Snarky Brides

They stole our wedding!

So here's the thing...

My SO and I have been dating for over 5 years but only engaged for a month or two, there's a couple in our social circle who've only been dating for less than three years but have been engaged for nearly two of those. Their wedding is coming up before the end of the year whereas ours isn't till next year. 

When we first announced our engagement we invited this couple to a nearby winery to celebrate with us. We mentioned how much we loved the space and how we were considering having our wedding there, the owner overheard us and us being long time regulars he instantly pulled up a chair and started discussing options with us.

Skip ahead to last night when we went back to said winery - just my SO and I. The owner instantly flagged us down and said that the prices he gave us were special prices for us and he hadn't intended that knowledge going public but that he was ok this time since it was our friends....

Turns out they stole our spot for their rehearsal dinner!!! I'm so furious! According to the owner of the winery - the details for their rehearsal dinner are eerily similar to what we had discussed for our reception! What should I do? I want to confront her - what kind of person thinks that's ok to do?!?! That was our spot that they had never even heard of before we invited them! And it's only good enough for their rehearsal?!?! So now all of our group of friends will think I'm so lame and boring that I had to copycat her rehearsal for my wedding - even though she's the copycat?

I know I'm overreacting and we can both very happily use the same place. But it just doesn't seem fair to steal our spot without ever talking to me or telling me - I bet since I'm not actually in her wedding and thus not invited to the rehearsal she just assumes I'll never find out. But how low can you seriously get!? I honestly have no desire to see this b*tch again but he's pretty good friends with my SO and there's not much I can do about the matter.
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Re: They stole our wedding!

  • Blue_BirdBlue_Bird Bawlmer member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    So here's the thing...

    My SO and I have been dating for over 5 years but only engaged for a month or two, there's a couple in our social circle who've only been dating for less than three years but have been engaged for nearly two of those. Their wedding is coming up before the end of the year whereas ours isn't till next year. 

    When we first announced our engagement we invited this couple to a nearby winery to celebrate with us. We mentioned how much we loved the space and how we were considering having our wedding there, the owner overheard us and us being long time regulars he instantly pulled up a chair and started discussing options with us.

    Skip ahead to last night when we went back to said winery - just my SO and I. The owner instantly flagged us down and said that the prices he gave us were special prices for us and he hadn't intended that knowledge going public but that he was ok this time since it was our friends....

    Turns out they stole our spot for their rehearsal dinner!!! I'm so furious! According to the owner of the winery - the details for their rehearsal dinner are eerily similar to what we had discussed for our reception! What should I do? I want to confront her - what kind of person thinks that's ok to do?!?! That was our spot that they had never even heard of before we invited them! And it's only good enough for their rehearsal?!?! So now all of our group of friends will think I'm so lame and boring that I had to copycat her rehearsal for my wedding - even though she's the copycat?

    I know I'm overreacting and we can both very happily use the same place. But it just doesn't seem fair to steal our spot without ever talking to me or telling me - I bet since I'm not actually in her wedding and thus not invited to the rehearsal she just assumes I'll never find out. But how low can you seriously get!? I honestly have no desire to see this b*tch again but he's pretty good friends with my SO and there's not much I can do about the matter.
    Deep, cleansing breaths.

    Yes, that was a bit sneaky, but as you admitted yourself, you are really overreacting. There was no harm done. I certainly don't think that the couple booking the venue you are using for your wedding for their rehearsal dinner means that she is a bitch. Admittedly, that was a strange and kind of sneaky thing to do, but I doubt your friends will think ill of you (nor should you say anything about it to anyone). I also think that a venue is "good enough" for anything people book it for. The owner certainly thought it was good enough for a rehearsal dinner, so I'm not sure why you should think it's so special that it can only be used for weddings. Just take a deep breath, be a big girl, and get married.
    Knottie1446223751InLoveInQueens
  • db1984 said:
    They "stole your spot?"  It's GONE MISSING?? 
    HAHAHA! That's awesome! I was only mildly miffed when he told us yesterday but then I drank a lot of wine and couldn't sleep last night so stayed up thinking about it and then I ended up fully in my crazy place by this morning. Thanks for bringing me back down to earth! Although to Blue_Bird - while you were incredibly true in everything you said - I still happen to think she's a bitch but for completely unrelated reasons! :smile: 

    JediElizabethdb1984[Deleted User]LivingtheDream
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    So here's the thing...

