How to deal with flaking in-laws filled with empty promises?

TrixieJess

FutureMrs060217 said:

This is fake, right?  Nope. I refuse to believe this post is real. 

I'm pretty sure she posted the same thing on Wedding Wire so I'm going with nope. At least I hope it's the same one and there aren't two entitled brats out there.

CMGragain

The $$$$ signs in the OP's eyes are very unattractive.

InLoveInQueens

FutureMrs060217 said:

This is fake, right?  Nope. I refuse to believe this post is real. 

I don't ever want any confirmation that someone like this is so unaware and selfish, but I know I'm wrong

sparklepants41

TrixieJess said:

FutureMrs060217 said:

This is fake, right?  Nope. I refuse to believe this post is real. 

I'm pretty sure she posted the same thing on Wedding Wire so I'm going with nope. At least I hope it's the same one and there aren't two entitled brats out there.

Not a fake. I found her wedding website.

charlotte989875

Is it bad I saw the thread title and number of replies and waited until my lunch break to read it in its entirety because I knew it would be entertaining?

kimmiinthemitten

sparklepants41 said:

TrixieJess said:

FutureMrs060217 said:

This is fake, right?  Nope. I refuse to believe this post is real. 

I'm pretty sure she posted the same thing on Wedding Wire so I'm going with nope. At least I hope it's the same one and there aren't two entitled brats out there.

Not a fake. I found her wedding website.

A lot of us lurk over in WW.  But someone (hopefully not you) took this opportunity to sign her guestbook and link to this post.  That is uncalled for IMO and just as low as her behavior to her future in-laws, especially since OP has yet to respond and either learn from or defend her post.

glasgowtolondon

kimmiinthemitten said:

sparklepants41 said:

TrixieJess said:

FutureMrs060217 said:

This is fake, right?  Nope. I refuse to believe this post is real. 

I'm pretty sure she posted the same thing on Wedding Wire so I'm going with nope. At least I hope it's the same one and there aren't two entitled brats out there.

Not a fake. I found her wedding website.

A lot of us lurk over in WW.  But someone (hopefully not you) took this opportunity to sign her guestbook and link to this post.  That is uncalled for IMO and just as low as her behavior to her future in-laws, especially since OP has yet to respond and either learn from or defend her post.

Yikes!

sparklepants41

glasgowtolondon said:

kimmiinthemitten said:

sparklepants41 said:

TrixieJess said:

FutureMrs060217 said:

This is fake, right?  Nope. I refuse to believe this post is real. 

I'm pretty sure she posted the same thing on Wedding Wire so I'm going with nope. At least I hope it's the same one and there aren't two entitled brats out there.

Not a fake. I found her wedding website.

A lot of us lurk over in WW.  But someone (hopefully not you) took this opportunity to sign her guestbook and link to this post.  That is uncalled for IMO and just as low as her behavior to her future in-laws, especially since OP has yet to respond and either learn from or defend her post.

Yikes!

Nope - definitely wasn't me. That's a pretty shady thing to do.

I do hope that OP returns, however. And hopefully she realizes the error of her ways!

Edited to add: I just saw the guestbook. That's horrendous. It's one thing to post a tantrum about one's in-laws on a forum, but it's quite another thing to out someone on their own guestbook. I actually feel bad for the OP that someone had the bad manners to do that.

banana468

I believe if the user is caught doing this then you're immediately banned.

And seriously guys.   The way you teach someone that they're doing something bad isn't by doing something bad. 

TrixieJess

There is a huge difference between being snarky on someone's post and calling them out on their website or guestbook. Lines people, lines! Don't be that person. 

dyerwise

Ok, so I had to go find her wedding website as well. I couldn't help myself.  I cannot believe someone linked this post in their guestbook though. I could die.

There is a section for "meet the parents" and the blurb about the MIL sounds like she is an amazing person. 

It makes me sick to my stomach that this woman who seems to have dedicated her life to helping others is going to be stuck with such an ungrateful spoiled brat of daughter in law.

Also on the website, under Registry, they ask for monetary gifts only. Seriously?

glasgowtolondon

I feel awful for her. Its one thing to get flamed on an anonymous forum (though obviously not anonymous enough) but thats way over the line. I think that most of the posters that come here and spew stuff like this thread just need a little reminder that this is not really how they want to behave,  that they aren't really like this irl and just got caught up in the whole 'special day, all about me' crap - better they get it all out on here than damage their relationships. This could have huge irreversible concequences. It might only have been a moment of madness.

[Deleted User]

banana468 said:

I believe if the user is caught doing this then you're immediately banned.

And seriously guys.   The way you teach someone that they're doing something bad isn't by doing something bad. 

I couldn't agree more. 



