Seriously

crowsgirl15 · February 2016

scrunchythief said:

Also, regs do call each other out if they think they've gone too far. Doesn't happen often though, because it doesn't need to.

I was also hoping for more gifs in this thread. So I'm taking @Liatris2010 's advice:)

I am far from a regular, and very new to these boards. I did something inappropriate (and probably more akin to bullying) in one of my first posts, and it was the regs who jumped on me to point out the error of my ways. They were right, I got rid of it, and I learned from the whole experience. So not only do regs call each other out when they've gone too far...they're the first to stand up for someone when ANYONE is going too far.

Not that it even matters...but my comment was in response to a "can I just skip the reception?" post. So, yeah, the line between bullying and blunt advice is ABSOLUTELY kept firm on these boards, and I have yet to see a single instance of crossing the line that wasn't pointed out.

Like others have said: examples would certainly be appreciated.

glasgowtolondon · February 2016

Late to the party, but who can resist the opportunity for gifs?

madamerwin · February 2016

glasgowtolondon said:

Late to the party, but who can resist the opportunity for gifs?

This gif is mesmerizing.

hellohkb · February 2016

drunkenwitch said:

OMG you are totes so right!
From here on out

I love Saved!

To the op: *yawn*.

tigerlily6 · February 2016

I also came onto TK not too long ago, posted some pretty dumb questions (one was about how to ask guests to help put money towards a car instead of a traditional registry), and got my ass handed to me. And I'm thankful for it. I took some time to let the comments settle, read through them, and realized that everything I was told was not intended to be mean to me, but to help me. And there was good reason behind the rules they were talking about -- not completely arbitrary prejudicial sentiment. Essentially, TK has been like having my own unfiltered wedding advisors. I like to think it's sort of like having Phil as a life coach.

Image: https://allezvousfairelire.files.wordpress.com/2015/10/disney-phil-hercules-gif.gif?w=676

It's not bullying, it's honesty with a 'tude. It's not for everybody, but it's how I like my friends -- able to call me out when I need it.

tigerlily6 · February 2016

Also, you need advisers with attitude when some of the brides-to-be coming on here have it in spades themselves. Sticking with the Disney theme: in the three months I've been on here, I have already seen a lot of posts where the bride basically treats her bridesmaids like this over shoes or hair or tattoos or being pregnant:

Image: https://49.media.tumblr.com/c698a2f10120e351450d979917749d75/tumblr_molj3djwBM1srk870o1_500.gif

THAT is bullying.

spockforprez · February 2016

hellohkb said:

drunkenwitch said:

I love Saved!

To the op: *yawn*.

Me too. And now I really want to watch it. And it's not on Netflix, Hulu, OR Amazon Prime Video. And now I'm pissed. I'M LEAVING THIS WEBSITE AND NEVER COMING BACK!!!! *flounce*

MobKaz · February 2016

[Deleted User] said:

I've been lurking around this website for a while and I just have to say a good majority of you should be ashamed of yourselves. With a few exceptions and I have to bold it because then you'll all jump on me and say "not everyone"; most of you are cyber bullies. A person just joins and writes their first post and out of purely being naive you attack them like a pact of wild Hyenas. I understand that you may see a lot of the same things on here and are sick of it but please try to understand that for every 100 times of hearing about someone trying to have a cash bar at their reception, having no reception, upgrading and downgrading bridesmaids, what ever it may be that a person who is new is posting. It is that person's first time learning about certain etiquette. Don't abuse people for their ignorance but instead educate them and be patient. Try to understand where they are coming from even if they are wrong (that doesn't mean agree, or let them think being rude is okay), but level with them. Not everyone is a bridzilla some people just are unaware how weddings work. They came here for your advise not ridicule, and if anything it makes people more inclined to do the wrong thing if you're being a jerk about it.

Replace "bridesmaid" with friend. You want me to believe that you are old enough to marry, but have yet to learn that you do not upgrade or downgrade friends?

**sigh** Aaaaaand Valentine's Weekend is almost upon us........

kimmiinthemitten · February 2016

For the lurkers since OP apparently is a post and dash kind of person.

One of my early posts was in response to a PPD thread and I defended the wife who wanted to be a bride. I had previously read the stickies, still didn't get it, stood my ground and was schooled. I turned off my computer, complained to FI and swore off TK. I went to bed, woke up, and reread the whole post. It was then that I realized, that it's okay for me as a guest to not be offended by some things, but that doesn't mean other people won't be. I also realized that the posters here have absolutely no skin in my wedding and will receive no benefit by deceiving me. I decided to only lurk in Etiquette until I learned more.

