Snarky Brides

A lot of you are ruining this forum for new brides who just want some genuine advice!

2

Re: A lot of you are ruining this forum for new brides who just want some genuine advice!

  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Yes, some threads get side tracked.  But those pale in comparison of all the other threads that give good, solid advice.  









    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    The bottom line is that you don't get to decide how others post here, and nobody is holding you hostage here. If you don't like the climate of TK, then just don't stick around. You can either join in conversations and post the way YOU want to, comment directly TO people in the threads at the time or choose to ignore the comments you dislike, or find somewhere else to discuss weddings. Making a post criticizing the way others here post isn't going to change anything, so either accept it or move on. We won't be affected either way. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    [Deleted User]zitiqueenlc07PrettyGirlLost
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Mod time -

    Linking to other threads to shame another user is again TOS.      

    Copying and pasting comments from another thread to shame a user is also against the TOS.

    So no Jedi - Knottie could not post your username.  


    Thread lightly here, I'm not in the mood to start warning people.  






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    holyguacamole79[Deleted User]
  • lyndausvi said:

    Yes, some threads get side tracked.  But those pale in comparison of all the other threads that give good, solid advice.  



    I'll agree with that. And I'm not saying that I haven't seen some great advice given here! I'm simply trying to put some food for thought out there. Why would anyone want to be part of a community where they're just as likely to receive irrelevant personal attacks as they are any sort of helpful advice.
    It's funny to me how everyone is so taken aback when an OP starts to get defensive and upset after a comment like this is made. How do you expect a productive conversation to continue after someone has lashed out this way?
    Anyway, this is taking up more of my time than I intended. If I haven't brought anything new to the table for many of you, I at least hope I've managed to let others who feel the same way I do know they're not alone.
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 2015

    Why would anyone want to be part of a community where they're just as likely to receive irrelevant personal attacks as they are any sort of advice.

    Then why are you posting?
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited December 2015
    I'm genuinely curious what you hoped to accomplish with this thread. Did you think you'd critique us, and then we'd go, "Golly, Knottienumbers!  You're right!  Time to change our posting style!  Thanks for coming along and showing us the error of our ways!" 

    Seriously, what did you expect to get out of this?

    ETA: Posts like these come along every month or so. You're not the first, and you won't be the last. Other people feeling this way don't need you to make a random post to let them know they aren't alone. You're better off actually PARTICIPATING in the conversations and saying, "I disagree....." when you disagree with something being said as opposed to this nonsense of starting a thread critiquing the posters here and acting as if you're better than we are. Doing this just makes you another Knottienumbers we don't bother to get to know, who hasn't bothered to get to know us, and who will eventually melt away. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    holyguacamole79egirl2015
  • AddieCake said:

    I'm genuinely curious what you hoped to accomplish with this thread. Did you think you'd critique us, and then we'd go, "Golly, Knottienumbers!  You're right!  Time to change our posting style!  Thanks for coming along and showing us the error of our ways!" 

    Seriously, what did you expect to get out of this?

    ETA: Posts like these come along every month or so. You're not the first, and you won't be the last. Other people feeling this way don't need you to make a random post to let them know they aren't alone. You're better off actually PARTICIPATING in the conversations and saying, "I disagree....." when you disagree with something being said as opposed to this nonsense of starting a thread critiquing the posters here and acting as if you're better than we are. Doing this just makes you another Knottienumbers we don't bother to get to know, who hasn't bothered to get to know us, and who will eventually melt away. 

    Yep, it's very clear that this has fallen on deaf ears. I'll be melting away now.
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    I'm a member of this organization as well an online NarAnon group.  Through both groups I've learned if you're offended by something said or asked, it's for a reason and not because the person posing the statement/question was out of line.  If someone advised me to reevaluate my relationship dynamic because FI seemed controlling over what I shared, I'd reevaluate what I said and how I said it because FI isn't. Now, with my ex if you asked me that I'd become very defensive, because he was.  We can't control your demons.

    I've also found the best way to positively contribute to something is to actually contribute, not just post anonymously without developing a rapport with a single member of the group.
    image
    RlovesRSP29PrettyGirlLost
  • Oh, the OP is now a deleted user, this is my surprised face.

    [Deleted User]
  • So she came on here to scold everyone and when no one agreed with her she packed up and left. I'm appreciating the irony.
    adwks
  • Personally, I have to agree with the OP. There is a lot of great advice on this message board but at times, things can get quite hostile and snarky. Obviously snark is appreciated on this particular board but on others, such as 911, it can come across as adding additional emotion (whether or not intended) to an already emotional situation. There is a way to criticize a person's idea or offer suggestions that isn't extremely harsh and there are a lot of people here who do that. But there are also those that don't give a f*** how they come across. I'd love it if the 'tone' of some of these boards was less intense, however, I don't see that happening. 
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Personally, I have to agree with the OP. There is a lot of great advice on this message board but at times, things can get quite hostile and snarky. Obviously snark is appreciated on this particular board but on others, such as 911, it can come across as adding additional emotion (whether or not intended) to an already emotional situation. There is a way to criticize a person's idea or offer suggestions that isn't extremely harsh and there are a lot of people here who do that. But there are also those that don't give a f*** how they come across. I'd love it if the 'tone' of some of these boards was less intense, however, I don't see that happening. 

