Mismatched groomsmen?

thisismynickname2

tigerlily6 said:

I appreciate the insights on both sides, as both sides in my real situation are very dear to me -- my parents, and my groom and his friends. Neither my parents nor any of the groomsmen have been demanding or immature towards me, but have shared their thoughts and opinions respectfully. I am hoping to navigate and figure out the best solution and treat everybody with respect in turn.

The thread has given a lot of good reasoning on both sides, and I will talk over our options with my FI. Ultimately, I'm just going to be very happy to have my loved ones present to celebrate with me, regardless of how the attire comes out. Personally, so long as my family and wedding party are happy (or at least not upset), then I am content. 

This is just one of those situations where there is something that is proper, yes. Proper, but nothing more, and totally inconsequential. You do not have to be proper with wedding attire if you don't want to.  Talk about a victimless crime.
My stance on wedding parties is that I have never cared what anyone wears. Yes, you take a lot of pictures with these people. But, you also take a lot of pictures with the rest of your guests. The bride in a big fluffy ball gown will take a picture with her uncle from Utah who's dressed in nice jeans, cowboy boots, and a plaid shirt. (True story.) I seriously never, ever understood why being coordinated in pictures with a wedding party mattered just because they're standing up next to the happy couple during the ceremony.

It sounds like YOU want your bridal party to be happy and comfortable in what they're wearing, both physically and with budget. I like this attitude, and I really think your original idea will pan out in the end. 

SP29

I agree that I'm "ehh" with the difference in formality, as long as you and your FI, and your GM, are cool with it. I like the photo posted by @holyguacamole79. Bridesmaids rarely match the formality of the bride. 

I will disagree that dress shoes are not brown. There are many variances of shoe to choose from these days! DH has brown dress shoes. More casual, yes, but he does wear them with his tan summer suit. He also has a pair of really spiffy tan leather dress shoes- those only get worn on special occasions, with a suit. 

While I don't know if brown and grey are *supposed* to go together, they are both neutrals, so fair game. 

The WP is one area where he who pays DOESN'T get a say. No one else gets to dictate the WP, except the B&G. We conceive that the B&G can make requests or give final approval for attire worn, but we always say on here to chose something in the budget of the WP and something one's WP is comfortable with. So if the B&G are fine with the requested attire, I say go for it.

I am sure people may look back on their photos and think, "My goodness, what did we wear!?!?", but at the time they though they looked good, and I hardly think they consider their wedding ruined or any less valid because of a powder blue tux. Same with the trend of puffy shoulder/sleeved wedding dresses! 

My parents were married in the early 80s. The BMs wore this high neck frilly pink dresses (fortunately not puffy), the GMs wore grey suits, and my dad wore a white tux! (he wore it well, but it does make me giggle). 

hellohkb

thisismynickname said:

tigerlily6 said:

I appreciate the insights on both sides, as both sides in my real situation are very dear to me -- my parents, and my groom and his friends. Neither my parents nor any of the groomsmen have been demanding or immature towards me, but have shared their thoughts and opinions respectfully. I am hoping to navigate and figure out the best solution and treat everybody with respect in turn.

The thread has given a lot of good reasoning on both sides, and I will talk over our options with my FI. Ultimately, I'm just going to be very happy to have my loved ones present to celebrate with me, regardless of how the attire comes out. Personally, so long as my family and wedding party are happy (or at least not upset), then I am content. 

This is just one of those situations where there is something that is proper, yes. Proper, but nothing more, and totally inconsequential. You do not have to be proper with wedding attire if you don't want to.  Talk about a victimless crime.
My stance on wedding parties is that I have never cared what anyone wears. Yes, you take a lot of pictures with these people. But, you also take a lot of pictures with the rest of your guests. The bride in a big fluffy ball gown will take a picture with her uncle from Utah who's dressed in nice jeans, cowboy boots, and a plaid shirt. (True story.) I seriously never, ever understood why being coordinated in pictures with a wedding party mattered just because they're standing up next to the happy couple during the ceremony.

It sounds like YOU want your bridal party to be happy and comfortable in what they're wearing, both physically and with budget. I like this attitude, and I really think your original idea will pan out in the end. 

