FINALLY.

minskat30

Sorry to vent to you all...I am fucking done with this week.  I've been sleep deprived, emotional and a nervous/worried wreck all week.  H and I keep fighting too because he's stressed about Rajah, me/baby and his job and his way of taking it out is to be overly critical of people around him (read: me) as well as himself.  I'm second guessing all of my decisions with Raj.  Yesterday I was stressed about whether or not I should give him a sedative...he isn't sleeping at night and keeps trying to get at his stitches but I hate giving him something that has no medical benefit other than knocking him out.  I opted for the smallest does possible, which still knocked him out, then thought I could sleep on the bed instead of the floor.  I ended up not really sleeping anyway but of course when I did fall asleep he got his e-collar off of him and went for his stitches.  Didn't do much damage but I feel like I'm doing everything wrong pretty much.  Add to that H telling me to "do X, Y way not Z way"/"why are you doing X, why not Y"/etc. all the time and I had a full on melt down this morning.  The whole thing makes me think we are going to be terrible parents (even though I know that isn't the case), which doesn't help my emotional state right now.  H promised he would try to be better about the critical approach but I need a good cry-it-out hour honestly.  I've got to be at work though today so no go.  Thanks for letting me get it off my chest with all of you. I've got to get my shit together...a co-worker already knocked on my door and now I'm going to have to pretend I have a cold or something which is why my nose is all red.  

@swazzle - I love the tree!  I hope Bailey is a good kitty and leaves it alone for you guys. 

@cocobellaf - I think that is a great gift!  I hope you get a nap in before the party...and I also hope your breakfast stays down for you.

@labro - Those pants are awesome.  I hope your bake-off day is as awesome as it sounds.  I want pictures of all the cookies and festivities.  

@Peaseblossom55 - I hope your hot water heater isn't leaking.    Good luck with the shows this weekend!  I hope they go smoothly for you.  

@TwoDimes - The holiday party sounds awesome!  I also can't wait to see Indy's Santa picture.  

MissKittyDanger

@500days  Do both families get along? If so, maybe try hosting a holiday at your place and invite everyone? Might be easier on everyone in long run. That's our plan once we have a bigger place.

untouchablets

@minskat30 sorry you're feeling down!! Tell H to lay off. Honestly, I think sedating Raj would make him much more comfortable at night, and getting a good sleep will promote healing. Don't feel bad about it. You're a GREAT dog mom and you are going to be an EVEN BETTER human mom. I am sure your H is just as nervous about parenthood as you are and like any typical dude he doesn't know how to express it. Hang in there!

Peaseblossom55

@wink0erin thanks!

@minskat30 So many hugs to you.  You are being a great pet parent to Raj and will be a wonderful parent to your baby.  I have no doubts.

wink0erin

@minskat30 Oh no! I hope things get better soon. I'm sending good vibes your way

labro

@minskat30 I love you, and I love your H most of the time....but stuff like this just makes me so angry and upset on your behalf! It really sounds like your H has a hard time communicating his opinion on actions that should be taken BEFORE you take an action that is in his mind "wrong". I'm not one to scream counseling, but have you ever considered it just as a relationship maintenance thing? I feel like it would be helpful to talk about your expectations as parents, how you want to discipline, what you want to do in x situation, etc.

FTR, I don't think you'll be shitty parents AT ALL! I think your H is a loving man and you're going to be an amazing mom! But I wish your H would work on his way of how he chooses to criticize you. It comes across to me as an attack. One of the things we talked about in pre-marital counseling was addressing disagreements. Our pastor gave an example of turning "You didn't do the dishes right" into "We should do the dishes together" or "I prefer if you keep all the glasses on the upper rack because I think they'll last longer/get cleaner/etc.".

Big big hugs!!! It's ok to be crazy and emotional and upset every once in awhile!

GoldenPenguin

@CocoBellaF - I reiterate the love for the EVOO & balsamic! Everyone always brings wine to a housewarming, and not that there's anything wrong with/that I would turn down wine (DUH), but I think doing something a little out of the ordinary is awesome!! I hope your breakfast has agreed with you too.

@swazzle - I love your tree in her capris!! I hope Booj behaves. (But I won't hold my breath.)

@lavenderfields13 - That Britney gif makes me SO SAD. I hope you can eat some pizzza!!

@500days - UGH. Families are the worst sometimes. My mom got pissy with me last night because I said I was going to Christmas breakfast at my sister's (my half-sister from my biological father) - which I do every year when I'm home on actual Christmas. She made it sound like this was a totally new thing that she had never heard of before and got all huffy with me. 

@twodimes - I'll send you my address for cookie delivery, thanks

H & I will go to Mystic after work today. We're doing a wine tasting with the family tomorrow, which should be fun. I just hope Mr. Bruschi behaves himself.

Speaking of Bruschi - look at this bum. Can you even?? 


Now I have a ton of work to get done today, gotta get a call into a psychiatrist because my PCP is a worthless pile of shit, and I can't forget to go to the wine store before I go home!! 

