Adults-only wedding

banana468

ILoveBeachMusic said:

@banana468, @kimmiinthemitten, @JediElizabeth, I probably wasn't clear in my response. I don't think it is ok for parents to be upset about adult only weddings, I just disagree that it is just as easy to leave a newborn as it is an older child. I also was just suggesting that if the person is important enough to the B or G that an exception can be made. At no point did the people affected at my daughter's wedding make a big deal about it. They (B&G) just decided to allow the two children when they realized that people who were important to them wouldn't be attending. Like I said in my post, one of the children was the child of a bridal party member.

I understand a bit more.   I agree that it's harder to leave a newborn than it is to leave an older kid.   Just look at what I pack when I drop off the 16 mo vs. the 5 yo.   

BUT, if a B&G have a hard and fast rule, my point is that it's OK.   They (the B&G , or B&B or G&G) need to understand that it can be a PITA to leave the kid and the parents need to understand that those are the rules.   

kimmiinthemitten

ILoveBeachMusic said:

@banana468, @kimmiinthemitten, @JediElizabeth, I probably wasn't clear in my response. I don't think it is ok for parents to be upset about adult only weddings, I just disagree that it is just as easy to leave a newborn as it is an older child. I also was just suggesting that if the person is important enough to the B or G that an exception can be made. At no point did the people affected at my daughter's wedding make a big deal about it. They (B&G) just decided to allow the two children when they realized that people who were important to them wouldn't be attending. Like I said in my post, one of the children was the child of a bridal party member.

I didn't think that's what you were trying to say. It was more of a question I had after responding to your post directly.

After staying with my sister for a week with her 3 week old, I do realize just how tough those early weeks/months are.  It just dawned on me that when giving advice oftentimes people warn about the consequences and hurt feelings of friends who wanted to bring their children.  It made me think; why can their feelings be hurt but not the marrying couples, that's all (not that I as a bride would be upset either, just rhetorical).

So I asked my sister (who is a bit of a baby martyr mother to a 7 month old) about it and she said that recently on one of her FB groups, there was a mother whose feelings were very hurt that her 1 year old wasn't welcomed at a friends wedding and many moms agreed their feelings would be hurt as well.  I was shocked my sister disagreed with them (especially since she has asked if her daughter -who will be 18 months- is welcome to stay in my hotel room the night before the wedding and was upset when I said no!)

lyndausvi

Everyone has a right to feel however they want.  Acting on those feelings is a different story.


As a new mom I may feel hurt my child isn't invited.  I will not guilt them into getting my child invited and will respect their choice. 

As the couple I may feel hurt someone can't make it.  I'm not going to guilt them and pressure them by offering reason how they can make the wedding.  

tigerlily6

I have a professor who is an older gentleman, very warm and gregarious, and is the law school's expert on men's formal wear (he has seriously published articles on it!), so he has some sense of etiquette. If you visit him during office hours, or hang around after class, you usually get on tangent conversations with him. When one of my friends mentioned she was going to be a bridesmaid in her sister's wedding, and that children were not allowed, he explained he would never go to such a wedding on principle, because he felt a wedding should be a family-friendly event. He took it very personally and was trying to persuade my friend -- who was getting quite exasperated, since it wasn't even her wedding!

The point of my story is that there are bound to be people, not just parents, who may frown on adult-only weddings. Does that mean you don't have them? No. There is nothing wrong with wanting your guests to be adults only. But just be aware that it is a topic that can bring out some emotions. 

OwningAHome1981

The thing with the invites being addressed to only those who are invited are that a lot of times people open it up (names being on the envelope), then stick the invite on the fridge & throw away the evelope... then they forget that their kid wasn't invited. I'm not saying put 'adults only' on the invite... but I think word of mouth is a good bet.

[Deleted User]

Where I am from you don't have to put the names of a person's children for them to assume that their kids are invited. People I know think if they're invited somewhere then their children automatically are too even if they're not on the official invite. Common sense is not common in NYC

lembaslover

Knottie78109147 said:

Where I am from you don't have to put the names of a person's children for them to assume that their kids are invited. People I know think if they're invited somewhere then their children automatically are too even if they're not on the official invite. Common sense is not common in NYC

Well that is rude of them and if you know of specific cases where certain people assume their kids are invited then you should probably put a line saying "X seats are reserved in your honor" on the RSVP and spread the adults only by word of mouth so that it gets to them. 

