NWR (well, perhaps): How to determine what a "significant other" is

JellyBean52513

Today at work my supervisor was taking the head count for the annual holiday party next week and was asking each employee if they plan to bring someone. Naturally, several people asked who they were allowed to bring. She said, "[Boss] says you can bring the person you would introduce to your parents as your significant other, not the guy or girl you meet this weekend and would like to have a second date with on [Boss's] dime.... unless you're ready to bring them home to mom and dad that quick, Khloe-and-Lamar style."

As much debate as there is surrounding how people determine who's good enough to get invited to Their Special Day, I actually thought this wasn't the worst way to make that determination. It puts the responsibility to define the relationship on the guest, not the host, without really putting any restraints on it other than 'how would you introduce this person to your family?'.

What do you think, is this an appropriate way for my Boss to decide who gets to bring someone to the party? Side note: it's far preferable to me than the no-ring-no-bring-and-no-bring-if-I-hate-your-spouse-regardless-of-ring policy my old boss followed

MesmrEwe

Boss = paying for work function = Boss who signs your paycheck at the end of each pay period determines who is invited...  It's a work/business etiquette type thing, not the same rules that would apply to a wedding..

SP29

I sort of agree with it... I think the sentiment is the right idea. 

A significant other is someone who you would introduce to your friends as your gf or bf. 

Maybe you haven't brought this person home to meet your parents yet, but you would introduce this person to your friends as your gf or bf. 

I do agree with the "not a person you want a second date with"- that to me is DATING, which is different than a significant other. While dating, one is not committed to any one other person and may potentially go on multiple dates with multiple people. 

SP29

MesmrEwe said:

Boss = paying for work function = Boss who signs your paycheck at the end of each pay period determines who is invited...  It's a work/business etiquette type thing, not the same rules that would apply to a wedding..

I will disagree with this slightly. If boss is hosting a social event, social rules apply (SOs should be invited). If boss is hosting a business event, then business rules apply (SOs usually not invited, employees and networking only). 

lyndausvi

I think for a work event that is fair.   If you want to make your boss pay for a flavor-of-the-week then you might have to deal with the consequences.  

For wedding I'm a fan of just giving everyone a plus one (or SO if you know they are a true SO).   That way I don't have to guess.  I don't have to ask.  All my guest got the choice.   90% of my true single didn't bring one anyway.  

JellyBean52513

MesmrEwe said:

Boss = paying for work function = Boss who signs your paycheck at the end of each pay period determines who is invited...  It's a work/business etiquette type thing, not the same rules that would apply to a wedding..

Oh yes of course, he who pays gets a say especially for work lol but the Christmas party is hardly a "work function," it's very much a social affair from what I've been told (wasn't working there last December). I guess he shells out quite a bit of money, invites a bunch of his big wig lawyer buddies and other friends to show off how well the firm is doing (co-worker's words, not mine, this life in the legal profession is new to me), and everybody gets imbibed and has a great time. 

Either way, I was just wondering if his method of deciding what a significant other is with respect to who gets invited with one is a fair test vs. the typical dating at least 1 year/living together/I've met them already/etc we read on here so often

holyguacamole79

Even if it's not a "work function", if it's hosted by the boss / company, it's a work function.

That said, I agree with what your supervisor is saying, but not how she said it. I would've never thought to bring a fling to the company holiday party. I've been to plenty of them over the years, and some of the ones I've been to were black tie. Work was not discussed, but people still took note of things. I might have gotten away with bringing a fling when I went to company parties where there were a few hundred people there, but I wouldn't try it.

LD1970

As an aside, don't get imbibed, even if everyone else is. I've been in law for over 20 years now, and no matter how much some lawyers are prone to drink like fish, you're a lot better off if you stay sober and keep it together. Let them be the subject of the next week's gossip, not you.

Liatris2010

The expectations for hosts and guests are different. Hosts invite social units to social gatherings. Guests, especially guests at work social functions, use their discretion in bringing a date. Think of it this way: It is the host's responsibility to pick up the bar tab. It is the guest's responsibility to moderate his or her consumption so as not to end up shagging a co-worker in the coat closet or vomiting on the dance floor.

A boss-employee relationship is different than a friendship. I would not advise telling your friends their relationships only count as significant if they have "met the parents" or met some other arbitrary benchmark of seriousness.

thisismynickname2

On what planet would anyone bring a second date to a function hosted by a boss anyway? Inquiring minds....

