Rude to skip wedding to prepare for mine?

frenchiekin

WOW.  WOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.  They are getting married SEVEN FREAKING DAYS BEFORE YOU, but your relationship isn't significant enough to invite you as a couple?  I can't even begin to understand this.

Note to lurkers:  JUST. FUCKING. NO.

thisismynickname2

They are SO wrong. Passive-aggressive move- make the bride produce a copy of her marriage certificate from the county/state before she can enter your ceremony space. Married couples only, bitch! 

(Snarky snark- at least where I am, your officiant has to file the signed license with the county for you to be officially recognized as married, and that can take varying amounts of time for the county to then be able to give you your marriage certificate, sooooooooo.)

kimmiinthemitten

Wow.  I really hope your FI plans on skipping this as well!

lovegood90

KnickerGold said:

Ya, once he told me I was like 'Wait you didn't say I was thinking of possibly not going, right?' He assured me he hadn't, but friend had called as he didn't realize bride wasn't inviting Fiancees/SOs, and didn't want me/FI to plan on me going knowing our wedding was a week later (groom is awesome- must make a point to get to know him better!)

As far as I've heard, yes, they're both planning on attending our wedding! 
I am unsure if FI will attend their wedding, not my call, but he did find it odd that you could 'cut out' people like that, to which I replied 'Well, you can do whatever you want, but it's horribly rude and that's what people will remember!'

I fail to see how the groom is a good person in this scenario? It's his wedding too and regardless of whose "decision" it was to not invite all couples, he's still complicit in it and it reflects poorly on him too.

And in terms of it being "not your call" that your Fi may decide to still go, that's true...but I would be pretty concerned if someone I was getting married to was okay with their friends disrespecting me like that. 

frenchiekin

lovegood90 said:

KnickerGold said:

Ya, once he told me I was like 'Wait you didn't say I was thinking of possibly not going, right?' He assured me he hadn't, but friend had called as he didn't realize bride wasn't inviting Fiancees/SOs, and didn't want me/FI to plan on me going knowing our wedding was a week later (groom is awesome- must make a point to get to know him better!)

As far as I've heard, yes, they're both planning on attending our wedding! 
I am unsure if FI will attend their wedding, not my call, but he did find it odd that you could 'cut out' people like that, to which I replied 'Well, you can do whatever you want, but it's horribly rude and that's what people will remember!'

I fail to see how the groom is a good person in this scenario? It's his wedding too and regardless of whose "decision" it was to not invite all couples, he's still complicit in it and it reflects poorly on him too.

And in terms of it being "not your call" that your Fi may decide to still go, that's true...but I would be pretty concerned if someone I was getting married to was okay with their friends disrespecting me like that. 

Yes, this.  Can we stop blaming "the bride" for everything?  I'd hate to think that in most scenarios, the brides are just unilaterally making insane decisions and the "poor grooms" are just innocent bystanders who don't stand a chance in reasoning with their fiancee/ruler/what have you.  Being complicit in this scenario does not absolve anyone from wrongdoing - and I think it's almost as bad.

I don't know this groom and maybe he has always been a good guy/friend to your FI, but this would piss me right the fuck off at BOTH of them.

KnickerGold

I never cared about going, and the point about the groom was "that's nice he considered the fact that I may need to plan on attending/not attending because it's a week before the wedding" he's a very close friend of FI's but I've just never hung out with him. 

What he said to FI was "Bride decided to only invite married couples to keep the wedding small since her parents are paying" Yes, he could talk to her, but that's what he said, I don;t know them well enough to know who calls the shots.

I think what they're doing is rude, yes.
But I don't really care- sounds mean, but I've got my wedding a week later, my best friend's 2 months before and a handful of others next year- I will enjoy not going! And I'm not concerned that the bride may be 'offended' I skipped her wedding when she's attending mine! 

KnickerGold

lovegood90 said:

KnickerGold said:

Ya, once he told me I was like 'Wait you didn't say I was thinking of possibly not going, right?' He assured me he hadn't, but friend had called as he didn't realize bride wasn't inviting Fiancees/SOs, and didn't want me/FI to plan on me going knowing our wedding was a week later (groom is awesome- must make a point to get to know him better!)

As far as I've heard, yes, they're both planning on attending our wedding! 
I am unsure if FI will attend their wedding, not my call, but he did find it odd that you could 'cut out' people like that, to which I replied 'Well, you can do whatever you want, but it's horribly rude and that's what people will remember!'

