Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions

Basically Confused

Okay
We will be doing an intimate wedding ceremony in Costa Rica (<10 guest)
Im starting to look into vows and I am getting so confused

I thought writing vows would be long the lines of 
Officiant greets everyone
Bride : "Groom" I promise to X,X,X
Groom : "Bride" I promise to X,X,X

But watching a bazillion wedding videos it seems more like a speech/ declaration 

"When we fist began our relationship I knew XXX
I knew there would be XXX  what I didn't know was how quickly i would fall in love with you. You are my best friend and this is the best day of my life. It has been and always will be a privilege to be loved by you and I look forward to a  lifetime of memories." (not putting thought into this just a guess)
 
SHould we both be making this type of spiel? 


Re: Basically Confused

  • tigerlily6tigerlily6 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited January 2016
    I like the idea of making promises as you originally suggested. They are called "vows", after all. 

    That being said, when it comes to your vows and what you want them to be, I think the golden rule is simple: you do you.


                        


    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • Found this Knot article that totally encourages the history and  "Before I mew you ____ now I ____" speech 

    https://www.theknot.com/content/how-to-write-your-own-wedding-vows
  • Okay got it. 
    So these brides are doing some sort of ..intro to the vows?
  • From the guest perspective, listening to the over-detailed schmoopy love letter type is also pretty-cringe inducing and awkward to listen to.  Save that stuff for a private moment before or after the wedding. 

    Vows are promises.  Start with the basic ceremony you can find (love and cherish, richer or poorer, sickness and health) and edit from there.  When you do the "When we met..." and "you make me so happy..." you're not vowing anything.  You can include a little of that, I guess if you want, but then what makes you "married" from using those words - what makes those words any different from any other love letter you write?  Nothing - what makes the marriage ceremony different from a love letter is that you are pledging yourself in a contract with the other person.  So what are you promising to the other person in your marriage?

    (I also find the cutesy vows to be pretty cringe-inducing, too.  Like I've heard ones along the lines of "I promise to never get mad at you when you leave toenail clippings on the bathroom floor."  Really?  You're never ever going to get mad about that again?  And you feel bathroom grooming habits are things everyone needs to know about?)
    thisismynickname2[Deleted User]VicTim328
  • You may also want to check if Costa Rica has any rules on this - in some countries there are things you have to legally say as part of the vows. If Costa Rica doesn't have any legal restrictions on what you have to say, then go with what you and your FI are most comfortable with. 

  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    My husband said promises for his vows. I did what you see in that video, basically a love letter and I regret it. I feel like I missed out on the chance to make meaningful promises to him at our wedding. I highly recommend saying actual vows.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

    InLoveInQueensVicTim328
  • We did not do any of the additional "fluffy" stuff.

    We had vows. 

    Our officiant gave us a run down of how he likes to organize the ceremony "first I welcome everyone, then we exchange the rings with vows, then we do this, then that...". He gave us a booklet of wording we could use for each section, but also told us we could choose whatever we want.

    I looked up vows online, as well as wording for the other parts of the ceremony we would say, and chose what I thought would suit us best- each party was only a few lines.

    Saying this- I have seen when couples have recited more of the "love letter" style of vows- I've seen it done well, and not so well. I think it depends on if that is your style and how well you can stick to the "point" (which is that you are making a vow to your new spouse, not giving your guests a historical run down your relationship). 
    [Deleted User]
  • Thanks everyone. I spoke to our officiant who gave us his script. Im not a HUGE fan of this part

     

    ______  and ______, please face each other and take each other’s hands.

    Hombre

    ______, do you take this woman to be your wedded wife? Do you promise before god and this company that you will love, honor, comfort and keep her in sickness and in health,

    and that forsaking of all others for her alone will you give unto her all the duties and respect that a husband graciously bestows upon his wife?

     

    ______: I do.


    ______, do you take this man to be your wedded husband?

    Do you promise before god and this company that you will love, honor, comfort hand keep him in sickness and in health

    and that forsaking of all others for him alone will you give unto him all the duties and respect that a wife graciously bestows upon her husband?

     

    ______: I do.

  • We wrote our vows together and said the same thing. It was very short and promises we made to each other. 

    I think the sappy love letter style vows are fine for movies but I like having actual promises we can look back on in 5 years and say how are we doing with those? 

    Make them things you can actually promise. ie. it's unrealistic to say you'll never go to bed angry or you'll never spend another day apart. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • This is what my sister and I wrote for her wedding.  We stole the basics from the interwebs and changed them to fit her and her husband's personalities and priorities.

    I, A, take you, K, to be my husband, I, K, take you, A, to be my wife, my constant friend and partner, and my love.


