen047 I think our DJ only played 1 slow song besides our first dance. We had a few on our suggestions list that we gave to her but I think she wanted to keep the dancing upbeat since everyone was on the dance floor.
We did do a list for our photog since I didn't really trust him to get what we wanted (and I was right). There were certain family shots I wanted to make sure we definitely got but I didn't go overboard.

cu97tiger

@jenjen047 - Those are very pretty! And bonus that they are comfortable. To your questions:
1) I'm going to guess you mean slow songs that guests could dance to... I'm going to say maybe 2 or 3 (in three hours). I don't actually remember right now. Unless you have a lot of couples (which we did), sometimes slow songs can clear the dance floor out. BUT (and this is a big but)... some people, like me, live for the slow songs at weddings so that I can dance with my husband, so please don't skip them altogether.
2) No, I didn't. I kind of wish I did, because there are no pics of DH and I with my niece and nephew... just in the formal portraits with all the family. There are also no pics of the shoes on my feet, which I would have liked. You can definitely google shot lists! Check out apracticalwedding.com. They are a great site for info.

Tonight one of DH's co-workers is staying over (he lives out of town), so I'll go to Crossfit, have leftovers for dinner, and then I need to catch up on Supergirl and Empire.

RE: Adulting:
Wills - DH and I have gone as far as finding a lawyer who can do these, but haven't pulled the trigger yet.

Life Insurance - We met with our insurance agent last year about a whole bunch of things and it was determined that what we have fits our life right now. We'll probably re-evaluate in a year or two.

Medical Directive/Living Wills - We have not done this, but we need to. I definitely do NOT want to be kept alive on machines. Not just for me, but for the stress and prolonging of DH and my families pain, as well. I'm also a big proponent of organ donation, and I need DH to really understand that.

Documents - We are a hot mess. We have stuff in a file cabinet upstairs, but I don't have a clear idea of what DH has (I think he has some stocks that I don't have a password to access the account? And I also have an account that he would have NO IDEA how to access. Not because I don't want him to, but just because I'm the one who opened it, so I have the password). We really do need to write down a definitive list. Especially if, god forbid, something happened to both of us at the same time. My poor family would have a mountain of paperwork to go through.

[Deleted User]

@labro - Yes, they're renting...but it's a sore spot for me, because they're not actually paying as much as it costs to live in the house. We left everything in my name, and I end up covering part of it every month. They send me a check for about 3/4 of it. I should not have agreed to this, but he's family and I wanted to help them start out their new life together (and I succumbed to a little parental pressure...he's the youngest and has always gotten whatever he wants). But now every time I sit down to pay bills at the beginning of the month I get irritated.

I'm hoping it gets a little better once he and his FI actually move in together...I moved out in May, and my brother has been living there either alone or with a roommate since then. The mortgage/utilities have been covered by some combination of him, me, and my parents each month.

I thought about switching all the utilities into their name as a wedding present, and then I decided that was a little too mean and that I should just shut my mouth, vent to BF, and deal with it.

[Deleted User]

Good morning everyone!! Happy Wednesday!

Just popping in for a bit. I'm off work today. I got up when H did at 5:15, ate a piece of toast, fed the dogs, and then got back in bed until almost 9 AM. It was glooooorious. I need to hurry up and get ready because I'm meeting him for lunch. PIZZA.

My SF box is in my city, but no mail today. WAH. I guess I have to wait until tomorrow, or just storm the post office and get it myself. I'll go with the former.

KeptInStitches

@jenjen047, we didn't have a dance so I can't help with the music, but we did have a shot list. Ours was more complicated because H's parents are divorced and his family is large, so we wanted to write down all the groups so we didn't forget any.

Re: adulting:
Wills - we don't have any written, and we really should get on that.

Life Insurance - I have none (I also provide less income than he does, and he could live on his own). H has through his work.

Medical Directive/Living Wills - We've talked about it but haven't written anything down.

Documents - He has my passwords, but I have far fewer of his. We need to get this written down and in a filing cabinet.

Nothing major for news. H has the day off, I'm at work - I'm trading Veteran's Day for the day after Thanksgiving.

jenjen047

Thanks for all the help ladies! I like slow songs but don't want to go overboard. I'm thinking 1-2 an hour.

Re: documents - I have life insurance (minimal) through work but seeing as FI and I don't have any debt or have any kids, I don't see a need to get more insurance yet. Also FI is not yet the beneficiary on my insurance because he has no SSN, so I certainly wouldn't increase anything until he is the beneficiary. When we buy a home we will definitely look into increasing our coverage. Ditto on wills - when we have assets we will set these up.

We don't have a shared list of passwords/account info, etc. We also haven't discussed advanced directives. We need to get on that.

My plan after our wedding is to meet with my dad's financial planner to get all our accounts merged, figure out necessary changes to insurance/retirement planning, etc.

On a related note....I'm pretty ragey at my company right now. You get 30 days after a qualifying event to add someone to your insurance. You also need that person's SSN to add them to your insurance. FI will not have a SSN within 30 days of our wedding so he can't be added until open enrollment next November. That means for an entire year we will have to pay out of pocket for a plan through the marketplace, which will probably be pretty bare bones coverage. Stupid.