100% this. I find myself agreeing a LOT with @thisismynickname lately  

Personally, I love looking at old photos and really enjoy the things people wore throughout time- Yes, even the whacky colored suits of the 70s, ruffles and all. I don't worry about how dated my clothes day to day are, I don't really care if the bridal party looks dated as long as they feel comfortable and wonderful.

CMGragain

If you really want to have your groomsmen dressed this way, it is your choice.  I just think it is important for you to understand that this is controversial, and not universally accepted.

Sherbie25

Controversial is a bit extreme, for goodness sake!

hellohkb

Sherbie25 said:

Controversial is a bit extreme, for goodness sake!

What is a controversial issue: The Patriot Act, stem cell research, war, etc. Not controversial: What some guy wears to a wedding.

pinupbride6189

I can dig the mismatched look.  It's pretty widely accepted, if not praised, for bridesmaids, so why not for groomsmen. FI & I are planning on committing a couple of cardinal sins as well.  He and his GM will potentially be wearing vests without jackets, with sleeves rolled up to the elbow. This is because FI hates hates hates having anything on his forearms. Strange, I know, but it is what it is. I say potentially, because weather has been crazy this year, and if there's a bit of chill in the air, then they'll wear the jackets. The suits are light gray and FI is wearing brown shoes. His mother was a bit apprehensive about that (and probably still is), but eh, FI likes it, we googled pics of it and like how it looks, etc. I have no idea what color shoes the other guys will be wearing, nor do I care. I don't think I'll regret my wedding pictures at all ever, because they'll be of people I love on one of the happiest days of my life. As for 'he who pays has a say,' this is true, but as others have pointed out, your parents aren't paying for the GM attire. To me that's like someone offering to pay for your DJ and then insisting you have bright blue roses in your bouquet. 

CMGragain

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/controversial

This issue has been debated frequently on the Knot over the past five years, and I don't expect it to end with this thread.  Yes, it is controversial.  Otherwise, why is this thread already two pages long?  @Sherbie25, you are knitpicking.

As I posted earlier, it is up to you, but you should know what the traditional rules are before you decide to disregard them.

Sherbie25

CMGragain said:

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/controversial

This issue has been debated frequently on the Knot over the past five years, and I don't expect it to end with this thread.  Yes, it is controversial.  Otherwise, why is this thread already two pages long?  @Sherbie25, you are knitpicking.

As I posted earlier, it is up to you, but you should know what the traditional rules are before you decide to disregard them.

This is a controversial wedding outfit, not braces and short sleeves.
It's not nitpicking to reply to a comment I find ridiculous. 
I think the reason this topic is debated so much is because there are people of your opinion who feel that not wearing a completely formal suit is the horror of horrors and will ruin a wedding, while others are of the more reasonable approach that as long as the bride, groom and WP are happy, comfortable and paying that's is absolutely fine. 
Thanks for being another voice of reason @hellohkb 

marsupalami

But tradition is okay to be broken. I mean look around at the world we live in.

tigerlily6

I agree it is controversial in the sense that people debate over it -- it obviously was a topic that came up in my family, and entertains thorough discussion at TK!

At heart, I am a pretty traditional, old-fashioned girl. I learned to set the table properly at a young age for big dinners, and was totally that little girl who always had to have a white dress and gloves for Easter Sunday. My engagement ring is my great-grandmothers, and I love it. So keeping things classic appeals to me, for sure. 

However, I am also the sort of person who HATES imposing on others -- it is really uncomfortable for me. Not only style, but with money. I've had to be the bridesmaid who excitedly accepted, but down the line felt compelled to shell out far more than my bank account was comfortable with, and then could never wear the dress again. I've also been a bridesmaid where the bride purposefully planned our dresses to be re-wearable and reasonably priced, and I was immensely grateful. One thing I have complete conviction about is that I want to treat my wedding party like the latter. Since I'm giving the girls their choice of dress (they can spend more or less as they please, but their choices start as low as $50), my reasoning behind the mismatched groomsmen was to be fair and offer the same for the guys. 

Since I do feel that I have been well informed about the spectrum of opinions on the topic thanks to this thread, I'm laid them out to FI and the GMs. Since I will be happy either way, they can make the decision, having been informed about the pros and cons. 

CMGragain

@tigerlily6, I really like your attitude.  I am sure you will have a lovely wedding.

tigerlily6

Thanks, @CMGragain! It's been a gift to have you and everybody else take time to share your insights, and has been a huge help to me as I plan things!