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Sister in law troubles

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Re: Sister in law troubles

  • banana468banana468 member
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    Add me to the "please FFS don't put me in peach" group.

    With my rosy cheeks, many peach shades have a way of making me look like I'm about to PTFO.  

    Also, please don't dictate the colors to anyone other than people that are in your wedding party.   Unless your FFIL is standing next to your DH as a groomsman or BM, he's not in the WP and neither is FMIL. 

    I'll agree that it sounds like the kids aren't fantastic and it makes sense that you don't want them there but I think you're also creating some of these issues for yourself. 
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    kmmssg said:
    For starters, I think peach is a color like yellow - very few people look good in it. I wouldn't wear it either. After reading all of this, I am just stuck on @Lyndausvi grandpa having a 104 year old girlfriend. Ah, young love....
    To be fair, my grandfather had passed away 19 years before I got married.   They had been together for 30-something years when he passed.  They ::gasp:: lived together. In separate rooms.  Which I never bought that story- Ha.     

    My grandmother passed when dad was 19.   So girlfriend was like a grandmother to me, but for some reason we always referred to her has pop-pop's girlfriend or companion.    Not sure why.   She was in all the family photos at my parent's wedding as like a parent/step-parent.  So who knows?

    We always keep in touch with her until she died (a few years after my wedding).






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • Knottie1451694230Knottie1451694230 member
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    JediElizabeth said:
    4. blue and peach 

    She's on the side wearing peach, isn't she? Blue is pretty universally flattering, whereas you need a special skin tone for peach. I would be pretty upset if I heard that half the wedding party was wearing blue, but I got to wear a color that looks terrible on me. 

    Let everyone in the wedding party wear blue. Your pictures will still look good if you're not using your FSIL as a prop. 

    Also, her money is her own. She can have millions of dollars sitting in the bank, and if she says somethings out of her price range, that's none of your business. Acting otherwise makes you come off as rather small and maybe jealous?
    she will be wearing blue. i have actually seen her wearing blue, although now she says she hates wearing it. peach actually looks very nice on the people on my side.
    she did not say anything was out of per price range.  she said she didnt like the idea of buying a dress that she would never wear again. our response was, okay, fine, we will pay for the dress.
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  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
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    Knottie1451694230 said:
    JediElizabeth said:
    4. blue and peach 

    She's on the side wearing peach, isn't she? Blue is pretty universally flattering, whereas you need a special skin tone for peach. I would be pretty upset if I heard that half the wedding party was wearing blue, but I got to wear a color that looks terrible on me. 

    Let everyone in the wedding party wear blue. Your pictures will still look good if you're not using your FSIL as a prop. 

    Also, her money is her own. She can have millions of dollars sitting in the bank, and if she says somethings out of her price range, that's none of your business. Acting otherwise makes you come off as rather small and maybe jealous?
    she will be wearing blue. i have actually seen her wearing blue, although now she says she hates wearing it. peach actually looks very nice on the people on my side.
    she did not say anything was out of per price range.  she said she didnt like the idea of buying a dress that she would never wear again. our response was, okay, fine, we will pay for the dress.
    What does your FI have to say? 




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  • SP29SP29 member
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    Ok, I get that SIL has nannies, but I still don't get where she and her children will be staying during this visit home?

    Seems odd she is coming from OOT with her kids, for a family wedding, but isn't allowed to stay in her family home? And if it's the kids bedtime anyway, I assume the nanny would take the children up to bed when it's the appropriate time?? 

    I'm kind of lost where the problem really is here? 

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  • GlamQueenBrideGlamQueenBride member
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    To be blunt, you're in the wrong.

    (1) You shouldn't have scheduled your wedding on the day of your future niece/nephew's birthday when the child is so young. Birthdays are a BIG deal at that age and it's pretty crappy that you and Fi don't care about that.

    (2) You should have invited your future niece/nephews under the circumstances. The fact that you didn't and you're still complaining because your FSIL will only be there the day of is again, pretty crappy.

    You guys have treated your FSIL poorly and now you're upset that she's upset???
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  • Knottie1433791078.defunct635887248411526866Knottie1433791078.defunct635887248411526866 member
    First Comment
    .Knottie1451694230 said:
    marriedhamstermom said:
    A few thoughts OP:

    1. Okay maybe the kids are awful and you are within your rights to not have them there. However if she just brings them into town like you suggest who is going to watch them? 

