Seriously

[Deleted User]

I've been lurking around this website for a while and I just have to say a good majority of you should be ashamed of yourselves. With a few exceptions and I have to bold it because then you'll all jump on me and say "not everyone"; most of you are cyber bullies. A person just joins and writes their first post and out of purely being naive you attack them like a pact of wild   Hyenas. I understand that you may see a lot of the same things on here and are sick of it but please try to understand that for every 100 times of hearing about someone trying to have a cash bar at their reception, having no reception, upgrading and downgrading bridesmaids, what ever it may be that a person who is new is posting. It is that person's first time learning about certain etiquette. Don't abuse people for their ignorance but instead educate them and be patient. Try to understand where they are coming from even if they are wrong (that doesn't mean agree, or let them think being rude is okay), but level with them.  Not everyone is a bridzilla some people just are unaware how weddings work. They came here for your advise not ridicule, and if anything it makes people more  inclined to do the wrong thing if you're being a jerk about it.

nerdwife

Knottie1454460060 said:

I've been lurking around this website for a while and I just have to say a good majority of you should be ashamed of yourselves. With a few exceptions and I have to bold it because then you'll all jump on me and say "not everyone"; most of you are cyber bullies. A person just joins and writes their first post and out of purely being naive you attack them like a pact of wild   Hyenas. I understand that you may see a lot of the same things on here and are sick of it but please try to understand that for every 100 times of hearing about someone trying to have a cash bar at their reception, having no reception, upgrading and downgrading bridesmaids, what ever it may be that a person who is new is posting. It is that person's first time learning about certain etiquette. Don't abuse people for their ignorance but instead educate them and be patient. Try to understand where they are coming from even if they are wrong (that doesn't mean agree, or let them think being rude is okay), but level with them.  Not everyone is a bridzilla some people just are unaware how weddings work. They came here for your advise not ridicule, and if anything it makes people more  inclined to do the wrong thing if you're being a jerk about it.

Here we go.

This is a forum that provides people with wedding advice. Sometimes people ask stupid questions so the answers are blunt. Read about bullying and the real problems it causes and get back to us.

MyNameIsNot

Calling honest, blunt advice bullying is an insult to anyone who has actually been the victim of bullying.

You should be ashamed of yourself for trivializing bullying like this. 

thefanciestbeckler

[Deleted User]

Oh good.  Another lecture.  This is very new. /sarcasm

ETA: I got my ass handed to me the first time I posted.  I don't remember the topic, but I was jumped on for not thinking it through and making a bad choice.  I was hurt.  I closed down my browser and walked away from the computer for a while.  I still thought about my thrashing.  And within one day I realized I WAS WRONG.  If I took perceived tone out of the responses I got, they weren't mean.  They were blunt and to the point, but the responses were meant to HELP ME.  People here genuinely want to help people who want to be helped.  They (we) want brides and grooms to throw the best parties and be kind and gracious to their friends and family.  We LIKE weddings!  If you (royal you) stop for a minute and think about what is being said rather than including whatever tone you perceive is behind the message.  If you just take the message and the lesson, this place is really pretty great.

nerdwife

Also, I want to know what people expect when they post things like this. Do you think suddenly everyone is going to be like "omg, you are so totally right, silly us!"?

This would be like going to your local toy store and telling them they should stop selling toys. Not logical, is it?

banana468

Knottie1454460060 said:

I've been lurking around this website for a while and I just have to say a good majority of you should be ashamed of yourselves. With a few exceptions and I have to bold it because then you'll all jump on me and say "not everyone"; most of you are cyber bullies. A person just joins and writes their first post and out of purely being naive you attack them like a pact of wild   Hyenas. I understand that you may see a lot of the same things on here and are sick of it but please try to understand that for every 100 times of hearing about someone trying to have a cash bar at their reception, having no reception, upgrading and downgrading bridesmaids, what ever it may be that a person who is new is posting. It is that person's first time learning about certain etiquette. Don't abuse people for their ignorance but instead educate them and be patient. Try to understand where they are coming from even if they are wrong (that doesn't mean agree, or let them think being rude is okay), but level with them.  Not everyone is a bridzilla some people just are unaware how weddings work. They came here for your advise not ridicule, and if anything it makes people more  inclined to do the wrong thing if you're being a jerk about it.

I was bullied in 6th grade.   I walked into class and the kids teased me from the start.   I sat there while a girl spat on my shoes and another student wouldn't let up the insults.   I HAD TO BE THERE and they wouldn't let it up.   On my way out the door one day, I remember a knee going into my rear end from one of the queen bullies.   All I was trying to do was get into the hall to change class.