**Sorry, don't know how to get out of this quote box thing. 

Heffalump

MyNameIsNot said:

All this with the in-laws is because you asked them to contribute. You brought all that on yourself and caused all the problems because you rudely put them in a horrible position.

I'm way more disgusted that your parents are delaying retirement for a year to pay for your wedding. How could you take their money knowing that? 

RIGHT?  I love my kids so very, very much, but if I had to work an extra year to fund a wedding, I would be like "1-800-COURTHOUSE, sweetheart!"

glasgowtolondon

@Heffalump didn't someone do the same to your wedding website? 

themosthappy91

How many times do we have to go over this? Do not seek out people who post here, no matter how horrendous they sound, and harass them on other websites or social media. Not only is it mean-spirited and super creepy, but it gives them a great reason to disregard all the great advice we give here because it makes it look like we're all batshit crazy enough to do something like that.

TBH, this may be an unpopular opinion but I personally think it's inappropriate when people go find random poster's websites and then post about it on here. It gives off a creepy vibe and it results in many more people going to seek out the website, which increases the likelihood of shit like this happening. I also don't like snarking on things posted on said wedding websites- OP has given people plenty to object to just in her post on here, why do we have to search out a bunch of personal info like her FMIL's profession to drag into the convo? Yes it's the internet and they posted it for all to see, but this stuff just rubs me the wrong way. 

sparklepants41

glasgowtolondon said:

I feel awful for her. Its one thing to get flamed on an anonymous forum (though obviously not anonymous enough) but thats way over the line. I think that most of the posters that come here and spew stuff like this thread just need a little reminder that this is not really how they want to behave,  that they aren't really like this irl and just got caught up in the whole 'special day, all about me' crap - better they get it all out on here than damage their relationships. This could have huge irreversible concequences. It might only have been a moment of madness.

I couldn't agree more. I also like to think that some of the posters who post things like this just come here to vent because they don't handle stress well and just need an anonymous forum to "let it out." (Or maybe this is just me trying to see the good in people.)

And @dyerwise I thought the same thing - the work she does is seriously amazing.

Heffalump

glasgowtolondon said:

@Heffalump didn't someone do the same to your wedding website? 

Similar.  Way back a long time ago, when mastodons still roamed the plains.  They C&P'ed a post I made in Wedding Woes into the guestbook on my Knot wedding website. 

On the plus side, I learned to password protect it real fast.

PrettyGirlLost said:

banana468 said:

marriedhamstermom said:

@banana468 This is what I had in my head from reading OPs post and based on your last sentence it sounds like you did too! 

Having kids of my own now, I am doing what I can to make sure that my daughter acts nothing like the OP.    

At least Chiquita is 5.

I assume that the OP is a grown up which is just so sad.    She's been raised to believe that this is what she "deserves" right down to the parents who are actually working for an additional 52 WEEKS to pay for something that will last for maybe 12 HOURS.  

At some point people become adults who are capable of forming their own thoughts and opinions, independent of how they were raised.  So I think it's unfair to assume the OP's parents raised her to be this entitled.

Even the most crunchy, hipster, millennial helicopter mothers aren't doing what they do with the goal that their children will act like brats as adults.  It's an unintended side effect of parents who are at their core very well meaning.

I feel very badly when I see parents who are deeply upset by the choices and actions of their adult kids- it's not always a reflection on the parents at all, and it breaks my heart to see them feeling that way.  I can't even imagine what that kind of guilt and disappointment feels like.

Normally I would agree, but these people are delaying their retirement to pay for a one-day party that they obviously couldn't otherwise afford.  Sounds like they are enabling her entitled attitude by not saying "Sorry, but no."

sparklepants41

themosthappy91 said:

How many times do we have to go over this? Do not seek out people who post here, no matter how horrendous they sound, and harass them on other websites or social media. Not only is it mean-spirited and super creepy, but it gives them a great reason to disregard all the great advice we give here because it makes it look like we're all batshit crazy enough to do something like that.

TBH, this may be an unpopular opinion but I personally think it's inappropriate when people go find random poster's websites and then post about it on here. It gives off a creepy vibe and it results in many more people going to seek out the website, which increases the likelihood of shit like this happening. I also don't like snarking on things posted on said wedding websites- OP has given people plenty to object to just in her post on here, why do we have to search out a bunch of personal info like her FMIL's profession to drag into the convo? Yes it's the internet and they posted it for all to see, but this stuff just rubs me the wrong way. 

You are right. I just went snooping because I am having an incredibly slow day. And yes, it was wrong of me to snoop, but part of me couldn't believe that a real person would actually post this.

That being said, it was way worse of that person to take it to that extreme level and post on her guestbook.

dyerwise

I'm trying to reply, but not sure If I'm doing it right. yikes.

Anyway. I see how it is a bit creepy to find the website, although, incredibly easy. Just like @sparklepants41 I'm having a slow day.

