Moms and Maids

how is you're realtionship with you're mother in law/future mother in

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Re: how is you're realtionship with you're mother in law/future mother in

  • kylexokylexo Finger Lakes, NY member
    500 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    I like my FMIL a lot although haven't spent too much time with her since we live on the other side of the country. She is baby crazy and I am worried she is going to be up our butts as soon as we get married asking about us having babies, but hopefully she pleasantly surprises both of us.
  • My MIL has always been supportive. In fact, I think she treats me better than my husband. She can get snappy at him if he says something she doesn't like. I'm usually the one who talks calmly so I try to get her to see the other side of things. Or I just let it go. However, we don't have much in common or to talk about so I don't see her often. We go to their house for dinner ever few months.

  • I adore my FMIL.  It took a while to get to where we are today (we had a really, REALLY rocky start) but she is so thrilled to help with the wedding and both her and FFIL are happily welcoming me into their family.  To say that my FIL's are more excited about the wedding than my own mother is an understatement. It definitely makes for a smoother transition into the married life!
  • We don't talk to my MIL, she's crazy, and has no business being in my life or out children's lives.  (This is all DHs decision BTW). I have a mom and a step mom who are awesome grandmas to our kids, so that's good enough for us!


    Sometimes I'm sad that DH doesn't have a "normal" mom for me to have a fun relationship with, but oh well, that's the way things go.  
  • Greenjinjo Greenjinjo New Zealand member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    FMIL is amazing. We get along very well and I really enjoy having them stay with us /staying with them (they live 6hrs away from us). She is always so accommodating and happy to go above and beyond for myself and her son. I just feel bad for my partner, he can't really say the same about my mother!
  • I'm in the opposite situation.

    Now, if you speak with my FMIL she will talk all  day about how great I am and how much she loves me.    However, we have major boundary issues with her, that luckily FI is great at recognizing and squashing.  She never even dated after divorcing FFIL when FI was one, so FI has always been her plus one to everything and now that he has his own plus one, she's clearly unhappy about it.  

    Examples include rearranging our place when we were on vacation, various inquiries into our finances, or her insistence that we have three children who will be baptized.  She also accuses me of pressuring FI into all of our major decisions (buying a house, getting married, etc).  She has also questioned every single vendor for the wedding.  For example, we're using a friend as an officiant and she said "you better make sure that's legal before you pop out 2 or 3 babies and discover they're bastards."

    At the end of the day, she has always dreamed of having a close relationship with her FDIL but has no interest in putting in the work to develop that relationship.  I have offered to meet for lunch or dinner, go shopping, etc and she turns me down each time.    She PAS'd (parent alienation syndrome) FI pretty bad so I think she expected whomever he marries to just worship her single mom feet and he started to recognize the PAS right before meeting me so I get the blame.
    THIS.  My MIL talks all day about how much she loves me and wants a relationship with me, but she rarely does anything to cultivate a relationship (she expects me to be the one to do it all, I suppose).  She has a major issue with boundaries, and expects that whatever she says, goes- even if it contradicts something my husband and I have previously agreed upon.  There have been a lot of issues between us- and the way she treats her son- so I mostly just try to keep her at arms length, while being cordial to her.

    There are a lot of 'bean-dipping' situations in our relationship, to say the least.
    kimmiinthemitten
  • FMIL is amazing.  I've known FH and family most of my life (since we were 6), and our parents have been great friends.  They've basically treated me like I was family since FH and I started dating.
    Anniversary>
  • FMIL is insane and so is FFIL. We don't speak.


