MOB and MOG dresses-cross posted

kimmiinthemitten

I told my FMIL I think she should wear navy or dark blue....

....when she pulled up a link to the Macy's dress section and asked me what dresses I thought she'd look best in.  I said it does amazing things for her complexion and her eyes but at the end of the day I wanted her to feel good in whatever she chose.

I don't even like her all of the time but I want her to look back on her only child's wedding as a day where she felt amazing.  I truly do not understand any other motivation.

Heffalump

Viczaesar said:

FutureBritLehr said:

I would not dictate what my moms wear. I did however give them a color scheme. They both choose to get the same color dress but two different styles. They both sent me pictures of their dresses before buying for approval. I told them whatever they want! = )

You shouldn't even have done that.

I'm hopeful that it was more like "Our colors are olive green and ivory, bridesmaids are wearing any shade of navy" or whatever.  I'm not certain, I may be delusional, but I'm hopeful that's what she meant.

banana468

floridabride44 said:

FutureBritLehr said:

I would not dictate what my moms wear. I did however give them a color scheme. They both choose to get the same color dress but two different styles. They both sent me pictures of their dresses before buying for approval. I told them whatever they want! = )

That counts as dictating, does it not?

I told the moms our colors because they asked.  This could go either way.  If it's presented as, "Our colors are pink and green so please wear a coordinating shade but not the same shade as the BMs or the GM's ties and my underwear will be puce," then yeah, it's micromanaging.

If it's "Hey, when you go shopping if you feel like knowing our colors they're black and tan - my favorite drink!" then it simply tells the guests what's going on. 

flantastic

MIL wanted to defer to my mom, assuming... my mom would care if they were in the same color? and there's some tradition where the MOB gets to pick a color first. She wanted to get dress shopping while fall dresses were in (year before the wedding), and I knew my mom would probably make her dress much later and didn't want to put that decision pressure on one or both of them. So I told MIL to buy whatever she wanted and not to wait on anything.

MIL later asked if I minded that her dress was purple like the bridesmaids. No. I did not mind.

Why anyone would care about this is beyond me.

RosesAreRed13

I appreciate the posts so far from everyone.  I'm actually surprised to see how everyone agrees that it doesn't matter what they wear.  When I search the topic on the internet, I find endless articles about "discussions to have regarding style and color" or "MOB should have to honor to buy before MOG," so on and so forth.  I wonder why there is such a disconnect between what people are posting here and what the articles are saying.

nerdwife

Knottie1446491565 said:

I appreciate the posts so far from everyone.  I'm actually surprised to see how everyone agrees that it doesn't matter what they wear.  When I search the topic on the internet, I find endless articles about "discussions to have regarding style and color" or "MOB should have to honor to buy before MOG," so on and so forth.  I wonder why there is such a disconnect between what people are posting here and what the articles are saying.

Because the internet is full of articles trying to make people spend more on/obsess about weddings, and the people writing on here are regular humans who want the people in their lives to be happy.

flantastic

Knottie1446491565 said:

I appreciate the posts so far from everyone.  I'm actually surprised to see how everyone agrees that it doesn't matter what they wear.  When I search the topic on the internet, I find endless articles about "discussions to have regarding style and color" or "MOB should have to honor to buy before MOG," so on and so forth.  I wonder why there is such a disconnect between what people are posting here and what the articles are saying.

Places that make money from weddings want to hype every little aspect so that you feel it's all important and will spend more. Also, many brides are control freaks, and for some reason the "it's your day" mentality has made some people think it's okay to control others' behavior, comfort, and budget in ways you would otherwise never dream of doing.

A lot of people say "If they love me, they'd do this" which is a) a ridiculous string to attach to your love and b) takes no consideration of the opposite - if you love your parents/guests/etc., why would you want them to go to extra trouble and expense and possibly be uncomfortable in a color or style, when it really doesn't matter? Pictures should be treasured because the people you love are in them, not because a bride created a certain aesthetic and tried to control everyone into fitting into it.