I was a B Cup by the 6th grade and a big C by the 8th. Girls, including my BFF accused me of stuffing my bra (I flashed the BFF and she changed her tune). Boys used to snap my bra strap and slap my ass so hard it left welts. I also have a last name that could be sexual so add that into the mix. I became a secret cutter and starting having panic attacks at age 12.

I'll give you a cookie if you can guess which incident is bullying and which is adults disagreeing with each other in a firm way.

kimmiinthemitten · February 2016

And for the GIF records- how these new post-Christmas brides have me feeling:

geebee908 · February 2016

How can anyone possibly couch some of the things we see posted here in "nice" terms? Some of them are so far out that the only reaction is "are you crazy/kidding??" Would it really be better if the poster received an "Oh, honey, that is not a good plan; you should really rethink that" sort of response? Some people need to be shocked back into reality with a little (or a lot) of bluntness.

downtondiva · February 2016

Did this person just sign up to tell us how mean we all are and then bounce so she didn't have to defend her argument?

It's not bullying to be honest and direct with someone you're sincerely trying to help. That's what I've seen people do here. It may not always sound pretty, but it's not bullying. If that's your idea of bullying, you've had an easy time of it.

drunkenwitch · February 2016

hellohkb said:

drunkenwitch said:

OMG you are totes so right!
From here on out

I love Saved!

To the op: *yawn*.

That was my favorite scene. Laughed my ass off

glasgowtolondon · February 2016

geebee908 said:

How can anyone possibly couch some of the things we see posted here in "nice" terms? Some of them are so far out that the only reaction is "are you crazy/kidding??" Would it really be better if the poster received an "Oh, honey, that is not a good plan; you should really rethink that" sort of response? Some people need to be shocked back into reality with a little (or a lot) of bluntness.

Truth. No go fund me post should ever be answered with an ambiguous "oh gee, I don't know". It needs a huge FUCK NO! And probably lots of gifs just because.

Heffalump · February 2016

spockforprez said:

hellohkb said:

drunkenwitch said:

I love Saved!

To the op: *yawn*.

Me too. And now I really want to watch it. And it's not on Netflix, Hulu, OR Amazon Prime Video. And now I'm pissed. I'M LEAVING THIS WEBSITE AND NEVER COMING BACK!!!! *flounce*

arrippa · February 2016

OP-

hellohkb · February 2016

spockforprez said:

hellohkb said:

drunkenwitch said:

I love Saved!

To the op: *yawn*.

Me too. And now I really want to watch it. And it's not on Netflix, Hulu, OR Amazon Prime Video. And now I'm pissed. I'M LEAVING THIS WEBSITE AND NEVER COMING BACK!!!! *flounce*

It WAS on Netflix for a long time, I guess they took it off. Bummer!

If I find it somewhere I'll let you know.

lightningsnow · February 2016

Count me as someone who was also bullied in real life. For four years from grade 4 to grade 8, I was made to feel like outsider because I had moved to a new town the March before grade 4. My first day at the new school I was subjected to a faux trial in the back of the bus where I was branded an alien because I was new. I had people call me an anorexic bitch among other things. I was made to feel inferior by my own neighbors and classmates. I became depressed at age 11 and suicidal at age 12 all because of how people treated me.

A few years back I was doxxed by a conspiracy theorist because I called him out for being a douche in terms of talking shit about victims of a terrorist attack. If you think someone being blunt is bullying, you need a reality check.

spockforprez · February 2016

hellohkb said:

spockforprez said:

hellohkb said:

drunkenwitch said:

I love Saved!

To the op: *yawn*.

Me too. And now I really want to watch it. And it's not on Netflix, Hulu, OR Amazon Prime Video. And now I'm pissed. I'M LEAVING THIS WEBSITE AND NEVER COMING BACK!!!! *flounce*

It WAS on Netflix for a long time, I guess they took it off. Bummer! If I find it somewhere I'll let you know.

They have it on DVD... but who gets Netflix DVDs anymore??? lol

Moppet82 · February 2016

If you don't like the way people post here, but want to stay, why don't you be the kind of poster that you would like to see here? People have every right to state their opinion, and some do it very bluntly. (When I first started lurking, I felt the same way you did, but then I started reading the responses in a softer tone of voice instead of a snarky one. And you know what? My defenses came down and I realized they weren't bullies, they just want everyone to have a well hosted wedding.) However, just because others are to the point here, it doesn't mean you have to blunt in your responses. If someone asks a question, then answer it with the kindness you're looking for (don't give BAD advice, that's not cool, but bookend your critiques with compliments, or add some flattering adjectives about OPs ideas). I am not suggesting changing the tone of these message boards, but if you want to find positivity, you should do your best to spread it, not starting a thread about how awful we are. Do you see that by doing that, you are doing the same thing you are accusing other Knotties of?