    2. Glad you let go of the rehearsal dinner. However you say you'd like if they could celebrate his b'day on the actual day just not during your wedding. Well that is kind of hard when your wedding is on his b'day... 

    3. You brought up that she has a live-in nanny which means it can't be the reason she's pushing back is she doesn't have the money... I imagine a line in nanny is quite expensive and maybe she's chosen to have one which means she can't afford other things... you can't tell people how to spend their money and even if she is loaded she has every right to choose not to spend it on your wedding and spending it on her kids will probably be more important to her.

    4. What is the color you chose and what is the color your FI chose? I'm very pale and I'm sorry but I'm not wearing yellow and you'll be sorry if you try to make me because I'll just look sick!

    5. PP are right unless your parents are groomsmen/women or bridesmaids/men you shouldn't be telling them what color to wear. 

    I bolded # 4 because that's what I'm most curious about.
    1. Her live in nanny plus additional  hired help as needed. 

    2. Our wedding is in the evening, after his bed time. The bday celebration wpuld be that morning, just with family. My fiance and i do not feel its bad luck to see each  

    3. We actually offered to pay for it to eliminate that as an issue.

    4.  blue and peach

    5. Again, i think this varies. Mg family asked me what color they should wear. At other weddings i have attended they coordinated. Also, ive never heard of doing a grooms color a d brides color but only for immediate family.
    Knottie1451694230 said:
    marriedhamstermom said:
    A few thoughts OP:

    1. Okay maybe the kids are awful and you are within your rights to not have them there. However if she just brings them into town like you suggest who is going to watch them? 

    2. Glad you let go of the rehearsal dinner. However you say you'd like if they could celebrate his b'day on the actual day just not during your wedding. Well that is kind of hard when your wedding is on his b'day... 

    3. You brought up that she has a live-in nanny which means it can't be the reason she's pushing back is she doesn't have the money... I imagine a line in nanny is quite expensive and maybe she's chosen to have one which means she can't afford other things... you can't tell people how to spend their money and even if she is loaded she has every right to choose not to spend it on your wedding and spending it on her kids will probably be more important to her.

    4. What is the color you chose and what is the color your FI chose? I'm very pale and I'm sorry but I'm not wearing yellow and you'll be sorry if you try to make me because I'll just look sick!

    5. PP are right unless your parents are groomsmen/women or bridesmaids/men you shouldn't be telling them what color to wear. 

    I bolded # 4 because that's what I'm most curious about.
    1. Her live in nanny plus additional  hired help as needed. 

    2. Our wedding is in the evening, after his bed time. The bday celebration wpuld be that morning, just with family. My fiance and i do not feel its bad luck to see each  

    3. We actually offered to pay for it to eliminate that as an issue.

    4.  blue and peach

    5. Again, i think this varies. Mg family asked me what color they should wear. At other weddings i have attended they coordinated. Also, ive never heard of doing a grooms color a d brides color but only for immediate family.
    I think you have done everything you can to accommodate you FSIL. If your family asked you what color then you absolutely have every right to tell them what color. Every wedding I have attended had the parents coordinate colors. I also love the idea of having the baby's party that morning. Heck, he/she won't remember it anyway. 
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  • flantasticflantastic member
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    Knottie1433791078.defunct635887248411526866 said:
    .Knottie1451694230 said:
    marriedhamstermom said:
    A few thoughts OP:

    1. Okay maybe the kids are awful and you are within your rights to not have them there. However if she just brings them into town like you suggest who is going to watch them? 

    2. Glad you let go of the rehearsal dinner. However you say you'd like if they could celebrate his b'day on the actual day just not during your wedding. Well that is kind of hard when your wedding is on his b'day... 

    3. You brought up that she has a live-in nanny which means it can't be the reason she's pushing back is she doesn't have the money... I imagine a line in nanny is quite expensive and maybe she's chosen to have one which means she can't afford other things... you can't tell people how to spend their money and even if she is loaded she has every right to choose not to spend it on your wedding and spending it on her kids will probably be more important to her.