Also don't use where you are from as an excuse for poor etiquette. There are so many brides who say things like "I'm from the south so cash bars and pre-wedding fundraisers are just part of what's expected" or "I'm Catholic so gaps are accepted in my group" and you know what for every bride who claims one of those things there are several brides on here from the south who say that it isn't the case that cash bars are accepted or who are catholic and know not to have a gap. I'm sure there are plenty of people with common sense in NYC who know that if their kids name isn't on the envelope they aren't invited!

Jen4948

marriedhamstermom said:

Knottie78109147 said:

Where I am from you don't have to put the names of a person's children for them to assume that their kids are invited. People I know think if they're invited somewhere then their children automatically are too even if they're not on the official invite. Common sense is not common in NYC

Well that is rude of them and if you know of specific cases where certain people assume their kids are invited then you should probably put a line saying "X seats are reserved in your honor" on the RSVP and spread the adults only by word of mouth so that it gets to them. 

Also don't use where you are from as an excuse for poor etiquette. There are so many brides who say things like "I'm from the south so cash bars and pre-wedding fundraisers are just part of what's expected" or "I'm Catholic so gaps are accepted in my group" and you know what for every bride who claims one of those things there are several brides on here from the south who say that it isn't the case that cash bars are accepted or who are catholic and know not to have a gap. I'm sure there are plenty of people with common sense in NYC who know that if their kids name isn't on the envelope they aren't invited!

I agree with you that it's a rude attitude for the people she's describing to have, but I didn't read that she was excusing the attitude-only claiming that in NYC there are many people who seem to think that their children are included whenever they receive an invitation.  (Note: I used to live in NYC and this is not a "regional" attitude. Some people have it (and they're rude); some don't.)

[Deleted User]

marriedhamstermom said:

Knottie78109147 said:

Where I am from you don't have to put the names of a person's children for them to assume that their kids are invited. People I know think if they're invited somewhere then their children automatically are too even if they're not on the official invite. Common sense is not common in NYC

Well that is rude of them and if you know of specific cases where certain people assume their kids are invited then you should probably put a line saying "X seats are reserved in your honor" on the RSVP and spread the adults only by word of mouth so that it gets to them. 

Also don't use where you are from as an excuse for poor etiquette. There are so many brides who say things like "I'm from the south so cash bars and pre-wedding fundraisers are just part of what's expected" or "I'm Catholic so gaps are accepted in my group" and you know what for every bride who claims one of those things there are several brides on here from the south who say that it isn't the case that cash bars are accepted or who are catholic and know not to have a gap. I'm sure there are plenty of people with common sense in NYC who know that if their kids name isn't on the envelope they aren't invited!

There are always exceptions but in general New Yorker have this air about them and a sense of entitlement. I would know I've lived here all my life it's more of an outer borough thing than Manhattan . I only say this because of my experiences with friends, family and co-workers. I find it to be frustrating 

[Deleted User]

Jen4948 said:

marriedhamstermom said:

Knottie78109147 said:

Where I am from you don't have to put the names of a person's children for them to assume that their kids are invited. People I know think if they're invited somewhere then their children automatically are too even if they're not on the official invite. Common sense is not common in NYC

Well that is rude of them and if you know of specific cases where certain people assume their kids are invited then you should probably put a line saying "X seats are reserved in your honor" on the RSVP and spread the adults only by word of mouth so that it gets to them. 

Also don't use where you are from as an excuse for poor etiquette. There are so many brides who say things like "I'm from the south so cash bars and pre-wedding fundraisers are just part of what's expected" or "I'm Catholic so gaps are accepted in my group" and you know what for every bride who claims one of those things there are several brides on here from the south who say that it isn't the case that cash bars are accepted or who are catholic and know not to have a gap. I'm sure there are plenty of people with common sense in NYC who know that if their kids name isn't on the envelope they aren't invited!

I agree with you that it's a rude attitude for the people she's describing to have, but I didn't read that she was excusing the attitude-only claiming that in NYC there are many people who seem to think that their children are included whenever they receive an invitation.  (Note: I used to live in NYC and this is not a "regional" attitude. Some people have it (and they're rude); some don't.)

Yes exactly! I'm not excusing it by any means I'm  merely sharing my  experiences. 

OwningAHome1981

Knottie78109147 said:

Where I am from you don't have to put the names of a person's children for them to assume that their kids are invited. People I know think if they're invited somewhere then their children automatically are too even if they're not on the official invite. Common sense is not common in NYC

Why would anyone assume their kids are invited just b/c they are? I live in NYC too, it's not a NY thing.

[Deleted User]

OwningAHome1981 said:

Knottie78109147 said:

Where I am from you don't have to put the names of a person's children for them to assume that their kids are invited. People I know think if they're invited somewhere then their children automatically are too even if they're not on the official invite. Common sense is not common in NYC

Why would anyone assume their kids are invited just b/c they are? I live in NYC too, it's not a NY thing.