I didn't mean to drag in the FMIL's profession, but it really rubs me the wrong way when good people who dedicate themselves to helping others are taken advantage of by jerks.

I have edited my post to make it more vague. 

I'll try to be less creepy in the future, but it is always hard to look away from train wrecks.

MyNameIsNot

glasgowtolondon said:

I feel awful for her. Its one thing to get flamed on an anonymous forum (though obviously not anonymous enough) but thats way over the line. I think that most of the posters that come here and spew stuff like this thread just need a little reminder that this is not really how they want to behave,  that they aren't really like this irl and just got caught up in the whole 'special day, all about me' crap - better they get it all out on here than damage their relationships. This could have huge irreversible concequences. It might only have been a moment of madness.

It's like when Kanye was a dick to Taylor Swift. Now I have to feel bad for Taylor Swift, even though I can't stand her. 

Although I'm just gonna go ahead and say, taking wedding money from your parents knowing it means they have to delay their retirement is a lot worse than singing some annoying ass songs. 

thespeshulestsnowflake

MyNameIsNot said:

glasgowtolondon said:

I feel awful for her. Its one thing to get flamed on an anonymous forum (though obviously not anonymous enough) but thats way over the line. I think that most of the posters that come here and spew stuff like this thread just need a little reminder that this is not really how they want to behave,  that they aren't really like this irl and just got caught up in the whole 'special day, all about me' crap - better they get it all out on here than damage their relationships. This could have huge irreversible concequences. It might only have been a moment of madness.

It's like when Kanye was a dick to Taylor Swift. Now I have to feel bad for Taylor Swift, even though I can't stand her. 

Although I'm just gonna go ahead and say, taking wedding money from your parents knowing it means they have to delay their retirement is a lot worse than singing some annoying ass songs. 

Which time?

themosthappy91

@dyerwise and @sparklepants41 -I totally get the impulse to snoop, I've done it too! I just wish it was something we maybe didn't call attention to when we discover stuff- like I said, it just encourages others to see it out and we end up with people taking it too far- know what I mean?

Anyway, I'm just bummed that there is basically no chance OP is going to come back and respond reasonably now that a bunch of Internet strangers have hunted her down and picked apart a bunch of stuff she's doing outside the scope of her post. Honestly I wouldn't. 

PrettyGirlLost

kimmiinthemitten said:

sparklepants41 said:

TrixieJess said:

FutureMrs060217 said:

This is fake, right?  Nope. I refuse to believe this post is real. 

I'm pretty sure she posted the same thing on Wedding Wire so I'm going with nope. At least I hope it's the same one and there aren't two entitled brats out there.

Not a fake. I found her wedding website.

A lot of us lurk over in WW.  But someone (hopefully not you) took this opportunity to sign her guestbook and link to this post.  That is uncalled for IMO and just as low as her behavior to her future in-laws, especially since OP has yet to respond and either learn from or defend her post.

For.Fucks.Sake.

I'm going to assume that none of the regs here would actually do this.  However, for anyone else out there

DON'T cross the fucking line into creepy, stalker, harassment territory, no matter how easy OP made it for you to find her wedding website and personal info.  Want to be an asshole on the forums?  Have at it, just like the rest of us, but keep it to the forums.

sparklepants41

themosthappy91 said:

@dyerwise and @sparklepants41 -I totally get the impulse to snoop, I've done it too! I just wish it was something we maybe didn't call attention to when we discover stuff- like I said, it just encourages others to see it out and we end up with people taking it too far- know what I mean?

Anyway, I'm just bummed that there is basically no chance OP is going to come back and respond reasonably now that a bunch of Internet strangers have hunted her down and picked apart a bunch of stuff she's doing outside the scope of her post. Honestly I wouldn't. 

I completely agree. And you're probably right about OP. I wouldn't come back either.

kimmiinthemitten

I didn't see the link to or her actual website, but the way WW works is your guestbook comments are visible on your public WW profile so sadly it's there for all to see (unless deleted).

I actually stumbled on it and knew her name from another post I read there and clicked to find the other post and saw the comment. It's just sad and messed up that people do that. 

We get falsely accused often of being bullies by people who voluntarily come here and dislike our comments.  When someone does something like this it can be bullying, and anyone who has been here for more than 5 minutes knows we are passionate about defending actual cases of bullying. 

PrettyGirlLost

Heffalump said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

At some point people become adults who are capable of forming their own thoughts and opinions, independent of how they were raised.  So I think it's unfair to assume the OP's parents raised her to be this entitled.

Even the most crunchy, hipster, millennial helicopter mothers aren't doing what they do with the goal that their children will act like brats as adults.  It's an unintended side effect of parents who are at their core very well meaning.

I feel very badly when I see parents who are deeply upset by the choices and actions of their adult kids- it's not always a reflection on the parents at all, and it breaks my heart to see them feeling that way.  I can't even imagine what that kind of guilt and disappointment feels like.