THAT was bullying.

Coming into a forum telling a bunch of strangers that you have either done something really rude or that you desire to do something really rude only to be told that those actions are rude isn't bullying.   It's telling it like it is.   Could the answers be handled with more sprinkles and frosting?   Maybe.   But that the answers are abrupt =/= bullying.   

Not liking the answers you see is a sign that either 1, you're proposing something terrible or 2, this isn't the place for you or 3, all the above.

BTW, do you routinely walk into a social area and sit down to tell everyone that they're doing terrible things?   Do you anticipate that going well?

Exactly what did you expect to get out of showing up to be a spoon in the pot? 

TrixieJess

Knottie1454460060 said:

I've been lurking around this website for a while and I just have to say a good majority of you should be ashamed of yourselves. With a few exceptions and I have to bold it because then you'll all jump on me and say "not everyone"; most of you are cyber bullies. A person just joins and writes their first post and out of purely being naive you attack them like a pact of wild   Hyenas. I understand that you may see a lot of the same things on here and are sick of it but please try to understand that for every 100 times of hearing about someone trying to have a cash bar at their reception, having no reception, upgrading and downgrading bridesmaids, what ever it may be that a person who is new is posting. It is that person's first time learning about certain etiquette. Don't abuse people for their ignorance but instead educate them and be patient. Try to understand where they are coming from even if they are wrong (that doesn't mean agree, or let them think being rude is okay), but level with them.  Not everyone is a bridzilla some people just are unaware how weddings work. They came here for your advise not ridicule, and if anything it makes people more  inclined to do the wrong thing if you're being a jerk about it.

Oh look, it's that time, someone to school us on our bad behaviour *yawn*. 

Please tell us how we are judgmental bitches, we don't hear that ever...

sparklepants41

banana468 said:

Knottie1454460060 said:

I've been lurking around this website for a while and I just have to say a good majority of you should be ashamed of yourselves. With a few exceptions and I have to bold it because then you'll all jump on me and say "not everyone"; most of you are cyber bullies. A person just joins and writes their first post and out of purely being naive you attack them like a pact of wild   Hyenas. I understand that you may see a lot of the same things on here and are sick of it but please try to understand that for every 100 times of hearing about someone trying to have a cash bar at their reception, having no reception, upgrading and downgrading bridesmaids, what ever it may be that a person who is new is posting. It is that person's first time learning about certain etiquette. Don't abuse people for their ignorance but instead educate them and be patient. Try to understand where they are coming from even if they are wrong (that doesn't mean agree, or let them think being rude is okay), but level with them.  Not everyone is a bridzilla some people just are unaware how weddings work. They came here for your advise not ridicule, and if anything it makes people more  inclined to do the wrong thing if you're being a jerk about it.

I was bullied in 6th grade.   I walked into class and the kids teased me from the start.   I sat there while a girl spat on my shoes and another student wouldn't let up the insults.   I HAD TO BE THERE and they wouldn't let it up.   On my way out the door one day, I remember a knee going into my rear end from one of the queen bullies.   All I was trying to do was get into the hall to change class.

THAT was bullying.

Coming into a forum telling a bunch of strangers that you have either done something really rude or that you desire to do something really rude only to be told that those actions are rude isn't bullying.   It's telling it like it is.   Could the answers be handled with more sprinkles and frosting?   Maybe.   But that the answers are abrupt =/= bullying.   

Not liking the answers you see is a sign that either 1, you're proposing something terrible or 2, this isn't the place for you or 3, all the above.

BTW, do you routinely walk into a social area and sit down to tell everyone that they're doing terrible things?   Do you anticipate that going well?

Exactly what did you expect to get out of showing up to be a spoon in the pot? 

Amen, Banana!! And hugs for you - I'm so sorry you had to go through that!!!

PrettyGirlLost

Knottie1454460060 said:

I've been lurking around this website for a while and I just have to say a good majority of you should be ashamed of yourselves. With a few exceptions and I have to bold it because then you'll all jump on me and say "not everyone"; most of you are cyber bullies. A person just joins and writes their first post and out of purely being naive you attack them like a pact of wild   Hyenas. I understand that you may see a lot of the same things on here and are sick of it but please try to understand that for every 100 times of hearing about someone trying to have a cash bar at their reception, having no reception, upgrading and downgrading bridesmaids, what ever it may be that a person who is new is posting. It is that person's first time learning about certain etiquette. Don't abuse people for their ignorance but instead educate them and be patient. Try to understand where they are coming from even if they are wrong (that doesn't mean agree, or let them think being rude is okay), but level with them.  Not everyone is a bridzilla some people just are unaware how weddings work. They came here for your advise not ridicule, and if anything it makes people more  inclined to do the wrong thing if you're being a jerk about it.