As I stated earlier there are exceptions however the majority of people in the outer boroughs ( I'm from the Bronx) don't understand the etiquette of weddings. I myself am learning a lot from here; for instance I didn't even know you couldn't write "no kids please" on an invitation because I received many wedding invites that said "no kids please". I've been to many weddings without receptions or weddings where people are invited to the ceremony but only certain people are invited to the reception. I've been to weddings where family friends showed up without an invite just because the assumed they were invited. Just to list a few things. So yes there are exceptions, and good on you for doing your research, but yes it is a common thing in NYC. (these examples are not from the same circles of people either)

Jen4948

Knottie78109147 said:

Jen4948 said:

marriedhamstermom said:

Knottie78109147 said:

Where I am from you don't have to put the names of a person's children for them to assume that their kids are invited. People I know think if they're invited somewhere then their children automatically are too even if they're not on the official invite. Common sense is not common in NYC

Well that is rude of them and if you know of specific cases where certain people assume their kids are invited then you should probably put a line saying "X seats are reserved in your honor" on the RSVP and spread the adults only by word of mouth so that it gets to them. 

Also don't use where you are from as an excuse for poor etiquette. There are so many brides who say things like "I'm from the south so cash bars and pre-wedding fundraisers are just part of what's expected" or "I'm Catholic so gaps are accepted in my group" and you know what for every bride who claims one of those things there are several brides on here from the south who say that it isn't the case that cash bars are accepted or who are catholic and know not to have a gap. I'm sure there are plenty of people with common sense in NYC who know that if their kids name isn't on the envelope they aren't invited!

I agree with you that it's a rude attitude for the people she's describing to have, but I didn't read that she was excusing the attitude-only claiming that in NYC there are many people who seem to think that their children are included whenever they receive an invitation.  (Note: I used to live in NYC and this is not a "regional" attitude. Some people have it (and they're rude); some don't.)

Yes exactly! I'm not excusing it by any means I'm  merely sharing my  experiences. 

Actually, claiming in the post above that "the majority of people from the outer boroughs) don't understand the etiquette of weddings" is making a prejudiced remark about how it's "regional thing" which it is definitely NOT.  

I seriously doubt that you have met and know what the "majority of people in the outer boroughs" in a city of over 8 million people "understand."

[Deleted User]

Jen4948 said:

Knottie78109147 said:

Jen4948 said:

marriedhamstermom said:

Knottie78109147 said:

Where I am from you don't have to put the names of a person's children for them to assume that their kids are invited. People I know think if they're invited somewhere then their children automatically are too even if they're not on the official invite. Common sense is not common in NYC

Well that is rude of them and if you know of specific cases where certain people assume their kids are invited then you should probably put a line saying "X seats are reserved in your honor" on the RSVP and spread the adults only by word of mouth so that it gets to them. 

Also don't use where you are from as an excuse for poor etiquette. There are so many brides who say things like "I'm from the south so cash bars and pre-wedding fundraisers are just part of what's expected" or "I'm Catholic so gaps are accepted in my group" and you know what for every bride who claims one of those things there are several brides on here from the south who say that it isn't the case that cash bars are accepted or who are catholic and know not to have a gap. I'm sure there are plenty of people with common sense in NYC who know that if their kids name isn't on the envelope they aren't invited!

I agree with you that it's a rude attitude for the people she's describing to have, but I didn't read that she was excusing the attitude-only claiming that in NYC there are many people who seem to think that their children are included whenever they receive an invitation.  (Note: I used to live in NYC and this is not a "regional" attitude. Some people have it (and they're rude); some don't.)

Yes exactly! I'm not excusing it by any means I'm  merely sharing my  experiences. 

Actually, claiming in the post above that "the majority of people from the outer boroughs) don't understand the etiquette of weddings" is making a prejudiced remark about how it's "regional thing" which it is definitely NOT.  

I seriously doubt that you have met and know what the "majority of people in the outer boroughs" in a city of over 8 million people "understand."

What you do not understand is growing up where I am from. For the most part we are from the lower income spectrum and can not afford to have lavish weddings, so when there are weddings this etiquette is not common and hardly recognized. When I say lower income I'm speaking for my own up bringing as well. So with all due respect I can make that claim without knowing 8 million people. Everyone assumes Nyc is this lavish city because of movies but all you're really seeing is Manhattan. There is a lot of poverty in the outer boroughs (and some parts of Manhattan too) and a lack of education because of the poverty. I'm not saying it to put anyone down at all I just want everyone to understand that these kinds of things you all consider to be common sense is not as common as you would think.