    4. What is the color you chose and what is the color your FI chose? I'm very pale and I'm sorry but I'm not wearing yellow and you'll be sorry if you try to make me because I'll just look sick!

    5. PP are right unless your parents are groomsmen/women or bridesmaids/men you shouldn't be telling them what color to wear. 

    I bolded # 4 because that's what I'm most curious about.
    1. Her live in nanny plus additional  hired help as needed. 

    2. Our wedding is in the evening, after his bed time. The bday celebration wpuld be that morning, just with family. My fiance and i do not feel its bad luck to see each  

    3. We actually offered to pay for it to eliminate that as an issue.

    4.  blue and peach

    5. Again, i think this varies. Mg family asked me what color they should wear. At other weddings i have attended they coordinated. Also, ive never heard of doing a grooms color a d brides color but only for immediate family.
    Knottie1451694230 said:
    marriedhamstermom said:
    A few thoughts OP:

    1. Okay maybe the kids are awful and you are within your rights to not have them there. However if she just brings them into town like you suggest who is going to watch them? 

    2. Glad you let go of the rehearsal dinner. However you say you'd like if they could celebrate his b'day on the actual day just not during your wedding. Well that is kind of hard when your wedding is on his b'day... 

    3. You brought up that she has a live-in nanny which means it can't be the reason she's pushing back is she doesn't have the money... I imagine a line in nanny is quite expensive and maybe she's chosen to have one which means she can't afford other things... you can't tell people how to spend their money and even if she is loaded she has every right to choose not to spend it on your wedding and spending it on her kids will probably be more important to her.

    4. What is the color you chose and what is the color your FI chose? I'm very pale and I'm sorry but I'm not wearing yellow and you'll be sorry if you try to make me because I'll just look sick!

    5. PP are right unless your parents are groomsmen/women or bridesmaids/men you shouldn't be telling them what color to wear. 

    I bolded # 4 because that's what I'm most curious about.
    1. Her live in nanny plus additional  hired help as needed. 

    2. Our wedding is in the evening, after his bed time. The bday celebration wpuld be that morning, just with family. My fiance and i do not feel its bad luck to see each  

    3. We actually offered to pay for it to eliminate that as an issue.

    4.  blue and peach

    5. Again, i think this varies. Mg family asked me what color they should wear. At other weddings i have attended they coordinated. Also, ive never heard of doing a grooms color a d brides color but only for immediate family.
    I think you have done everything you can to accommodate you FSIL. If your family asked you what color then you absolutely have every right to tell them what color. Every wedding I have attended had the parents coordinate colors. I also love the idea of having the baby's party that morning. Heck, he/she won't remember it anyway. 
    How hard is it to say "Whatever you want, [because I don't need to control everything and it matters not at all if we're all in the same color]"?

    When someone says "the family" asked, my guess is that the MOB and possibly MOG asked, and then had to tell at least one person who did not ask, "Hey be sure to wear or buy a blue dress because that's what OP needs us to wear."
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited February 2016
    Okay, in my family it's not unusual for the immediate family to COORDINATE.  However, that does not mean we PICK specific colors for the family.    

    For the record, COORDINATING does not equal MATCHING.

    It's more like "oh, the BMs are wearing orange, I will find a color that will coordinate with orange".    It's not "oh, we all have to wear orange".  It's I will stay away from red, but might pick blue because it looks nice next to orange.

    Reason being more often than not there will be someone in the immediate family in the WP, so we tend to coordinate based off of that for family pictures.   It's not a rule, more like one of us wants to be the one that really sticks out in the picture.  

    Note - all of us have family portraits up from all my siblings wedding.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • SP29SP29 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    lyndausvi said:
    Okay, in my family it's not unusual for the immediate family to COORDINATE.  However, that does not mean we PICK specific colors for the family.    

    For the record, COORDINATING does not equal MATCHING.

    It's more like "oh, the BMs are wearing orange, I will find a color that will coordinate with orange".    It's not "oh, we all have to wear orange".  It's I will stay away from red, but might pick blue because it looks nice next to orange.

    Reason being more often than not there will be someone in the immediate family in the WP, so we tend to coordinate based off of that for family pictures.   It's not a rule, more like one of us wants to be the one that really sticks out in the picture.  

