Another Poll

NOLABridesmaid

What is one thing you wish you would have known at 22 years old that you know now?

Go.

NOLABridesmaid

I wish I would have known that I should freeze my eggs, but I don't even think they were doing that back then.

I wish I would have known to stop overthinking things.

MNNEBride

The importance of budgeting and saving money.

lyndausvi

Being alone isn't bad thing.  

In relation to, I should have ended a bad (not abusive) relationship long before I did because I was afraid to be alone.         

thefanciestbeckler

I wish I had known that allowing myself to be repeatedly mistreated and disrespected by guys is NOT the same thing as being strong and persevering through a hard time.

AddieCake

I wish I had known to be better about saving money. 

Jells2dot0

lyndausvi said:

Being alone isn't bad thing.  

In relation to, I should have ended a bad (not abusive) relationship long before I did because I was afraid to be alone.         

this. I was engaged at 22 to my now ex. It should have never gotten that far.

kimmiinthemitten

That it's okay to not be a size 4 or 6.

arrippa

I wish I hadn't wasted a lot of my life comparing myself to other people. I know now that you never really know what's going on in someone's life. Oh and I wish I had started a savings account much earlier.

princessleia22

Saving more money.  There are a lot of big things I want now that would have been easier if I hadn't blown my money when I was younger.

Exercise and staying in shape is SO important!  I deal with constant back pain that could have been avoided if I had learned that lesson earlier (I'm still trying to put this into regular practice).  And I was 22 when I decided to have back surgery... I wish I had listened to my yoga instructor and stuck with yoga and natural treatments longer instead of jumping into a huge, life altering surgery. Even with doing the surgery, I could have avoided 10 years of strong pain meds if I had re-found yoga earlier instead of waiting until a year ago. Hindsight is always 20/20. 

And just to tell myself not to over stress on things, because they usually work out in the end... somehow.

bizzy592

That happiness and sense of self need to come from within.

NOLABridesmaid

These are deep, ladies. Me likey.

kimmiinthemitten

NOLABridesmaid said:

These are deep, ladies. Me likey.

I almost responded with "life is too short for cheap vodka and beer" but then I remembered I was broke at 22 so that didn't matter.

glasgowtolondon

I wish I had known that other people aren't as bothered by the things that you do/say as you think they will be.

nerdwife

I just wish I knew that it would work out. I would end up with FI and that would be great, I would get a job after graduate school, I would stabilize in general. I tend to be impatient and then get anxiety about things that haven't happened yet/couldn't happen yet.

Oh and everything people said about money. My parents taught me 0 things about money, except that I should spend it and also it's a constant source of stress. So FI and I are working hard together to save and figure out a balance between buying/doing things we want to and saving money for long-term goals. Wedding planning really helped us focus in on how much we can save and such. Still so much more to learn though. How are we all allowed to graduate high school without learning fundamental personal finance? Unless everyone else does learn?

6fsn

How wrong I was to sleep with a married man.

PMeg819

Ugh, as much as I love this about DH now, I wish I would have had some more independence with money and not listened to him when he focused on saving. I know this is the antithesis of what most people will say- but I wouldn't have died from having a little credit card debt or a bit smaller start on retirement. I would have rather spent more time traveling and doing the other cliche "before you have kids" things.

VarunaTT

That a fear of failure shouldn't keep me from trying.

ShesSoCold

At 22, I was already starting to get my shit together so there's not much more I know now than I did then, other than save some fucking money.

At like, 18 though? Shit. SSC, your boyfriend sucks and it's okay to be alone. Don't quit that job. Smoke less pot. Be nice to and love your mother - she is doing the absolute best she can and she will be gone in less than ten years. Get over your teenage bullshit with both parents and move on to a fun, adult relationship with them.

baconsmom

That I wasn't the person my mother said I was.

Also, that I wasn't really fat.

lembaslover

That I needed to worry less about what my parents will think and more about what I think. I threw away a lot of money keeping a separate apartment from DH (that I stayed at pretty much only when my parents visited) while we were dating b/c I knew my parents would be upset if we moved in together. I finally gave that up when we got engaged, they were still mad but they got over it as I imagine they would have if I'd done it a year earlier. If I'd done it a year earlier I'd have my last student loan paid off and we'd have a better start at a down payment for a house...

teddygirl9

These are good. I wish I focused more on saving money, travelling (hard with saving, but I spent so much $ on random shit), and being healthier. When I was younger I was thin and could eat whatever I wanted without gaining weight. Never worked out. Unfortunately, once I got into my 20s that all went downhill! Not eating fastfood like 6x week when I was younger could have helped a ton.