    Thanks for that valuable addition to the conversation.
    HeffalumpTrixieJess[Deleted User]AddieCake
  • Personally, I have to agree with the OP. There is a lot of great advice on this message board but at times, things can get quite hostile and snarky. Obviously snark is appreciated on this particular board but on others, such as 911, it can come across as adding additional emotion (whether or not intended) to an already emotional situation. There is a way to criticize a person's idea or offer suggestions that isn't extremely harsh and there are a lot of people here who do that. But there are also those that don't give a f*** how they come across. I'd love it if the 'tone' of some of these boards was less intense, however, I don't see that happening. 

    Oh goody, and another one, if you plan to internet, you'll need these.


  • HeffalumpHeffalump member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2015
    lyndausvi said:

    I ask that before you choose, read all the boards.  There are some users who stick to the quieter boards, others are on the hot topic boards.  There is a whole group of users on Wedding Woes I barely "know".  They stick to that board and that's cool.  I sometimes pop-in, but not often.    They pop over to CC sometimes, but not often.  Again, it's all good.  There are boards here for all types of personalities.

    I can't speak for all of WW or anything, but you should come over.  Everyone should come over.  It's lamentably slow over there vs. back when I was a newb.  And from what the old(er) timers said, even that was slow compared to some mythical pre-banning peak. 
    lyndausvispockforprezOliveOilsMomPrettyGirlLost
  • RlovesR said:
    Personally, I have to agree with the OP. There is a lot of great advice on this message board but at times, things can get quite hostile and snarky. Obviously snark is appreciated on this particular board but on others, such as 911, it can come across as adding additional emotion (whether or not intended) to an already emotional situation. There is a way to criticize a person's idea or offer suggestions that isn't extremely harsh and there are a lot of people here who do that. But there are also those that don't give a f*** how they come across. I'd love it if the 'tone' of some of these boards was less intense, however, I don't see that happening. 
    In all honesty, there are tons of wedding boards all across the internet with exactly the vibe you're looking for.  Why not go to one of those, if that's what you prefer?  I like TK because people will tell me exactly what they're thinking and if I have a bad idea, I know they'll tell me it's bad.  That's what I'm after in a wedding planning forum and so I found it.  Seeking out what you need is a lot easier than trying to change the established tone of a place.
    ^

    This. All of this.
  • Heffalump said:
    lyndausvi said:

    I ask that before you choose, read all the boards.  There are some users who stick to the quieter boards, others are on the hot topic boards.  There is a whole group of users on Wedding Woes I barely "know".  They stick to that board and that's cool.  I sometimes pop-in, but not often.    They pop over to CC sometimes, but not often.  Again, it's all good.  There are boards here for all types of personalities.

    I can't speak for all of WW or anything, but you should come over.  Everyone should come over.  It's lamentably slow over there vs. back when I was a newb.  And front what the old(er) timers said, even that was slow compared to some mythical pre-banning peak. 

    I feel like a big creep because I read most of the WW posts. I like you guys and I'm happy to see you and a few others on other boards too,
    I'm going to have to up my game, then, from the current "Oh noes, Target was out of oatmeal bath!"
    AddieCake
  • NowIAmSypNowIAmSyp East Hanover, NJ member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    Heffalump said:
    lyndausvi said:

    I ask that before you choose, read all the boards.  There are some users who stick to the quieter boards, others are on the hot topic boards.  There is a whole group of users on Wedding Woes I barely "know".  They stick to that board and that's cool.  I sometimes pop-in, but not often.    They pop over to CC sometimes, but not often.  Again, it's all good.  There are boards here for all types of personalities.

    I can't speak for all of WW or anything, but you should come over.  Everyone should come over.  It's lamentably slow over there vs. back when I was a newb.  And front what the old(er) timers said, even that was slow compared to some mythical pre-banning peak. 

    I feel like a big creep because I read most of the WW posts. I like you guys and I'm happy to see you and a few others on other boards too,
    I pop in from time to time, too!  I enjoy the Prudie threads :)
    lyndausviHeffalumpjustsiePrettyGirlLost
  • I've seen some snark, and yeah, it blows. But overall, most of the replies have been great, informative, thought out, and even point you to a different direction or make you think of something new.

    That said, the OP and others should be happy for internet snark about their wedding plans. It's better that a crappy wedding plan be dissected and snarked on by strangers, then to hear about it from your wedding guests. Truthfully, do you want to hear your Future ILs ragging on your inconsiderate wedding plans? Or have friends be pissed off that you did only a hot chocolate bar in the middle of January? Or that you didn't have enough chairs for the reception or ceremony? Or that you thought a pot luck was such a great idea, only to realize people hate to cook and those that did will not be cooking enough for 50-100 people? So yes, people here may snark, because while you're so engrossed in one aspect of your wedding details, you may be missing a whole other, very important, aspect that outsiders like us can see.

    Also, with age, comes wisdom. And with age, the phrase "Ain't nobody got time for that!" is very much in effect.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker

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    kimmiinthemitten[Deleted User]
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