    Daisypath Wedding tickers


  • I loved mine until a few weeks ago. She's started to act VERY strange- even my FI has commented that he has no idea who this person is right now. She won't share anything with us to determine if something else is bothering her and she's just acting out so we can't help yet. Anyway, she's been asking my FI for an emailed .jpeg of our save the date so she can "hand them out to a few friends." Mind you, we are paying for the wedding 100% on our own. Thankfully, my FI quickly told her the guest list was already determined and we didn't have room for anyone else. He told me she then said, "Well I'll just make a copy when I get mine then" UGH!!! Supposedly he got very firm with her but I guess we will see since we mailed them out 3 days ago...
    On top of that, she got upset with me for not wanting her CAT GROOMER friend to do my hair on the wedding day in her TRAVELING GROOMER RV! I thought I was being punk'd... 
    Oh it doesn't stop there. She said she wants my FI to relive his childhood for the rehearsal dinner and have a "chuck e. cheese style pizza party". Ok, it's her party, I get it. But pizza... the night before the wedding... Salt. Grease. Carbs. Cheese. She's also having it 45 minutes away from the venue/hotels that essential rehearsal people are staying at. And will not let my aunt/uncle that own TWO restaurants 15 minutes from the venue help her at all- they even offered to let her create her own menu and host it for FREE. 
    I get this is her first kid getting married and on top of that, he is admittedly her favorite child (yeah... she says this even in front of his brother...) so I'm sure she's having a tough time. I just hope the crazy has an expiration date that's very soon in the future!
    Greenjinjo
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    I loved mine until a few weeks ago. She's started to act VERY strange- even my FI has commented that he has no idea who this person is right now. She won't share anything with us to determine if something else is bothering her and she's just acting out so we can't help yet. Anyway, she's been asking my FI for an emailed .jpeg of our save the date so she can "hand them out to a few friends." Mind you, we are paying for the wedding 100% on our own. Thankfully, my FI quickly told her the guest list was already determined and we didn't have room for anyone else. He told me she then said, "Well I'll just make a copy when I get mine then" UGH!!! Supposedly he got very firm with her but I guess we will see since we mailed them out 3 days ago...
    On top of that, she got upset with me for not wanting her CAT GROOMER friend to do my hair on the wedding day in her TRAVELING GROOMER RV! I thought I was being punk'd... 
    Oh it doesn't stop there. She said she wants my FI to relive his childhood for the rehearsal dinner and have a "chuck e. cheese style pizza party". Ok, it's her party, I get it. But pizza... the night before the wedding... Salt. Grease. Carbs. Cheese. She's also having it 45 minutes away from the venue/hotels that essential rehearsal people are staying at. And will not let my aunt/uncle that own TWO restaurants 15 minutes from the venue help her at all- they even offered to let her create her own menu and host it for FREE. 
    I get this is her first kid getting married and on top of that, he is admittedly her favorite child (yeah... she says this even in front of his brother...) so I'm sure she's having a tough time. I just hope the crazy has an expiration date that's very soon in the future!
    So strange. Is there anything that you can think of that precipitated it?
  • bohobrideCAbohobrideCA San Diego, CA member
    100 Love Its Second Anniversary 10 Comments Name Dropper
    I loved mine until a few weeks ago. She's started to act VERY strange- even my FI has commented that he has no idea who this person is right now. She won't share anything with us to determine if something else is bothering her and she's just acting out so we can't help yet. Anyway, she's been asking my FI for an emailed .jpeg of our save the date so she can "hand them out to a few friends." Mind you, we are paying for the wedding 100% on our own. Thankfully, my FI quickly told her the guest list was already determined and we didn't have room for anyone else. He told me she then said, "Well I'll just make a copy when I get mine then" UGH!!! Supposedly he got very firm with her but I guess we will see since we mailed them out 3 days ago...
    On top of that, she got upset with me for not wanting her CAT GROOMER friend to do my hair on the wedding day in her TRAVELING GROOMER RV! I thought I was being punk'd... 
    Oh it doesn't stop there. She said she wants my FI to relive his childhood for the rehearsal dinner and have a "chuck e. cheese style pizza party". Ok, it's her party, I get it. But pizza... the night before the wedding... Salt. Grease. Carbs. Cheese. She's also having it 45 minutes away from the venue/hotels that essential rehearsal people are staying at. And will not let my aunt/uncle that own TWO restaurants 15 minutes from the venue help her at all- they even offered to let her create her own menu and host it for FREE. 
    I get this is her first kid getting married and on top of that, he is admittedly her favorite child (yeah... she says this even in front of his brother...) so I'm sure she's having a tough time. I just hope the crazy has an expiration date that's very soon in the future!
    I'm sorry but this image is cracking me up, she can't be serious... 