Not only am I totes ashamed for my behavior, but I also feel sorry for my husband for having married such a rancid bitch.

So what did all the rest of you rancid bitches dare respond to in order to elicit yet another scolding from a Knottie#'s?

ETA:  Oh let me guess. . . was it yet another "unplugged" ceremony post?  I bet it was: **link removed by mod**

madamerwin

Good lord. No one is making you frequent this forum. We're not here to blow sunshine up people's asses. If you do not appreciate blunt advice, maybe you should head on over to WeddingWire, where they value special snowflakes.

holyguacamole79

Knottie1454460060 said:

I've been lurking around this website for a while and I just have to say a good majority of you should be ashamed of yourselves. With a few exceptions and I have to bold it because then you'll all jump on me and say "not everyone"; most of you are cyber bullies. A person just joins and writes their first post and out of purely being naive you attack them like a pact of wild   Hyenas. I understand that you may see a lot of the same things on here and are sick of it but please try to understand that for every 100 times of hearing about someone trying to have a cash bar at their reception, having no reception, upgrading and downgrading bridesmaids, what ever it may be that a person who is new is posting. It is that person's first time learning about certain etiquette. Don't abuse people for their ignorance but instead educate them and be patient. Try to understand where they are coming from even if they are wrong (that doesn't mean agree, or let them think being rude is okay), but level with them.  Not everyone is a bridzilla some people just are unaware how weddings work. They came here for your advise not ridicule, and if anything it makes people more  inclined to do the wrong thing if you're being a jerk about it.

lembaslover

If they bothered to read the other 100 posts just like theirs they could learn on their own that what they wanted was wrong. As you self proclaim yourself a lurker you should realize there are 100 other posts just like yours saying we are mean and they got the same responses you are receiving...

holyguacamole79

Like @banana468, I was also bullied.  There was a girl in my PE class who would push and trip me.  When we played flag football, she would "accidentally" tackle me.  

Giving someone candid advice is not bullying.

TrixieJess

PrettyGirlLost said:

Knottie1454460060 said:

I've been lurking around this website for a while and I just have to say a good majority of you should be ashamed of yourselves. With a few exceptions and I have to bold it because then you'll all jump on me and say "not everyone"; most of you are cyber bullies. A person just joins and writes their first post and out of purely being naive you attack them like a pact of wild   Hyenas. I understand that you may see a lot of the same things on here and are sick of it but please try to understand that for every 100 times of hearing about someone trying to have a cash bar at their reception, having no reception, upgrading and downgrading bridesmaids, what ever it may be that a person who is new is posting. It is that person's first time learning about certain etiquette. Don't abuse people for their ignorance but instead educate them and be patient. Try to understand where they are coming from even if they are wrong (that doesn't mean agree, or let them think being rude is okay), but level with them.  Not everyone is a bridzilla some people just are unaware how weddings work. They came here for your advise not ridicule, and if anything it makes people more  inclined to do the wrong thing if you're being a jerk about it.

Not only am I totes ashamed for my behavior, but I also feel sorry for my husband for having married such a rancid bitch.

So what did all the rest of you rancid bitches dare respond to in order to elicit yet another scolding from a Knottie#'s?

I think for most of us, just existing on these boards is enough.

lyndausvi

levioosa

I was actually bullied. Like, legit "burn book" bullied. One time they got a guy to pretend to like me, and then they took bets on how fast I would lose my virginity. THAT is bullying. Telling someone their idea is rude and hurtful is not bullying. So get your fucking facts straight before you throw terms around. 

sparklepants41

If you're that fragile that being told your rude idea is rude in a clear and concise fashion hurts your feelings, maybe the interwebs are not for you.

Many people have been actually bullied, including a few of the regs here who have posted their stories of actual bullying. Honest information - however bluntly it may be delivered - is not bullying.

And if you "lurked around this website" for a little longer you might know this.

