Bridesmaid Dress Budget

brideine08

I was wondering if it's customary to ask each bridesmaid individually how much they'd be comfortable spending on a dress or if I should just set a budget. I have four bridesmaids and two are fairly well off whereas the other two don't live quite as lavishly. I don't want the latter two to feel stressed or strapped for cash or embarrassed by their budget. If I ask them about their dress budget how should I phrase the question without making them uncomfortable or sounding rude. Would just saying "I'm trying to figure out what the dress budget should be and I was wondering how much you'd be comfortable spending" be ok?

I know having them each wear a different dress in the same color would be a good solution for the income difference but I  really want them to all wear the same dress.

glasgowtolondon

brideine08 said:

I was wondering if it's customary to ask each bridesmaid individually how much they'd be comfortable spending on a dress or if I should just set a budget. I have four bridesmaids and two are fairly well off whereas the other two don't live quite as lavishly. I don't want the latter two to feel stressed or strapped for cash or embarrassed by their budget. If I ask them about their dress budget how should I phrase the question without making them uncomfortable or sounding rude. Would just saying "I'm trying to figure out what the dress budget should be and I was wondering how much you'd be comfortable spending" be ok?

I know having them each wear a different dress in the same color would be a good solution for the income difference but I  really want them to all wear the same dress.

They can all wear the same dress if you ask them their budget individually and then work to the lowest figure. Everyone is a winner.

Also, just because someone is 'well off' in your opinion doesn't mean they want to spend $$$'s on a dress for your wedding.

PrettyGirlLost

On these boards it's customary to advise brides to individually ask their BMs for a dress budget, and I stand by that advice.

I've been in 10+ weddings and no one ever asked me my budget before selecting a dress. . . and I wish they would have.  I've spent over $1500 on dresses I will never wear again.

Even more, I wish my brides would have given me a color and allowed me to pick whatever dress I wanted to wear in that color.  That's what I did and my BM's really enjoyed the freedom and individuality it allowed them to have. 

banana468

brideine08 said:

I was wondering if it's customary to ask each bridesmaid individually how much they'd be comfortable spending on a dress or if I should just set a budget. I have four bridesmaids and two are fairly well off whereas the other two don't live quite as lavishly. I don't want the latter two to feel stressed or strapped for cash or embarrassed by their budget. If I ask them about their dress budget how should I phrase the question without making them uncomfortable or sounding rude. Would just saying "I'm trying to figure out what the dress budget should be and I was wondering how much you'd be comfortable spending" be ok?

I know having them each wear a different dress in the same color would be a good solution for the income difference but I  really want them to all wear the same dress.

I would definitely ask each BM and do it individually.  A simple question can be on the phone, "Hey, I'm looking at BM dresses online before we go shopping but I want to make sure anything that we look at is within your budget.   Is there an amount you prefer to spend including alterations?"  

Then it's open ended and the BM can tell you what work for her.   It can also tell you about designers that you may need to avoid altogether because their cost may be prohibitive.

One word of caution - and this is from someone who had her BMs in the same dress.   All 3 liked it and were fine with it.   But some may not like to wear a certain dress simply due to style.   I wore a strapless dress when I was in SIL's wedding and I loathed it.   It's not that the dress wasn't nice, but I am not comfortable in them, had to add padding in the chest to make the dress look even remotely balanced, and it was a LOT of money on something I never wore again.

So in asking about the budget, I think it's also worth asking your BMs if there's any color or style that they know that they aren't comfortable in.   I didn't make a fuss but I would have really preferred a dress that wasn't strapless.   If she asked me to wear yellow I would have said something so I didn't look like a sick banana walking down the aisle.  

whoabethers

I just came right out and asked my girls what price range they wanted to stay in. All of the answers were different, but obviously I am working with the lowest! I would consider dresses from online stores with good return policies too. It's cheaper and more convenient! 

themosthappy91

I just messaged my BMs on FB to ask them individually what their price range was... unfortunately no one really gave me a definitive answer, all I really got back was "let's just find a dress we all like, price doesn't really matter to me etc." I wish I had pushed harder for an actual number because I have a feeling one of my BMs ended up mildly unhappy with the price- I was the first person in my friend group to get married and it was her first time being a BM, so lesson learned for both of us I guess (though hopefully I won't be getting married again!).