Also, there are a lot of awesome people here. Go to the responses in Attire and Accessories, there is so much support and excitement for when a bride shows her dress, shoes, etc. You will see that posters who you thought were mean at first are actually some cool ass people!

I see that the user is deleted, but I am responding for the benefit of lurkers who feel the same way that I once did.

Edit: Grammar

holyguacamole79 · February 2016

spockforprez said:

hellohkb said:

spockforprez said:

hellohkb said:

drunkenwitch said:

I love Saved!

To the op: *yawn*.

Me too. And now I really want to watch it. And it's not on Netflix, Hulu, OR Amazon Prime Video. And now I'm pissed. I'M LEAVING THIS WEBSITE AND NEVER COMING BACK!!!! *flounce*

It WAS on Netflix for a long time, I guess they took it off. Bummer! If I find it somewhere I'll let you know.

They have it on DVD... but who gets Netflix DVDs anymore??? lol

I've had it on DVD for a while and LOVE it.

peachy13 · February 2016

My face when seeing "seriously" as the subject line and "deleted user" as the poster:

Image: https://m.popkey.co/9636c3/Y9Wqy.gif

hellohkb · February 2016

holyguacamole79 said:

spockforprez said:

hellohkb said:

spockforprez said:

hellohkb said:

drunkenwitch said:

I love Saved!

To the op: *yawn*.

Me too. And now I really want to watch it. And it's not on Netflix, Hulu, OR Amazon Prime Video. And now I'm pissed. I'M LEAVING THIS WEBSITE AND NEVER COMING BACK!!!! *flounce*

It WAS on Netflix for a long time, I guess they took it off. Bummer! If I find it somewhere I'll let you know.

They have it on DVD... but who gets Netflix DVDs anymore??? lol

I've had it on DVD for a while and LOVE it.

It was on just the regular instant click Netflix for awhile too though! Grr...

spockforprez · February 2016

hellohkb said:

holyguacamole79 said:

spockforprez said:

hellohkb said:

spockforprez said:

hellohkb said:

drunkenwitch said:

I love Saved!

To the op: *yawn*.

Me too. And now I really want to watch it. And it's not on Netflix, Hulu, OR Amazon Prime Video. And now I'm pissed. I'M LEAVING THIS WEBSITE AND NEVER COMING BACK!!!! *flounce*

It WAS on Netflix for a long time, I guess they took it off. Bummer! If I find it somewhere I'll let you know.

They have it on DVD... but who gets Netflix DVDs anymore??? lol

I've had it on DVD for a while and LOVE it.

It was on just the regular instant click Netflix for awhile too though! Grr...

Oh I would love to own it on DVD! No DVD hate here. I'm just saying I don't subscribe to that part of Netflix anymore. I don't know anyone who does. Wasn't there a controversy about it a few years ago?

ernursej · February 2016

Moppet82 said:

If you don't like the way people post here, but want to stay, why don't you be the kind of poster that you would like to see here? People have every right to state their opinion, and some do it very bluntly. (When I first started lurking, I felt the same way you did, but then I started reading the responses in a softer tone of voice instead of a snarky one. And you know what? My defenses came down and I realized they weren't bullies, they just want everyone to have a well hosted wedding.) However, just because others are to the point here, it doesn't mean you have to blunt in your responses. If someone asks a question, then answer it with the kindness you're looking for (don't give BAD advice, that's not cool, but bookend your critiques with compliments, or add some flattering adjectives about OPs ideas). I am not suggesting changing the tone of these message boards, but if you want to find positivity, you should do your best to spread it, not starting a thread about how awful we are. Do you see that by doing that, you are doing the same thing you are accusing other Knotties of?

Also, there are a lot of awesome people here. Go to the responses in Attire and Accessories, there is so much support and excitement for when a bride shows her dress, shoes, etc. You will see that posters who you thought were mean at first are actually some cool ass people!

I see that the user is deleted, but I am responding for the benefit of lurkers who feel the same way that I once did.

Edit: Grammar

100% agree. That is what I have done and it has really changed my outlook on TK. There are a lot of different ways to phrase a response and if my response is nice, I'm hoping newbies will stick around to benefit from the wealth of information that is available. The best advice I ever received about posting on the internet was to reply as though I was speaking to my boss. I know that things need to be said, but how I deliver the content is important.