    My SO and I have been dating for over 5 years but only engaged for a month or two, there's a couple in our social circle who've only been dating for less than three years but have been engaged for nearly two of those. Their wedding is coming up before the end of the year whereas ours isn't till next year. 

    When we first announced our engagement we invited this couple to a nearby winery to celebrate with us. We mentioned how much we loved the space and how we were considering having our wedding there, the owner overheard us and us being long time regulars he instantly pulled up a chair and started discussing options with us.

    Skip ahead to last night when we went back to said winery - just my SO and I. The owner instantly flagged us down and said that the prices he gave us were special prices for us and he hadn't intended that knowledge going public but that he was ok this time since it was our friends....

    Turns out they stole our spot for their rehearsal dinner!!! I'm so furious! According to the owner of the winery - the details for their rehearsal dinner are eerily similar to what we had discussed for our reception! What should I do? I want to confront her - what kind of person thinks that's ok to do?!?! That was our spot that they had never even heard of before we invited them! And it's only good enough for their rehearsal?!?! So now all of our group of friends will think I'm so lame and boring that I had to copycat her rehearsal for my wedding - even though she's the copycat?

    I know I'm overreacting and we can both very happily use the same place. But it just doesn't seem fair to steal our spot without ever talking to me or telling me - I bet since I'm not actually in her wedding and thus not invited to the rehearsal she just assumes I'll never find out. But how low can you seriously get!? I honestly have no desire to see this b*tch again but he's pretty good friends with my SO and there's not much I can do about the matter.
    They could only have "stolen your spot" if they reserved the winery for the exact same date and time as you had booked, and presumably if you'd finalized the booking, that date and time wouldn't be available to them.  If you didn't finalize it, then that's on you, not them. 

    If they merely decided to book the same location for a different date and/or time than you did, they had that right.  You are not entitled to be the one and only customer to book the winery for a rehearsal dinner.  And if your friends think that you're "so lame and boring that I had to copycat her rehearsal for my wedding - even though she's the copycat," even after you explain that you got the idea first, you need new friends.
    InLoveInQueens
  • But how low can you seriously get!?
    My first thought was "how low can you go?" and this

    image
  • I totally know that this may just be fulfilling your need to vent, but I'm gonna go ahead and throw it out there that I'd be pretty pissed about it too and your feelings are valid.  All the plans for my wedding feel extremely personal to me, and if I felt like one of my friends had deliberately done something to copy or steal one of the ideas I had spent hours planning... I'd be furious.  I get that not everyone will feel this way, but I guess it's just the way I'm wired.

    Strangely enough, I am kind of having an opposite problem.  One of my bridesmaids keeps telling me "you can't do that, I want to do that for my wedding".  It happened when I revealed the colors, what dress I wanted, and the table themes.  It's actually a huge coincidence... neither of us have really talked about wedding plans before, I guess we just have really similar styles (hence the friendship).  But it makes it super awkward because I've been putting a lot of (stressful) thought into everything, and she keeps calling "dibs" on everything after I share my plans.  Did I mention she's not dating anyone... let alone engaged?

    Yikes.
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I totally know that this may just be fulfilling your need to vent, but I'm gonna go ahead and throw it out there that I'd be pretty pissed about it too and your feelings are valid.  All the plans for my wedding feel extremely personal to me, and if I felt like one of my friends had deliberately done something to copy or steal one of the ideas I had spent hours planning... I'd be furious.  I get that not everyone will feel this way, but I guess it's just the way I'm wired.

    Strangely enough, I am kind of having an opposite problem.  One of my bridesmaids keeps telling me "you can't do that, I want to do that for my wedding".  It happened when I revealed the colors, what dress I wanted, and the table themes.  It's actually a huge coincidence... neither of us have really talked about wedding plans before, I guess we just have really similar styles (hence the friendship).  But it makes it super awkward because I've been putting a lot of (stressful) thought into everything, and she keeps calling "dibs" on everything after I share my plans.  Did I mention she's not dating anyone... let alone engaged?

    Yikes.
    Less than a year after H & I got married, one of his cousins got married.  They had the NERVE to use the same first dance song as we did.  I CAN'T EVEN.  

    Seriously, there is no such thing as calling "dibs" on wedding ideas.  I've been to several weddings that had similar colors / themes.  I can't tell you how many weddings I've been to where the colors are black and red.  Or how many weddings I've attended where the table theme was a locale that the couple visited.  Or how many weddings had a sparkler exit.

