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Destination Weddings Discussions
NandJ2017
member
Guests Say Hotel Rates Too High?
Hi,
My wedding guests are complaining that the hotel rates are too high for them.
I am arranging a small destination wedding that is a 5 hr drive from our families town. The lowest hotel rate for a 3.5 star hotel is $197 per night including taxes. I was able to secure rates at $150 per night including taxes at a 4 star lodge, on the condition that the stay be for 3 nights minimum. We are only inviting our closest family members (parents, grandparents & aunts/uncles) (12 couples, 24 people total). We were expecting them to stay for 3 nights (Thurs thru Sun) & have a long wedding weekend/mini vacation with family events planned throughout. When we told them the cost of their room would be $150 per night their first reaction was to stay only 1 night. We requested them to stay for all 3 nights and they were not happy about the total cost, stating they weren't sure if our other close relatives would be able to afford it. We were disappointed that they reacted negatively because we were able to get rates that are much lower than normal for that area.
Is it too much to ask our close family members to pay $150 per night and expect them to stay all 3 nights.
We had planned to do a long wedding weekend before we knew about the lodge deal because it is a far drive and were very excited to find a deal at all. We originally expected our families to stay the long weekend with us due to the rarity of visits with all of us together and we could make a mini reunion or vacation out of it. Our families are middle class and the wedding is not until June 2017 (17 months away). Also we will not be registering for gifts.
We have been trying to think of ways to avoid negative reactions and wondered if we should offer to pay for some of our relatives room costs in total or cover part of it for some of them or all of them.
What do you all think? How could this be better approached when we make the announcement of the lodging?
My wedding guests are complaining that the hotel rates are too high for them.
I am arranging a small destination wedding that is a 5 hr drive from our families town. The lowest hotel rate for a 3.5 star hotel is $197 per night including taxes. I was able to secure rates at $150 per night including taxes at a 4 star lodge, on the condition that the stay be for 3 nights minimum. We are only inviting our closest family members (parents, grandparents & aunts/uncles) (12 couples, 24 people total). We were expecting them to stay for 3 nights (Thurs thru Sun) & have a long wedding weekend/mini vacation with family events planned throughout. When we told them the cost of their room would be $150 per night their first reaction was to stay only 1 night. We requested them to stay for all 3 nights and they were not happy about the total cost, stating they weren't sure if our other close relatives would be able to afford it. We were disappointed that they reacted negatively because we were able to get rates that are much lower than normal for that area.
Is it too much to ask our close family members to pay $150 per night and expect them to stay all 3 nights.
We had planned to do a long wedding weekend before we knew about the lodge deal because it is a far drive and were very excited to find a deal at all. We originally expected our families to stay the long weekend with us due to the rarity of visits with all of us together and we could make a mini reunion or vacation out of it. Our families are middle class and the wedding is not until June 2017 (17 months away). Also we will not be registering for gifts.
We have been trying to think of ways to avoid negative reactions and wondered if we should offer to pay for some of our relatives room costs in total or cover part of it for some of them or all of them.
What do you all think? How could this be better approached when we make the announcement of the lodging?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Guests Say Hotel Rates Too High?
It's not up to you to dictate how people can spend their money. You also cannot dictate how long people must travel to attend your wedding.
You should have checked with your VIP guests about their budgets and comfort level prior to booking something. You should have also made sure they were all comfortable with traveling. With such specific requirements, you should have offered to pay for everything up front for everyone. However, a wedding invitation is not a summons and your guests would still have the right to decline your offer. You cannot make someone attend a wedding or travel, period.
I know in my case, when we thought about having a family only DW, we knew we'd be paying for everyone to attend. However, we knew that even if we paid, most of our family would still decline. We ended up eloping because it was important to us to have our wedding be "our day". You put your vision ahead of your guests and now you have to accept that you may not have as many guests as you thought. That is the way things go with DWs.
ETA: There is no way to approach this to get a better reaction. Give the hotel info, let guests make reservations to their comfort level, and accept that some people may only come for 1 night or some people may not come at all. Not everyone will care about your wedding weekend as much as you.
Firstly, you can not expect people to give your wedding 3 nights, even if they are close family.
For example my wedding venue has 5 cottages which I booked (at our expense) for 4 nights for our immediate family and bridal party. I would not expect them to pay to stay for 4 nights in a million years but this was the minimum. We have also told people that the accommodation will be available for 4 nights and what the check-in and out times are, but have also said we are cool if they just want to use it for the night of the wedding only. I don't think you can really ask more than this, even if you are paying.
The best thing to do would be to also recommend to your guests another alternative which has a 1 night minimum. Many people would prefer to pay $197 for 1 night at a 3 star instead of $450 for 3 nights at a 4 star. Does that make sense? It might be better value with the lodge, but the overall cost is still greater AND they might not be able to take that much time for your wedding.