JeeGooDowster

@Knottie78109147yeah some gals move to NYC thinking they're going to be Carrie Bradshaw and meet their Mr. Big.  I'm prob going to get shit for this comment...I mean this only half-jokingly.  What do I know, I'm just a woman from Jersey! LOL.

I don't think it's so much an income status mentality more as it is the family dynamic.  If you have the budget and/or if you have a tight knit family that always celebrates with every single person there (adults and kids alike) then yeah for them it is the norm.  It can come off as rude/tacky/classless to some people if the norm is to not invite kids...i guess it's more of a "know your crowd" kinda thing.

JeeGooDowster

And to the OP, @Knottie1434201276, I dont want to beat down what other PPs have said...but I will anyway LOL...put on the invitation who is invited and when people start rsvp'ing with extra people, that is when you would have to speak with them.  Plus it might only be some families that don't get the clue and some others will get it.

I have a daughter (and understand that she won't be invited to everything) and if I received an invitation with just me and my husband, and it said "Adults only" and the like and then the bride/groom call me also to remind me about it, I'd be a bit annoyed.

[Deleted User]

JeeGooDowster said:

@Knottie78109147yeah some gals move to NYC thinking they're going to be Carrie Bradshaw and meet their Mr. Big.  I'm prob going to get shit for this comment...I mean this only half-jokingly.  What do I know, I'm just a woman from Jersey! LOL.

I don't think it's so much an income status mentality more as it is the family dynamic.  If you have the budget and/or if you have a tight knit family that always celebrates with every single person there (adults and kids alike) then yeah for them it is the norm.  It can come off as rude/tacky/classless to some people if the norm is to not invite kids...i guess it's more of a "know your crowd" kinda thing.

You're right as well. I'm glad you see where I'm coming from I'm really not trying to be jerk lol

InLoveInQueens

OwningAHome1981 said:

Knottie78109147 said:

Where I am from you don't have to put the names of a person's children for them to assume that their kids are invited. People I know think if they're invited somewhere then their children automatically are too even if they're not on the official invite. Common sense is not common in NYC

Why would anyone assume their kids are invited just b/c they are? I live in NYC too, it's not a NY thing.

I know, I don't understand why Knottie# thinks just because they know rude people doesn't mean everyone has the same mentality. I've been to plenty of NYC weddings, lavish and frugal, and people weren't assuming children were invited just because the parents were. See, anecdotal evidence to the contrary!

I will never understand ridiculous generalizations like that.

Jen4948

Knottie78109147 said:

Jen4948 said:

Knottie78109147 said:

Jen4948 said:

marriedhamstermom said:

Knottie78109147 said:

Where I am from you don't have to put the names of a person's children for them to assume that their kids are invited. People I know think if they're invited somewhere then their children automatically are too even if they're not on the official invite. Common sense is not common in NYC

Well that is rude of them and if you know of specific cases where certain people assume their kids are invited then you should probably put a line saying "X seats are reserved in your honor" on the RSVP and spread the adults only by word of mouth so that it gets to them. 

Also don't use where you are from as an excuse for poor etiquette. There are so many brides who say things like "I'm from the south so cash bars and pre-wedding fundraisers are just part of what's expected" or "I'm Catholic so gaps are accepted in my group" and you know what for every bride who claims one of those things there are several brides on here from the south who say that it isn't the case that cash bars are accepted or who are catholic and know not to have a gap. I'm sure there are plenty of people with common sense in NYC who know that if their kids name isn't on the envelope they aren't invited!

I agree with you that it's a rude attitude for the people she's describing to have, but I didn't read that she was excusing the attitude-only claiming that in NYC there are many people who seem to think that their children are included whenever they receive an invitation.  (Note: I used to live in NYC and this is not a "regional" attitude. Some people have it (and they're rude); some don't.)

Yes exactly! I'm not excusing it by any means I'm  merely sharing my  experiences. 

Actually, claiming in the post above that "the majority of people from the outer boroughs) don't understand the etiquette of weddings" is making a prejudiced remark about how it's "regional thing" which it is definitely NOT.  

I seriously doubt that you have met and know what the "majority of people in the outer boroughs" in a city of over 8 million people "understand."

What you do not understand is growing up where I am from. For the most part we are from the lower income spectrum and can not afford to have lavish weddings, so when there are weddings this etiquette is not common and hardly recognized. When I say lower income I'm speaking for my own up bringing as well. So with all due respect I can make that claim without knowing 8 million people. Everyone assumes Nyc is this lavish city because of movies but all you're really seeing is Manhattan. There is a lot of poverty in the outer boroughs (and some parts of Manhattan too) and a lack of education because of the poverty. I'm not saying it to put anyone down at all I just want everyone to understand that these kinds of things you all consider to be common sense is not as common as you would think.