    Plan your wedding.  One day she will plan hers.  If you have similar things, the world will keep turning and your marriage will be just as wonderful.
    InLoveInQueensPrettyGirlLost
  • I'm glad OP that you are looking at this better now as well!

    A couple of our friends actually booked OUR commissioner for their wedding next year ON our wedding day this past August, and I thought it was great! They got to meet him in person and get a feel for his style and locked him in before he got too busy. And they're using the same photographer our other friends used at their wedding too.

    My point is, while these are 2 completely different issues to picking venues, you may have saved her the stress of finding a location for her own event by introducing her to a really great place. Regardless of if she's a bitch for completely different reasons!
    InLoveInQueens
  • I totally know that this may just be fulfilling your need to vent, but I'm gonna go ahead and throw it out there that I'd be pretty pissed about it too and your feelings are valid.  All the plans for my wedding feel extremely personal to me, and if I felt like one of my friends had deliberately done something to copy or steal one of the ideas I had spent hours planning... I'd be furious.  I get that not everyone will feel this way, but I guess it's just the way I'm wired.

    Strangely enough, I am kind of having an opposite problem.  One of my bridesmaids keeps telling me "you can't do that, I want to do that for my wedding".  It happened when I revealed the colors, what dress I wanted, and the table themes.  It's actually a huge coincidence... neither of us have really talked about wedding plans before, I guess we just have really similar styles (hence the friendship).  But it makes it super awkward because I've been putting a lot of (stressful) thought into everything, and she keeps calling "dibs" on everything after I share my plans.  Did I mention she's not dating anyone... let alone engaged?

    Yikes.
    Less than a year after H & I got married, one of his cousins got married.  They had the NERVE to use the same first dance song as we did.  I CAN'T EVEN.  

    Seriously, there is no such thing as calling "dibs" on wedding ideas.  I've been to several weddings that had similar colors / themes.  I can't tell you how many weddings I've been to where the colors are black and red.  Or how many weddings I've attended where the table theme was a locale that the couple visited.  Or how many weddings had a sparkler exit.

    Plan your wedding.  One day she will plan hers.  If you have similar things, the world will keep turning and your marriage will be just as wonderful.
    Ditto guac.  I've been to and seen more "blush and neutral" weddings in the past year than I can even count, and I'm actually a BM in another one next year.  There were similar elements, but they will never look exactly the same.

    I would either stop sharing your ideas/wedding details with her, or just let her know that these are the things you've decided and want, and that's what you're doing.  What she envisions for her future (hypothetical) wedding could change drastically by the time she gets there.  Hell, what I was "planning" in my head 2 or 3 years ago is SO different from what we ended up doing.  Don't change all your details just because she is trying to call dibs on them... it will feel extra shitty if she changes her mind and doesn't actually use any of them, and then you just changed your wedding for her.


    YogaSandy
  • crys-cryscrys-crys member
    Sixth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its
    edited November 2015
    ***boxes***
    augsum15 said:
    I'm glad OP that you are looking at this better now as well!

    A couple of our friends actually booked OUR commissioner for their wedding next year ON our wedding day this past August, and I thought it was great! They got to meet him in person and get a feel for his style and locked him in before he got too busy. And they're using the same photographer our other friends used at their wedding too.

    My point is, while these are 2 completely different issues to picking venues, you may have saved her the stress of finding a location for her own event by introducing her to a really great place. Regardless of if she's a bitch for completely different reasons!
    ***boxes***

    I was a bridesmaids in a friends wedding. We loved her hall. As I was leaving, we decided to just ask if they had our date open. They did and we signed a contract that day. Friend was just excited for us told us we made a great choice because they'd been great to her.
    InLoveInQueens
  • YogaSandyYogaSandy member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited November 2015
    So here's the thing.

    In my town there are three places to hold a wedding reception. Three (unless you rent a tent and do it on someone's property - three halls). One of those halls has a huge capacity; you would use it for a 400 person wedding. So most likely two choices. All the weddings happen at the same places. My brother and BIL had their weddings in the same place - less than a year apart. The summer after DH and I got married, we had six weddings to go to. One was OOT, one was an intimate family wedding at my aunt's cabin, three were at one location, and the last was at the other. The sun rose the next day. No one cares that the weddings are in the same place. DH and I got married first (out of our family and friends). We don't think anyone stole our venue. It didn't cheapen or invalidate anyone's wedding for it to be in the same location. And - one of the locations is a hall owned by the largest employer in town, so if you work there you get it ridiculously cheap (as we did because my dad worked there when we booked; DH was working there when we got married).