GBCK

Liars always lie.

Opinions change, leave your options open.

Mental illness is everywhere and you already think it's hard--FYI, it's harder and more common and more closeted.

Spoon theory.

princessleia22

GBCK said:

Liars always lie.

Opinions change, leave your options open.

Mental illness is everywhere and you already think it's hard--FYI, it's harder and more common and more closeted.

Spoon theory.

Yes!  Spoon theory helped teach me that I need to priorities where my energy is spent. I spent too much time pushing my limits and paying for it later.  That visualization is great for explaining to other people, but it also helped my own brain understand it better.

And on a related note... it's okay to tell people NO!  Regardless of what or why.  And you don't need to give people excuses.  And you don't need to give in to pressure if they don't want to take no for an answer... just say no and walk away.

GBCK

Having spoon theory for me helps me understand it for other people.
The Mr. occasionally disagrees w/ my choice of where to spend spoons, but at least he gets it.
(It would be hell if he didn't--because explaining chronic migraines to people who think 'oh, she says she has a headache, pttth' is kinda murderous-rage-inducing)

PrettyGirlLost

Is Spoon Theory a real thing or is this an inside joke?

That there's a difference between making peace and keeping the peace, and only one of those two behaviors is actually a functional relationship dynamic.

VarunaTT

@PrettyGirlLost Very real, PGL:  http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/

princessleia22

PrettyGirlLost said:

Is Spoon Theory a real thing or is this an inside joke?

That there's a difference between making peace and keeping the peace, and only one of those two behaviors is actually a functional relationship dynamic.

It's real. It's a way to describe the energy drain of chronic pain and illness to others that can't understand it. Google Search "The Spoon Theory by Christine Miserandino". That will describe it way better than I can. The basic premise is that you have a limited number of spoons (energy/physical ability/mental ability) a day and each activity requires a certain number of spoons to accomplish it.  If you have a disability or illness,  you may have to make choices on whether you do laundry or cook dinner that day because you may not have enough energy/spoons to do both.  It creates a great visual for explaining it to people that have trouble understanding how limiting it can be sometimes.

PrettyGirlLost

princessleia22 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

Is Spoon Theory a real thing or is this an inside joke?

That there's a difference between making peace and keeping the peace, and only one of those two behaviors is actually a functional relationship dynamic.

It's real. It's a way to describe the energy drain of chronic pain and illness to others that can't understand it. Google Search "The Spoon Theory by Christine Miserandino". That will describe it way better than I can. The basic premise is that you have a limited number of spoons (energy/physical ability/mental ability) a day and each activity requires a certain number of spoons to accomplish it.  If you have a disability or illness,  you may have to make choices on whether you do laundry or cook dinner that day because you may not have enough energy/spoons to do both.  It creates a great visual for explaining it to people that have trouble understanding how limiting it can be sometimes.

Aw!

GBCK

spoon theory kinda also covers that things don't always 'cost' what you'd think they do.

Going to the grocery store for an hour 'costs' less than, say, taking my kid to her daisy-troop meeting for an hour--the first is more physically draining but the second emotionally more stressful and more importantly is loud, and costs a lot of spoons for me.

(although I can say that except while I'm deaing w/ sinus and strep misery, I'm mostly doing OK these days)

princessleia22

GBCK said:

spoon theory kinda also covers that things don't always 'cost' what you'd think they do.

Going to the grocery store for an hour 'costs' less than, say, taking my kid to her daisy-troop meeting for an hour--the first is more physically draining but the second emotionally more stressful and more importantly is loud, and costs a lot of spoons for me.

(although I can say that except while I'm deaing w/ sinus and strep misery, I'm mostly doing OK these days)

Word... It costs less for me to go for an hour walk than it does for me to stand 15 minutes in the kitchen (doing dishes or cooking), because standing still kills my back.  And washing the bathtub (not even hard scrubbing) wipes me out for days... I finally told DH that I can manage the rest of the bathroom, but either he needs to do the tub or we hire a maid (he bought a scrub brush attachment for his drill to clean the tub now... because power tools make it a manly job).  But, the cost can vary between people, between activity, and can even vary from one day to the next.  Some days I do just fine and have few limitations.  Some days, my level of spoons is low to begin with and I struggle just to do every day tasks.  Spoon Theory is awesome at describing all of that.