Had to Share

alexnicole452647

H and I just got invited to a friend's August wedding that is in a very rural location.  Because of limited hotel space the bride and groom decided who gets to stay in hotels and who has to rent houses.  We were part of the lucky group that was "chosen" to stay in a house, this house is not nice, it does not have air conditioning, (it also means a security deposit, requires cleaning, and us bringing food, sheets, towels etc.) and is more than double the price of the hotels.  When H told his friend we simply cannot afford the house and would need to stay in a hotel he flipped.  It has been over a month since they have spoken and the groom has been running his mouth about us since.  I would like to politely decline this wedding.

OliveOilsMom

alexnicole452647 said:

H and I just got invited to a friend's August wedding that is in a very rural location.  Because of limited hotel space the bride and groom decided who gets to stay in hotels and who has to rent houses.  We were part of the lucky group that was "chosen" to stay in a house, this house is not nice, it does not have air conditioning, (it also means a security deposit, requires cleaning, and us bringing food, sheets, towels etc.) and is more than double the price of the hotels.  When H told his friend we simply cannot afford the house and would need to stay in a hotel he flipped.  It has been over a month since they have spoken and the groom has been running his mouth about us since.  I would like to politely decline this wedding.

This is weird and I have so many questions!

1. Are you supposed to share the house with anyone else?  If yes, how were those other people chosen.

2. What happens if you end up not being able to attend?  Does that screw other people who were going to stay in the house into paying more? 

3. Why politely decline?  An invitation is not a subpoena, just send back the RSVP with a no.  But, this G sounds like a jackass for running his mouth about you.  If I were your H, we'd be having words.

4. How were you all supposed to pay for the house?  Directly to the B&G or to the homeowner?

lyndausvi

Seriously.  They sound crazy.

What kind of person required guests to stay somewhere?    

Maggie0829

So they told people where they were going to stay and how much it was going to cost them to stay there before they even had RSVPs? (Not to mention the fact that they are spending other people's money without talking to them first)  So if others decline will they react the same way?  Sounds to me this couple made a shit ton of reservations just assuming that people will be okay with it only to now discover that is just not true.  Sucks for them.  I wouldn't be politely declining anything.  I would be sending back the RSVP with a big fat "No" and then not talking to them again.

thisismynickname2

alexnicole452647 said:

H and I just got invited to a friend's August wedding that is in a very rural location.  Because of limited hotel space the bride and groom decided who gets to stay in hotels and who has to rent houses.  We were part of the lucky group that was "chosen" to stay in a house, this house is not nice, it does not have air conditioning, (it also means a security deposit, requires cleaning, and us bringing food, sheets, towels etc.) and is more than double the price of the hotels.  When H told his friend we simply cannot afford the house and would need to stay in a hotel he flipped.  It has been over a month since they have spoken and the groom has been running his mouth about us since.  I would like to politely decline this wedding.

I bet he flipped because B&G were already getting a lot of grief for their decisions!

Send back the RSVP card with "No." You know he's running his mouth, which is terribly rude; if any other friends confront you both the simple answer is, "Regrettably we can't make it. Hope everyone has a great time! Have you tried the bean dip?"

alexnicole452647

The people are chosen by groups of friends.  If you cannot attend or don't stay in the house the cost goes up for the others, which is part of the reason why the groom was so mad at my H. They assigned houses through a realtor which is who we would be paying.  The original cost was $560/couple but went up to $650 when another one of H's friend's couldn't afford it (this was prior to us saying no the the house).  The groom told my H I am sorry you have to spend more than other guests but it is what it is because you know other people attending and the rest of the rooms are for the caterers and wedding planners. 

banana468

alexnicole452647 said:

The people are chosen by groups of friends.  If you cannot attend or don't stay in the house the cost goes up for the others, which is part of the reason why the groom was so mad at my H. They assigned houses through a realtor which is who we would be paying.  The original cost was $560/couple but went up to $650 when another one of H's friend's couldn't afford it (this was prior to us saying no the the house).  The groom told my H I am sorry you have to spend more than other guests but it is what it is because you know other people attending and the rest of the rooms are for the caterers and wedding planners. 

