Update! Setback - I'm unemployed.

tigerlily6

spockforprez said:

 
Thank you for this lovely and thoughtful response! I have been feeling so down on myself for the last 3-4 years. Most of my high school friends graduated college in 4 years like they were supposed to, many have completed master's degrees, etc. instead of changing majors 5 times and dropping out three times like me. My peers at my former company - started at the same time, had a similar background and education, etc. - achieved so much more than I did. It's been tough. I feel like my FH has been the only bright spot. (And thank god!) Sorry to ramble, it's just your "reorganizing" comment really hit home. I do have a goal for school in mind and will be making it my first priority. Based on my current plan, I will graduate in 2020. Only 10 years late. But I like the symbolism of that, at least. :P 

I would love to chat more with you about food budget. That is the place our money bleeds. I have also been trying to lose weight for nearly two years and while I had a run of success, it's been a struggle lately and I've put weight back on. I know that I can solve for both "birds" with the one stone of meal planning, but I never seem to get a handle on it. That's one of my short-term goals in the next month, though: I'd like to have 60 meals in the freezer by the time I start work. I will definitely PM you Also, I love love love your sigpic.  

I feel this so much! I have gone through college and grad school, but feel like I am still so behind from all of it with nothing to show, really. I started college with an education major, switched into ancient history, switched then to pre-med, switched back to ancient history. Graduated with my BA, then got into a PhD program for ancient history. Started that, waffled a lot, switched to Latin Education, and didn't quite finish that (never did student teaching) but completed what I needed to have a MA in Latin. Felt absolutely crushed when I realized I wasn't going to get my PhD, but just realized it wasn't for me. Had no idea what to do with my life, though. Was able to get a job teaching as a Latin teacher at a charter school, but it was over an hour drive away, and pay and likelihood of raises/ promotions was not so great compared to public school salaries. On top of that, I just really didn't see myself being a teacher my whole life. I respect teachers so much, but it takes a special energy and enthusiasm that just drained me more than it fulfilled me. When I looked at other jobs, though, it was like ... okay, what skills do I even have? I love my dead languages, but they don't get you very far. 

Just started law school this fall, and so far I love it. I think it fits my personality so much better, because I really do enjoy reading and writing a lot, but I also enjoy working one-on-one with real human beings. I don't really want to do big firm law, just small town general practice. Something a bit less ambitious but that will still let me pay off student loans and be able to feel useful in my community and can give me decent work-life balance. It's hard some days when I look at friends who seem like they have their lives put together so much more than I do -- they are buying houses or having kids and talking about their 401K contributions. I'm sitting here building up debt and asking my parents if they can help me cover health insurance premiums. But I firmly believe it is worth it. Now that I have FI in my life, planning my life seems so much more meaningful. I have a person to share my future with and I feel like there is a direction and purpose to my endeavors. After a lot of meandering and frustration, I've had to reflect and discern what I really value in life and the kind of person I want to be.  

One of my favorite poets is Rumi, and one of my favorite quotes recently seems to summarize this feeling:

"I have been lived on the lip of insanity, 
Wanting to know reasons, knocking on a door. 
It opens. 
I have been knocking from the inside."

ETA: I wrote this while pretty tired, so apologies to all for the rambling. I just really have a whole lot of compassion and admiration for you and the process you've been going through, @spockforprez. I'm so excited for you as you move on with the new job and new goals, with the person you love beside you -- it's a great place to be, and keep us posted on everything!