    Be happy you have variety.

    ETA posted before I read your follow up. Glad you're not really upset. My response stands for lurkers. I am a chronic worrier (and stewer) so I get how nothing big can become a huge issue when you're up too late and think too much.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • I totally know that this may just be fulfilling your need to vent, but I'm gonna go ahead and throw it out there that I'd be pretty pissed about it too and your feelings are valid.  All the plans for my wedding feel extremely personal to me, and if I felt like one of my friends had deliberately done something to copy or steal one of the ideas I had spent hours planning... I'd be furious.  I get that not everyone will feel this way, but I guess it's just the way I'm wired.

    Strangely enough, I am kind of having an opposite problem.  One of my bridesmaids keeps telling me "you can't do that, I want to do that for my wedding".  It happened when I revealed the colors, what dress I wanted, and the table themes.  It's actually a huge coincidence... neither of us have really talked about wedding plans before, I guess we just have really similar styles (hence the friendship).  But it makes it super awkward because I've been putting a lot of (stressful) thought into everything, and she keeps calling "dibs" on everything after I share my plans.  Did I mention she's not dating anyone... let alone engaged?

    Yikes.
    So what?  If you want to do something for your wedding, then just go and do it.  You're a grown ass woman, stop allowing your friend to control your actions.

    [Deleted User]InLoveInQueensHeffalumpPrettyGirlLost
  • I totally know that this may just be fulfilling your need to vent, but I'm gonna go ahead and throw it out there that I'd be pretty pissed about it too and your feelings are valid.  All the plans for my wedding feel extremely personal to me, and if I felt like one of my friends had deliberately done something to copy or steal one of the ideas I had spent hours planning... I'd be furious.  I get that not everyone will feel this way, but I guess it's just the way I'm wired.

    Strangely enough, I am kind of having an opposite problem.  One of my bridesmaids keeps telling me "you can't do that, I want to do that for my wedding".  It happened when I revealed the colors, what dress I wanted, and the table themes.  It's actually a huge coincidence... neither of us have really talked about wedding plans before, I guess we just have really similar styles (hence the friendship).  But it makes it super awkward because I've been putting a lot of (stressful) thought into everything, and she keeps calling "dibs" on everything after I share my plans.  Did I mention she's not dating anyone... let alone engaged?

    Yikes.
    My sister tried doing that to me. I said "thanks for your opinion" and did whatever I planned on doing anyway because f*ck that noise.
    image



    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    ShesSoColdPrettyGirlLostkimmiinthemittenSammy1112
  • SUPER annoying! I would be annoyed too. As they say though, imitation is the best form of flattery. But still, annoying. I'd just say you have to make your event there like, 200x better than theirs :)
  • I totally know that this may just be fulfilling your need to vent, but I'm gonna go ahead and throw it out there that I'd be pretty pissed about it too and your feelings are valid.  All the plans for my wedding feel extremely personal to me, and if I felt like one of my friends had deliberately done something to copy or steal one of the ideas I had spent hours planning... I'd be furious.  I get that not everyone will feel this way, but I guess it's just the way I'm wired.

    Strangely enough, I am kind of having an opposite problem.  One of my bridesmaids keeps telling me "you can't do that, I want to do that for my wedding".  It happened when I revealed the colors, what dress I wanted, and the table themes.  It's actually a huge coincidence... neither of us have really talked about wedding plans before, I guess we just have really similar styles (hence the friendship).  But it makes it super awkward because I've been putting a lot of (stressful) thought into everything, and she keeps calling "dibs" on everything after I share my plans.  Did I mention she's not dating anyone... let alone engaged?

    Yikes.
    I've been dating my fiance for 5-6 years now, so we were together all through college and talked about marriage often. I know I'd mentioned a certain song being perfect for a first dance song, and then months later when it was on the radio, my best friend says, "I love this song! I want this to be my first dance song at my wedding." She was/is also not dating anyone or engaged... chances are we will not even use this song BUT it made my blood boil because she totally stole the from me and not to be a bitch, but I knew my wedding was happening long before hers. 

    Useless past-due rant over. :)
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    lyndausvi said:
    This reminds me of a sunset sail I did one time.    There were 10 couples on the sunset sail and EVERY ONE OF THEM had gotten marred in the same day.   One girl was almost in tears as she thought she was really special for being in her honeymoon.  She wanted special treatment and was annoyed she wasn't the only honeymooner on the boat.   It never occurred to her that other people were getting married the same day.

