Announcing an Unplugged Ceremony

Knottie1440365793

Hi all,

My fiance and I have decided to have an unplugged ceremony because we really want people to be present during the ceremony. It'll be short and my fiance and I are not big fans of publicly pronouncing emotion, so this will likely be the only chance people get to hear us be super mushy and romantic. But, we want people to feel free to take pictures and whatnot after the ceremony (we are having a hashtag!), so I'm a little unsure about the proper way to announce this since it's not an entirely unplugged wedding. 

Here are my thoughts: I'll add a note on the website in the details about the wedding section (right next to where I let the guests know that the ceremony and cocktail hour will be on the grass) and say something like "We would love if you all could put your phones away during the ceremony so that we can all fully share in making it official." Also, I'm not doing programs, but instead having a big sign before guests get to their seats, so I was going to add a little reminder there as well. 

Let me know what you all think. (I know not to put it on the actual invites.) I know the wording of how I phrase it is very important, so any feedback you have would be great. Thanks!

ShesSoCold

Knottie1440365793 said:

Hi all,

My fiance and I have decided to have an unplugged ceremony because we really want people to be present during the ceremony. It'll be short and my fiance and I are not big fans of publicly pronouncing emotion, so this will likely be the only chance people get to hear us be super mushy and romantic. But, we want people to feel free to take pictures and whatnot after the ceremony (we are having a hashtag!), so I'm a little unsure about the proper way to announce this since it's not an entirely unplugged wedding. 

Here are my thoughts: I'll add a note on the website in the details about the wedding section (right next to where I let the guests know that the ceremony and cocktail hour will be on the grass) and say something like "We would love if you all could put your phones away during the ceremony so that we can all fully share in making it official." Also, I'm not doing programs, but instead having a big sign before guests get to their seats, so I was going to add a little reminder there as well. 

Let me know what you all think. (I know not to put it on the actual invites.) I know the wording of how I phrase it is very important, so any feedback you have would be great. Thanks!

No.

STARMOON44

If you must do this, I think it works best if your officiant asks people to refrain from using cell phones or cameras at the beginning of the ceremony. No silliness about "fully sharing" or "being present."

laurad75

The general opinion here is that it is rude to tell your guests what to do.  Let it go and trust that your photographer is professional enough to work around guests with cameras.  

Jen4948

Knottie1440365793 said:

Hi all,

My fiance and I have decided to have an unplugged ceremony because we really want people to be present during the ceremony. It'll be short and my fiance and I are not big fans of publicly pronouncing emotion, so this will likely be the only chance people get to hear us be super mushy and romantic. But, we want people to feel free to take pictures and whatnot after the ceremony (we are having a hashtag!), so I'm a little unsure about the proper way to announce this since it's not an entirely unplugged wedding. 

Here are my thoughts: I'll add a note on the website in the details about the wedding section (right next to where I let the guests know that the ceremony and cocktail hour will be on the grass) and say something like "We would love if you all could put your phones away during the ceremony so that we can all fully share in making it official." Also, I'm not doing programs, but instead having a big sign before guests get to their seats, so I was going to add a little reminder there as well. 

Let me know what you all think. (I know not to put it on the actual invites.) I know the wording of how I phrase it is very important, so any feedback you have would be great. Thanks!

I'm afraid you're not going to get the help you're seeking here.

There have been other threads on this same topic, where the OP wants her guests to be "present" at an "unplugged ceremony."  All resulted in replies that were strongly negative in tone.

That's because what you're asking for is not polite.

Yes, it's not polite of guests to spend wedding ceremonies on their smartphones, but it's also not polite of couples to try to forestall it by making announcements that they want "unplugged weddings."  That's because only guests are allowed to decide where to focus their attention.  While it's perhaps not nice of them not to be totally focused on the ceremony, it's not okay for couples to tell them that they need to be "present" or "in the moment" - whatever those mean.

Edited for typo

sparklepants41

Knottie1440365793 said:

Hi all,

My fiance and I have decided to have an unplugged ceremony because we really want people to be present during the ceremony. It'll be short and my fiance and I are not big fans of publicly pronouncing emotion, so this will likely be the only chance people get to hear us be super mushy and romantic. But, we want people to feel free to take pictures and whatnot after the ceremony (we are having a hashtag!), so I'm a little unsure about the proper way to announce this since it's not an entirely unplugged wedding. 