I think you have a way for everyone chosen for that house to save some money.

sparklepants41

banana468 said:

The people are chosen by groups of friends.  If you cannot attend or don't stay in the house the cost goes up for the others, which is part of the reason why the groom was so mad at my H. They assigned houses through a realtor which is who we would be paying.  The original cost was $560/couple but went up to $650 when another one of H's friend's couldn't afford it (this was prior to us saying no the the house).  The groom told my H I am sorry you have to spend more than other guests but it is what it is because you know other people attending and the rest of the rooms are for the caterers and wedding planners. 

I think you have a way for everyone chosen for that house to save some money.

I'm all for assigned tables - but assigned accommodations? Nope. And the groom badmouthing his guests - GTFO.

Totally agree with Banana. If I were you I'd get in touch with the other couples "assigned" to that house and all agree to decline together. 

thisismynickname2

I'm trying to picture what kind of rural area can command $560 per room per night without a single creature comfort provided. 
I can get a luxury hotel suite in Chicago for that price. I would be declining this housing arrangement so fast and reconsider my friendship. Presumptuous much??

levioosa

Looks like you're declining the wedding and possibly ending the friendship.  That's some real bullshit.  

lyndausvi

$650 and climbing (assuming others back out).    For how many nights?   Where is it located?  

A beach house in Avalon NJ (rich area) peak of summer for a week can run $10,000 and it sleeps 9 people.  So that brings the costs to about $158 per night per person.    

"Your" place must be one hell of a place for that kind of money.

I've rented houses at the beach or cabins in remote areas before where I had to bring my own linens and food.   So that part doesn't bother me too much.  But again it's depends on the place and location.

 However, I've CHOSEN on my own to rent those places.  I wasn't TOLD.  That is the big difference.

lembaslover

I would not be "politely declining" anything for this couple, I'd respond with a NO and probably write a passive aggressive note on how if only we were one of the "lucky" couples chosen for a hotel then we could have witnessed their "very special" wedding.

I can't believe they are running their mouths about you. I would no longer be friends with these people if that were the case. Chances are a lot of the "house rental guests" will be feeling similar.

TNDancer

He is reserving rooms for the caterers?????

MesmrEwe

Yea - sounds like a decline and a toaster shipped is the way to go...  The groom needs to be put in his place because he didn't consult people before making these decisions for others who may or may not be able to attend.  It's not like someone is in the WP and they're paying for the house they'll be staying and turning them down because you want a place with AC to stay at for 1/4 the price.. 

For $560 I expect at least 4-5 nights in a hotel with continental or hot breakfast, Heat/AC, door to the hallway, and a pool...  Honestly, I'd drive an hour each way to the nearest hotel in my budget.  His lack of planning doesn't equal your requirement to use someplace you truly can't afford!!!

Sounds a bit BSC to say the least...

JediElizabeth

alexnicole452647 said:

The people are chosen by groups of friends.  If you cannot attend or don't stay in the house the cost goes up for the others, which is part of the reason why the groom was so mad at my H. They assigned houses through a realtor which is who we would be paying.  The original cost was $560/couple but went up to $650 when another one of H's friend's couldn't afford it (this was prior to us saying no the the house).  The groom told my H I am sorry you have to spend more than other guests but it is what it is because you know other people attending and the rest of the rooms are for the caterers and wedding planners. 

Are you f-ing kidding me?? How many nights are you supposed to stay there? Or is this a week-long wedding "event"??

geebee908

TNDancer said:

He is reserving rooms for the caterers?????

I'm sure that's because he's paying for the caterers to travel to this location. Probably a little tighter with their own money than with other people's.

CMGragain

Is this, by any chance, one of those special destination weddings?  Oooh, how romantic!

Jen4948

I'd RSVP no and consider the wedding and the "friendship" a bullet dodged.