Swazzle

@minskat30 - OH man, I'm so sorry. I'm sending you all the hugs in the whole world right now! Why can't your H sleep on the floor with Raj? You're pregnant for goodness' sake. 

GoldenPenguin

@minskat30 Big hugs, lady. I will reiterate everything that @labro said. I think ESPECIALLY heading into parenthood, you guys NEED to be on the same page. You are a wonderful dog mom, and you are going to be an AMAZING human mom, so don't you even worry your pretty little face about it. 

AlPacina

@Swazzle - That mug is the coolest! I am so jealous about your concert, too. I hope you have a blast!

@500days - I think that's really unfair of your MIL to make it a fight over who you spend time with. You're adults and you can spend time with whoever the hell you feel like.

@Peaseblossom55 - Break a leg this weekend! I just saw that show a couple of years ago. My dad was Bob Cratchit!

@TwoDimes - That bracelet sounds so nifty...... but dangerous.

@wink0erin - Congrats on your potato baby!

@minskat30 - This is an overly stressful situation. It has nothing to do with you being a good parent or not. Medical conditions are ridiculously hard to deal with, and without Raj being able to directly communicate about his wants/needs it's extra frustrating. You are doing an AMAZING job, and your H, Raj, and minskitten love you. You're the freaking best!

------------------

Today doesn't quite feel like Friday. My body seemed to think I gained 40 pounds on my run this morning, because my legs had a ridiculously hard time moving me forward.

I made a BA meal last night that turned out incredible. It was tamarind-glazed cod, and I have never enjoyed cod before. My mouth is watering just remembering it, omg!!

I have absolutely no plans this weekend. I like that. I want to do some reading, and hopefully finally go see Mockingjay.

Swazzle

I am very displeased with how this day is progressing. 

1) I tried to get Bruce tickets and failed. 
2) In the process, I got logged out of Google and now I'm completely blocked from ever logging in again on my work computer. 
3) It's only 11:12am. 

Dear Friday,

Peaseblossom55

@alpacina thank you. That is awesome your dad has play Bob Crachit.

So it looks like our hot water heater needs to be replaced. Boo.  Luckily we have a home warranty so I hope it isn't too much. 

MissKittyDanger

@minskat30  You guys will be great parents! It's probably stress, lack of sleep mixed with hormones. I'm sure once Raj is feeling better, things will smooth out  

@GoldenPenguin  Puppy bum! Lol

wink0erin

@Peaseblossom55 Yikes! Hope the home warranty covers the bulk of it!

minskat30

Thank you all, I love you all and really do appreciate all the support and love back.  

@labro @swazzle and @GoldenPenguin- This might be TMI but you took the time to express a valid concern and I appreciate that.  We've discussed the big parenting issues (discipline, religion, education, costs associated with parenting, etc.) and agree on them 100% but its really the day-to-day decisions we can bump heads over sometimes.  We don't see those issues as "big deals" so he ends up not expressing his opinions about them, until he's frustrated, and I end up taking complete ownership over those decisions, which is stressful for me and ends up frustrating me when he isn't happy with the results of my decision making.  We are great teammates about 95% of the time and really good at fixing problems together when not stressed to the max but I think the 5% happens when we are both at our stress limit (I didn't mention it but he's more than likely loosing his job right now, so add that to the mix).  For me, it's also more about the tone he takes than the content of what he is saying (which is usually an equally valid approach to the one I ended up taking), if that makes sense?   He understands this when I explain it, apologizes and really does try to fix it.  I'm also being way too much of an "owner" of Rajah's recovery and other things.  For example, I didn't share any of the stress or worry about the sedative issue/side effects/etc., sleeping on the floor stress or any other day-to-day decision I felt I could handle...I just made the best decision I thought I could and did it...that made him a little sad to hear and I get it, I need to include him in the planning part of our decision making more.   I'm sorry...I typed all that out and it was a novel.

KeptInStitches

@swazzle, TSO is awesome - enjoy!!

@cocobellaf, I would consider that an awesome gift.

@labro and @twodimes, enjoy the baking days!

@minskat30, huge hugs. You are being a wonderful pet parent and will be a good parent to your baby.

---
Tonight is sing-a-long Messiah! I look forward to this, it's one of my favorite holiday activities of the year. Before we go, I'm going to finish up Christmas cards so they can hit the mail tomorrow morning. We'll also finish wrapping Christmas presents - who runs out of Scotch tape two presents from the end? Us, that's who.

Tomorrow H has gaming. Again. One of the rules set about gaming was not to exceed a certain number of gaming sessions per weekend and not more than a certain number of hours, not more than a certain number of times per month, etc. Sounds unreasonable but his gaming groups tend to take over life otherwise and I need him around to help with household things as well (I refuse to do it all). Since they're meeting for an extra session and we're not going gaming tonight, the group agreed to a half-length session, so it will only be the afternoon instead of the afternoon and evening. I'll knit on the new blankets (that yarn is SO FREAKING SQUISHABLE) and work on my Netflix queue. Around gaming, I'm going to do housework because I cannot stand the way the house looks right now.