Here are my thoughts: I'll add a note on the website in the details about the wedding section (right next to where I let the guests know that the ceremony and cocktail hour will be on the grass) and say something like "We would love if you all could put your phones away during the ceremony so that we can all fully share in making it official." Also, I'm not doing programs, but instead having a big sign before guests get to their seats, so I was going to add a little reminder there as well. 

Let me know what you all think. (I know not to put it on the actual invites.) I know the wording of how I phrase it is very important, so any feedback you have would be great. Thanks!

Ditto @ShesSoCold. This is rude to your guests. And, I might add, some of the best pics from our wedding were iPhone photos snapped by guests during the ceremony. 

People will be present - regardless of whether or not they are taking pics with their phones - they are traveling to witness your ceremony and want to share your special moment with you. And for some people, this may mean capturing part of the moment on their phones. 

There is no proper way to announce your wish for an "unplugged" ceremony, because this wish in itself is not proper. 

ShesSoCold

Jen4948 said:

Knottie1440365793 said:

Hi all,

My fiance and I have decided to have an unplugged ceremony because we really want people to be present during the ceremony. It'll be short and my fiance and I are not big fans of publicly pronouncing emotion, so this will likely be the only chance people get to hear us be super mushy and romantic. But, we want people to feel free to take pictures and whatnot after the ceremony (we are having a hashtag!), so I'm a little unsure about the proper way to announce this since it's not an entirely unplugged wedding. 

Here are my thoughts: I'll add a note on the website in the details about the wedding section (right next to where I let the guests know that the ceremony and cocktail hour will be on the grass) and say something like "We would love if you all could put your phones away during the ceremony so that we can all fully share in making it official." Also, I'm not doing programs, but instead having a big sign before guests get to their seats, so I was going to add a little reminder there as well. 

Let me know what you all think. (I know not to put it on the actual invites.) I know the wording of how I phrase it is very important, so any feedback you have would be great. Thanks!

I'm afraid you're not going to get the help you're seeking here.

There have been other threads on this same topic, where the OP wants her guests to be "present" at an "unplugged ceremony."  All resulted in replies that were strongly negative in tone.

That's because what you're asking for is not polite.

Yes, it's not polite of guests to spend wedding ceremonies on their smartphones, but it's also not polite of couples to try to forestall it by making announcements that they want "unplugged weddings."  That's because only guests are allowed to decide where to focus their attention.  While it's perhaps not nice of them not to be totally focused on the ceremony, it's not okay to for couples to tell them that they need to be "present" or "in the moment" - whatever those mean.

This. By trying to tell people to be "fully present" during your ceremony, you're literally trying to tell them what to think. That's ridiculous. You cannot tell people what to think. The people who want to the "fully present" (whatever the fuck that means) will be without you telling them to be. The people who likely won't, won't even if you tell them to. They'll be thinking about that they're out of butter or "shit did I feed the dog?" or stuff like that. I highly doubt anyone is going to be playing audible games on their phone during your ceremony.

nerdwife

Knottie1440365793 said:

Hi all,

My fiance and I have decided to have an unplugged ceremony because we really want people to be present during the ceremony. It'll be short and my fiance and I are not big fans of publicly pronouncing emotion, so this will likely be the only chance people get to hear us be super mushy and romantic. But, we want people to feel free to take pictures and whatnot after the ceremony (we are having a hashtag!), so I'm a little unsure about the proper way to announce this since it's not an entirely unplugged wedding. 

Here are my thoughts: I'll add a note on the website in the details about the wedding section (right next to where I let the guests know that the ceremony and cocktail hour will be on the grass) and say something like "We would love if you all could put your phones away during the ceremony so that we can all fully share in making it official." Also, I'm not doing programs, but instead having a big sign before guests get to their seats, so I was going to add a little reminder there as well. 

Let me know what you all think. (I know not to put it on the actual invites.) I know the wording of how I phrase it is very important, so any feedback you have would be great. Thanks!