Definitely ask all of them individually (not in a group setting) so they don't feel pressured and also if you regularly communicate via text or FB message it might be better to do it that way rather than in person- just so they have time to consider and don't feel put on the spot. And push for a real answer if they try to brush the question off!

I'm not sure if you have a super specific style in mind but maybe also ask them individually if there are any styles they absolutely hate? I know that can open up a can of worms in terms of just getting too much input but it'd be a nice gesture. 

MandyMost

As someone else said, don't assume to know other people's finances. Just because someone seems very well-off to you, doesn't mean they have cash they're willing to spend on a dress they're only going to wear once.

You can ask them all individually, but it's very possible that you won't get direct answers (like in the situation above). I'd try to give the bridesmaids as much info as possible. Something like "I'm trying to figure out a dress budget that will work for everyone. You can wear any shoes you have or want to buy, and I'm not going to ask anyone to get hair and makeup done unless you want to, so the only cost should be the dress and alterations. I've done some asking around, and it seems like typical bridesmaids dress alterations cost around$100. There seems to be a good amount of dresses in the $120-$180 range, but I'm sure we can find something lower if that's still too much for anyone. Please let me know what you think--the last thing I want is anyone to go into debt over my wedding!".

PrettyGirlLost

MandyMost said:

As someone else said, don't assume to know other people's finances. Just because someone seems very well-off to you, doesn't mean they have cash they're willing to spend on a dress they're only going to wear once.

You can ask them all individually, but it's very possible that you won't get direct answers (like in the situation above). I'd try to give the bridesmaids as much info as possible. Something like "I'm trying to figure out a dress budget that will work for everyone. You can wear any shoes you have or want to buy, and I'm not going to ask anyone to get hair and makeup done unless you want to, so the only cost should be the dress and alterations. I've done some asking around, and it seems like typical bridesmaids dress alterations cost around$100. There seems to be a good amount of dresses in the $120-$180 range, but I'm sure we can find something lower if that's still too much for anyone. Please let me know what you think--the last thing I want is anyone to go into debt over my wedding!".

If you are going to ask your BM's for their budgets, then just ask them for their budgets, OP.

"Hey Friend, I'm starting to look at BM dresses and was wondering what your budget would be?  What do you want to spend on this dress you're only going to wear once?"

If your BM's are evasive about answering, gently push for an actual amount, and try and do it in a way that doesn't make them feel uncomfortable.

Because honestly, if a woman doesn't feel comfortable answering this direct question from a close friend, who's trying to save her money, then she's likely going to be the type of person to feel pressured by the way the bolded is stated but go along with what the bride wants anyways, even if she can actually only afford $50-85 on a dress.

themosthappy91

PrettyGirlLost said:

MandyMost said:

As someone else said, don't assume to know other people's finances. Just because someone seems very well-off to you, doesn't mean they have cash they're willing to spend on a dress they're only going to wear once.

You can ask them all individually, but it's very possible that you won't get direct answers (like in the situation above). I'd try to give the bridesmaids as much info as possible. Something like "I'm trying to figure out a dress budget that will work for everyone. You can wear any shoes you have or want to buy, and I'm not going to ask anyone to get hair and makeup done unless you want to, so the only cost should be the dress and alterations. I've done some asking around, and it seems like typical bridesmaids dress alterations cost around$100. There seems to be a good amount of dresses in the $120-$180 range, but I'm sure we can find something lower if that's still too much for anyone. Please let me know what you think--the last thing I want is anyone to go into debt over my wedding!".

If you are going to ask your BM's for their budgets, then just ask them for their budgets, OP.

"Hey Friend, I'm starting to look at BM dresses and was wondering what your budget would be?  What do you want to spend on this dress you're only going to wear once?"

If your BM's are evasive about answering, gently push for an actual amount, and try and do it in a way that doesn't make them feel uncomfortable.

Because honestly, if a woman doesn't feel comfortable answering this direct question from a close friend, who's trying to save her money, then she's likely going to be the type of person to feel pressured by the way the bolded is stated but go along with what the bride wants anyways, even if she can actually only afford $50-85 on a dress.

Yeah, I would avoid suggesting any sort of "average" or "normal" amount bridesmaid's dresses cost. If they are truly clueless send them some major websites to browse (David's Bridal, Weddington Way etc.) to get a feel for themselves. 

