NWR: Talking About Plans

MegEn1

Hello!

So I have a fuzzy etiquette question. Was talking to a friend of mine with whom we see once a week. He said he'd miss next week, however, because he had a show to go to.

I'm curious so I ask "Oh? What kind of show?" 

He starts to tell me and then asks if we'd like to come.

So here's my question -- I know some people feel obliged to ask others to attend an event when that event is discussed in front of said others (not sure if that's an etiquette thing or a personal preference thing). So does that mean to ask about plans is to invite yourself? I wasn't trying to wrangle myself an invite, I was just curious about what kind of show it was! 

I also ask because I feel this way sometimes in other scenarios -- should I ask about this, not trying to invite myself I'm just generally curious. I really don't want to be seen as inviting myself around. 

AddieCake

I don't think asking about plans is inviting yourself, and I would never feel obligated to invite someone who asked me about my plans. I would just think you were making conversation.

lembaslover

I agree with AddieCake I don't think it's inviting yourself to ask about plans and I typically don't feel obligated to invite someone if they've asked about my plans because it's usually just small talk. Sometimes I do end up extending the invite because maybe I didn't realize the person I'm talking to would want to go but if they express interest in it above a normal "oh that's cool" then I might be ask if they want to come too. I still wouldn't see it as inviting themselves but rather I'm making the choice to then invite them after new information about their preferences is gathered. 

I get what you mean though about feeling like you are inviting yourselves. I have some friends and it feels like every time we see them they are talking about some plans and then almost as an afterthought each time they are like "hey why don't you guys come too". We honestly aren't looking to get invited ever and honestly I'd kind of prefer it stop b/c it puts us in the awkward position of either going and feeling kind of strange being the last people to know or to come up with a reason not to again...

knottie2b256f5c2ae42586

I think you're good! If anything, asking about the show may lead to you all attending similar events together.

SP29

I agree- I call that making conversation. 

I know what you mean thought about the awkward "I don't actually want to go, just making conversation" answer. 

huskypuppy14

marriedhamstermom said:

I agree with AddieCake I don't think it's inviting yourself to ask about plans and I typically don't feel obligated to invite someone if they've asked about my plans because it's usually just small talk. Sometimes I do end up extending the invite because maybe I didn't realize the person I'm talking to would want to go but if they express interest in it above a normal "oh that's cool" then I might be ask if they want to come too. I still wouldn't see it as inviting themselves but rather I'm making the choice to then invite them after new information about their preferences is gathered. 

I get what you mean though about feeling like you are inviting yourselves. I have some friends and it feels like every time we see them they are talking about some plans and then almost as an afterthought each time they are like "hey why don't you guys come too". We honestly aren't looking to get invited ever and honestly I'd kind of prefer it stop b/c it puts us in the awkward position of either going and feeling kind of strange being the last people to know or to come up with a reason not to again...

If you don't want to go, don't. You don't have to come up with an excuse. Just say, no thanks.