::barfs everywhere::

I think this whole idea is part of the larger problem that people think everyone thinks their wedding is as important as they think it is. I hate to break it to you (and anyone else who thinks this): your wedding is not as important to your guests as it is to you. 

That isn't to say your wedding isn't important - all weddings are important in that they are a legally binding and public way of stating your lifelong commitment to another human being.

But your wedding is not special or unique and does not warrant you demanding other people's thoughts and behaviors.

I know that's harsh, but it's true.

LondonLisa

If you have guests who are so rude as to be on their mobile phone texting or playing a game when you are saying your vows, do you really care if they hear you say "mushy things"? Chances are they are just taking photos, which people did at weddings well before mobile phones anyway.

If someone tells me to be "present" during a ceremony, I'm going to roll my eyes so hard and need to bite my tongue to not say: "Bride, I booked a hotel room, paid for travel, bought a new dress, got you a nice gift, did my hair and makeup extra nice, and came to the church on time. If you don't think that is 'present' enough for you just because you know a few jerks that will be on their mobiles so you have to chastise me, here is my response: "

kimmiinthemitten

I think it's a bit deceiving at best and controlling at worst to have an unplugged ceremony and then a hashtag for the reception.  Go all in, one way or the other.

I'm having a hashtag because I love instagram.  Hell, my cats have hashtags!  So if I were to ask for an unplugged ceremony, it wouldn't match who I am as a person because I don't live an unplugged life.  Now, if you don't own a camera phone and have a sign on your front door asking guests to leave their cell phones in the car, and believing in wishing rocks to commemorate special occasions, I'd forgive you.  But I'm guessing that's not the case.

lyndausvi

I NEVER use my phone during a ceremony.  I would not even use my phone at the reception.  I think it's rude horribly rude to use phones in  ALL social situations.  Outside of a picture or 2 phone usage is not appropriated.  

That said, my mind ALWAYS wonders at ceremonies.    I just can't help it.  I look at the architecture. I look at the trees or flowers if it's outside.  I look at what others are wearing.   I'm EASILY distracted.

Point is, you can ban all the phones you want, it's still not going to make people like me any more "present" for your ceremony.  

banana468

I'm also with the others.   Unless you're having your ceremony in copyrighted space that doesn't allow random photos (I'm thinking Carnegie Hall as one) then you need to chill. 

I am rarely one to whip out my phone / camera to take pictures.   But plenty of my family and friends are.   And they're doing this BECAUSE they are so present that they want to capture that moment.

It's also an odd message to be so against photos for the ceremony but then have a hashtag for the reception.

Your best bet IMO is to keep the ceremony short and let it go.   

VicTim328

The only time it is acceptable to not ask people to take photos during the ceremony is if it is a venue that bans all photography during the ceremony.  In that case, even the pro photog is banned.  In that case, it is the responsibility of the venue or officiant to somehow announce this (through proper signage).  It's rare and obnoxious.

NotMyMonkeys

If the first lady can be texting during the national anthem, knowing she would probably be photographed doing so, and being bashed for it harshly after (rightfully so), then you are probably SOL on telling your peeps to be "unplugged". 

kimmiinthemitten

NotMyMonkeys said:

If the first lady can be texting during the national anthem, knowing she would probably be photographed doing so, and being bashed for it harshly after (rightfully so), then you are probably SOL on telling your peeps to be "unplugged". 

I wouldn't go so far as to compare texting during wedding vows to texting during the National Anthem being performed at the White House.  If you think your wedding is anything like being invited to a formal event at the WH, you have a special level of snowflake I can't comprehend.

This is probably also the oddest place to Obama-bash that I've ever seen.  I can't help but point out that not all black women look the same and the woman in the White House Correspondents' Dinner photo is not FLOTUS.  The most obvious difference is Michelle is always seated near her husband and not among the other guests.

nerdwife

kimmiinthemitten said:

NotMyMonkeys said:

If the first lady can be texting during the national anthem, knowing she would probably be photographed doing so, and being bashed for it harshly after (rightfully so), then you are probably SOL on telling your peeps to be "unplugged". 

I wouldn't go so far as to compare texting during wedding vows to texting during the National Anthem being performed at the White House.  If you think your wedding is anything like being invited to a formal event at the WH, you have a special level of snowflake I can't comprehend.