As I said, my MIL had heard the bolded and didn't want to step on anyone's toes, but was much happier just to find a dress she liked on her time and her terms. (I also find the bolded ridiculous - why are one woman's preferences more important just because she gave birth to the woman entering into a marriage?)

levioosa

Knottie1446491565 said:

I appreciate the posts so far from everyone.  I'm actually surprised to see how everyone agrees that it doesn't matter what they wear.  When I search the topic on the internet, I find endless articles about "discussions to have regarding style and color" or "MOB should have to honor to buy before MOG," so on and so forth.  I wonder why there is such a disconnect between what people are posting here and what the articles are saying.

The wedding industry is a monster that doesn't care about your family and friends, or maintaining those relationships.  It cares about money.  YES, you NEED to have personalized favors.  SURE--Tier your guests because then MORE PRESENTS and you SPEND LESS.  YES--DICTATE what your guests wear, after all you NEED to spend a lot of money on photography because omg picutressss.  Have a cash bar because IT'S YOUR DAY, and if people don't want to pay, they can suck it!    

We advocate treating your loved ones....like loved ones.  It's a concept which seems to have escaped the wedding industry.  

**Purple indicates sarcasm, juuuust in case that was missed.  All of those things are terrible.  Do not do those things.  

horriblegb

Knottie1446491565 said:

I appreciate the posts so far from everyone.  I'm actually surprised to see how everyone agrees that it doesn't matter what they wear.  When I search the topic on the internet, I find endless articles about "discussions to have regarding style and color" or "MOB should have to honor to buy before MOG," so on and so forth.  I wonder why there is such a disconnect between what people are posting here and what the articles are saying.

To what everyone else has said, take into consideration where those articles are coming from, who is writing them.  The people here are those planning or who have planned their weddings, there is nothing for them to gain by telling you this.

Also, to the previous topic, I told my mom and MOG that I want them to feel beautiful and I didn't care.  However, MOG was very, very insistent that I give her a color scheme so I told her like 5 colors, but I really could not care less if it is different, I think she just wanted help/direction. 

[Deleted User]

I feel telling them what colors my wedding is going to be is completely okay. I did not demand they get any color from them. I just told them what colors I was using. They themselves decided to stick with the colors.

Heffalump

flantastic said:

Knottie1446491565 said:

I appreciate the posts so far from everyone.  I'm actually surprised to see how everyone agrees that it doesn't matter what they wear.  When I search the topic on the internet, I find endless articles about "discussions to have regarding style and color" or "MOB should have to honor to buy before MOG," so on and so forth.  I wonder why there is such a disconnect between what people are posting here and what the articles are saying.

Places that make money from weddings want to hype every little aspect so that you feel it's all important and will spend more. Also, many brides are control freaks, and for some reason the "it's your day" mentality has made some people think it's okay to control others' behavior, comfort, and budget in ways you would otherwise never dream of doing.

A lot of people say "If they love me, they'd do this" which is a) a ridiculous string to attach to your love and b) takes no consideration of the opposite - if you love your parents/guests/etc., why would you want them to go to extra trouble and expense and possibly be uncomfortable in a color or style, when it really doesn't matter? Pictures should be treasured because the people you love are in them, not because a bride created a certain aesthetic and tried to control everyone into fitting into it.

As I said, my MIL had heard the bolded and didn't want to step on anyone's toes, but was much happier just to find a dress she liked on her time and her terms. (I also find the bolded ridiculous - why are one woman's preferences more important just because she gave birth to the woman entering into a marriage?)

Wholeheartedly agreed.  Plus what if there are two brides, or two grooms/no brides?  Which mom gets to choose first then?  Definitely a big fan of "you do you" when it comes to wedding attire.

lembaslover

Both of our mom's kept asking me what color of dress I wanted them to wear and my MIL was insistent that my mother buy her dress first. Finally I just told them what our colors were and that if they wanted to follow that they could if not they could pick any color. Then my mother was like well I look terrible in those colors. I was like so pick a different color, any color. So she found a dress in a different color but then changed her mind and got one in the colors instead and claimed she liked it more. I told her I really liked both and it didn't matter to me.