I fail to see how the groom is a good person in this scenario? It's his wedding too and regardless of whose "decision" it was to not invite all couples, he's still complicit in it and it reflects poorly on him too.

And in terms of it being "not your call" that your Fi may decide to still go, that's true...but I would be pretty concerned if someone I was getting married to was okay with their friends disrespecting me like that. 

They're not singling me out and not inviting me, Bride said no unmarried couples. Do I think it's rude? Yes of course, but I was already not really wanting to go, so no biggie for me. 
I would never do this to my guests, and don't think anyone should, but I don't feel disrespected. If I was purposely left off while other SOs/Fiances were invited? Ya. Then I'd ask FI to reconsider going, but really, I just don't care enough haha

MyNameIsNot

KnickerGold said:

lovegood90 said:

KnickerGold said:

Ya, once he told me I was like 'Wait you didn't say I was thinking of possibly not going, right?' He assured me he hadn't, but friend had called as he didn't realize bride wasn't inviting Fiancees/SOs, and didn't want me/FI to plan on me going knowing our wedding was a week later (groom is awesome- must make a point to get to know him better!)

As far as I've heard, yes, they're both planning on attending our wedding! 
I am unsure if FI will attend their wedding, not my call, but he did find it odd that you could 'cut out' people like that, to which I replied 'Well, you can do whatever you want, but it's horribly rude and that's what people will remember!'

I fail to see how the groom is a good person in this scenario? It's his wedding too and regardless of whose "decision" it was to not invite all couples, he's still complicit in it and it reflects poorly on him too.

And in terms of it being "not your call" that your Fi may decide to still go, that's true...but I would be pretty concerned if someone I was getting married to was okay with their friends disrespecting me like that. 

They're not singling me out and not inviting me, Bride said no unmarried couples. Do I think it's rude? Yes of course, but I was already not really wanting to go, so no biggie for me. 
I would never do this to my guests, and don't think anyone should, but I don't feel disrespected. If I was purposely left off while other SOs/Fiances were invited? Ya. Then I'd ask FI to reconsider going, but really, I just don't care enough haha

I'm glad that you aren't sensitive enough to pick up on it, but he is publicly disrespecting your relationship. 

He (yes, he, not just the bride) is telling your FI that you don't matter and your relationship is not real. It doesn't matter if it's just you or all the unmarried significant others. This is a public slight.

KnickerGold

Well, good thing I don't know many/any people going to the wedding! And I'm really not concerned with other's opinions of my relationship, I know what's up and that's what matters!

holyguacamole79

KnickerGold said:

Well, good thing I don't know many/any people going to the wedding! And I'm really not concerned with other's opinions of my relationship, I know what's up and that's what matters!

I like your attitude.  Yeah, they did a rude thing by not extending invites to significant others.  But at least they were consistently rude, right?  There's not much to gain by making a stink about it, and it sounds like this person isn't really in your life, so ...


If you FI ends up going to the wedding and you have some chill time on your own, I suggest a night of pampering!

PrettyGirlLost

KnickerGold said:

lovegood90 said:

KnickerGold said:

Ya, once he told me I was like 'Wait you didn't say I was thinking of possibly not going, right?' He assured me he hadn't, but friend had called as he didn't realize bride wasn't inviting Fiancees/SOs, and didn't want me/FI to plan on me going knowing our wedding was a week later (groom is awesome- must make a point to get to know him better!)

As far as I've heard, yes, they're both planning on attending our wedding! 
I am unsure if FI will attend their wedding, not my call, but he did find it odd that you could 'cut out' people like that, to which I replied 'Well, you can do whatever you want, but it's horribly rude and that's what people will remember!'

I fail to see how the groom is a good person in this scenario? It's his wedding too and regardless of whose "decision" it was to not invite all couples, he's still complicit in it and it reflects poorly on him too.

And in terms of it being "not your call" that your Fi may decide to still go, that's true...but I would be pretty concerned if someone I was getting married to was okay with their friends disrespecting me like that. 

They're not singling me out and not inviting me, Bride said no unmarried couples. Do I think it's rude? Yes of course, but I was already not really wanting to go, so no biggie for me. 
I would never do this to my guests, and don't think anyone should, but I don't feel disrespected. If I was purposely left off while other SOs/Fiances were invited? Ya. Then I'd ask FI to reconsider going, but really, I just don't care enough haha

But you were left off of their guest list while they know full well that in 7 days they are both invited to YOUR wedding.