Heffalump

brideine08 said:

I was wondering if it's customary to ask each bridesmaid individually how much they'd be comfortable spending on a dress or if I should just set a budget. I have four bridesmaids and two are fairly well off whereas the other two don't live quite as lavishly. I don't want the latter two to feel stressed or strapped for cash or embarrassed by their budget. If I ask them about their dress budget how should I phrase the question without making them uncomfortable or sounding rude. Would just saying "I'm trying to figure out what the dress budget should be and I was wondering how much you'd be comfortable spending" be ok?

I know having them each wear a different dress in the same color would be a good solution for the income difference but I  really want them to all wear the same dress.

This is an easy one.  Imagine that you need to buy a dress.  Would you prefer that someone ask you your budget first, or tell you "You're spending $X?"

thisismynickname2

Another idea. If you find out that some people are willing to spend much less than others, yet you really want them to wear the same dress, are you willing and able to cover the cost of alterations? What about general subsidizing?
I had two BM dresses altered in the last year. The first cost me $40 on top of the $150 dress cost, at the place I bought it. The other cost me $60 to alter on top of the $120 dress cost (it had a lot more layers than the other) and I had it altered by an independent seamstress. 
When you ask for budget, I think you should also get an idea of what alterations cost at particular stores, if you are that sensitive to their needs. 
I appreciate that you are being sensitive. I've never been asked my budget. Luckily no one's ever wanted a $500 dress like in the movie Bridesmaids! 

zerostarzombie

PrettyGirlLost said:

On these boards it's customary to advise brides to individually ask their BMs for a dress budget, and I stand by that advice.

I've been in 10+ weddings and no one ever asked me my budget before selecting a dress. . . and I wish they would have.  I've spent over $1500 on dresses I will never wear again.

Even more, I wish my brides would have given me a color and allowed me to pick whatever dress I wanted to wear in that color.  That's what I did and my BM's really enjoyed the freedom and individuality it allowed them to have. 

This is exactly what I did with my 4 girls. They all just chose a dress from David's Bridal in the same color, but different knee length styles. They're so excited about it because they don't blend together, but get to have their own little flair.

zerostarzombie

Also, David's Bridal dresses are around $100 and they offer up to 12 months financing, if needed. I also offered my maids help if they needed, and whatever they were comfortable with, and they loved how affordable it was. They also got dresses in styles that they can wear again, instead of just once.

indigo26

David's Bridal also has a pretty good range of BM dresses on clearance regularly. I managed to snag some when they were doing half off their clearance dresses so they were only $40-$50. My friends asked me if we could keep it under $100 when I asked their budgets so finding the sale was amazing. And since they were so cheap, I actually had the room in my budget to pay for their dresses so all they have to do is get the dresses altered, grab a pair of sandals, and show up on the day of. 

As for matching dresses - all three of my girls have different styles and shades of blue. I think they go together well. The longer dress is going to be shortened - my maid of honor is an amazing seamstress and wants to use the extra length to create a cover-up for her shoulders and arms. Each friend picked out her dress so they're going to be comfortable and that's all that really matters to me.

short+sassy

indigo26 said:

David's Bridal also has a pretty good range of BM dresses on clearance regularly. I managed to snag some when they were doing half off their clearance dresses so they were only $40-$50. My friends asked me if we could keep it under $100 when I asked their budgets so finding the sale was amazing. And since they were so cheap, I actually had the room in my budget to pay for their dresses so all they have to do is get the dresses altered, grab a pair of sandals, and show up on the day of. 

As for matching dresses - all three of my girls have different styles and shades of blue. I think they go together well. The longer dress is going to be shortened - my maid of honor is an amazing seamstress and wants to use the extra length to create a cover-up for her shoulders and arms. Each friend picked out her dress so they're going to be comfortable and that's all that really matters to me.

Wow!  That is a great idea.  I am so envious of her talents.

indigo26

@short+sassy  - Me too! She sews all of her own cosplays and does an amazing job. She doesn't like the way her upper arms look and we tried so hard to find a dress with sleeves that she liked. When she found this dress, she asked if I minded her altering it and adding sleeves or some sort of coverup and I told her to go for it. She's thrilled she gets to customize her dress and has already asked me if I mind her wearing it to an event that's a couple of weeks before my wedding. I'm just happy she likes her dress that much. 

brideine08

Thank you for all your sage advice. Much appreciated! I asked each girl via text and we have our budget set! Can't wait to see them try on some pretty dresses now that that's taken care of.