This is probably also the oddest place to Obama-bash that I've ever seen.  I can't help but point out that not all black women look the same and the woman in the White House Correspondents' Dinner photo is not FLOTUS.  The most obvious difference is Michelle is always seated near her husband and not among the other guests.

I just googled this and wow. Just wow. 

Also, I think the most obvious difference is just that this woman does not look like Michelle Obama. I mean, come on people. 

STARMOON44

Oh good. Random racism. 

Heffalump

ShesSoCold said:

Jen4948 said:

Knottie1440365793 said:

Hi all,

My fiance and I have decided to have an unplugged ceremony because we really want people to be present during the ceremony. It'll be short and my fiance and I are not big fans of publicly pronouncing emotion, so this will likely be the only chance people get to hear us be super mushy and romantic. But, we want people to feel free to take pictures and whatnot after the ceremony (we are having a hashtag!), so I'm a little unsure about the proper way to announce this since it's not an entirely unplugged wedding. 

Here are my thoughts: I'll add a note on the website in the details about the wedding section (right next to where I let the guests know that the ceremony and cocktail hour will be on the grass) and say something like "We would love if you all could put your phones away during the ceremony so that we can all fully share in making it official." Also, I'm not doing programs, but instead having a big sign before guests get to their seats, so I was going to add a little reminder there as well. 

Let me know what you all think. (I know not to put it on the actual invites.) I know the wording of how I phrase it is very important, so any feedback you have would be great. Thanks!

I'm afraid you're not going to get the help you're seeking here.

There have been other threads on this same topic, where the OP wants her guests to be "present" at an "unplugged ceremony."  All resulted in replies that were strongly negative in tone.

That's because what you're asking for is not polite.

Yes, it's not polite of guests to spend wedding ceremonies on their smartphones, but it's also not polite of couples to try to forestall it by making announcements that they want "unplugged weddings."  That's because only guests are allowed to decide where to focus their attention.  While it's perhaps not nice of them not to be totally focused on the ceremony, it's not okay to for couples to tell them that they need to be "present" or "in the moment" - whatever those mean.

This. By trying to tell people to be "fully present" during your ceremony, you're literally trying to tell them what to think. That's ridiculous. You cannot tell people what to think. The people who want to the "fully present" (whatever the fuck that means) will be without you telling them to be. The people who likely won't, won't even if you tell them to. They'll be thinking about that they're out of butter or "shit did I feed the dog?" or stuff like that. I highly doubt anyone is going to be playing audible games on their phone during your ceremony.

I was just about to post this.  And then the OP is basically saying "Not only will I tell you what to think about, but the answer is ME, ME, ME!"  Nope.

Frankly, OP, if you're not big fans of the spotlight, I would think you'd welcome guests' lack of laserlike focus on you and your FI at all times.

LondonLisa

NotMyMonkeys said:

If the first lady can be texting during the national anthem, knowing she would probably be photographed doing so, and being bashed for it harshly after (rightfully so), then you are probably SOL on telling your peeps to be "unplugged". 

This woman:


And this woman:


...Are not the same person. 

If you are going to be obnoxious, at least have the audacity of being correct.

PamBeesly524

Knottie1440365793 said:

Hi all,

My fiance and I have decided to have an unplugged ceremony because we really want people to be present during the ceremony. It'll be short and my fiance and I are not big fans of publicly pronouncing emotion, so this will likely be the only chance people get to hear us be super mushy and romantic. But, we want people to feel free to take pictures and whatnot after the ceremony (we are having a hashtag!), so I'm a little unsure about the proper way to announce this since it's not an entirely unplugged wedding. 

Here are my thoughts: I'll add a note on the website in the details about the wedding section (right next to where I let the guests know that the ceremony and cocktail hour will be on the grass) and say something like "We would love if you all could put your phones away during the ceremony so that we can all fully share in making it official." Also, I'm not doing programs, but instead having a big sign before guests get to their seats, so I was going to add a little reminder there as well. 

Let me know what you all think. (I know not to put it on the actual invites.) I know the wording of how I phrase it is very important, so any feedback you have would be great. Thanks!