Then my mom called me one night and asked if it was ok if my grandma wore pants rather than a dress. I was like umm of course it is, I really don't care what you guys are wearing, I just want you all to be there! I don't know why they just assumed I cared so much about it. 

Off topic but @thefanciestbeckler that really stinks that happened to your mom, I hope the Dr. was able to get her some relief. I suffer from frequent UTIs and my solution is cranberry juice. Lots and lots of it. So if anyone experiences a UTI at a bad time (ie. before a wedding or on vacation) where maybe a Dr. visit isn't possible get cranberry juice. For me after about 2 8oz glasses the pain is almost gone and if I drink ~4 glasses my UTI is gone completely the next day. I'm not advocating for not visiting a Dr. but if you're in a pinch and need immediate relief I will swear by cranberry juice. 

thefanciestbeckler

@marriedhamstermom I felt so bad for her! They did give her some pain meds and a really strong antibiotic so she was feeling ok on the wedding day (though definitely not 100%). She had a hysterectomy a couple of years ago, and now she gets them frequently. She definitely drinks cranberry juice if she gets a UTI and has some available. If not, she keeps AZO on hand and takes that and drinks soooo much water. Thankfully for her, shes started noticing the symptoms before it turns into a full blown UTI.

I hate that you have to deal with that too! Its the worst!

SP29

Knottie1446491565 said:

I appreciate the posts so far from everyone.  I'm actually surprised to see how everyone agrees that it doesn't matter what they wear.  When I search the topic on the internet, I find endless articles about "discussions to have regarding style and color" or "MOB should have to honor to buy before MOG," so on and so forth.  I wonder why there is such a disconnect between what people are posting here and what the articles are saying.

As said, consider who is writing the article. So much about the wedding industry is hyping up this "perfect day" so you'll spend more money on everything. 

Whenever you're making a wedding decision- ask yourself- will this matter one year from now? What purpose does this achieve?

Hosting your guests fully and equally throughout the event (seat for every butt, everyone invited to ceremony + reception, no cash bar, etc) will matter a year from now- people will always remember how you made them feel. You have the potential to damage relationships by not treating people well. The purpose is the same as before, treating your guests well.

Telling your mom and MIL what to wear- will that matter in a year? Nope. It does not affect your guests or your wedding in any way. What purpose does it achieve? Nothing, except putting stress on them to find the "right" dress, or make them feel less than beautiful because they are wearing something they think they have to. In opposition, telling them to wear whatever makes them feel beautiful, well that serves to make them feel more comfortable- they can wear what they like and at a price point they are comfortable with. Again, people remember how you make them feel- that is important a year from now. 

My mom and MIL knew our wedding colours. They both wore one of the wedding colours- the same colour actually (purple)- but in different shades. I think MIL already owned the dress she wore. My mom bought a dress, but purple is her favourite colour, so she would've worn it anyway. 

RosesAreRed13

SP29 said:

Knottie1446491565 said:

I appreciate the posts so far from everyone.  I'm actually surprised to see how everyone agrees that it doesn't matter what they wear.  When I search the topic on the internet, I find endless articles about "discussions to have regarding style and color" or "MOB should have to honor to buy before MOG," so on and so forth.  I wonder why there is such a disconnect between what people are posting here and what the articles are saying.

As said, consider who is writing the article. So much about the wedding industry is hyping up this "perfect day" so you'll spend more money on everything. 

Whenever you're making a wedding decision- ask yourself- will this matter one year from now? What purpose does this achieve?

Hosting your guests fully and equally throughout the event (seat for every butt, everyone invited to ceremony + reception, no cash bar, etc) will matter a year from now- people will always remember how you made them feel. You have the potential to damage relationships by not treating people well. The purpose is the same as before, treating your guests well.

Telling your mom and MIL what to wear- will that matter in a year? Nope. It does not affect your guests or your wedding in any way. What purpose does it achieve? Nothing, except putting stress on them to find the "right" dress, or make them feel less than beautiful because they are wearing something they think they have to. In opposition, telling them to wear whatever makes them feel beautiful, well that serves to make them feel more comfortable- they can wear what they like and at a price point they are comfortable with. Again, people remember how you make them feel- that is important a year from now. 