I used to live in NYC (in an outer borough) so don't fucking tell me what I do or don't understand.  

Your personal experiences do not qualify you to determine for everyone else in the outer boroughs of NYC whether or not the majority of people there "understand etiquette" unless you are personally acquainted at all times with every single person in that majority is thinking at all times. Not to mention that they are childhood and "growing up" experiences (and you still have some to do) if you're going to base generalizations about what other people understand on them.

scrunchythief

InLoveInQueens said:

OwningAHome1981 said:

Knottie78109147 said:

Where I am from you don't have to put the names of a person's children for them to assume that their kids are invited. People I know think if they're invited somewhere then their children automatically are too even if they're not on the official invite. Common sense is not common in NYC

Why would anyone assume their kids are invited just b/c they are? I live in NYC too, it's not a NY thing.

I know, I don't understand why Knottie# thinks just because they know rude people doesn't mean everyone has the same mentality. I've been to plenty of NYC weddings, lavish and frugal, and people weren't assuming children were invited just because the parents were. See, anecdotal evidence to the contrary!

I will never understand ridiculous generalizations like that.

AdventureisCalling

A little off topic, but I was wondering if there are any people on this board that can comment on how many of their guest RSVP'd "wrong," meaning rsvp'd with kids or other people not specifically stated on the invite. 

We sent out our invites and I happened to be at a friend's house when she opened it.  She said (after telling me they were lovely), you forgot to put "No children."  I replied that the inner envelope stated who was invited specifically, and that I had spread the word that we were focusing on an adults only atmosphere through word of mouth.  She thinks I am going to have to make a lot of phone calls to people.  I think I am probably good. 

So I am just wondering, how many of you had to make calls on "uninvited" guests?  Thanks!

JeeGooDowster

@Jen4948.  Not every post is out there to attack you. Knottie# isn't trying to tell you that she knows more than you, she's just telling you that in her community or whatever, that's just the norm.  Yes, most people will think that mentality is rude and offensive but i think it's OK that she explains that.

Jen4948

AdventureisCalling said:

A little off topic, but I was wondering if there are any people on this board that can comment on how many of their guest RSVP'd "wrong," meaning rsvp'd with kids or other people not specifically stated on the invite. 

We sent out our invites and I happened to be at a friend's house when she opened it.  She said (after telling me they were lovely), you forgot to put "No children."  I replied that the inner envelope stated who was invited specifically, and that I had spread the word that we were focusing on an adults only atmosphere through word of mouth.  She thinks I am going to have to make a lot of phone calls to people.  I think I am probably good. 

So I am just wondering, how many of you had to make calls on "uninvited" guests?  Thanks!

Happens all the time, sadly.  You can find dozens of threads about people who have to tell guests who RSVP for uninvited kids, dates, or other persons that the invitation is only for those listed on the envelopes.  

Jen4948

JeeGooDowster said:

@Jen4948.  Not every post is out there to attack you. Knottie# isn't trying to tell you that she knows more than you, she's just telling you that in her community or whatever, that's just the norm.  Yes, most people will think that mentality is rude and offensive but i think it's OK that she explains that.

@JeeGooDowster, as I noted, I lived in the exact same community she was "describing," and what she was describing as "common behavior" there is definitely NOT the "norm."

JeeGooDowster

Jen4948 said:

JeeGooDowster said:

@Jen4948.  Not every post is out there to attack you. Knottie# isn't trying to tell you that she knows more than you, she's just telling you that in her community or whatever, that's just the norm.  Yes, most people will think that mentality is rude and offensive but i think it's OK that she explains that.

@JeeGooDowster, as I noted, I lived in the exact same community she was "describing," and what she was describing as "common behavior" there is definitely NOT the "norm."

In general, I don't agree with your point of views on this board (about 99.9999%), but yes I agree that this is not the norm in most places.  However, I'm not from the Bronx, never lived in the Bronx, so I wouldn't know.  It's unfair to make either judgement.  Not just yours.  As I mentioned, i think it's more of a friend/family dynamic as opposed to a certain demographic.  

I only responded to your post because i thought your were being a bit harsh on something that you weren't even being attacked on.

Jen4948

JeeGooDowster said:

Jen4948 said:

JeeGooDowster said:

@Jen4948.  Not every post is out there to attack you. Knottie# isn't trying to tell you that she knows more than you, she's just telling you that in her community or whatever, that's just the norm.  Yes, most people will think that mentality is rude and offensive but i think it's OK that she explains that.