[Deleted User]

Liatris2010 said:

The expectations for hosts and guests are different. Hosts invite social units to social gatherings. Guests, especially guests at work social functions, use their discretion in bringing a date. Think of it this way: It is the host's responsibility to pick up the bar tab. It is the guest's responsibility to moderate his or her consumption so as not to end up shagging a co-worker in the coat closet or vomiting on the dance floor.

A boss-employee relationship is different than a friendship. I would not advise telling your friends their relationships only count as significant if they have "met the parents" or met some other arbitrary benchmark of seriousness.

I don't think this boss said the person has to have met the parents, I think it means that it's serious enough that you might.  It's the feeling of seriousness that he's trying to get across, not the actual actions.

MyNameIsNot

I find this intrusive on the part of the boss. It's really none of my boss's business when I decide to introduce my s/o to my parents as an s/o, and why I might do it sooner or later. 

It would have been perfectly sufficient to say "bring the date if it's your girl/boyfriend, but please don't ask a date if you aren't seeing anyone." 

I'll be honest, though, I've never been to a company party where singles weren't invited with a plus one (except a Friday lunch where no s/o's were invited). DH took me to his holiday party after we'd been dating for 2 months. I hadn't yet met his mother and wasn't ready to. 

TNDancer

I think we mean inebriated

JediElizabeth

thisismynickname said:

On what planet would anyone bring a second date to a function hosted by a boss anyway? Inquiring minds....

At my first job, we had HUGE, super fancy parties at "exclusive" NYC venues. There were about 30 people in my department under 25, most of us in our first jobs a year or two out of college. The stories I could tell about ill advised dates and behavior is incredible, looking back on it, though it all seemed pretty normal then.

Knottie1440365793

Obviously, don't write this verbatim on your invites, but I'm fine with the sentiment. I don't want any second dates at my wedding.

ShesSoCold

Knottie1440365793 said:

Obviously, don't write this verbatim on your invites, but I'm fine with the sentiment. I don't want any second dates at my wedding.

Did you even read the post?

mollybarker11

LD1970 said:

As an aside, don't get imbibed, even if everyone else is. I've been in law for over 20 years now, and no matter how much some lawyers are prone to drink like fish, you're a lot better off if you stay sober and keep it together. Let them be the subject of the next week's gossip, not you.

I attended my office's holiday party for the first time this year and was SHOCKED by how drunk people got! I had two very weak (and very expensive) gin & gingers and left without feeling a thing, I can't understand how so many people were so smashed. And yes there were many names floating around at work the next Monday and I was glad not to have been one of them!

JellyBean52513

thisismynickname said:

On what planet would anyone bring a second date to a function hosted by a boss anyway? Inquiring minds....

The same employee who argued with my supervisor on whether or not a "romper" counted as "shorts" and was sent home for violating the dress code.... she didn't work there much longer after that (I started working at this firm just a couple months after last year's holiday party). I guess she had met a guy at the bar with everyone during happy hour the weekend before, it was VERY obvious what went down based on the way she talked about him the following week, and she insisted that he should be her date to the holiday party. It was, literally, to be the second time they hung out. 

Our firm is staffed by a lot of college-aged paralegals who are either in law school or preparing to go to law school, sounds similar to Jedi's former workplace, and I guess that means sometimes you get that one employee who just isn't mature enough to have some sense about dress codes and such.

Also, @LD1970, I have zero intentions of getting anywhere near drunk for the very reasons you described. After everything I've heard about this holiday party (there is an annual roast of one of the attorneys, apparently?) I think it's going to be awesome to attend but I'd like to remember all the details come next Monday lol

banana468

I do think it can depend on the way the relationship is going.   Maybe a second date is too soon but I knew DH for 5 years before we started dating.   We moved quickly as a result.   

MandyMost

If someone is asking "are you planning on bringing anyone?" I take that to mean you could go pick up a guy on the street that day and bring him if you wanted to. Essentially, this is a verbal "plus one".  If someone is asking "are you planning to bring your significant other?" then that means it's up to the guest to determine if they have a significant other or not, and that you are not getting a "plus one". 

No one should be placing their own arbitrary rules on what it means to be a "significant other" vs. just a random date. It's different for everyone. 

To me, that applies to both a business situation or a social situation (like a wedding).