    I will work to create a bond of honesty, respect, and trust; one that withstands the tides of time and change, and grows along with us.


    I vow to honor and respect you for all that you are and will become, taking pride in who we are, both separately and together.


    I promise to challenge you, and to accept challenges from you.


    I will join with you and our community and try to create and maintain a world we all want to live in.


    Our home will be a sanctuary and a respite for us and for those whom we cherish.


    Together: Above all, I will give you my love freely and unconditionally.


    Together: I pledge this to you from the bottom of my heart, for all the days of our lives.


    Jen4948SP29
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Found this Knot article that totally encourages the history and  "Before I mew you ____ now I ____" speech 

    https://www.theknot.com/content/how-to-write-your-own-wedding-vows
    Even if TheKnot article totally encourages it, the honest truth is that your guests aren't there to hear it.  They're there to hear you make promises to each other, not to listen to you discuss the history of your relationship or how much you love each other.  That's because the history and "before I met you-now I" is very intimate, and listening to it can be like watching PDA.  It can make people feel uncomfortable.  That's why we advise putting it in a love letter to read privately rather than including it in the ceremony.

    Also, as a PP noted, the jurisdiction you're marrying may have some legal requirements as to the content of your vows.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    adk19 said:
    This is what my sister and I wrote for her wedding.  We stole the basics from the interwebs and changed them to fit her and her husband's personalities and priorities.

    I, A, take you, K, to be my husband, I, K, take you, A, to be my wife, my constant friend and partner, and my love.


    I will work to create a bond of honesty, respect, and trust; one that withstands the tides of time and change, and grows along with us.


    I vow to honor and respect you for all that you are and will become, taking pride in who we are, both separately and together.


    I promise to challenge you, and to accept challenges from you.


    I will join with you and our community and try to create and maintain a world we all want to live in.


    Our home will be a sanctuary and a respite for us and for those whom we cherish.


    Together: Above all, I will give you my love freely and unconditionally.


    Together: I pledge this to you from the bottom of my heart, for all the days of our lives.


    I really like this!  I request permission to use at my own wedding.
  • princessleia22princessleia22 Oceanfront Property in Arizona member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    We borrowed the poem below for our vows (with a few minor modifications).  We didn't want to take too long, so we split it up and went back and forth saying each verse (I said first verse, he said second verse, I said third, etc). Then the officiant did the ring exchange, with just "Do you bride, take groom to be your lawfully wedded husband? - I Do" and that was it for our ceremony.

    imageYou Poem. Most beautiful romantic short poems written. I Promise You ...">

    image 

  • Jen4948 said:

    adk19 said:
    This is what my sister and I wrote for her wedding.  We stole the basics from the interwebs and changed them to fit her and her husband's personalities and priorities.

    I, A, take you, K, to be my husband, I, K, take you, A, to be my wife, my constant friend and partner, and my love.


    I will work to create a bond of honesty, respect, and trust; one that withstands the tides of time and change, and grows along with us.


    I vow to honor and respect you for all that you are and will become, taking pride in who we are, both separately and together.


    I promise to challenge you, and to accept challenges from you.


    I will join with you and our community and try to create and maintain a world we all want to live in.


    Our home will be a sanctuary and a respite for us and for those whom we cherish.


    Together: Above all, I will give you my love freely and unconditionally.


    Together: I pledge this to you from the bottom of my heart, for all the days of our lives.


    I really like this!  I request permission to use at my own wedding.
    Permission granted.  And feel free to butcher it to fit your personalities as well.  As the officiant, I printed it out in pink and blue, each phrase was split in the middle so they each said half.  So, he would say the first half of one, she would finish the sentence and start the first half of the next, and so on.  (The colors didn't cut and paste, but I'll email it to you if you'd like.)
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    adk19 said:
    Jen4948 said:

    adk19 said:
    This is what my sister and I wrote for her wedding.  We stole the basics from the interwebs and changed them to fit her and her husband's personalities and priorities.

    I, A, take you, K, to be my husband, I, K, take you, A, to be my wife, my constant friend and partner, and my love.


    I will work to create a bond of honesty, respect, and trust; one that withstands the tides of time and change, and grows along with us.


    I vow to honor and respect you for all that you are and will become, taking pride in who we are, both separately and together.


    I promise to challenge you, and to accept challenges from you.


    I will join with you and our community and try to create and maintain a world we all want to live in.


    Our home will be a sanctuary and a respite for us and for those whom we cherish.


    Together: Above all, I will give you my love freely and unconditionally.


    Together: I pledge this to you from the bottom of my heart, for all the days of our lives.