@JeeGooDowster, as I noted, I lived in the exact same community she was "describing," and what she was describing as "common behavior" there is definitely NOT the "norm."

In general, I don't agree with your point of views on this board (about 99.9999%), but yes I agree that this is not the norm in most places.  However, I'm not from the Bronx, never lived in the Bronx, so I wouldn't know.  It's unfair to make either judgement.  Not just yours.  As I mentioned, i think it's more of a friend/family dynamic as opposed to a certain demographic.  

I only responded to your post because i thought your were being a bit harsh on something that you weren't even being attacked on.

With regard to the bolded, had Knottie said that "among her family and friends this is the norm" rather than "among this geographical area this is the norm," I would agree with you.  

However, I don't agree that she has the right to "explain" that a negative generalization applies to an entire geographic area just because she lived there and knows a tiny fraction of its population.  For people who do or did live there, it really is insulting to be lumped in with people described as having "no understanding of etiquette," especially since she doesn't know everyone - just as you claim you don't.

lembaslover

Jen4948 said:

JeeGooDowster said:

Jen4948 said:

JeeGooDowster said:

@Jen4948.  Not every post is out there to attack you. Knottie# isn't trying to tell you that she knows more than you, she's just telling you that in her community or whatever, that's just the norm.  Yes, most people will think that mentality is rude and offensive but i think it's OK that she explains that.

@JeeGooDowster, as I noted, I lived in the exact same community she was "describing," and what she was describing as "common behavior" there is definitely NOT the "norm."

In general, I don't agree with your point of views on this board (about 99.9999%), but yes I agree that this is not the norm in most places.  However, I'm not from the Bronx, never lived in the Bronx, so I wouldn't know.  It's unfair to make either judgement.  Not just yours.  As I mentioned, i think it's more of a friend/family dynamic as opposed to a certain demographic.  

I only responded to your post because i thought your were being a bit harsh on something that you weren't even being attacked on.

With regard to the bolded, had Knottie said that "among her family and friends this is the norm" rather than "among this geographical area this is the norm," I would agree with you.  

However, I don't agree that she has the right to "explain" that a negative generalization applies to an entire geographic area just because she lived there and knows a tiny fraction of its population.  For people who do or did live there, it really is insulting to be lumped in with people described as having "no understanding of etiquette," especially since she doesn't know everyone - just as you claim you don't.

I tend to not agree with Jen but Jen you're totally right and what you're saying is what I was trying to point out several posts ago. It's terrible to say that everyone from NYC or she recently narrowed it down to a neighborhood doesn't have common sense. Of course anyone from that area with common sense will feel attacked they are being lumped in and that's what I was saying Knottie#s should try and avoid. 

It's ok to say something is a certain way in your family/friend group (note this doesn't mean it's ok to break etiquette b/c of your friend/family group just that it's a valid statement) but it's not ok to make geographical generalizations. 

[Deleted User]

Jen4948 said:

Knottie78109147 said:

Jen4948 said:

Knottie78109147 said:

Jen4948 said:

marriedhamstermom said:

Knottie78109147 said:

Where I am from you don't have to put the names of a person's children for them to assume that their kids are invited. People I know think if they're invited somewhere then their children automatically are too even if they're not on the official invite. Common sense is not common in NYC

Well that is rude of them and if you know of specific cases where certain people assume their kids are invited then you should probably put a line saying "X seats are reserved in your honor" on the RSVP and spread the adults only by word of mouth so that it gets to them. 

Also don't use where you are from as an excuse for poor etiquette. There are so many brides who say things like "I'm from the south so cash bars and pre-wedding fundraisers are just part of what's expected" or "I'm Catholic so gaps are accepted in my group" and you know what for every bride who claims one of those things there are several brides on here from the south who say that it isn't the case that cash bars are accepted or who are catholic and know not to have a gap. I'm sure there are plenty of people with common sense in NYC who know that if their kids name isn't on the envelope they aren't invited!

I agree with you that it's a rude attitude for the people she's describing to have, but I didn't read that she was excusing the attitude-only claiming that in NYC there are many people who seem to think that their children are included whenever they receive an invitation.  (Note: I used to live in NYC and this is not a "regional" attitude. Some people have it (and they're rude); some don't.)

Yes exactly! I'm not excusing it by any means I'm  merely sharing my  experiences. 

Actually, claiming in the post above that "the majority of people from the outer boroughs) don't understand the etiquette of weddings" is making a prejudiced remark about how it's "regional thing" which it is definitely NOT.  

I seriously doubt that you have met and know what the "majority of people in the outer boroughs" in a city of over 8 million people "understand."

