FI wants to change colors

Knottie1438368909

HELP !

FI and his GM's went suit shopping this week. Our theme is black and white, going for chic elegant. Girls dresses are black, floor length. Guys suits are to be black, and all the decor is black and white except for a tad of greenery to liven it up.

All the plans are laid out when suddenly.... he now wants to go with blue suits... What do I do?
Don't get me wrong, blue suits can be sharp as heck, but I just don't see it fitting with the theme. I've tried picturing it and it's just clashing in my mind.

Any suggestions on how I can make this work or how to convince him otherwise... He has all the guys on his side and my only trump card is that I'm helping to pay for the suits (which I don't want to be a b**** and shove it in their faces, but this is a bit upsetting).

nerdwife

Knottie1438368909 said:

HELP !

FI and his GM's went suit shopping this week. Our theme is black and white, going for chic elegant. Girls dresses are black, floor length. Guys suits are to be black, and all the decor is black and white except for a tad of greenery to liven it up.

All the plans are laid out when suddenly.... he now wants to go with blue suits... What do I do?
Don't get me wrong, blue suits can be sharp as heck, but I just don't see it fitting with the theme. I've tried picturing it and it's just clashing in my mind.

Any suggestions on how I can make this work or how to convince him otherwise... He has all the guys on his side and my only trump card is that I'm helping to pay for the suits (which I don't want to be a b**** and shove it in their faces, but this is a bit upsetting).

Well, did he agree to the color theme in the first place, or did you tell him what it was? It sounds like he didn't have input and wants to do what he likes. Did the bridesmaids already get their dresses? If not, you can still make the changes he would like (i.e., pick a color for your BMs that won't clash with the blue suits).

If you did sit down with him and actually select colors together, then just sit down again and told him you both already came to a joint decision and, especially if the girls already have their dresses, explain why it wouldn't work. Maybe ask him if he'd prefer grey over black, since that could still work.

But even if you did discuss it, if your BMs don't have their dresses, I'd talk about it with him some more. It's his wedding, too, which many women seem to forget.

Also, that would be incredibly mean for you to say that you're helping to pay. I'm not even sure what that means, since presumably you're paying for the wedding together and generally joining finances, but either way, that's just a shitty way to treat your partner.

Knottie1438368909

@nerdwife : yes we had discussed everything before. He's been very involved in the planning, he chose the venue and is helping with the flowers and decor and everything, so he is definitely in on how everything should look.

Yes, the BMs have their dresses (well, they're ordered). 

We had originally said grey or black for the suits, and he was really into it, wants black bowties and the whole clean look. So I was pretty surprised when he came home with the blue suit and brown shoes idea.

As for that last part, I'm sorry I wrote that, I was a bit upset as I was writing this and that shouldn't even be a deciding factor, I know. 

nerdwife

Knottie1438368909 said:

@nerdwife : yes we had discussed everything before. He's been very involved in the planning, he chose the venue and is helping with the flowers and decor and everything, so he is definitely in on how everything should look.

Yes, the BMs have their dresses (well, they're ordered). 

We had originally said grey or black for the suits, and he was really into it, wants black bowties and the whole clean look. So I was pretty surprised when he came home with the blue suit and brown shoes idea.

As for that last part, I'm sorry I wrote that, I was a bit upset as I was writing this and that shouldn't even be a deciding factor, I know. 

Well in that case, I agree with you that blue suits/brown shoes would not go well with black dresses, and I would be frustrated, too. I know my FI doesn't really understand matching clothes and stuff, so he might also think this could work.

So I mean I would talk to him, remind him that you already agreed to certain colors, and that your BMs already ordered their black dresses, which means there's no turning back now. You can ask if there's something wrong or if a GM was giving him a hard time - maybe one of them really liked blue and swayed him, and he got caught up.

And maybe go with him (just him, no groomsmen) to try on suits and show him the shades of grey he could use? Kind of just tell him he looks good/encourage him in the black or grey and remind him that's what you agreed on? 

I mean, in conflict in general, my advice is always to stay calm, not yell, and talk it through. Hopefully he'll realize that now is not a good time to go back on everything you agreed on. I feel like if I laid that out to FI, he would like oh yeah duh, nevermind.

Good luck!

Knottie1438368909

Yes the GM's definitely had a role in swaying that decision... one of them looks amazing in blue suits so I gave him my evil stare when he brought it up lol.

FI is actually surprisingly good when it comes to fashion and color-matching, or he comes to me for my opinion on practically everything he wears to dinners and such, so like I said I was really surprised by this. 

We haven't argued about it or anything, I try to keep a level head and as he says "what's getting upset going to change about any situation"... but I just don't feel like I'm getting through to him. He agrees that the girls dresses will grossly overpower the blue suits, but he wants to do it anyway ... I'm hoping if I give him a few days to think it over before I bring it up again maybe he'll come to his senses ! 

geebee908

If they really want it, then I would suggest that they have to go with black shoes and add the blue to the bridesmaids bouquets and centerpieces. What shade of blue are we talking here? Most men's suits aren't going to be a loud color.

Knottie1438368909

hmmm... i guess it would be considered Yale Blue? It's not as dark as navy, but not as flashy as royal. It's definitely a nice suit, for any other occasion though !