Your FI"s "good friend" left his "good friend's" FI off of his wedding guestlist, knowing full well that in 7 days he'll be attending the wedding of said "good friend."

Your FI's friend is a dick. Period.  And if this were my DH's friend, I'd tell my DH, "Hey, your friend is a dick.  He's being totally disrespectful of your friendship with him and our relationship.  I think you should tell him to GTFO and not attend his wedding."

KnickerGold

Ok, sorry I'm not as upset as I should be, bigger things to worry about!

[Deleted User]

Yeah, I can totally see both sides of this.  You didn't want to go anyway, so you don't really give a shit that you're not invited.  In fact, it makes it easier for you to just go about your plans that you wanted to do anyway, guilt-free.  And dude can go support his friend at his wedding.  And you can just go on not giving these acquaintences much thought, greet them at your wedding, thank them for coming, and go about your life.  But your fiance really should realize, and probably inform his friend, that not inviting Significant Others is just not cool.  You're okay with it for yourself, but other friends may not be as understanding and they (this other bride and groom) could cause some serious hurt feelings with this policy.  If your fiance's friend wants to avoid hurting the feelings of the people he loves, he should really rethink this "bride wants to only invite married couples" thing.  Because what if the shoe was on the other foot and Your wedding was the week before Theirs?  Would they be okay if only fiance's friend was invited to your fancy-pants wedding in NYC without the woman he would be marrying the following weekend?

KnickerGold

I'd never set boundaries like that, everyone I'm inviting is getting a +1 if they don't have an SO.
I don't really think it's my place, or FI's place, to tell people who they should invite to the wedding. If a friend asked me, I'd tell them the truth, but I don't think calling up and saying 'only inviting married people is rude- wth?' is the solution.
Even if we were getting married the week before, neither of us would attend as we'd be on our honeymoon... 

[Deleted User]

KnickerGold said:

I'd never set boundaries like that, everyone I'm inviting is getting a +1 if they don't have an SO.
I don't really think it's my place, or FI's place, to tell people who they should invite to the wedding. If a friend asked me, I'd tell them the truth, but I don't think calling up and saying 'only inviting married people is rude- wth?' is the solution.
Even if we were getting married the week before, neither of us would attend as we'd be on our honeymoon... 

No, and I definitely don't think you should have anything to do with it.  But you don't think that between now and October, your fiance, in regular interaction with his buddy, can't say, "Dude, I'm not saying you need to do anything, but I'm just saying that you might make some people a bit annoyed that their fiance or girlfriend of many years can't come to your wedding together.  It's your friendships.  But I'm just saying I wouldn't do that to my friends" in dude speak, of course?  I mean in 10 months, a friend can't find the time to tell another friend that "dude, I don't care, but Tony and his fiancee, Tina, who are getting married in November after us might care.  And you don't want to piss off Tina."

MyNameIsNot

adk19 said:

KnickerGold said:

I'd never set boundaries like that, everyone I'm inviting is getting a +1 if they don't have an SO.
I don't really think it's my place, or FI's place, to tell people who they should invite to the wedding. If a friend asked me, I'd tell them the truth, but I don't think calling up and saying 'only inviting married people is rude- wth?' is the solution.
Even if we were getting married the week before, neither of us would attend as we'd be on our honeymoon... 

No, and I definitely don't think you should have anything to do with it.  But you don't think that between now and October, your fiance, in regular interaction with his buddy, can't say, "Dude, I'm not saying you need to do anything, but I'm just saying that you might make some people a bit annoyed that their fiance or girlfriend of many years can't come to your wedding together.  It's your friendships.  But I'm just saying I wouldn't do that to my friends" in dude speak, of course?  I mean in 10 months, a friend can't find the time to tell another friend that "dude, I don't care, but Tony and his fiancee, Tina, who are getting married in November after us might care.  And you don't want to piss off Tina."

Why does it have to be on Tina? If OP's FI doesn't care about the dig to their relationship, then leave it alone.

Passively-aggressively putting it on "Tony", or worse, his FI, isn't fair. 

[Deleted User]

MyNameIsNot said:

adk19 said:

KnickerGold said:

I'd never set boundaries like that, everyone I'm inviting is getting a +1 if they don't have an SO.
I don't really think it's my place, or FI's place, to tell people who they should invite to the wedding. If a friend asked me, I'd tell them the truth, but I don't think calling up and saying 'only inviting married people is rude- wth?' is the solution.
Even if we were getting married the week before, neither of us would attend as we'd be on our honeymoon... 