PP's have it covered but I also want to comment on the bolded... Hearing people be super mushy and romantic is not a "treat" to everyone.. I'm also not a very publicly romantic person, so oftentimes mushy, self-written vows make me squirm in my seat a little. 

I'm not saying people shouldn't be mushy at their weddings (you do you!), but to @lyndausvi point, I have the right to let my mind wander a little during your epic monologue to your husband about how you knew the moment you saw him he was the one... You can't control my brain. 

[Deleted User]

PamBeesly524 said:

Knottie1440365793 said:

Hi all,

My fiance and I have decided to have an unplugged ceremony because we really want people to be present during the ceremony. It'll be short and my fiance and I are not big fans of publicly pronouncing emotion, so this will likely be the only chance people get to hear us be super mushy and romantic. But, we want people to feel free to take pictures and whatnot after the ceremony (we are having a hashtag!), so I'm a little unsure about the proper way to announce this since it's not an entirely unplugged wedding. 

Here are my thoughts: I'll add a note on the website in the details about the wedding section (right next to where I let the guests know that the ceremony and cocktail hour will be on the grass) and say something like "We would love if you all could put your phones away during the ceremony so that we can all fully share in making it official." Also, I'm not doing programs, but instead having a big sign before guests get to their seats, so I was going to add a little reminder there as well. 

Let me know what you all think. (I know not to put it on the actual invites.) I know the wording of how I phrase it is very important, so any feedback you have would be great. Thanks!

PP's have it covered but I also want to comment on the bolded... Hearing people be super mushy and romantic is not a "treat" to everyone.. I'm also not a very publicly romantic person, so oftentimes mushy, self-written vows make me squirm in my seat a little. 

I'm not saying people shouldn't be mushy at their weddings (you do you!), but to @lyndausvi point, I have the right to let my mind wander a little during your epic monologue to your husband about how you knew the moment you saw him he was the one... You can't control my brain. 

Exactly, you start getting super mushy and I'm going to be looking over at my new friend Pam (previous poster) and mime puking into my purse.  I don't want to hear a bunch of verbal PDA.

sparklepants41

PamBeesly524 said:

Knottie1440365793 said:

Hi all,

My fiance and I have decided to have an unplugged ceremony because we really want people to be present during the ceremony. It'll be short and my fiance and I are not big fans of publicly pronouncing emotion, so this will likely be the only chance people get to hear us be super mushy and romantic. But, we want people to feel free to take pictures and whatnot after the ceremony (we are having a hashtag!), so I'm a little unsure about the proper way to announce this since it's not an entirely unplugged wedding. 

Here are my thoughts: I'll add a note on the website in the details about the wedding section (right next to where I let the guests know that the ceremony and cocktail hour will be on the grass) and say something like "We would love if you all could put your phones away during the ceremony so that we can all fully share in making it official." Also, I'm not doing programs, but instead having a big sign before guests get to their seats, so I was going to add a little reminder there as well. 

Let me know what you all think. (I know not to put it on the actual invites.) I know the wording of how I phrase it is very important, so any feedback you have would be great. Thanks!

PP's have it covered but I also want to comment on the bolded... Hearing people be super mushy and romantic is not a "treat" to everyone.. I'm also not a very publicly romantic person, so oftentimes mushy, self-written vows make me squirm in my seat a little. 

I'm not saying people shouldn't be mushy at their weddings (you do you!), but to @lyndausvi point, I have the right to let my mind wander a little during your epic monologue to your husband about how you knew the moment you saw him he was the one... You can't control my brain. 

Amen. BTW your sig gif adds a nice bit of punctuation to your point!!

PamBeesly524

sparklepants41 said:

PamBeesly524 said:

Knottie1440365793 said:

Hi all,

My fiance and I have decided to have an unplugged ceremony because we really want people to be present during the ceremony. It'll be short and my fiance and I are not big fans of publicly pronouncing emotion, so this will likely be the only chance people get to hear us be super mushy and romantic. But, we want people to feel free to take pictures and whatnot after the ceremony (we are having a hashtag!), so I'm a little unsure about the proper way to announce this since it's not an entirely unplugged wedding. 