    OurWildKingdomSP29lnixon8[Deleted User]
  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I loved mine until a few weeks ago. She's started to act VERY strange- even my FI has commented that he has no idea who this person is right now. She won't share anything with us to determine if something else is bothering her and she's just acting out so we can't help yet. Anyway, she's been asking my FI for an emailed .jpeg of our save the date so she can "hand them out to a few friends." Mind you, we are paying for the wedding 100% on our own. Thankfully, my FI quickly told her the guest list was already determined and we didn't have room for anyone else. He told me she then said, "Well I'll just make a copy when I get mine then" UGH!!! Supposedly he got very firm with her but I guess we will see since we mailed them out 3 days ago...
    On top of that, she got upset with me for not wanting her CAT GROOMER friend to do my hair on the wedding day in her TRAVELING GROOMER RV! I thought I was being punk'd... 
    Oh it doesn't stop there. She said she wants my FI to relive his childhood for the rehearsal dinner and have a "chuck e. cheese style pizza party". Ok, it's her party, I get it. But pizza... the night before the wedding... Salt. Grease. Carbs. Cheese. She's also having it 45 minutes away from the venue/hotels that essential rehearsal people are staying at. And will not let my aunt/uncle that own TWO restaurants 15 minutes from the venue help her at all- they even offered to let her create her own menu and host it for FREE. 
    I get this is her first kid getting married and on top of that, he is admittedly her favorite child (yeah... she says this even in front of his brother...) so I'm sure she's having a tough time. I just hope the crazy has an expiration date that's very soon in the future!
    I'm sorry but this image is cracking me up, she can't be serious... 

    But Mittens always looks so sleek and elegant!
    OurWildKingdombohobrideCAmadamerwin
  • TyvmTyvm member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    On top of that, she got upset with me for not wanting her CAT GROOMER friend to do my hair on the wedding day in her TRAVELING GROOMER RV!

    Nope. Nope nope nope nope nope. 


    k thnx bye

    [Deleted User]
  • kvrunskvruns member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    levioosa said:
    I loved mine until a few weeks ago. She's started to act VERY strange- even my FI has commented that he has no idea who this person is right now. She won't share anything with us to determine if something else is bothering her and she's just acting out so we can't help yet. Anyway, she's been asking my FI for an emailed .jpeg of our save the date so she can "hand them out to a few friends." Mind you, we are paying for the wedding 100% on our own. Thankfully, my FI quickly told her the guest list was already determined and we didn't have room for anyone else. He told me she then said, "Well I'll just make a copy when I get mine then" UGH!!! Supposedly he got very firm with her but I guess we will see since we mailed them out 3 days ago...
    On top of that, she got upset with me for not wanting her CAT GROOMER friend to do my hair on the wedding day in her TRAVELING GROOMER RV! I thought I was being punk'd... 
    Oh it doesn't stop there. She said she wants my FI to relive his childhood for the rehearsal dinner and have a "chuck e. cheese style pizza party". Ok, it's her party, I get it. But pizza... the night before the wedding... Salt. Grease. Carbs. Cheese. She's also having it 45 minutes away from the venue/hotels that essential rehearsal people are staying at. And will not let my aunt/uncle that own TWO restaurants 15 minutes from the venue help her at all- they even offered to let her create her own menu and host it for FREE. 
    I get this is her first kid getting married and on top of that, he is admittedly her favorite child (yeah... she says this even in front of his brother...) so I'm sure she's having a tough time. I just hope the crazy has an expiration date that's very soon in the future!
    You need to decline her rehearsal dinner and host it yourselves.  Having the rehearsal dinner 45 minutes away from the rehearsal joint is really rude.  For pizza and beer I better not be traveling more than 15 minutes.  Boundaries are your friend.  I would make it very clear that any additional people invited to the wedding will be turned away and made keenly aware that she was the one who falsely invited them.  
    My In laws offered to host and wanted to have it downtown by where they were staying even though the wedding and rehearsal were in the west suburbs and no one else was staying downtown. I made FI put his foot down on why it was logistically a bad idea (30 min drive, parking issues, people not arriving at the same time etc) and luckily they relented and had it 5 min from the venue at a great place 
    OurWildKingdomSP29[Deleted User]
  • JamieLynn913JamieLynn913 Watertown, CT member
    Fifth Anniversary 10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    I unfortunately don't really speak to my future MIL. Ever since I met her, she has never been a motherly figure to my FH. We've been together almost 10 years, and his brother was in jail up until about a year ago. It was always about him, and we should go visit him, and we should do this for him, send him money, etc. Meanwhile, my FH never got arrested, held down a job, moved out when he was 18, joined the military etc but it just never seemed good enough for her. 