PrettyGirlLost

TrixieJess said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

Knottie1454460060 said:

I've been lurking around this website for a while and I just have to say a good majority of you should be ashamed of yourselves. With a few exceptions and I have to bold it because then you'll all jump on me and say "not everyone"; most of you are cyber bullies. A person just joins and writes their first post and out of purely being naive you attack them like a pact of wild   Hyenas. I understand that you may see a lot of the same things on here and are sick of it but please try to understand that for every 100 times of hearing about someone trying to have a cash bar at their reception, having no reception, upgrading and downgrading bridesmaids, what ever it may be that a person who is new is posting. It is that person's first time learning about certain etiquette. Don't abuse people for their ignorance but instead educate them and be patient. Try to understand where they are coming from even if they are wrong (that doesn't mean agree, or let them think being rude is okay), but level with them.  Not everyone is a bridzilla some people just are unaware how weddings work. They came here for your advise not ridicule, and if anything it makes people more  inclined to do the wrong thing if you're being a jerk about it.

Not only am I totes ashamed for my behavior, but I also feel sorry for my husband for having married such a rancid bitch.

So what did all the rest of you rancid bitches dare respond to in order to elicit yet another scolding from a Knottie#'s?

I think for most of us, just existing on these boards is enough.

The breathing in and out, eh?  Well please just stop it, ok!!!!

And like others have mentioned, I also was actually bullied during middle and high school- a combination of sexual harassment and physical intimidation and at one point I was actually hit by a17 year old girl simply because I was ignoring her teasing and attempts to bait me. . . I was 13 or 14.

Me swearing a bit on a forum while refusing to validate rudeness or stupidity is NOT bullying.  It's just a refusal to mollycoddle members of the entitlement generation(s), sorrynotsorry.

KatWAG

OP, care to sight examples of this "bullying?"

I am not going to hold my breathe, because I am fairly certain this will be a post and ghost

Liatris2010

Be the change you wish to see in the world.

So far you are not doing a very good job.

JeeGooDowster

adk19 said:

Oh good.  Another lecture.  This is very new. /sarcasm

ETA: I got my ass handed to me the first time I posted.  I don't remember the topic, but I was jumped on for not thinking it through and making a bad choice.  I was hurt.  I closed down my browser and walked away from the computer for a while.  I still thought about my thrashing.  And within one day I realized I WAS WRONG.  If I took perceived tone out of the responses I got, they weren't mean.  They were blunt and to the point, but the responses were meant to HELP ME.  People here genuinely want to help people who want to be helped.  They (we) want brides and grooms to throw the best parties and be kind and gracious to their friends and family.  We LIKE weddings!  If you (royal you) stop for a minute and think about what is being said rather than including whatever tone you perceive is behind the message.  If you just take the message and the lesson, this place is really pretty great.

This also happened to me LOL.  It humbled me alot.  It's OK to think differently but if your'e going to post your business on the internet, expect a million different answers and points of view.

themosthappy91

Specific examples or it didn't happen.

scrunchythief

Also, regs do call each other out if they think they've gone too far.  Doesn't happen often though, because it doesn't need to.

I was also hoping for more gifs in this thread.  So I'm taking  @Liatris2010 's advice:)

climbingsingle

I was also bullied in 6th grade. I was constantly made fun of every single day for my looks. My hair was pulled. I was spit at. The ring leader turned every single person in the grade against me. They left tacks on my chair, hoping I'd sit on them. That's bullying. What's you've experience here is not even close to cyber-bullying. 

Now go away. No one is forcing you to post here. 

Heffalump

Liatris2010 said:

Be the change you wish to see in the world.

So far you are not doing a very good job.

That was my thought.  OP, I haven't seen you contribute anything positive to the boards at all.  If you think everyone is so hideously awful, then why don't you shine your goodness and light upon us by modeling the sorts of replies you'd like to see? 

Sorry, when some KnottieRandom123 shows up with a single post in their history, calls everyone (but "not everyone") out, claims to have lurked for a long time, and has no other history, I'm skeptical.  My vote?  AE for someone who was butthurt at not having whatever crappy idea validated.

scrunchythief said:

Also, regs do call each other out if they think they've gone too far.  Doesn't happen often though, because it doesn't need to.

I was also hoping for more gifs in this thread.  So I'm taking  @Liatris2010 's advice:)

thefanciestbeckler

I'll help you out, @scrunchythief.

flantastic

I saw the thread title and I knew.

holyguacamole79

charlotte989875

Whatever happened to lurking a bit? Knottie#s you say that brides have no idea about weddings and are just looking for information, well if you (general you) looked around a bit for this information you'd find that many posts address some of these "first time questions". Many are even "stickies" at the top of boards so that new brides have a place to start. 

So yah if you don't do this and then post a question that has been answered many, many times you are going to get blunt/straight answers. Additionally, if you lurked you would know that. All Internet forums have particular cultures and it takes time to learn them. 

drunkenwitch

OMG you are totes so right!

From here on out