    I really like this!  I request permission to use at my own wedding.
    Permission granted.  And feel free to butcher it to fit your personalities as well.  As the officiant, I printed it out in pink and blue, each phrase was split in the middle so they each said half.  So, he would say the first half of one, she would finish the sentence and start the first half of the next, and so on.  (The colors didn't cut and paste, but I'll email it to you if you'd like.)
    Thanks, that would be nice.
  • I'd also add that guests are there to witness the exchange of vows/promises, not how one part of the couple snores/takes up 90% of the bed. 

    I've been to some weddings where the officiant asks the guests or wedding party to vow to support/encourage the couple in upholding their vows.  I've appreciated, as it emphasizes that they are not always easy promises to uphold.

  • Awesome! I like the idea of writing our own vows but saying the same thing. We worked on ours this week and even though they keep changing im going to include them in this post. We are getting married in Costa Rica and the translation of the officiants script was a little wonky, but I wanted it to still have his flavor (intro and ring vows). 


    Thoughts / comments/ feedback appreciated
    PS we are having a private ceremony 15 guest. 

    W E D D I N G       C E R E M O N Y

    We are gathered here today in a beautiful serene tropics of Costa Rica to unite _____ and ______in marriage.


    This is a celebration of the joining of two souls, an inward union

    Of heart, mind and spirit.  


    We are here to bare witness to these best friends as they enter into the new relationship of husband and wife.


    _____ and ______ it is this day you make a commitment to love, understanding and growth.  


    When a commitment this strong is made by two people,

    the force of that commitment, of that love, of that courage, reaches out and touches all that is around you.


    You are now taking into your care and keeping the happiness of the one person in all the world whom you love best.


    You are adding to your life not only the affection for each other, but also the companionship and blessing of a deep trust as well.


    You are agreeing to share all the hopes and joys and dreams of life.


    But real love, _____ and ______, is not a total absorption into each other, it is looking outward in the same direction together.

    It makes burdens lighter because you divide them.

    It makes joys more intense because you share, them.

    It makes you strong, so you can be involved with life in ways you dare not risk alone.




    D E C L A R A T I O N    OF    C O N S E N T

    ______ and _______, please face each other and take each other’s hands and repeat after me.


    To Groom

    Do you _____take______ as your lawfully wedded wife? Do you promise yo give yourself in loyalty and trust/ as you strive towards a full life together?


    “I DO”


    To Bride:

    Do you _____ take______/ as your lawfully wedded husband/ Do you promise yo give yourself in loyalty and trust/ as you strive towards a full life together?


    “I DO”


    Together:

    Do you both choose to marry, to speak the words that will bind you as husband and wife, allowing you to become most fully yourself in each other’s presence for the rest of your days?

    “We do.”


    W E D D I N G    V O W S

    You have also prepared your own vows to speak to one another today. Your vows are the intention and vision that will define and shape your marriage.


    Groom Vows:

    I choose you every day because my heart completely and absolutely belongs to you.

    Wherever you go i will go, whatever you face I will face.

    I promise not just to grow old with you, but to continue to learn and grow together.

    I will love and comfort you, honor and respect you, and be honest and faithful

    I give you my strength, my life to keep, my heart to own and my laughter to share.

    I promise to love you unconditionally and without hesitation under any circumstance, happy or sad, easy or difficult, forever..

    Bride Vows:

    I choose you every day because my heart completely and absolutely belongs to you.

    Wherever you go i will go, whatever you face I will face.

    I promise not just to grow old with you, but to continue to learn and grow together.

    I will love and comfort you, honor and respect you, and be honest and faithful

    I promise you my strength, my life to keep, my heart to own and my laughter to share.

    I promise to love you unconditionally and without hesitation under any circumstance, happy or sad, easy or difficult, forever..



    May I have the rings, please?


    _____ and ______ as these Beautiful Rings are designed without, a beginning nor an ending, they speak of eternity.  

    May these rings represent a love glowing with increasing luster through the years to come.

    You give these rings to each other as the sign of your love, trust, and faithfulness.


     place this ring on _____and please repeat after me;


    _____  I give you this ring/ to wear with joy/as a symbol of my love./ the vows we spoke today/ and our inner unity


    ____ : place this ring on____  and please repeat after me;


    ____  I give you this ring/ to wear with joy/ as a symbol of my love/ the vows we spoke today/ and our inner unity




    ____  and ____  with the promises you have made to one another today, this is the start of your next great journey and adventure.


    Together with these witnesses, I wish you the blessings of a happy and enduring marriage.


    With the power invested in me and the laws of Costa Rica it’s my privilege to pronounce you husband and wife.
  • it won't let me cut and past with colors in a PM either, so let's see if this works.



    Bride and Groom

     I, A, take you, K, to be my husband, I, K, take you, A, to be my wife, my constant friend and partner, and my love.


