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Attire & Accessories Forum
tigerlily6
member
Mismatched groomsmen?
I am interested in your thoughts and opinions on this. My wedding will be in the summer, and going for earthy-tones for the wedding. The bridesmaids are going to be mismatched (they can choose any knee-length dress that fits their body and budget best, either peach or green). After conferring with a few of the groomsmen, FI and I like the idea of have them be mismatched also, with some in vests & ties, some in suspenders & ties, somewhat akin the the photo attached below (but different colors -- we are thinking charcoal gray with brown shoes). The best man came up with this idea, and I really like it. The groom would stand out as the one guy in a full suit.
However, I just talked with my parents, whom I want to respect since they are helping fund a lot of the wedding (although the groomsmen will be paying for their attire), and my father did not like the idea that the groomsmen would not all look the same. He and my mother also did not seem to think that brown shoes are proper for gray suits.
What are your thoughts? (1) Is it acceptable to have mismatched groomsmen, or is this too casual? (2) Do brown shoes work with gray suits, or should I do black shoes? And, (3), even if mismatched is okay, should I avoid it if it bothers my parents who are bankrolling most of the wedding, or go with what the groomsmen themselves prefer who will be paying for their own attire?
However, I just talked with my parents, whom I want to respect since they are helping fund a lot of the wedding (although the groomsmen will be paying for their attire), and my father did not like the idea that the groomsmen would not all look the same. He and my mother also did not seem to think that brown shoes are proper for gray suits.
What are your thoughts? (1) Is it acceptable to have mismatched groomsmen, or is this too casual? (2) Do brown shoes work with gray suits, or should I do black shoes? And, (3), even if mismatched is okay, should I avoid it if it bothers my parents who are bankrolling most of the wedding, or go with what the groomsmen themselves prefer who will be paying for their own attire?
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Re: Mismatched groomsmen?
Regarding grey & brown, I'm weird and don't like mixing black / grey with brown.
(2) This was the rule I learned from my mom when I was like 5 in 1990: greys and blacks are worn with black shoes, browns with brown, and navy with navy. It isn't a rule anymore, and hasn't been for at least 15 years. Go to Pinterest or Google Image Search and look for "Charcoal brown shoes" and you'll see plenty of dapper examples.
(3) TBH, I'm not sure. I think they shouldn't have much say in this, but I also think the other ladies here know better than I do.
Also, @JediElizabeth, thank you also! I had seen some matching grays and browns on pinterest, and I liked the look, but wasn't sure if it was actually a grave faux pas or not -- after all, just because some people do it, doesn't always make it a classy thing to do! But I trust the feedback from everybody here.
Also, our groomsmen wore dark charcoal suits with brown shoes. They all had brown shoes and not everyone had black (weird I know but that's what happened) so they all wore brown. I assure you no one cared what kind of shoes they wore.
New development is that, after talking with FI, he has really taken to the idea that the guys should NOT have to get full suits, since he would like to keep the guys from having to pay too much/ the best man (his best friend) has expressed his dislike for wearing suits... FI wants to wear a suit as the groom, though. (I guess I'm happy he has an opinion!) So now I feel like I am caught between my parents and the groom & groomsmen. Sheesh. I guess I need to put my foot down about the suits/ vs. no suits one way or another as tactfully as possible.
More importantly, you're taking your GM's budgets into account, and forming a vision that works with them. I think that's pretty cool of you.
http://abeautifulmess.typepad.com/.a/6a00d8358081ff69e201901e74feb9970b-800wi
For the men though, I wouldn't try to force the mismatched. If they'd prefer a vest and tie, or suspenders and tie, let them choose. For the groom, I'd go with a gray suit rather than black. One idea is to buy them matching ties that would go with the colors and both vest and suspenders- that would tie them together (no pun intended).
As to the parents, show them lots of pictures to help them come around but ultimately, in my opinion, let them clutch their pearls and get over it. They're not paying for the actual attire and their influence shouldn't cause a guy's budget to hurt over buying a new suit.
As far as the mismatched thing goes, I thought I would put it out to the 5 groomsmen whether they want a vest or suspenders (as long as 2 of them pick one style, that is good with me -- and I have a feeling they can create that ratio through their own preferences). I'd also ask each of them if they prefer bowties or neckties, and then FI and I will buy whichever one each guy likes with coordinating colors to the bridesmaids.
Does that sound like a good game plan?
I also think this is one area where even though for parents are paying, they don't really get a say. I think it's great you're trying to take the guys budgets into account. You may just have to put your foot down with your family and say that this is what the groom and his wedding party are wearing.
Oh and I found that pic (and others) on Pinterest searching for "mismatched groomsmen"
2. Brown shoes do not compliment grey suits. Dress shoes are black.
3. I agree with your parents, and he who pays get a say.
Check out Kohl's, JCP, etc. for inexpensive two piece suits. They guys can ditch the jackets after the ceremony and photos to party at the reception. The suits do NOT need to match exactly. Any grey suit is fine. You could have matching ties.
What are YOU wearing? If you are wearing a long formal gown, then they guys would look really out of place in anything but a suit.
How would you feel about it if one of your bridesmaids said she couldn't afford a dress and would just wear jeans, instead?
Alternative: All the men, groom included, wear khakies and a navy sportjacket (blazer). Brown shoes OK with this.
It has never been proper to wear suspenders and vests without a jacket. A wedding is an important time in your life, and I think your men should be dressed properly.
The rule is that all the men wear the same level of formality. This level of formality should not be markedly different from the bride.
It is not completely up to the men what they wear. I remember a formal wedding where a groom wanted to wear his military camos. No. The groom may choose within proper parameters, and he has chosen to wear a suit, which is fine. This means that the groomsmen should also wear suits. They are not as expensive as many bridesmaid's dresses. The groomsmen do not get to choose the level of formality. That is set by the bride and groom. If the best man is having a hissy fit, he can decline the honor and step down.
This would be different if you were requiring the men to buy an specific, expensive suit, but you are not.
I don't think you know what "rude" means.
No hard feelings here X
The thread has given a lot of good reasoning on both sides, and I will talk over our options with my FI. Ultimately, I'm just going to be very happy to have my loved ones present to celebrate with me, regardless of how the attire comes out. Personally, so long as my family and wedding party are happy (or at least not upset), then I am content.
I do remember the 1970's with pastel tuxedos and ruffled shirts. A lot of couple that I know wish they had chosen more traditional clothing for their men. Oh, it was trendy, but not really proper. Then there are some who don't care and still like the look. A lot of them live in Arizona and Florida, now.
Good luck on your wedding planning.
After the depression, ladies who could afford it had "wedding dresses" made up by their local seamstress. They were not made in a style that could be worn elsewhere. This was the beginning of the wedding costume.
Groom's just wore their dark blue suit. Everyone had one, or could borrow one. Matching bridesmaids weren't a thing.
After WWll, the wedding industry arose to take advantage of all the post war couples getting married. Bridal magazines evolved. Weddings became more and more elaborate. Church weddings were the most popular.Yet, many couples still get married traditionally, dressed in their "Sunday best". That is just fine!
For our wedding, DH wore a navy suit with a vest and the GM wore a navy suit (no vest). We also didn't pick a specific suit out, we just any navy suit is fine. Some of the navy suits were darker, some were brighter, and one guy even wore a black tux because that's all he had and couldn't afford anything new (we just wanted him in the wedding). DH bought his suit (pants, vest, jacket) for less than $150 and he has worn it again. He has worn the jacket with khakis to a wedding and job interviews.
My dad got married in a pink tux and they still love there pictures because it was an important moment in their lives.