What you do not understand is growing up where I am from. For the most part we are from the lower income spectrum and can not afford to have lavish weddings, so when there are weddings this etiquette is not common and hardly recognized. When I say lower income I'm speaking for my own up bringing as well. So with all due respect I can make that claim without knowing 8 million people. Everyone assumes Nyc is this lavish city because of movies but all you're really seeing is Manhattan. There is a lot of poverty in the outer boroughs (and some parts of Manhattan too) and a lack of education because of the poverty. I'm not saying it to put anyone down at all I just want everyone to understand that these kinds of things you all consider to be common sense is not as common as you would think.

You're the one doing "ridiculous generalization." I used to live in NYC (in an outer borough) so don't fucking tell me what I do or don't understand.  

Your personal experiences do not qualify you to determine for everyone else in the outer boroughs of NYC whether or not the majority of people there "understand etiquette" unless you are personally acquainted at all times with every single person in that majority is thinking at all times. (Not to mention that they are <i>childhood</I> and "growing up" experiences (and you still have some to do) if you're going to base generalizations about what other people understand on themwhile simultaneously accusing others of "ridiculous generalizations" ( hypocritical much?)

I'm really not sure how I'm being hypocritical here or why you assume I have growing up to do. You're being pretty hostile , using profanity and I have not been rude to you at all. So as far as the growing up idea its looking more like you have to. As I stated a few times there ARE people who do know over here but culturally these things don't really apply. If you read my other responses you would see that. 

Jen4948

Knottie78109147 said:

Jen4948 said:

Knottie78109147 said:

Jen4948 said:

Knottie78109147 said:

Jen4948 said:

marriedhamstermom said:

Knottie78109147 said:

Where I am from you don't have to put the names of a person's children for them to assume that their kids are invited. People I know think if they're invited somewhere then their children automatically are too even if they're not on the official invite. Common sense is not common in NYC

Well that is rude of them and if you know of specific cases where certain people assume their kids are invited then you should probably put a line saying "X seats are reserved in your honor" on the RSVP and spread the adults only by word of mouth so that it gets to them. 

Also don't use where you are from as an excuse for poor etiquette. There are so many brides who say things like "I'm from the south so cash bars and pre-wedding fundraisers are just part of what's expected" or "I'm Catholic so gaps are accepted in my group" and you know what for every bride who claims one of those things there are several brides on here from the south who say that it isn't the case that cash bars are accepted or who are catholic and know not to have a gap. I'm sure there are plenty of people with common sense in NYC who know that if their kids name isn't on the envelope they aren't invited!

I agree with you that it's a rude attitude for the people she's describing to have, but I didn't read that she was excusing the attitude-only claiming that in NYC there are many people who seem to think that their children are included whenever they receive an invitation.  (Note: I used to live in NYC and this is not a "regional" attitude. Some people have it (and they're rude); some don't.)

Yes exactly! I'm not excusing it by any means I'm  merely sharing my  experiences. 

Actually, claiming in the post above that "the majority of people from the outer boroughs) don't understand the etiquette of weddings" is making a prejudiced remark about how it's "regional thing" which it is definitely NOT.  

I seriously doubt that you have met and know what the "majority of people in the outer boroughs" in a city of over 8 million people "understand."

What you do not understand is growing up where I am from. For the most part we are from the lower income spectrum and can not afford to have lavish weddings, so when there are weddings this etiquette is not common and hardly recognized. When I say lower income I'm speaking for my own up bringing as well. So with all due respect I can make that claim without knowing 8 million people. Everyone assumes Nyc is this lavish city because of movies but all you're really seeing is Manhattan. There is a lot of poverty in the outer boroughs (and some parts of Manhattan too) and a lack of education because of the poverty. I'm not saying it to put anyone down at all I just want everyone to understand that these kinds of things you all consider to be common sense is not as common as you would think.

You're the one doing "ridiculous generalization." I used to live in NYC (in an outer borough) so don't fucking tell me what I do or don't understand.  

Your personal experiences do not qualify you to determine for everyone else in the outer boroughs of NYC whether or not the majority of people there "understand etiquette" unless you are personally acquainted at all times with every single person in that majority is thinking at all times. (Not to mention that they are <i>childhood</I> and "growing up" experiences (and you still have some to do) if you're going to base generalizations about what other people understand on themwhile simultaneously accusing others of "ridiculous generalizations" ( hypocritical much?)

I'm really not sure how I'm being hypocritical here or why you assume I have growing up to do. You're being pretty hostile , using profanity and I have not been rude to you at all. So as far as the growing up idea its looking more like you have to. As I stated a few times there ARE people who do know over here but culturally these things don't really apply. If you read my other responses you would see that. 