No, and I definitely don't think you should have anything to do with it.  But you don't think that between now and October, your fiance, in regular interaction with his buddy, can't say, "Dude, I'm not saying you need to do anything, but I'm just saying that you might make some people a bit annoyed that their fiance or girlfriend of many years can't come to your wedding together.  It's your friendships.  But I'm just saying I wouldn't do that to my friends" in dude speak, of course?  I mean in 10 months, a friend can't find the time to tell another friend that "dude, I don't care, but Tony and his fiancee, Tina, who are getting married in November after us might care.  And you don't want to piss off Tina."

Why does it have to be on Tina? If OP's FI doesn't care about the dig to their relationship, then leave it alone.

Passively-aggressively putting it on "Tony", or worse, his FI, isn't fair. 

Because once I decided this fake couple was called Tony and Tina, I remembered the "play" in Chicago called Tony And Tina's Wedding.  Tony was a bit of a pushover and Tina was incredibly outspoken.

PrettyGirlLost

KnickerGold said:

Ok, sorry I'm not as upset as I should be, bigger things to worry about!

You missed the point.  And it's entirely possible to plan a wedding and also recognize when so called friends are being asshats, lol.

KnickerGold said:

I'd never set boundaries like that, everyone I'm inviting is getting a +1 if they don't have an SO.
I don't really think it's my place, or FI's place, to tell people who they should invite to the wedding. If a friend asked me, I'd tell them the truth, but I don't think calling up and saying 'only inviting married people is rude- wth?' is the solution.
Even if we were getting married the week before, neither of us would attend as we'd be on our honeymoon... 

If you (general sense) are good friends with someone, you should feel comfortable enough to let them know when something they do is offensive to you, including things related to their wedding.

APDSS22

So this bride wants all these people to come to her wedding and bring presents but doesn't want to invite SOs because that would cost twice as much.

Unless there's some sort of alien reaping after the ceremony in which all non married persons are horribly mangled, there is no reason to be this rude. OP, I'm glad you don't care but random cuts of social units like this frost my cookies because someone else could see this and think "what a great idea to cut costs!" And the rudeness perpetuates.

poodledoodleooo

adk19 said:

KnickerGold said:

I'd never set boundaries like that, everyone I'm inviting is getting a +1 if they don't have an SO.
I don't really think it's my place, or FI's place, to tell people who they should invite to the wedding. If a friend asked me, I'd tell them the truth, but I don't think calling up and saying 'only inviting married people is rude- wth?' is the solution.
Even if we were getting married the week before, neither of us would attend as we'd be on our honeymoon... 

No, and I definitely don't think you should have anything to do with it.  But you don't think that between now and October, your fiance, in regular interaction with his buddy, can't say, "Dude, I'm not saying you need to do anything, but I'm just saying that you might make some people a bit annoyed that their fiance or girlfriend of many years can't come to your wedding together.  It's your friendships.  But I'm just saying I wouldn't do that to my friends" in dude speak, of course?  I mean in 10 months, a friend can't find the time to tell another friend that "dude, I don't care, but Tony and his fiancee, Tina, who are getting married in November after us might care.  And you don't want to piss off Tina."

I don't think OP or OP's fiance need to pull out their etiquette police badge. Besides, isn't it also bad etiquette to call out others on their own bad etiquette? Sure, others might be hurt or offended due to B&G's lack of inviting non-married SOs, but that's B&G's problem, not OP and her fiance's.

PrettyGirlLost

APDSS22 said:

So this bride wants all these people to come to her wedding and bring presents but doesn't want to invite SOs because that would cost twice as much. Unless there's some sort of alien reaping after the ceremony in which all non married persons are horribly mangled, there is no reason to be this rude. OP, I'm glad you don't care but random cuts of social units like this frost my cookies because someone else could see this and think "what a great idea to cut costs!" And the rudeness perpetuates.

Exactly!

Not to mention in my world, my friends don't treat me like that, nor would I silently accept that behavior, so I'm always surprised when other people here give their friends a pass for being shitty friends just because a wedding is involved.