    I will work to create a bond of honesty, respect, and trust; one that withstands the tides of time and change, and grows along with us.


    I vow to honor and respect you for all that you are and will become, taking pride in who we are, both separately and together.


    I promise to challenge you, and to accept challenges from you.


    I will join with you and our community and try to create and maintain a world we all want to live in.


    Our home will be a sanctuary and a respite for us and for those whom we cherish.


    Together: Above all, I will give you my love freely and unconditionally.


    Together: I pledge this to you from the bottom of my heart, for all the days of our lives.


  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Awesome! I like the idea of writing our own vows but saying the same thing. We worked on ours this week and even though they keep changing im going to include them in this post. We are getting married in Costa Rica and the translation of the officiants script was a little wonky, but I wanted it to still have his flavor (intro and ring vows). 


    Thoughts / comments/ feedback appreciated
    PS we are having a private ceremony 15 guest. 

    W E D D I N G       C E R E M O N Y

    We are gathered here today in a beautiful serene tropics of Costa Rica to unite _____ and ______in marriage.


    This is a celebration of the joining of two souls, an inward union

    Of heart, mind and spirit.  


    We are here to bare witness to these best friends as they enter into the new relationship of husband and wife.


    _____ and ______ it is this day you make a commitment to love, understanding and growth.  


    When a commitment this strong is made by two people,

    the force of that commitment, of that love, of that courage, reaches out and touches all that is around you.


    You are now taking into your care and keeping the happiness of the one person in all the world whom you love best.


    You are adding to your life not only the affection for each other, but also the companionship and blessing of a deep trust as well.


    You are agreeing to share all the hopes and joys and dreams of life.


    But real love, _____ and ______, is not a total absorption into each other, it is looking outward in the same direction together.

    It makes burdens lighter because you divide them.

    It makes joys more intense because you share, them.

    It makes you strong, so you can be involved with life in ways you dare not risk alone.




    D E C L A R A T I O N    OF    C O N S E N T

    ______ and _______, please face each other and take each other’s hands and repeat after me.


    To Groom

    Do you _____take______ as your lawfully wedded wife? Do you promise yo give yourself in loyalty and trust/ as you strive towards a full life together?


    “I DO”


    To Bride:

    Do you _____ take______/ as your lawfully wedded husband/ Do you promise yo give yourself in loyalty and trust/ as you strive towards a full life together?


    “I DO”


    Together:

    Do you both choose to marry, to speak the words that will bind you as husband and wife, allowing you to become most fully yourself in each other’s presence for the rest of your days?

    “We do.”


    W E D D I N G    V O W S

    You have also prepared your own vows to speak to one another today. Your vows are the intention and vision that will define and shape your marriage.


    Groom Vows:

    I choose you every day because my heart completely and absolutely belongs to you.

    Wherever you go i will go, whatever you face I will face.

    I promise not just to grow old with you, but to continue to learn and grow together.

    I will love and comfort you, honor and respect you, and be honest and faithful

    I give you my strength, my life to keep, my heart to own and my laughter to share.

    I promise to love you unconditionally and without hesitation under any circumstance, happy or sad, easy or difficult, forever..

    Bride Vows:

    I choose you every day because my heart completely and absolutely belongs to you.

    Wherever you go i will go, whatever you face I will face.

    I promise not just to grow old with you, but to continue to learn and grow together.

    I will love and comfort you, honor and respect you, and be honest and faithful

    I promise you my strength, my life to keep, my heart to own and my laughter to share.

    I promise to love you unconditionally and without hesitation under any circumstance, happy or sad, easy or difficult, forever..



    May I have the rings, please?


    _____ and ______ as these Beautiful Rings are designed without, a beginning nor an ending, they speak of eternity.  

    May these rings represent a love glowing with increasing luster through the years to come.

    You give these rings to each other as the sign of your love, trust, and faithfulness.


     place this ring on _____and please repeat after me;


    _____  I give you this ring/ to wear with joy/as a symbol of my love./ the vows we spoke today/ and our inner unity


    ____ : place this ring on____  and please repeat after me;


    ____  I give you this ring/ to wear with joy/ as a symbol of my love/ the vows we spoke today/ and our inner unity




    ____  and ____  with the promises you have made to one another today, this is the start of your next great journey and adventure.


    Together with these witnesses, I wish you the blessings of a happy and enduring marriage.


    With the power invested in me and the laws of Costa Rica it’s my privilege to pronounce you husband and wife.
    I would eliminate the bolded.  I like the rest of what you have.
  • Thank you . And I agree, I don't want to offend this guy by chopping up his script but it feels a little mushy.
    Jen4948
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