My mom and MIL knew our wedding colours. They both wore one of the wedding colours- the same colour actually (purple)- but in different shades. I think MIL already owned the dress she wore. My mom bought a dress, but purple is her favourite colour, so she would've worn it anyway. 

This is the best response in this thread!  Thank you for your logical thinking and not making me feel like an idiot for even asking this question.  

indigo26

I think my mom's dress will matter a year from now - because I told her that if I have to have a dress custom made for her in order for her to be comfortable, then we'll have one made. My mom has a difficult body shape to shop for and hates clothes shopping because to her, nothing looks good on her. So I'm taking her to the same seamstress who is altering my dress and turning her loose. I don't care what color, fabric, length, etc - my only requirement is that she make my mom feel pretty and comfortable. Hopefully the dress is one that she'll be able to wear for several years to whatever events she wants. The best thing my mom can wear on my wedding day is a huge smile as she walks me down the aisle - nothing else matters as much as that.

MandyMost

holyguacamole79 said:

MandyMost said:

If you really have no idea yet what formality your wedding will be, then I think you have a point. Like, if you're considering a backyard barbeque where you where a short cotton sundress and also a formal black-tie event, then no one should be shopping yet. However, 99% of all the weddings I've been to have had essentially the same "dress code" for all of the guests (including parents), which is typically semi-formal for the parents and cocktail-to-semi-formal for the guests. I know that unless I'm specifically told differently (either directly, or by interpretation of the invitation) I always wear the same formality of dress as a wedding guest. 

So aside from not deciding on the formality, there is NOTHING that the mothers need to wait for to start shopping


Blah boxes. 

To the bolded, I'm sure I know what you mean, but I'd like to clarify. 

We had an afternoon Catholic wedding.   My husband and the men in the BP were in tuxes.  My brother wire a black shirt and khakis.  No big deal. 

As the bridesmaids processed in, one of DH's uncles walked up the aisle (disrupting the procession) wearing jeans, leather vest, a t-shirt,and biker boots.  It's something we look back on and laugh (I had no idea this happened until weeks after the wedding).

The moms will likely know the vibe of the wedding.   If she wants to wear a gown to a bbq?  Her call.   Unless your venue has specific requirements, there is nothing to be said to anyone. 

In response to the red, the way I read the original post is that there's a good possibility that the vibe of the wedding hadn't even been decided yet, so it's impossible to know the vibe of the wedding! That was really the point of my post--I think the only thing the mothers, or any other wedding guests, need to wait to shop for is to find out the vibe (time, location, etc., that will point to the formality) of the wedding. 

MandyMost

ILoveBeachMusic said:

I said I'd wear my MOB dress as MOG (son just got engaged) but people were telling me I couldn't do that! Glad to know someone did it! I just need to wait to see formality of his wedding - it could be very casual. If it is, my MOB dress wouldn't work.

This is funny, because I would have been just fine with my mom wearing the same dress she wore to my brother's wedding 5+ years before my wedding. She looked great in it.
 
However, she was totally against it! Not only that, she refused to wear the same color! She also insisted she wear something with my general color scheme (which was very broad--"jewel tones" which we summed up to essentially be "not pastels"). Red is too flashy, she didn't like green, etc., etc.,...virtually every dress in her size/style was navy blue and she refused to wear navy blue because she wore it to my brother's wedding. We ended up at Alfred Angelo where you can order the dresses in essentially any color you want, so she got the purple she was looking for. It all worked out in the long run, since she was happy!

RosesAreRed13

MandyMost said:

ILoveBeachMusic said:

I said I'd wear my MOB dress as MOG (son just got engaged) but people were telling me I couldn't do that! Glad to know someone did it! I just need to wait to see formality of his wedding - it could be very casual. If it is, my MOB dress wouldn't work.

This is funny, because I would have been just fine with my mom wearing the same dress she wore to my brother's wedding 5+ years before my wedding. She looked great in it.
 