PoodleDoodleOoo said:

adk19 said:

KnickerGold said:

I'd never set boundaries like that, everyone I'm inviting is getting a +1 if they don't have an SO.
I don't really think it's my place, or FI's place, to tell people who they should invite to the wedding. If a friend asked me, I'd tell them the truth, but I don't think calling up and saying 'only inviting married people is rude- wth?' is the solution.
Even if we were getting married the week before, neither of us would attend as we'd be on our honeymoon... 

No, and I definitely don't think you should have anything to do with it.  But you don't think that between now and October, your fiance, in regular interaction with his buddy, can't say, "Dude, I'm not saying you need to do anything, but I'm just saying that you might make some people a bit annoyed that their fiance or girlfriend of many years can't come to your wedding together.  It's your friendships.  But I'm just saying I wouldn't do that to my friends" in dude speak, of course?  I mean in 10 months, a friend can't find the time to tell another friend that "dude, I don't care, but Tony and his fiancee, Tina, who are getting married in November after us might care.  And you don't want to piss off Tina."

I don't think OP or OP's fiance need to pull out their etiquette police badge. Besides, isn't it also bad etiquette to call out others on their own bad etiquette? Sure, others might be hurt or offended due to B&G's lack of inviting non-married SOs, but that's B&G's problem, not OP and her fiance's.

It's not bad etiquette to let your friend know something he did has upset or offended you.  That's how functional relationships work! 

Personally I don't think OP's FI should have a Bro Talk with his friend for the sake of other couples who this guy might also be offending. . . they can fight their own battles if they choose to.

My point was that were I the OP, I'd find it offensive that a so called good friend of my FI would be so rude as to not invite us to their wedding as a couple, and I'd tell my FI that.  And if I were the FI in this situation, I'd have no problem telling my supposed good friend that this is a dick move and why.

I'm glad OP really doesn't give two shits about this couple and their wedding, but hopefully lurkers here recognize that 1. what this couple is doing is not ok and never will be ok, and 2. if you find yourself in the OP's situation and it does rub you the wrong why, you are justified in those feelings because the couple getting married is being incredibly rude.

pinkcow13

Wow, that is so rude. What I find ridiculous is that they wouldn't reconsider inviting you being that your wedding is a week later. What kind of shit is that? But, whatever. 

Enjoy planning your wedding, OP.Good riddance to that couple.

KnickerGold

PrettyGirlLost said:

KnickerGold said:

Ok, sorry I'm not as upset as I should be, bigger things to worry about!

You missed the point.  And it's entirely possible to plan a wedding and also recognize when so called friends are being asshats, lol.

KnickerGold said:

I'd never set boundaries like that, everyone I'm inviting is getting a +1 if they don't have an SO.
I don't really think it's my place, or FI's place, to tell people who they should invite to the wedding. If a friend asked me, I'd tell them the truth, but I don't think calling up and saying 'only inviting married people is rude- wth?' is the solution.
Even if we were getting married the week before, neither of us would attend as we'd be on our honeymoon... 

If you (general sense) are good friends with someone, you should feel comfortable enough to let them know when something they do is offensive to you, including things related to their wedding.

BOX

True, except I don't consider these people friends... as I mentioned, I've seen groom a handful of times, but not in the last 2 years, and bride I've met ONCE for about 10 minutes- again, over two years ago.

If this was a friend (someone whom I've seen more than a total 2 hours, ever, someone who's last name I know, someone I could pick out in a lineup of similar looking people, someone who's phone number I have..) I'd say something, but they're not.  So not my place. 
FI could say something, sure. I've told him it's rude, and shouldn't be done, but whether or not he does anything with that information is up to him. 

PrettyGirlLost

KnickerGold said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

KnickerGold said:

Ok, sorry I'm not as upset as I should be, bigger things to worry about!

You missed the point.  And it's entirely possible to plan a wedding and also recognize when so called friends are being asshats, lol.

KnickerGold said:

I'd never set boundaries like that, everyone I'm inviting is getting a +1 if they don't have an SO.
I don't really think it's my place, or FI's place, to tell people who they should invite to the wedding. If a friend asked me, I'd tell them the truth, but I don't think calling up and saying 'only inviting married people is rude- wth?' is the solution.
Even if we were getting married the week before, neither of us would attend as we'd be on our honeymoon... 

If you (general sense) are good friends with someone, you should feel comfortable enough to let them know when something they do is offensive to you, including things related to their wedding.

BOX

True, except I don't consider these people friends... as I mentioned, I've seen groom a handful of times, but not in the last 2 years, and bride I've met ONCE for about 10 minutes- again, over two years ago.