Your other responses do not indicate that.  What they indicate is that you are asserting a belief that millions of people whom you could not possibly know don't understand etiquette, simply because the only thing they have in common is that you grew up in the area where they live.  

Sorry, but your argument doesn't work.  And yeah, I feel hostile because you chose to damn me along with all the other people you claim "don't understand etiquette" in a generalization because of the geographical area where I used to live.  Your generalization just doesn't apply to "the majority" of New Yorkers from the outer boroughs-and it's insulting to them to insist that it's the "norm."  It might be the "norm" of your family and friends, who do not come anywhere NEAR constituting "the majority of New Yorkers from the outer boroughs."  

And yeah, you seem to fit right in with the people you are damning as "not understanding etiquette" by making an insulting generalization.

[Deleted User]

Jen4948 said:

Knottie78109147 said:

Jen4948 said:

Knottie78109147 said:

Jen4948 said:

Knottie78109147 said:

Jen4948 said:

marriedhamstermom said:

Knottie78109147 said:

Where I am from you don't have to put the names of a person's children for them to assume that their kids are invited. People I know think if they're invited somewhere then their children automatically are too even if they're not on the official invite. Common sense is not common in NYC

Well that is rude of them and if you know of specific cases where certain people assume their kids are invited then you should probably put a line saying "X seats are reserved in your honor" on the RSVP and spread the adults only by word of mouth so that it gets to them. 

Also don't use where you are from as an excuse for poor etiquette. There are so many brides who say things like "I'm from the south so cash bars and pre-wedding fundraisers are just part of what's expected" or "I'm Catholic so gaps are accepted in my group" and you know what for every bride who claims one of those things there are several brides on here from the south who say that it isn't the case that cash bars are accepted or who are catholic and know not to have a gap. I'm sure there are plenty of people with common sense in NYC who know that if their kids name isn't on the envelope they aren't invited!

I agree with you that it's a rude attitude for the people she's describing to have, but I didn't read that she was excusing the attitude-only claiming that in NYC there are many people who seem to think that their children are included whenever they receive an invitation.  (Note: I used to live in NYC and this is not a "regional" attitude. Some people have it (and they're rude); some don't.)

Yes exactly! I'm not excusing it by any means I'm  merely sharing my  experiences. 

Actually, claiming in the post above that "the majority of people from the outer boroughs) don't understand the etiquette of weddings" is making a prejudiced remark about how it's "regional thing" which it is definitely NOT.  

I seriously doubt that you have met and know what the "majority of people in the outer boroughs" in a city of over 8 million people "understand."

What you do not understand is growing up where I am from. For the most part we are from the lower income spectrum and can not afford to have lavish weddings, so when there are weddings this etiquette is not common and hardly recognized. When I say lower income I'm speaking for my own up bringing as well. So with all due respect I can make that claim without knowing 8 million people. Everyone assumes Nyc is this lavish city because of movies but all you're really seeing is Manhattan. There is a lot of poverty in the outer boroughs (and some parts of Manhattan too) and a lack of education because of the poverty. I'm not saying it to put anyone down at all I just want everyone to understand that these kinds of things you all consider to be common sense is not as common as you would think.

You're the one doing "ridiculous generalization." I used to live in NYC (in an outer borough) so don't fucking tell me what I do or don't understand.  

Your personal experiences do not qualify you to determine for everyone else in the outer boroughs of NYC whether or not the majority of people there "understand etiquette" unless you are personally acquainted at all times with every single person in that majority is thinking at all times. (Not to mention that they are <i>childhood</I> and "growing up" experiences (and you still have some to do) if you're going to base generalizations about what other people understand on themwhile simultaneously accusing others of "ridiculous generalizations" ( hypocritical much?)

I'm really not sure how I'm being hypocritical here or why you assume I have growing up to do. You're being pretty hostile , using profanity and I have not been rude to you at all. So as far as the growing up idea its looking more like you have to. As I stated a few times there ARE people who do know over here but culturally these things don't really apply. If you read my other responses you would see that. 

Your other response do not indicate that.  What they indicate is that you are attributing to millions of people whom you could not possibly know the belief that they don't understand etiquette.  Sorry, but drop the "growing up" idea.  Your argument doesn't work.

Perhaps you should go back and read it over again objectively. Ultimately we're going to have to agree to disagree. You clearly are not even trying to understand  what I'm saying. I'm not here to argue so I'm going to politely excuse myself from engaging in conversation with you. I don't mind a debate but this is becoming an argument and I'm not really interested in that.