When having major issues with your spouse who do U seek advice from-SORRY this post wasn't clear be4

nerdwife

NAJ said:

Sorry for those who answered to the post, I forgot to mention in the initial post it is an issue with her spouse and who to seek advice from, sorry for not clarifying

If you didn't understand the post then sorry for the misunderstanding of the question

If I have an issue with FI, the only person I would talk to about it is him. If I really really need to vent and it isn't something that I know is going to long-term affect his relationship with the person I tell (as PPs have mentioned above) or I feel like maybe I need some advice, perhaps I call my mom. But I would never not discuss a problem that I have with FI with FI. How else are we going to deal with it?

If this is an abuse situation, that's obviously different, but you haven't given any details, so it's impossible to know.

anjemon

kmmssg said:

I have 3 sons-in-law.  I have told everyone of my still married daughters that they need to keep their serious marriage business between their husbands and a therapist.

I told them they are most welcome to come to me anytime for advice but to remember that if something is wrong I now know about it.  If their husband has done something terribly irresponsible or worse, they need to understand that they may get to a place where THEY will forgive them, but I might not.  Hurt my girls, I'm a mama bear.

Now - abuse, addiction/alcoholism, gambling addiction, etc - I told them they should come to us so we can get them out of there if that is what they need.  I grew up around all of that except the gambling addiction and I would want to help my girls ASAP.  

I think it is very important to consider how going to someone close to you may permanently change the relationship.  If your sister isn't in danger maybe she would consider counseling.

This is largely why I discuss me and H issues with only my H. Anything you tell to close friends and family gets remembered and can influence opinions in the future. I wouldn't want to complain to someone then have them think badly of my H after I had gotten over whatever was bothering me. Even this weird fight we had (and resolved right away) last week didn't get discussed with my girlfriends because I don't want them to be influenced by it. 

I have never been close to my parents, but I would definitely go to them for some types of advice, especially if I'm looking for solutions to issues. My Dad is great at solutions and is really great at financial stuff.

And in all honesty, sometimes it's great to tell TK. These ladies give awesome advice and I know none of y'all know my husband, so I don't have to worry about my venting giving you a bad impression of him.

LD1970

NAJ said:

Topics that are serious: Other Women, Children, Drugs Drinking OR Finances

Other women:  N/A
Children:  N/A, but would discuss it with my husband if we had any/were going to have any
Drugs:  N/A, but would discuss with a therapist if it was an issue
Drinking:  N/A, but would discuss with a therapist if it was an issue
Finances:  I only discuss with my husband and our accountant

NAJ

thank you kmmssg..

I  did recommend possibly a therapist if she didn't feel right talking to me or our parents

NAJ

for scrib95.. I wrote the post that way because I couldn't fit all of the wording in to my post and also it doesn't matter as long as you understand it.