Moms and Maids

Bride's mom + Bridal Shower/Bachelorette

I am my best friends' MOH and am trying to plan her bridal shower and bachelorette party with her mom (she wants her to be involved in planning and to attend both). We are in the initial stages of planning and her mom and I are definitely on different pages in terms of what we envision. For the bridal shower, her most recent idea, which she seemed pretty set on, was a dive-y karaoke bar here in NYC on the Lower East Side. To me a karaoke bar is more a place for a bachelorette party - when I think of bridal showers, I think of something very different... at least a bit more fancy? (i.e,

Anyway, I'm not sure how and if I should tell her mom that I'm not quite seeing this as the place for her daughter's bridal shower. She seemed keen on the idea when I spoke to her, and I was caught off guard and didn't know how to say no - I more or less said the idea sounded okay. I don't think she's completely tied to it, but I also don't know how to tell her I'm not really on board with the idea...

Do I just let her take over as the mother of the bride, or do I try to chime in? I really don't want to step on her toes but am not sure how to show her my other ideas to give her inspiration (she doesn't check emails and doesn't have a cell phone so we are limited to speaking over their home phone).


Re: Bride's mom + Bridal Shower/Bachelorette

  • I think I would start by saying "MOB, we have two great ideas for the party but I think we should run them by Bride to let her weigh in on the options." Brides don't typically get involved with the planning, but I think running the ideas by her to ensure that she would be okay with karaoke is a good idea. If Bride is on board with karaoke ... just go with it and have a great time.

  • I agree with you, you can make a divey karaoke bar fun for a bachelorette party, but I just don't see it for a bridal shower. Aren't bars usually kind of dark?? And what time will this be? 

    Perhaps mom is going at this from a cost savings point of view. Renting out a bar space for 2pm is probably pretty cheap. Can you find another venue that is on the cheaper side that you could suggest instead? Such as a restaurant space you can rent. 

    Most showers I've been to are usually at someone's house, so I can easily see someone being overwhelmed by price if others start bringing up paid venues. 

    Your other option is to ask mom, "Do you think we should as Bride what sort of shower she would like?" and then go from there. Bride might then say something like picnic in the park, or someones house, or afternoon tea. Then you can piggy back off that- make it about what the bride wants vs. you saying "eww!". 
  • Who is paying for it? If MOB wants to "be involved in planning," does that also mean being involved financially? The answer should guide you in how to approach this.

    If you are the only financially responsible party, I suggest you discuss this with the bride and see what she would prefer.

    How many people would you be hosting? Would there be enough seats (defined as seats with a back, not a bar stool) for all guests?

    I read your other post, and you said the "bride was laid back, but liked my suggestions." Which one fits the bride's personality more, that would allow proper hosting?

    Also, is it possible the MOB is trying to kill 2 birds with 1 stone by turning this into both a bach and shower?
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I would say to the MOB, "It looks like we have two completely different ideas about the shower and bachelorette party.  Before we lock ourselves into anything, why don't we talk to the bride about what she would like? I'd like to make sure that whatever we decide on is something that would make her truly happy."
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