Here are my thoughts: I'll add a note on the website in the details about the wedding section (right next to where I let the guests know that the ceremony and cocktail hour will be on the grass) and say something like "We would love if you all could put your phones away during the ceremony so that we can all fully share in making it official." Also, I'm not doing programs, but instead having a big sign before guests get to their seats, so I was going to add a little reminder there as well. 

Let me know what you all think. (I know not to put it on the actual invites.) I know the wording of how I phrase it is very important, so any feedback you have would be great. Thanks!

PP's have it covered but I also want to comment on the bolded... Hearing people be super mushy and romantic is not a "treat" to everyone.. I'm also not a very publicly romantic person, so oftentimes mushy, self-written vows make me squirm in my seat a little. 

I'm not saying people shouldn't be mushy at their weddings (you do you!), but to @lyndausvi point, I have the right to let my mind wander a little during your epic monologue to your husband about how you knew the moment you saw him he was the one... You can't control my brain. 

Amen. BTW your sig gif adds a nice bit of punctuation to your point!!

I've noticed that it either works and adds some punctuation, or it looks like I'm being rude/sarcastic even when I'm not.

"OMG, that's the best idea ever" Sig gif. gets a bit awkward.

climbingsingle

First, no one wants to hear you be romantic and mushy to each other. Seriously. If you want to write personal vows, read it to each other the night before or something. 

Second, don't treat your guests like children. They don't need to be told to put away their phones to be "present". What if Uncle Jimmy decides he wants to stare at some birds instead of listening to your vows? What if your Aunt Jenny starts having a conversation with the guest next to her? Are you going to stop your ceremony and scold them? You can't force people to pay attention. 

Also, some of the best pictures I have of my ceremony are the ones my guests took. 

geebee908

And there's always the scenario that your photographer doesn't come through with your pictures and the only pictures you have are the ones the guests took. We've heard more than one story like that on these boards.

holyguacamole79

Whenever I hear referenced to an "unplugged" wedding, I think of this ...  
 

That, and I laugh at the idea of wanting the guests to be "fully present".  Are you afraid that they are goinng to show up without an arm?  I mean, unless there is a major amputation prior to your wedding, I doubt anyone wouldn't be "fully present".

</end snark>

sparklepants41

holyguacamole79 said:

Whenever I hear referenced to an "unplugged" wedding, I think of this ...  
 

That, and I laugh at the idea of wanting the guests to be "fully present".  Are you afraid that they are goinng to show up without an arm?  I mean, unless there is a major amputation prior to your wedding, I doubt anyone wouldn't be "fully present".

</end snark>

And what about those of us without tonsils/adenoids? Do I have to wait outside until the ceremony is over because there is no way for me to be fully present?

scrunchythief

holyguacamole79 said:

Whenever I hear referenced to an "unplugged" wedding, I think of this ...  
 

That, and I laugh at the idea of wanting the guests to be "fully present".  Are you afraid that they are goinng to show up without an arm?  I mean, unless there is a major amputation prior to your wedding, I doubt anyone wouldn't be "fully present".

</end snark>

Splinching is a serious problem. All brides should warn guests about the dangers of illegal Apparition.

KnickerGold

No one wants to hear the mushy parts. 

Also, there are some people who would be peeved at your insistence that they must fully focus on you, and would then be more likely to use cameras/phones  just because being told NOT to makes them want to even more- because it's not polite to treat adults like children and tell them what to do/how to think.

horriblegb

Kind of off topic, what about asking people to silence their cell phones?  Is this not ok either?  Is it appropriate to have the officiant do this prior to the ceremony?  Or not at all? 

Had not really thought about it until this post, but remembered the horrible photo taking noise my mom's phone camera has . . . I don't know if it really matters though . . .

holyguacamole79

horriblegb said:

Kind of off topic, what about asking people to silence their cell phones?  Is this not ok either?  Is it appropriate to have the officiant do this prior to the ceremony?  Or not at all? 

Had not really thought about it until this post, but remembered the horrible photo taking noise my mom's phone camera has . . . I don't know if it really matters though . . .

The consensus around here is to not tell adults how to act.  So, I think that asking people to silence their cell phones is a bit overkill.  And, even if you do it ... there will still be one person who doesn't.

And if someone's phone has that horrible photo taking noise, I promise you won't notice (unless it's crazy loud).