However, she was totally against it! Not only that, she refused to wear the same color! She also insisted she wear something with my general color scheme (which was very broad--"jewel tones" which we summed up to essentially be "not pastels"). Red is too flashy, she didn't like green, etc., etc.,...virtually every dress in her size/style was navy blue and she refused to wear navy blue because she wore it to my brother's wedding. We ended up at Alfred Angelo where you can order the dresses in essentially any color you want, so she got the purple she was looking for. It all worked out in the long run, since she was happy!

My FMIL is looking at red mermaid style gowns, most of them have small trains, and made out of sequins.  Should I still listen to everyone's posts and not be concerned with what she wears? 

floridabride44

Knottie1446491565 said:

MandyMost said:

ILoveBeachMusic said:

I said I'd wear my MOB dress as MOG (son just got engaged) but people were telling me I couldn't do that! Glad to know someone did it! I just need to wait to see formality of his wedding - it could be very casual. If it is, my MOB dress wouldn't work.

This is funny, because I would have been just fine with my mom wearing the same dress she wore to my brother's wedding 5+ years before my wedding. She looked great in it.
 
However, she was totally against it! Not only that, she refused to wear the same color! She also insisted she wear something with my general color scheme (which was very broad--"jewel tones" which we summed up to essentially be "not pastels"). Red is too flashy, she didn't like green, etc., etc.,...virtually every dress in her size/style was navy blue and she refused to wear navy blue because she wore it to my brother's wedding. We ended up at Alfred Angelo where you can order the dresses in essentially any color you want, so she got the purple she was looking for. It all worked out in the long run, since she was happy!

My FMIL is looking at red mermaid style gowns, most of them have small trains, and made out of sequins.  Should I still listen to everyone's posts and not be concerned with what she wears? 

Yes. Let her wear what she wants. 

flantastic

Knottie1446491565 said:

MandyMost said:

ILoveBeachMusic said:

I said I'd wear my MOB dress as MOG (son just got engaged) but people were telling me I couldn't do that! Glad to know someone did it! I just need to wait to see formality of his wedding - it could be very casual. If it is, my MOB dress wouldn't work.

This is funny, because I would have been just fine with my mom wearing the same dress she wore to my brother's wedding 5+ years before my wedding. She looked great in it.
 
However, she was totally against it! Not only that, she refused to wear the same color! She also insisted she wear something with my general color scheme (which was very broad--"jewel tones" which we summed up to essentially be "not pastels"). Red is too flashy, she didn't like green, etc., etc.,...virtually every dress in her size/style was navy blue and she refused to wear navy blue because she wore it to my brother's wedding. We ended up at Alfred Angelo where you can order the dresses in essentially any color you want, so she got the purple she was looking for. It all worked out in the long run, since she was happy!

My FMIL is looking at red mermaid style gowns, most of them have small trains, and made out of sequins.  Should I still listen to everyone's posts and not be concerned with what she wears? 

Yes. How could what she wears, flashy or not, possibly affect you?

If people think it's over-the-top, they will judge her, not you.

You will still be the bride - zero people will forget that fact, and you will have plenty of attention on you - and you will still get married.

[Deleted User]

Knottie1446491565 said:

MandyMost said:

ILoveBeachMusic said:

I said I'd wear my MOB dress as MOG (son just got engaged) but people were telling me I couldn't do that! Glad to know someone did it! I just need to wait to see formality of his wedding - it could be very casual. If it is, my MOB dress wouldn't work.

This is funny, because I would have been just fine with my mom wearing the same dress she wore to my brother's wedding 5+ years before my wedding. She looked great in it.
 
However, she was totally against it! Not only that, she refused to wear the same color! She also insisted she wear something with my general color scheme (which was very broad--"jewel tones" which we summed up to essentially be "not pastels"). Red is too flashy, she didn't like green, etc., etc.,...virtually every dress in her size/style was navy blue and she refused to wear navy blue because she wore it to my brother's wedding. We ended up at Alfred Angelo where you can order the dresses in essentially any color you want, so she got the purple she was looking for. It all worked out in the long run, since she was happy!

My FMIL is looking at red mermaid style gowns, most of them have small trains, and made out of sequins.  Should I still listen to everyone's posts and not be concerned with what she wears? 

