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Etiquette

Scrapping the Reception

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Re: Scrapping the Reception

  • Wegl13Wegl13 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited November 2015
    Sorry to go back and harp on this but I feel like I was told a year ago here on TK that indicating what you were going to be serving was uncalled for on the invite. Either way I think it's one of those know your crowd things- if you are in a crowd that normally does full meals following early weddings, maybe more information is better. I've never been served a full meal at a non meal time event. In fact our heavy apps were probably the most "meal like" thing I've seen served at a wedding that occurred before 5, so I would eat a heavy late breakfast or a light normal lunch before going to any wedding that occurred between 1-5 (leaving plenty of room for cake of course!). I guess my biggest thing is that if you show up at a wedding at 2pm without having eaten because you are anticipating a full meal.... I think that's on you as the guest and not on them as the hosts. 

    ETA to fix words. 
    STARMOON44
  • Catholics know how to party ;)
    ...but Protestants can drive home afterwards.  ;)
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    MairePoppyPrettyGirlLost
  • crowsgirl15crowsgirl15 member
    500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited November 2015
    Guys, please don't Google user's wedding websites and then post about their etiquette faux pas. . . it's pretty damn creepy.

    I'm all for giving people proper etiquette advice on shit they bring up on the boards, in their own posts.  I'm not about softcore doxxing ppl and then trying to correct their weddings.
    You're right. I apologize for my contribution, it was totally inappropriate. I obviously can't delete my reply, and it's quoted elsewhere, but I edited to remove it. If admin want to take mine off, feel free. Totally deserved being called out, PrettyGirlLost, thank you. Sorry OP and others!


    MairePoppykimmiinthemitten
  • Jen4948 said:
    Catholics know how to party ;)
    ...but Protestants can drive home afterwards.  ;)
    And Jews can do both.
    Catholics invented shuttle busses.
    This is priceless!  I love it!
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • AriBelugaAriBeluga member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited November 2015
    (probably off-topic)

    When my grandma got married back in the 1970's (her second marriage ,long story, she was 40-something), they went to a registry office, got married on a Saturday morning in front of 10 of their friends, my mum and my great-grandmother, went home and took their niece to a gymnastics lesson. They then took everyone to the pub for a few drinks and sausage rolls in the evening.

     It's a wedding still talked about and everyone who was there loved it.

     The '70's were different times though, but I just wanted to point out that different circles have different expectations for weddings.
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited November 2015
    No, the times have not changed.  This style of wedding and reception is still very popular with many couples.
    In my family, true elopements are also popular.
    People have no right to expect anything at a wedding except polite hosting.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    InLoveInQueens
  • CMGragain said:
    No, the times have not changed.  This style of wedding and reception is still very popular with many couples.
    In my family, true elopements are also popular.
    People have no right to expect anything at a wedding except polite hosting.
    I'm not agreeing with the OP, I'm just saying - I gathered from on here that gaps are the epitome of wrong, but back when my grandma got married, it was perfectly okiedokie.

    Yes, times have changed.  Of course they have, cultural shifts happen all the time - heck, when my aunt got married, she was actually side-eyed because she spent £20K+ on her wedding (to be fair, it mostly wasn't her money to be spending - long story) and that's just seen as an unnecessary waste in our family.

    When my great-aunt got married in the '50's to my now-deceased Uncle, she didn't buy a special dress - she wore her best clothes, as did he, they got married in a registry office, there was a gap and then there was a cash bar - you just didn't expect a newly-married couple to have the money to pay for everyone's drinks!  Times have, therefore, changed. From what I hear, no one side-eyed them, everyone had a fantastic time, and they were the most amazing couple until his untimely death.

    I agree that you're not supposed to expect anything at a wedding- but people do! People side-eye you for not spending enough, or having a full sit-down meal or whatever because, while they're in the wrong, society and the media has taught them thusly.

    This is why people do this shit -they're not mean, they're doing the best they can with what they've got, when society is telling them a cake-and-punch reception is not Pinterest-worthy, it's not good enough, you need to spend more, more more!

    Rant over.  In summary, I agree that a cake-and-punch reception would be lovely - OP, maybe you could say that "Hi, B&G are going to X restaurant afterwards, if anyone wants to join us, do!" that way you're not expected to host a full, BUT you've cake-and-punch'ed people properly.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    AriBeluga said:
    CMGragain said:
    No, the times have not changed.  This style of wedding and reception is still very popular with many couples.
    In my family, true elopements are also popular.
    People have no right to expect anything at a wedding except polite hosting.
    I'm not agreeing with the OP, I'm just saying - I gathered from on here that gaps are the epitome of wrong, but back when my grandma got married, it was perfectly okiedokie.