Sunday is for football, laundry, and more housework.

wink0erin

@GoldenPenguin Bruschi has such a cute butt, it looks like he's wearing pants!

Peaseblossom55

@wink0erin me too, but we have the savings otherwise. 

GoldenPenguin

@wink0erin - he was laying on me like that last night, and I just couldn't resist taking a picture!! I just want to bite his legs, they're so cute!! 

@minskat30 - I'm really glad you guys are on the same page and are able to talk things through. I think part of our concern (sorry if I'm putting words in your mouths @swazzle & @labro) is that we don't hear EVERYTHING - which is totally fine, we obviously want you to vent! But hearing your explanation makes me feel better about it for you. you!! 

AlPacina

@Peaseblossom55 - That sucks so bad about your water heater! I hope the warranty will cover it! Ours will need to be replaced very soon as well.

@KeptInStitches - I think it is SO GREAT that your H is willing to set limits on the amount of time he spends gaming. My ex that I lived with was a gamer, and he was an addict. It's the reason he failed out of his program in school and "couldn't find" a job. It gave me a bit of a complex when I started dating again and someone would mention they play computer or console games.

labro

@minskat30 Obviously we aren't there for the day to day stuff so I can only comment on what I know I read on a regular basis. Plus, confession time, this is an issue near and dear to my heart because I can definitely be your H in my relationship. I definitely have a problem with not expressing an issue with something until it really starts to bother me and I get all snippy over it. The best thing I can do is try to talk regularly with  my own H about these things because I wouldn't ever want to make him feel shitty over things that are not his fault if I'm not communicating my problems. Make sense?

Swazzle

minskat30 said:

Thank you all, I love you all and really do appreciate all the support and love back.  

@labro @swazzle and @GoldenPenguin- This might be TMI but you took the time to express a valid concern and I appreciate that.  We've discussed the big parenting issues (discipline, religion, education, costs associated with parenting, etc.) and agree on them 100% but its really the day-to-day decisions we can bump heads over sometimes.  We don't see those issues as "big deals" so he ends up not expressing his opinions about them, until he's frustrated, and I end up taking complete ownership over those decisions, which is stressful for me and ends up frustrating me when he isn't happy with the results of my decision making.  We are great teammates about 95% of the time and really good at fixing problems together when not stressed to the max but I think the 5% happens when we are both at our stress limit (I didn't mention it but he's more than likely loosing his job right now, so add that to the mix).  For me, it's also more about the tone he takes than the content of what he is saying (which is usually an equally valid approach to the one I ended up taking), if that makes sense?   He understands this when I explain it, apologizes and really does try to fix it.  I'm also being way too much of an "owner" of Rajah's recovery and other things.  For example, I didn't share any of the stress or worry about the sedative issue/side effects/etc., sleeping on the floor stress or any other day-to-day decision I felt I could handle...I just made the best decision I thought I could and did it...that made him a little sad to hear and I get it, I need to include him in the planning part of our decision making more.   I'm sorry...I typed all that out and it was a novel.

Mama Swazzle always said: "It's not what you say, it's how you say it." 

I'm just sending you giant squeezy hugs right now

wink0erin

@KeptInStitches @AlPacina My ex was a gamer too, and his obsessive gaming was a big part of our downfall. It's great that limits could be set up. 

Sidenote: I made a Confession/II/UO/etc board. We were due for one.

KeptInStitches

@wink0erin @alpacina We set the limits together. Gaming's definitely been something that's been problematic in our relationship, but I usually don't bitch about it too much (he drags me along so I get out of the house, I'm a real homebody) and he usually respects the boundaries he helped set. If there's something that's really, really important to me - like The Messiah tonight - he'll forgo gaming for it as well.

minskat30

Makes perfect sense to me @labro.  Hugs to you too...working on communication issues when you are used to a "default" setting, so to speak, is hard work but the rewards when you get through all that work are pretty damn awesome in my opinion.    

I absolutely  you all.  Thank you for both letting me vent and loving me back.  You guys really are the best ever.  

500days

@MissKittyDanger Both of our families get along really well- like they are all FB friends and everything. Don't assume that they will want to share a holiday though. People can be super territorial about their holiday traditions and don't like to change. Every year my aunt extends an invitation to my H's side (because they have less than 10 people total in their whole family and we have at least 30) and it's declined because my MIL likes doing it their way. I asked MIL and SIL to come have dinner one year on Xmas eve and they said no because they have a tradition of wrapping gifts on xmas eve. They don't want to change, like ever.

wink0erin

@500days I understand traditions but it blows when people refuse to alter them, and give others a hard time for not going along with said traditions. That's their problem though. Part of being an adult is needing to modify traditions as families grow and change!

MissKittyDanger

@500days  We've previously brought up the idea and our families seem fine with it. That sucks though, I wish there was a compromise Maybe there could be in the future?

Swazzle

Pssssssssssssst. @minskat30 - YGPM

minskat30

@swazzle - YGPM back.