PrettyGirlLost

lyndausvi said:

$650 and climbing (assuming others back out).    For how many nights?   Where is it located?  

A beach house in Avalon NJ (rich area) peak of summer for a week can run $10,000 and it sleeps 9 people.  So that brings the costs to about $158 per night per person.    

"Your" place must be one hell of a place for that kind of money.

I've rented houses at the beach or cabins in remote areas before where I had to bring my own linens and food.   So that part doesn't bother me too much.  But again it's depends on the place and location.

 However, I've CHOSEN on my own to rent those places.  I wasn't TOLD.  That is the big difference.

Newp, she already said it doesn't even have AC.

Hell to the no.  No thanks to spending my money on shitty accommodations, no thanks to assuming I want to play college dorm room when traveling to a wedding as an adult, no thinks to the Groom being an all around dick.  No thanks to this wedding and friendship.

Bye, Felicia.

alexnicole452647

It would be a 3 day rental, but we cannot stay 3 days because of work.  AND we would have to share a bathroom with the other guests.  The wedding is about a 4 hour drive so thankfully it does not involve a plane. 

marsupalami

I assume the price is so highly because you are also paying the share for the caterers and planners (because I would hope they wouldn't make them pay)

lyndausvi

alexnicole452647 said:

It would be a 3 day rental, but we cannot stay 3 days because of work.  AND we would have to share a bathroom with the other guests.  The wedding is about a 4 hour drive so thankfully it does not involve a plane. 

Well bless their hearts.  Not only did they pick out a place for you to stay, they even picked out how long you are supposed to stay.  It's that just sweet.

aurianna

I'm curious how they enforce this. Unless they have already booked all the hotel rooms, what's to stop you from just also booking a hotel room?

I'd straight up decline, personally.
Otherwise, see if there are any hotels less than an hour away and stay at one of those; leave the reception early if need be.
Alternatively see if you can secure your own house/cabin rental in the area, possibly going in on it with other friends who you'd otherwise be sharing the backwoods hell hole with. There could be better stuff out there. The realtor may just be milking this for all its worth... a place that she normally has trouble renting out where she'd get a great commission, with a rude couple that are happy to spend other people's money and are too lazy to look into something better.

If you do end up going and spending way more than you should (don't do it!) then I'd be supplementing it with any money you had budgeted for a wedding gift. Card only.

banana468

After the groom's response I'd just flat out decline and would leave the friendship alone.

1) Based on the way they're planning, I don't see it being executed all that well. And I'm not one to want to be forced into being treated poorly at my own expense.

2) If I'm not submitting an expense report for my stay then I won't be told where I'm staying.

thefanciestbeckler

This is probably one of the most ridiculous things I have ever heard. I'm not even sure how to process it.

SP29

Holy crap!!

I would absolutely decline to attend, and strongly consider ending the friendship.

The B&G have NO right to tell guests where they will be staying, how long, and how much they need to pay. 

While some couples may offer accommodations- it is just that, an offer, and any budget needs to be cleared with the guests first- not dictated.

The fact that the Groom had such a hissy fit would make me not want to stay friends with this person. How can he think it OK for someone to spend $560-650? 

Geeeeez..... talk about poor life skills. 

levioosa

I just had a horrifying thought: if they're demanding this much of their guests, how much are they demanding of their WP? 

lyndausvi

Happy people want others to be happy.    So they are doing nothing wrong right?

downtondiva

I shudder to think what the wedding itself will be like if this is how they're already treating their guests. 

If I were in your situation, OP, I'd decline the wedding and cut this couple out of your lives. Anyone who would talk trash about a friend because they can't afford ridiculously priced accommodations doesn't deserve your friendship.

photokitty

lyndausvi said:

Happy people want others to be happy.    So they are doing nothing wrong right?

Lynda, please improve personal quality while you're busy being happy for happy people

Teddy917

photokitty said:

lyndausvi said:

Happy people want others to be happy.    So they are doing nothing wrong right?

But wouldn't that make the B&G unhappy people. Because I'm sure OP is not the only one not happy about the arrangement.