She will either look fantastic, or she will look ridiculous, or possibly both.  How does that affect you in any way?

MobKaz

Knottie1446491565 said:

MandyMost said:

ILoveBeachMusic said:

I said I'd wear my MOB dress as MOG (son just got engaged) but people were telling me I couldn't do that! Glad to know someone did it! I just need to wait to see formality of his wedding - it could be very casual. If it is, my MOB dress wouldn't work.

This is funny, because I would have been just fine with my mom wearing the same dress she wore to my brother's wedding 5+ years before my wedding. She looked great in it.
 
However, she was totally against it! Not only that, she refused to wear the same color! She also insisted she wear something with my general color scheme (which was very broad--"jewel tones" which we summed up to essentially be "not pastels"). Red is too flashy, she didn't like green, etc., etc.,...virtually every dress in her size/style was navy blue and she refused to wear navy blue because she wore it to my brother's wedding. We ended up at Alfred Angelo where you can order the dresses in essentially any color you want, so she got the purple she was looking for. It all worked out in the long run, since she was happy!

My FMIL is looking at red mermaid style gowns, most of them have small trains, and made out of sequins.  Should I still listen to everyone's posts and not be concerned with what she wears? 

Yes.  We have had brides whose parent or in law wore white or ivory wedding gown-esque dresses to their wedding. I attended a wedding where the MOB wore an over-the-top dress to her daughter's ceremony, and wore a second, even more-over-the-top dress to the reception.  Will some guests snark or side eye that?  Perhaps.  But it is not on you, nor will it impact your day for you and your FI

RosesAreRed13

Alright, thank you everyone.  I will not be concerned with what she wears because you are all right, it doesn't affect me!  If that's what makes her happy, she should just go for it.  No one will associate me with what she wears anyway.  

Thanks for all the input.  

nerdwife

Knottie1446491565 said:

Alright, thank you everyone.  I will not be concerned with what she wears because you are all right, it doesn't affect me!  If that's what makes her happy, she should just go for it.  No one will associate me with what she wears anyway.  

Thanks for all the input.  

This is an awesome response. You win all the knottie#s response awards.

banana468

Ditto the others.   

I remember watching a Whose Wedding is it Anyway and a MOG opted for a bright red gown and actually used the phrasing that she wanted the same kind of attention as the bride.

Everyone felt that she was acting ridiculous but it reflected poorly on her - not the bride.

[Deleted User]

nerdwife said:

Knottie1446491565 said:

Alright, thank you everyone.  I will not be concerned with what she wears because you are all right, it doesn't affect me!  If that's what makes her happy, she should just go for it.  No one will associate me with what she wears anyway.  

Thanks for all the input.  

This is an awesome response. You win all the knottie#s response awards.

We should make this an actual reward.  Because, yes, this response does get this award today.

MobKaz

nerdwife said:

Knottie1446491565 said:

Alright, thank you everyone.  I will not be concerned with what she wears because you are all right, it doesn't affect me!  If that's what makes her happy, she should just go for it.  No one will associate me with what she wears anyway.  

Thanks for all the input.  

This is an awesome response. You win all the knottie#s response awards.

@Knottie1446491565, please distinguish yourself further by assigning yourself a SN so we can get to know you!

SP29

indigo26 said:

I think my mom's dress will matter a year from now - because I told her that if I have to have a dress custom made for her in order for her to be comfortable, then we'll have one made. My mom has a difficult body shape to shop for and hates clothes shopping because to her, nothing looks good on her. So I'm taking her to the same seamstress who is altering my dress and turning her loose. I don't care what color, fabric, length, etc - my only requirement is that she make my mom feel pretty and comfortable. Hopefully the dress is one that she'll be able to wear for several years to whatever events she wants. The best thing my mom can wear on my wedding day is a huge smile as she walks me down the aisle - nothing else matters as much as that.

Right, but it matters because you are helping her get a dress that is going to make her feel great. You're not worried about what colour or style it is, and if it matches your theme, and if she gets it before the MOG does. 

OP- Change your name to something more memorable so we know who "you" are, and stick around!