Normally I would agree, but these people are delaying their retirement to pay for a one-day party that they obviously couldn't otherwise afford.  Sounds like they are enabling her entitled attitude by not saying "Sorry, but no."

I get what PP's and you are saying, but let's get real- no one is making the parents, who are grown ass adults, do anything.  Very few people/institutions have the ability to actually garner your wages.

OP's parents are CHOOSING to postpone retirement to help their daughter pay for her wedding, and it's their prerogative.  Just like it's the prerogative of any healthy individual who otherwise could continue to work to retire at the age of 55 or 65.

If they want to spend their money on a glorified party for their daughter, so be it.  It's their money to spend on whatever they feel is of value.

Should OP have refused their money so they could retire when they wanted to?  Maybe.

PrettyGirlLost

scribe95 said:

I'm appalled someone linked this on her guestbook. So juvenile. Whoever did it should own up and apologize. Now.

We don't need a public confession or a witch hunt, but whoever did it, be it a Knottie or a WW gal, should contact the WW admins and ask that they remove the shitty comment.

KnotRiley

Echoing PP...again...don't write on other Knottie's guestbooks. Don't go after them on other forums.

This should be a safe space for everyone, even if you don't agree with some of the things they're saying about their wedding planning.

Sherbie25

Knottie77875565 said:

I will first state that my fiance is a great man and til this day I'm utterly surprised and amazed how him and his siblings became such wonderful people.

Long story short (in my eyes) my future in-laws lied about financially contributing to our wedding without any communication or notification of their broken promises.  Let's first start with my mother in law.  We asked months ago (We asked August 2015/ wedding is June 2016) if she plans to financially contribute anything to the wedding. In response, she said she will call back. That's been about six months ago, no response as of yet. If you can't do it, why not fess up to it to give me time to prepare and make other arrangements if needed. Of course I would be bummed, but I'd understand.

Traditionally, the groom's parents are supposed to pay for the rehearsal dinner. We made another attempt to ask if she will contribute to this, she said she will call back, yet again no response. Surprise, right?  So now my mother, fiance, and I will also have to financially pay for the rehearsal dinner as well as all other wedding items, due to her negligence and her non-responsive attitude.  Of course I discussed with my fiance why is she like this;  were there some mitigating circumstances I don't know about? Unfortunately, my fiance was not surprised and this is normal.

I feel that my FML (future mother- in - law) assumes that since I'm the only child that my parents are super rich; but what she doesn't know, is that my parents were willing to work an additional year (they are close to retirement) so they can help me pay this wedding. If that doesn't tell you how much of a selfless and wonderful couple I was blessed to call to my parents, I don't know what does.

Let the messiness continue:
FML's daughter (my future sister in law) is a participant in the wedding, but she is at an age where you would normally go through the mother to discuss wedding business.  Since FML stated that she had a financially strain a couple of weeks ago (now she wants to say something), my fiance and I decided to pay for the young lady's shoes and hair (saving FML about $150.00). Can you believe this woman didn't communicate back to us with a 'thank you'?

Dad:
His father was pretty absent in their lives growing up yet he promises and offered up and down he will financially contribute X amount of dollars by X date. That date came and went, nothing at this time.

Overall:
I feel frustrated that these people created empty promises; and instead of being honest, they faded into black and let others pick up their pieces.  I'm sadden that my fiance feels embarrassed of his parents' actions; but one thing I will not allow, is for him to be ashamed of himself because he is nothing like them and he is a wonderful person. I'm pissed that this made him revert back to that little kid assuming his parents are going to promise him something, but with no follow through. 

I'm sorry for the rant, but my requests for advice are as follows:

1) Particularly if the in-laws don't come through with what they promised by wedding day, should we bother giving my in-laws a gift? We already purchased diamond jewelry and - though petty- I feel these individuals don't deserve it. My fiance agrees as well.

2)Heck, should we thank them at all at our wedding and only praise those who were there for us during this time?

3) Should we address them with our concerns and have a serious "come to the alter" meeting? This may seem far fetched, but I fear that they will resemble these same actions with our future children and that is something I WILL NOT tolerate.

I'm so sorry for such a long post, but people without integrity are a huge pet peeve of mine.

I can't say what I really want to say as I have already had a warning for being inappropriate so I'll just say that your behaviour is absolutely appalling and I'm sad for your parents that you didn't become the 'wonderful' person you claim your fiancé is (his behaviour is also deplorable). 
The fact you would let your parents work an extra YEAR is heinous.
No one should pay for wedding except you and FI- if they offer then great, but you don't ask.
YOU do not have any integrity when you treat people like this.

Posts like this make me sick to my stomach that there are people out there that treat their nearest and dearest like this, it makes me sad.