I told him I might maybe perhaps be swayed if they would still do black bowties and black shoes... even at that though I don't love it... but he thinks brown goes with blue. Which it does.. just not for this event? 

here's the dress for the girls, simple and elegant (i think) and I just don't see anything other than a black or a grey matching with it 

geebee908

Black is like one of the neutral-est of neutrals-- you shouldn't feel like the blue would clash with those dresses, especially if you add a touch of the color to the bouquets. Is it more that you want what you want and aren't open to this change?

nerdwife

geebee908 said:

Black is like one of the neutral-est of neutrals-- you shouldn't feel like the blue would clash with those dresses, especially if you add a touch of the color to the bouquets. Is it more that you want what you want and aren't open to this change?

I disagree. I think there are definitely shades of blue that clash with black. I also would be frustrated if my FI and I totally agreed to a color scheme and then he changed his mind, and I'm not sure that I would be cool with this. 

Knottie1438368909

I don't think that i'm not open to change, we had entertained all sorts of ideas in the beginning (vineyard wedding, winter wedding, costume wedding, country wedding) we sorta went into it with completely open minds and he is the one who said he wanted it chic and classy.

He grew up in the country and said that he feels like he has a new life with me and wants to express that by doing it city style, glass hall, black tie, martinis and oyster bar, scotch selection (get the picture?)... he came to this conclusion all on his own and I just agreed (I was surprised actually, but very happy!).

So now that we had decided everything, for him to change his mind is kinda throwing me a curveball. I'm not 100% opposed to the idea, if that's what he wants then in the end i'll make it work... I just think, before its too late to go back, that we really need to think about it because at this time, I dislike the idea of all black and white... then 7 blue guys... 

kvruns

Is it sort of like these? (I can't tell if this is more navy)

Knottie1438368909

The suits are sorta that color, but not as shimmery.... so plain blue suits in a world of black and white. 

geebee908

So you can't incorporate the blue anywhere else?

Knottie1438368909

I don't really see where I could. We're doing a lounge style reception, black tablecloths, white chairs, white couches, centerpieces and decorative flowers will be white with a bit of greenery here and there, white rose petals on the black aisle runner... he helped me pick everything... 

Knottie1438368909

i'm open to suggestions though? If this is the way it's going to go 

lembaslover

My colors were black and white with forest green as an accent color. Pretty much everything was black and white except for the bridesmaid dresses, guys vests, and I had green in my dress & cape. Table/aisle decorations were all black and white and bouquets were all black and white. I think you'd be fine if you could maybe add some blue to the bridesmaids flowers and have the guys ties/shoes be black it'd pull things together in a cohesive way. What I'm saying is it's fine to have minimal blue in addition to the suits, maybe also throw a bit of blue into the greenery/flowers if possible. 

Alternatively maybe you can see if your FI would be ok sticking with the black/gray suits and going with some blue accents (tie/vest) and adding some blue to the bridesmaid bouquets and centerpieces. I think black and white with just a bit of color looks great. 

Knottie1438368909

any chance you might have a picture available ? I know what the hall and decor of my place looks like in my head, and i'm having trouble picturing it with blue accents.... maybe if i saw an example I might be more inclined to agree? 

nerdwife

Knottie1438368909 said:

any chance you might have a picture available ? I know what the hall and decor of my place looks like in my head, and i'm having trouble picturing it with blue accents.... maybe if i saw an example I might be more inclined to agree? 

I mean, at the very least, FI should be doing this research for you - let him show you that you can make it work.

Knottie1438368909

haha I told him last night to show me something substantial that I can wrap my head around... have yet to be convinced lol 

MandTFebruary62011

geebee908 said:

If they really want it, then I would suggest that they have to go with black shoes and add the blue to the bridesmaids bouquets and centerpieces. What shade of blue are we talking here? Most men's suits aren't going to be a loud color.

This.  I actually think you could pull off adding a deep enough blue to your color scheme. It would change the feel for sure, but with some blue/green in the bouquets and black shoes instead of brown I think it could work.  You wouldn't even have to put blue anywhere else.  I can kind of see it honestly...

geebee908

MandTFebruary62011 said:

geebee908 said:

If they really want it, then I would suggest that they have to go with black shoes and add the blue to the bridesmaids bouquets and centerpieces. What shade of blue are we talking here? Most men's suits aren't going to be a loud color.

This.  I actually think you could pull off adding a deep enough blue to your color scheme. It would change the feel for sure, but with some blue/green in the bouquets and black shoes instead of brown I think it could work.  You wouldn't even have to put blue anywhere else.  I can kind of see it honestly...

I don't think it even needs to be a lot. This bouquet just has some added blue beads.

Sorry, I can't seem to add the image.

Knottie1438368909

boo... i tried refreshing 15 times and I couldn't see it. I'm getting an idea of what you all mean though... If he does decide to go blue, at least I have something to start from. Thanks everyone. 

ernursej

I'm sorry that this has happened. I think it would be very frustrating to have thought that things were organized only to have it changed. I think that blue suits could still fit into your theme. I would counter back with nixing the brown shoes in favour of black shoes and including a ribbon or flower into the maids bouquets in the same blue shade. I don't think you have to include any other splashes of blue, but if you have other floral arrangements, make the same inclusions and you'll be set. Good luck and I hope that things work out!