    Yes, times have changed.  Of course they have, cultural shifts happen all the time - heck, when my aunt got married, she was actually side-eyed because she spent £20K+ on her wedding (to be fair, it mostly wasn't her money to be spending - long story) and that's just seen as an unnecessary waste in our family.

    When my great-aunt got married in the '50's to my now-deceased Uncle, she didn't buy a special dress - she wore her best clothes, as did he, they got married in a registry office, there was a gap and then there was a cash bar - you just didn't expect a newly-married couple to have the money to pay for everyone's drinks!  Times have, therefore, changed. From what I hear, no one side-eyed them, everyone had a fantastic time, and they were the most amazing couple until his untimely death.

    I agree that you're not supposed to expect anything at a wedding- but people do! People side-eye you for not spending enough, or having a full sit-down meal or whatever because, while they're in the wrong, society and the media has taught them thusly.

    This is why people do this shit -they're not mean, they're doing the best they can with what they've got, when society is telling them a cake-and-punch reception is not Pinterest-worthy, it's not good enough, you need to spend more, more more!

    Rant over.  In summary, I agree that a cake-and-punch reception would be lovely - OP, maybe you could say that "Hi, B&G are going to X restaurant afterwards, if anyone wants to join us, do!" that way you're not expected to host a full, BUT you've cake-and-punch'ed people properly.
    Maybe back when your grandma was married, everyone in her circle had a gap, but gaps between wedding ceremonies and receptions have never been okay per etiquette for the same reason they aren't now.

    And if people side-eye you for "not spending enough, or having a full sit-down meal or whatever," they're the ones who should be side-eyed.

    That said, I agree with you.  Cake-and-punch receptions are lovely when hosted properly, meaning at the right time of the day, and when enough food and drinks, including alternatives for those guests who can't eat cake or drink punch, are made available, and everything else is properly taken care of by the hosts.
  • Jen4948 said:
    AriBeluga said:
    CMGragain said:
    No, the times have not changed.  This style of wedding and reception is still very popular with many couples.
    In my family, true elopements are also popular.
    People have no right to expect anything at a wedding except polite hosting.
    I'm not agreeing with the OP, I'm just saying - I gathered from on here that gaps are the epitome of wrong, but back when my grandma got married, it was perfectly okiedokie.

    Yes, times have changed.  Of course they have, cultural shifts happen all the time - heck, when my aunt got married, she was actually side-eyed because she spent £20K+ on her wedding (to be fair, it mostly wasn't her money to be spending - long story) and that's just seen as an unnecessary waste in our family.

    When my great-aunt got married in the '50's to my now-deceased Uncle, she didn't buy a special dress - she wore her best clothes, as did he, they got married in a registry office, there was a gap and then there was a cash bar - you just didn't expect a newly-married couple to have the money to pay for everyone's drinks!  Times have, therefore, changed. From what I hear, no one side-eyed them, everyone had a fantastic time, and they were the most amazing couple until his untimely death.

    I agree that you're not supposed to expect anything at a wedding- but people do! People side-eye you for not spending enough, or having a full sit-down meal or whatever because, while they're in the wrong, society and the media has taught them thusly.

    This is why people do this shit -they're not mean, they're doing the best they can with what they've got, when society is telling them a cake-and-punch reception is not Pinterest-worthy, it's not good enough, you need to spend more, more more!

    Rant over.  In summary, I agree that a cake-and-punch reception would be lovely - OP, maybe you could say that "Hi, B&G are going to X restaurant afterwards, if anyone wants to join us, do!" that way you're not expected to host a full, BUT you've cake-and-punch'ed people properly.
    Maybe back when your grandma was married, everyone in her circle had a gap, but gaps between wedding ceremonies and receptions have never been okay per etiquette for the same reason they aren't now.

    And if people side-eye you for "not spending enough, or having a full sit-down meal or whatever," they're the ones who should be side-eyed.

    That said, I agree with you.  Cake-and-punch receptions are lovely when hosted properly, meaning at the right time of the day, and when enough food and drinks, including alternatives for those guests who can't eat cake or drink punch, are made available, and everything else is properly taken care of by the hosts.
    This I don't understand - etiquette changes remarkably between cultures and even regions of the same damn country. 

    Yes, they should be side-eyed, but when they're the majority or very close family, it's nigh-on impossible to change their minds and/or ignore it.  It makes me really seriously angry when people are like this.  Ah well.