Anyhu, sorry for rambling but long story short you can't really expect people to stay at your wedding for 3 nights, even if you are paying. I know I might have lots of empty rooms at the start and end of my booking but I'm okay with that. The way I see it is that it might make for more intimate time with those whose chose to stay for the duration. My sister (and one of my bridesmaids) for example has already booked a whole week off work to hang out with us for a mini break, YAY!
Gifts have nothing to do with it really. My sister said she didn't expect anything from me because of the cost of being MOH but I STILL paid for her dress and gave them a cash gift. It doesn't matter what you say, people may still feel they want to get your something. Plus it is a bit 'off' to mention gifts to your guests.
Furthermore, a wedding is one day, and since your location is OOT, consider it a privilege that guests are making the trip in the first place. If they stay 3 days, or 1, or the whole week, that is their prerogative. The only day you really should influence their schedule is your wedding day.
I do have a question though - is this place so remote that your family members can't find their own lodging? Maybe they'd prefer to drive a little farther for cheaper rates. Why do they have to all stay in the same place? Can you offer them less expensive alternatives that are farther away?
But that doesn't change my basic answer - you can't ask them to spend $450 and stay three nights. Even $197 is high for one night, in my opinion. So maybe keep looking and then you can give everyone choices.
Edited because formatting is wonky.
It's never okay to expect people to stay a certain amount of nights either. $450 in just lodging is a lot of some people. Even if it's not, doesn't mean they WANT to spend that much.
3 nights generally equals vacation time too. So not only are you asking them to spend 3 nights at $450 they might need to take days off of work to attend. Don't forget to add in the other stuff like food, gas, etc.
Sorry, but you need to readjust your expectations.
So, with that in mind, you can either scrap your original plan and restart the planning process WITH them, or you can advise them of their options and learn to be ok with them making the best decisions for them and if that means they only stay one night, then so be it and make the best of the time you do have with them there. That's really all there is to do - you can do all the wishin' and hopin' and expectin' you want, but ultimately you don't get to make those decisions for them. You only get to control you.
You could offer to pay for everyone, but still know that they may choose to only stay one night depending on what works best for them (work, babysitters, etc.)
FWIW, that's also a lot of time that you're requesting. The only person that DH and I have taken that kind of time off for is his brother and SIL. We'll be doing a DW in a few months and even there we're planning just two nights in the hotel. 3 means two full days of work and that's not the way we want to do it now.
You're also asking for them to drive 5 hours. Are all the guests driving that distance?
FI and I know that FBIL is trying to share all the happiness and excitement of his wedding with us by giving us a grand tour and being hospitable by doing a lot of the intensive planning for everybody, and I think there is nothing wrong with offering the information and option of his work for guests. It may be exactly what some of them want. But it does put us in an awkward bind when we would like to go to the wedding, but also manage our travel on our own schedule a bit and set our own budget, even if that means doing a bit of extra planning ourselves.
I know it's not exactly the same as your situation, OP, but I think the same principle is what may be frustrating for your guests.
ETA words
That's not very easy to come by for everyone. And they may not want to spend their long weekend money on your wedding - KWIM? Also, the 3 nights you're requesting without any food exceeds the gift budgets for most weddings I've attended.
I think you're really excited about your wedding and that's completely understandable. But please understand that your wedding isn't that big a deal to them as it is to you. That doesn't mean that they don't care about you - it's just reality.
You're really excited about your wedding, and you want everyone to enjoy each other's company in a way they don't often get to do. That makes sense.
However, just because I may want to spend several days with my family doesn't mean I want to do it on someone else's terms or ideas of what should be a reasonable budget for me. You may have planned something that's too expensive and inconvenient for your family to make it worth the reunion time.
How is this awkward? "This all sounds amazing. Tiger lily probably can't get that much time off work and we'll want to do a few things on our own. We are going to make our own flight and travel arrangements and join you for xyz things."
It's nice of him to offer and totally fine to decline. Just speak up now- don't let him assume through your silence that you're up for it.
Glad you are able to pick up the costs. Just be flexible that someone people can not stay all 3 nights. Maybe not even 2 nights. And that is okay.
You'll see on here that with BMs, if hair and makeup are optional, then the bride does not have to offer to pick up the cost. The second it's made "mandatory", then the bride should be picking up the costs for her attendants. The BMs still have the right to decline, of course. Same would go for your guests and their accommodations.
You don't get to plan my vacation for me. Even if I decided I wanted to stay at the destination for three nights, I would not be doing any of the extras. DH and I would be doing our own thing, because he gets very limited vacation, and due to his schedule, we don't actually get to spend a lot of time together. I wouldn't give up a while long weekend with him. One day, yes. Four. Nope.
This is what you are asking them to spend
So even if you cover the costs of the hotel room for everyone, keep in mind there are a lot of other costs associated with coming to a 3 day event for people and some guests may still decline or not stay for the full period. Also make sure you plan activities for Thursday night and some things for Friday because if you want them there that whole time, you need to plan (and pay for) activities.
We're getting married on a holiday weekend, and while we are planning pre- and post-wedding events, I imagine that most people are going to stay over one night. Weekends are precious time for people, especially if they have children or pets.