    I bet that's one of those chicks that wears the embroidered/bedazzled sweat suit to the airport- "Mrs. Suchandsuch" or "Just Married" and the like. Sorrynotsorry, those couples make me cringe! 
    ________________________________


    InLoveInQueenssparklepants41holyguacamole79
  • I totally know that this may just be fulfilling your need to vent, but I'm gonna go ahead and throw it out there that I'd be pretty pissed about it too and your feelings are valid.  All the plans for my wedding feel extremely personal to me, and if I felt like one of my friends had deliberately done something to copy or steal one of the ideas I had spent hours planning... I'd be furious.  I get that not everyone will feel this way, but I guess it's just the way I'm wired.

    Strangely enough, I am kind of having an opposite problem.  One of my bridesmaids keeps telling me "you can't do that, I want to do that for my wedding".  It happened when I revealed the colors, what dress I wanted, and the table themes.  It's actually a huge coincidence... neither of us have really talked about wedding plans before, I guess we just have really similar styles (hence the friendship).  But it makes it super awkward because I've been putting a lot of (stressful) thought into everything, and she keeps calling "dibs" on everything after I share my plans.  Did I mention she's not dating anyone... let alone engaged?

    Yikes.
    I've been dating my fiance for 5-6 years now, so we were together all through college and talked about marriage often. I know I'd mentioned a certain song being perfect for a first dance song, and then months later when it was on the radio, my best friend says, "I love this song! I want this to be my first dance song at my wedding." She was/is also not dating anyone or engaged... chances are we will not even use this song BUT it made my blood boil because she totally stole the from me and not to be a bitch, but I knew my wedding was happening long before hers. 

    Useless past-due rant over. :)
    Who cares if someone potentially wants to use the same first dance song as you at their hypothetical wedding? Unless you wrote the song, or it is something VERY obscure, chances are you're not the first person to use it for a first dance song. I also question whether this friend remembered you saying you might use that song in passing, months before she commented saying she wanted to use it.

    Last summer my sister and I got married 7 weeks apart. She told me that she was going to use Will You Be There by Michael Jackson for her Father/Daughter dance, and she told me I should do the same (even though I was getting married before her! Gasp!). Yes, people probably noticed we used the same song, but the world did not explode and I venture to guess that no. one. cared.
    BabyFruit Ticker
    InLoveInQueens
  • I really want to know how you "steal a wedding ". Does the HC show up to their venue only to find a giant hole in the ground? Does their wedding party wake up bound and gagged in a room full of sharks with laser beams? Do they get a ransom note for their party favors? How? What? I need to know!

  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    This just reminds me of this story: http://metro.co.uk/2009/09/21/daylight-shrubbery-neighbour-steals-couples-garden-434294/

    A couple went on holiday and their next door neighbour stole their garden shed, garden walkway, plants etc. 

    Unless she ran in on your wedding day and stole your dress, centrepieces, food, kidnapped your vicar and ran off in your 'just married' car, she can't "steal your wedding"
    glasgowtolondonOliveOilsMom
  • adk19 said:




    lyndausvi said:

    This reminds me of a sunset sail I did one time.    There were 10 couples on the sunset sail and EVERY ONE OF THEM had gotten marred in the same day.   One girl was almost in tears as she thought she was really special for being in her honeymoon.  She wanted special treatment and was annoyed she wasn't the only honeymooner on the boat.   It never occurred to her that other people were getting married the same day.


    I bet that's one of those chicks that wears the embroidered/bedazzled sweat suit to the airport- "Mrs. Suchandsuch" or "Just Married" and the like. Sorrynotsorry, those couples make me cringe! 

    I was shopping online for shirts the other day.  One of the shirts that came up in my search said, "Wifey."  I puked in my mouth a little.

    Eh. One of my bridesmaids bought me a "Wifey" shirt to wear at the rehearsal, but it is a nickname she has called me for nearly 10 years. The night we met (at a dinner party I hosted and she was a +1) she said "Damn I wish I was into women, I always wanted to marry a chef. I'd snatch you up in a heartbeat".

    Would I have bought it for myself? No, but I wore it, it made her happy, and the underlying joke actually had nothing to do with my husband.
    [Deleted User]OurWildKingdom
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