    She also remarried before I came in the picture and from what FH says, it changed her. They moved into this massive house and the new husband laid down "laws". Nobody could come over, no girls allowed over the house etc. This new husband had money, so therefore she became very materialistic and very "money hungry". Everything is always about money with her and when she calls to speak to FH she whispers and hides so her husband doesn't hear her speaking to her sons. It's all very odd, but hey if that's how she wants to live. 

    They recently gave us some money for the wedding which I am VERY thankful for. The only stipulation was we had to show them our contacts and guest list so they could determine what was fair. Honestly, I didn't even really care because I'm not one of those people that needs to "hide" or be "secretive". Anyways, after all that was said and done she called us asking if we had invited this person and that person and we are like no....you had the guest list? She goes well I want to invite "XYZ" we are like who is that?!! Oh it's my coworker...like what in the actual hell? Sometimes we feel like she has no grasp on reality with some of the things she says and does. I know she means well so I put up with her but we are way closer with my family. I sometimes wish I had a close relationship with his family since family means a lot to me but they just aren't those type of people so I let it be. 

  • laughing hard at all the great gifs you ladies sent. Unfortunately, she is 100% serious. I've been laughing a lot off but now realizing that this might happen is starting to scare me! My FI and I have connected her with my restaurant owning godparents that have offered to do so much for such little cost so we hope she will see reason. Otherwise, I think we will need to decline and say that our guests' travel needs trump all. 
    Thank you everyone for the advice, sympathy, and laughs!!!
  • It's...interesting.

    She lives several states away, so we only see her once or twice a year.  We first met about a year and a half into my relationship with FI when she came to stay with us for the holidays.  We had a really lovely time: we had quite a bit in common, both families got together and got along well, and things seemed great.  The following summer we went to visit her and things were fantastic again.  

    Then the next Christmas she came up to see us again and things went off the rails.  She spend the entire time passive-aggressively nitpicking every.  little.  thing.  that I did or did not do.  ("If I had this beautiful cat he wouldn't be so skinny." Umm...he has free access to food and is a perfectly healthy weight.  "You how I remember to clean my stove?  I scrub it every day while I talk to my sister on the phone.  That way it never gets like this."  "Like this" was ONE spill from the food that was CURRENTLY COOKING.)  I didn't say anything but I was privately hurt and annoyed.  She eventually dragged out of my FI why I didn't seem happy, and when he told her that she was being kind of mean she went on a big tirade about feeling unwelcome and then literally locked herself in our guest room and for three days and did not emerge.  We celebrated Christmas Eve with my family and Christmas Day with his family in the dining room across the hall and she refused to come out or speak to anyone.  When Christmas dinner was over, she went sneaking out the side door and rode home with her sister.

    This was super hard on my FI, who has always been extremely close to his mom.  Not only did it cast a terrible shadow over Christmas--which is a huge deal in his family--but it also opened his eyes to a side of his mom that had always been there but he hadn't realized.  She was always feuding with some family member or another, and he spent his life thinking that these other individuals were the problem.  It was a huge AHA moment for him when he realized that she was likely the source of all that conflict throughout the years.

    She never directly apologized, but she told FI's dad that she felt bad about what she had done.  In the year and a half since then, she has sent me a birthday gift and she often tags me on facebook posts that concern some of my interests.  I want to just move on and pretend it never happened, but FI can't un-see that side of her.  We are planning a trip to visit her this summer--here's hoping that goes well!  I just really, really hope she comes to the wedding.  During her tirade she swore all up and down that she would never return to our city, and she is the sort of person who would be stubborn enough to carry that through.  But FI is her "miracle baby," so hopefully that side wins out.
    Tyvm
  • TyvmTyvm member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
     I want to just move on and pretend it never happened, but FI can't un-see that side of her.  We are planning a trip to visit her this summer--here's hoping that goes well!  I just really, really hope she comes to the wedding.
    @SaintPaulGal R'amen.


    k thnx bye

  • She is awful and one of the most stressful parts of my relationship with my FI
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