    We considered a cake-and-punch thing for a while, to cut costs - we were all for the literal cheese cake and chutneys and fruit platters - but then my parents and my grandparents have said we've a £500 (plus they're buying my dress) NSA monetary gift from them, which is really nice! And it means that we can now afford a sit-down dinner in a nice restaurant (and still afford the cheese cake).

    Literally, if we didn't have that money, we wouldn't be stressing over it - but one of my friends is under horrendous pressure from both their parents over having a huge, posh wedding.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    AriBeluga said:
    Jen4948 said:
    AriBeluga said:
    CMGragain said:
    No, the times have not changed.  This style of wedding and reception is still very popular with many couples.
    In my family, true elopements are also popular.
    People have no right to expect anything at a wedding except polite hosting.
    I'm not agreeing with the OP, I'm just saying - I gathered from on here that gaps are the epitome of wrong, but back when my grandma got married, it was perfectly okiedokie.

    Yes, times have changed.  Of course they have, cultural shifts happen all the time - heck, when my aunt got married, she was actually side-eyed because she spent £20K+ on her wedding (to be fair, it mostly wasn't her money to be spending - long story) and that's just seen as an unnecessary waste in our family.

    When my great-aunt got married in the '50's to my now-deceased Uncle, she didn't buy a special dress - she wore her best clothes, as did he, they got married in a registry office, there was a gap and then there was a cash bar - you just didn't expect a newly-married couple to have the money to pay for everyone's drinks!  Times have, therefore, changed. From what I hear, no one side-eyed them, everyone had a fantastic time, and they were the most amazing couple until his untimely death.

    I agree that you're not supposed to expect anything at a wedding- but people do! People side-eye you for not spending enough, or having a full sit-down meal or whatever because, while they're in the wrong, society and the media has taught them thusly.

    This is why people do this shit -they're not mean, they're doing the best they can with what they've got, when society is telling them a cake-and-punch reception is not Pinterest-worthy, it's not good enough, you need to spend more, more more!

    Rant over.  In summary, I agree that a cake-and-punch reception would be lovely - OP, maybe you could say that "Hi, B&G are going to X restaurant afterwards, if anyone wants to join us, do!" that way you're not expected to host a full, BUT you've cake-and-punch'ed people properly.
    Maybe back when your grandma was married, everyone in her circle had a gap, but gaps between wedding ceremonies and receptions have never been okay per etiquette for the same reason they aren't now.

    And if people side-eye you for "not spending enough, or having a full sit-down meal or whatever," they're the ones who should be side-eyed.

    That said, I agree with you.  Cake-and-punch receptions are lovely when hosted properly, meaning at the right time of the day, and when enough food and drinks, including alternatives for those guests who can't eat cake or drink punch, are made available, and everything else is properly taken care of by the hosts.
    This I don't understand - etiquette changes remarkably between cultures and even regions of the same damn country. 

    Yes, they should be side-eyed, but when they're the majority or very close family, it's nigh-on impossible to change their minds and/or ignore it.  It makes me really seriously angry when people are like this.  Ah well.

    We considered a cake-and-punch thing for a while, to cut costs - we were all for the literal cheese cake and chutneys and fruit platters - but then my parents and my grandparents have said we've a £500 (plus they're buying my dress) NSA monetary gift from them, which is really nice! And it means that we can now afford a sit-down dinner in a nice restaurant (and still afford the cheese cake).

    Literally, if we didn't have that money, we wouldn't be stressing over it - but one of my friends is under horrendous pressure from both their parents over having a huge, posh wedding.
    Cultural and regional differences do not and never have made gaps acceptable.  They are not an excuse for not prioritizing your guests' needs for hospitality immediately following the ceremony.

    It also doesn't matter how much you're spending on the wedding.  It's perfectly okay to have a daytime wedding followed by cake-and-punch if that's all you can afford or want to spend money on. 

    But regardless of your culture, region, or budget, it's not okay, period, to invite people to a daytime wedding simply because that's the only time your church or ceremony site is available, tell your guests to go away for several hours after the ceremony, and then come back several hours later for a reception.  The reception is to thank your guests for attending the ceremony.  Thanking them by making them wait for hours after the ceremony while you take photos or whatever is rude and inconsiderate. 

    If you have to have a daytime wedding for whatever reason, you have a daytime reception that immediately follows the ceremony-not in the evening hours later.  If you want an evening reception, then you have to schedule the ceremony for immediately preceding that reception.  If it isn't possible, you suck it up and have a daytime wedding and reception.  You do not schedule a gap.
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