    Note - all of us have family portraits up from all my siblings wedding.
    Same.

    Our colours were navy, plum and lavender. Our family knew what our colours were.

    Both my mom and MIL wore purple dresses. My SIL wore a blue dress (though different shade than navy). The males wore whatever suit they already had. Mom, MIL and SIL chose to wear these colours- we didn't tell them to. Purple is my mom's favourite colour, so she would've worn it anyway ;). 
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  • anjemonanjemon member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Name Dropper
    lyndausvi said:
    Okay, in my family it's not unusual for the immediate family to COORDINATE.  However, that does not mean we PICK specific colors for the family.    

    For the record, COORDINATING does not equal MATCHING.

    It's more like "oh, the BMs are wearing orange, I will find a color that will coordinate with orange".    It's not "oh, we all have to wear orange".  It's I will stay away from red, but might pick blue because it looks nice next to orange.

    Reason being more often than not there will be someone in the immediate family in the WP, so we tend to coordinate based off of that for family pictures.   It's not a rule, more like one of us wants to be the one that really sticks out in the picture.  

    Note - all of us have family portraits up from all my siblings wedding.
    Exactly. Coordinating and complimentary colors because you will be in pictures with wedding party members. My BILs were the only people in my family who were not wedding party or parent. I just had to go look up my wedding photos because I had no idea what they were wearing. Our wedding colors were purple and blue, my BILs wore dark suits with blue ties and shirts. They didn't match, but they coordinated. They looked nice with my sisters who were wearing purple BM dresses. My now-SIL wore this great brightly patterned dress. She stands out but doesn't clash in pictures.

    My mother actually went as far to compare the purple dresses she bought to the wedding party dresses. She wanted to make sure her purple wouldn't clash with my sisters, but she's a little OCD like that and loves pictures. She ended up wearing a black dress though because it looked best on her :)
    image
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  • tigerlily6tigerlily6 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited February 2016
    Let the kid have a cupcake. Even if he's a bit of a brat. Actually, especially if he's a brat. 



    ETA -- And by "cupcake", I mean either let his mom be absent to celebrate his birthday the evening of the rehearsal, or let her bring him to the rehearsal dinner so mom can celebrate with him a bit then. 

    I personally am letting friends bring their babies and toddlers to our wedding, but I understand if you want a kid free wedding. But I have worked with little kids a lot too, and know temper tantrums are no fun. They're called the "terrible twos" for a reason. Give mom a break. 
                        


    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    scribe95 said:
    I think generally OP is in the wrong on most of this. But I don't have a problem with picking a color for the wedding party. If the bridesmaid doesn't like the color she is free to not participate. I find nothing wrong with a bride and groom wanting a color scheme. 
    Agree.  When I have been a BM I was more concerned with the dress that was picked then the color.  I can deal with a color I am not a fan of when I am in a dress style that complements my body shape.

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  • TrixieJessTrixieJess member
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    Maggie0829 said:
    TrixieJess said:
    So this is the thing. My son will be 3 soon. He is normally a good natured child. Normally. Every so often though, a demon will come out an he becomes defiant and willful, he will throw tantrums. FI and I turn to each other and ask if there is rum. 

    The point of the story is that ALL children have personalities and will become defiant and willful, just because these children don't behave the way you believe the way children should (god forbid your own children be less than angels) doesn't mean they are inherently "bad" or undisciplined. It could just mean that mummy and daddy have run out of rum and they have given up for the day :)

    There are days that this is said in our home! Toddlers are horrible creatures. 
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  • YogaSandyYogaSandy member
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    Maggie0829 said:
    TrixieJess said:
    So this is the thing. My son will be 3 soon. He is normally a good natured child. Normally. Every so often though, a demon will come out an he becomes defiant and willful, he will throw tantrums. FI and I turn to each other and ask if there is rum. 

    The point of the story is that ALL children have personalities and will become defiant and willful, just because these children don't behave the way you believe the way children should (god forbid your own children be less than angels) doesn't mean they are inherently "bad" or undisciplined. It could just mean that mummy and daddy have run out of rum and they have given up for the day :)

    I think this is hilarious. We were just talking about this scene today. 
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