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Etiquette

Scrapping the Reception

My fiancé and I are on an extremely tight budget and have scrapped the reception. We feel that a fun cocktail attire dinner the night before fits us better, but we are not going to be able to foot the bill for everyone's plate even if only half of the invited guests actually attend.

Is this rude? We're planning on sending out invites for dinner and narrowing down the menu at a restaurant of our choosing to accommodate that restaurant's staff.

I'm worried that guests may be offended by us chopping down their selection when we're not paying for their meal in the first place. Help?
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Re: Scrapping the Reception

  • particuliersylpheparticuliersylphe My heart belongs to Baltimore. member
    100 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    Definitely rude.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker


    image
    STARMOON44JCocco219Blue_Bird
  • @JediElizabeth, I should have added this. We are going to be having a cake cutting and drinks after the ceremony.

    I'm not asking guests to drive out to our location to have dinner with us because they need to. It's just a fun dinner the night before for those who are in the area and would like to attend.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited November 2015
    taylm123 said:
    @JediElizabeth, I should have added this. We are going to be having a cake cutting and drinks after the ceremony. I'm not asking guests to drive out to our location to have dinner with us because they need to. It's just a fun dinner the night before for those who are in the area and would like to attend.
    What time of day is the ceremony?  If it ends at a time of day when meals are served (about 12 noon to 2pm or 6pm to 8pm) then you need to serve a meal on your own dime-not just cake and drinks. 
    [Deleted User]PrettyGirlLost
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited November 2015
    taylm123 said:
    @JediElizabeth, I should have added this. We are going to be having a cake cutting and drinks after the ceremony. I'm not asking guests to drive out to our location to have dinner with us because they need to. It's just a fun dinner the night before for those who are in the area and would like to attend.
    No, you cannot invite anyone to something unless you are paying for it.
    Your weddiing invitations should be for the ceremony and cake and punch reception, ONLY!
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    STARMOON44InLoveInQueensmadamerwinBlue_Bird
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited November 2015
    OP, the cake cutting after your ceremony IS your reception!
    First you posted in your title that you are scrapping the reception, which is unforgivably rude.  Then, later, you admit that you are having a cake cutting after the ceremony.  What, exactly, do you think a wedding reception is?

    A wedding reception is after the wedding ceremony, where the bride and groom personally thank their guests for coming to their ceremony, and offer them food and refreshment.  That is all.

    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    [Deleted User]HeffalumpBlue_Bird
  • The pleasure of your company is requested
    at the marriage of
    Bride's Full Name
    and
    Groom's Full Name
    Day, date
    two thousand sixteen
    at two o'clock
    Venue
    Address
    City, State (no zip)

    Reception immediately to follow
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    SP29
  • @monkeysip @aurianna @SP29 Thank you for the kind advice and clarifying the definition of a reception for me.

    I genuinely appreciate it.
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited November 2015
    @taylm123 , at what time is your ceremony?  How long do you anticipate it lasting?

    You mention guests and having to "drive to your location".  You cannot expect guests to drive a distance for a short wedding ceremony and offer no hospitality following it. 

    Is your ceremony at 2:00PM?  Offering very light snacks, cake, and simple beverages can be lovely and appropriate.  If your ceremony falls in the late morning, then you will be expected to serve a simple brunch or lunch.  If it falls later than 4:00 PM or so, then a meal would also be expected.

    You cannot invite guests to your ceremony, regardless of time held, without offering some type of hospitality appropriate to the time your event is held.
    MairePoppy
  • On a side note I would LOVE to be invited to a cake and punch reception. I still have my night and can go have dinner where I want :)
    CMGragain
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited November 2015
    taylm123 said:
    My fiancé and I are on an extremely tight budget and have scrapped the reception. We feel that a fun cocktail attire dinner the night before fits us better, but we are not going to be able to foot the bill for everyone's plate even if only half of the invited guests actually attend. Is this rude? We're planning on sending out invites for dinner and narrowing down the menu at a restaurant of our choosing to accommodate that restaurant's staff. I'm worried that guests may be offended by us chopping down their selection when we're not paying for their meal in the first place. Help?
    Yes.

    PP's have it covered. . . quoted JIC

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    InLoveInQueensMairePoppy
  • I would be stunned by the rudeness. Stunned.
    ViczaesardonethatPrettyGirlLostCMGragain
  • Hey OP, you may want to specify on your invitations that it is a cake and punch reception, that way everyone knows what to expect and people can plan appropriately.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • I'm confused why you would limit a menu if you're not paying? It'd be one thing if you were paying, but you're not (not ok, btw) so why limit the menu???
    best4lastInLoveInQueens
  • Hey OP, you may want to specify on your invitations that it is a cake and punch reception, that way everyone knows what to expect and people can plan appropriately.
    If the wedding is at 2:00 PM, people would expect a cake and punch reception.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    [Deleted User]
  • I agree! You can't invite and say "here's the bill".


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  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I'm confused why you would limit a menu if you're not paying? It'd be one thing if you were paying, but you're not (not ok, btw) so why limit the menu???
    From the restaurant's prospective it's easier to get out a large party's meals out at the same time when they have a limited menu.    

    DH will not take a party of 20 or more unless they have a limited menu regardless who is paying.  Which brings up another point, some restaurants will not even split up checks by that many people.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    PrettyGirlLostlc07OliveOilsMomMGP
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited November 2015
    CMGragain said:
    Hey OP, you may want to specify on your invitations that it is a cake and punch reception, that way everyone knows what to expect and people can plan appropriately.
    If the wedding is at 2:00 PM, people would expect a cake and punch reception.
    Not necessarily.  Our wedding was at 2:00 (full Catholic Mass) and we served an early dinner.  

    ETA:  The insert with our reception information said "dinner and dancing to follow"
    poodledoodleoooInLoveInQueens
  • CMGragain said:
    Hey OP, you may want to specify on your invitations that it is a cake and punch reception, that way everyone knows what to expect and people can plan appropriately.
    If the wedding is at 2:00 PM, people would expect a cake and punch reception.

    Did the OP specify a time? I thought I only saw others say 2. Still, I would specify cake and punch so guests know what to expect. I've been to afternoon weddings with full meals/long receptions.
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    CMGragain said:
    Hey OP, you may want to specify on your invitations that it is a cake and punch reception, that way everyone knows what to expect and people can plan appropriately.
    If the wedding is at 2:00 PM, people would expect a cake and punch reception.
    Not necessarily. While cake and punch or light refreshments is all that is necessary for a wedding at that time of day, enough people get married at 2:00 and do other things that it isn't the expectation anymore. 

    Think about it. 2:00 is probably the most common catholic wedding time. The overwhelming majority of those weddings are not cake and punch.  
    SP29InLoveInQueensOliveOilsMom
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    CMGragain said:
    Hey OP, you may want to specify on your invitations that it is a cake and punch reception, that way everyone knows what to expect and people can plan appropriately.
    If the wedding is at 2:00 PM, people would expect a cake and punch reception.
    Not necessarily. While cake and punch or light refreshments is all that is necessary for a wedding at that time of day, enough people get married at 2:00 and do other things that it isn't the expectation anymore. 

    Think about it. 2:00 is probably the most common catholic wedding time. The overwhelming majority of those weddings are not cake and punch.  
    I've attend a lot of weddings starting between 1-3pm.  Every single one had a meal.   Meals at weddings are common for our circle.

     I've never attended a cake and punch wedding, but still suggest them as a way to cut costs.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    PrettyGirlLostMaggie0829InLoveInQueensOliveOilsMom
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