If this was a friend (someone whom I've seen more than a total 2 hours, ever, someone who's last name I know, someone I could pick out in a lineup of similar looking people, someone who's phone number I have..) I'd say something, but they're not.  So not my place. 
FI could say something, sure. I've told him it's rude, and shouldn't be done, but whether or not he does anything with that information is up to him. 

The groom is your FI's friend, though.  That's the problem.

But it sounds like they aren't even close friends anymore since you haven't seen the groom in 2 years, so maybe the friendship is already fading and then why bother saying anything.

KnickerGold

They are close friends, see each other a few times a month, which considering they live over an hour apart, is pretty good IMO!

*I* just haven't seen him in 2 years... which is why I don't consider him a friend of mine. Surprisingly, we don't do everything together! We both have our own hobbies (show jumping, mountain biking) which in addition to work, take up the majority of our time! 

PrettyGirlLost

KnickerGold said:

They are close friends, see each other a few times a month, which considering they live over an hour apart, is pretty good IMO!

*I* just haven't seen him in 2 years... which is why I don't consider him a friend of mine. Surprisingly, we don't do everything together! We both have our own hobbies (show jumping, mountain biking) which in addition to work, take up the majority of our time! 

You are still entirely missing the point.

Your FI's close friend is being a dick and disrespecting your FI.  How you feel about it, the fact that you don't consider this dude a friend, that you never see him, that you and your FI aren't joined at the hip is entirely irrelevant to the point I'm trying to make.

This friend is still treating your FI like crap.  That's a shame.  I don't like it when my close friends treat me like crap.

AddieCake

Even if you don't care because you don't really know or see them, it's shitty, and your fiancé should be disgusted with his friend. 

KnickerGold

PrettyGirlLost said:

KnickerGold said:

They are close friends, see each other a few times a month, which considering they live over an hour apart, is pretty good IMO!

*I* just haven't seen him in 2 years... which is why I don't consider him a friend of mine. Surprisingly, we don't do everything together! We both have our own hobbies (show jumping, mountain biking) which in addition to work, take up the majority of our time! 

You are still entirely missing the point.

Your FI's close friend is being a dick and disrespecting your FI.  How you feel about it, the fact that you don't consider this dude a friend, that you never see him, that you and your FI aren't joined at the hip is entirely irrelevant to the point I'm trying to make.

This friend is still treating your FI like crap.  That's a shame.  I don't like it when my close friends treat me like crap.

But you're missing MY point... FI doesn't care! At all! He was already planning on going alone! He doesn't feel disrespected... is that wrong? No. He's allowed to feel whatever he wants! If he doesn't feel 'like crap' why stir the pot? It's not his place.  If his other friends feel like crap, maybe they'll bring it up!
According to him his friend was very apologetic, but that since her family is paying he isn't getting much say in the guest list- not a valid excuse, IMO, but groom does realize what they're doing isn't cool. 

AddieCake

He doesn't feel disrespected? I can't wrap my brain around your fiancé not feeling disrespected that his "close friend" isn't inviting the woman he is marrying a week later to this wedding.

holyguacamole79

PrettyGirlLost said:

KnickerGold said:

They are close friends, see each other a few times a month, which considering they live over an hour apart, is pretty good IMO!

*I* just haven't seen him in 2 years... which is why I don't consider him a friend of mine. Surprisingly, we don't do everything together! We both have our own hobbies (show jumping, mountain biking) which in addition to work, take up the majority of our time! 

You are still entirely missing the point.

Your FI's close friend is being a dick and disrespecting your FI.  How you feel about it, the fact that you don't consider this dude a friend, that you never see him, that you and your FI aren't joined at the hip is entirely irrelevant to the point I'm trying to make.

This friend is still treating your FI like crap.  That's a shame.  I don't like it when my close friends treat me like crap.

Out of curiosity, what do you propose @KnickerGold does?  She has told her FI that what this couple is doing is rude.  Do you suggest that OP INSIST that FI scold his friend?  Should OP INSIST that her FI not attend the wedding in protest?  

And honestly, if this happened to me, I'd be irked and I would think that the bride & groom were complete asshats.  If I found out that the B&G decided to extend this stupid-ass "rule" to all non-married couples, I'd roll my eyes and think that they were alienating a bunch of people.  

I would consider it to be disrespecting if the B&G singled me out and said "oh, we refuse to invite HolyGuacamole because ______."  

But they're not doing that.