combo house warming/engagement party invitations

VIBB2017

My fiance and I are recently engaged (obv) and about to move into a beautiful new  apartment. I want to throw a combination house warming/engagement/I just want to party party. 
So my question, if a person is invited to the engagement party do they have to be invited to the wedding?  So if I invited them to this party would it be rude if I didn't invite them to the wedding.

If that is the case, do I get a pass because it's a combination of two celebrations?  Or would it still be in bad taste to only be invited to this party and not the wedding.

whoabethers

Yeah, anyone who is invited to pre-wedding parties needs to be invited to the actual wedding. If you want to invite people to the party and not the wedding, you really should just call it a house-warming party.

Jen4948

Knottie1451259695 said:

My fiance and I are recently engaged (obv) and about to move into a beautiful new  apartment. I want to throw a combination house warming/engagement/I just want to party party. 
So my question, if a person is invited to the engagement party do they have to be invited to the wedding?  So if I invited them to this party would it be rude if I didn't invite them to the wedding.

If that is the case, do I get a pass because it's a combination of two celebrations?  Or would it still be in bad taste to only be invited to this party and not the wedding.

Yes, it would be rude to invite anyone to this party and not invite them to the wedding if there is any indication that this party is connected to the wedding.  If you just want to throw a party for everyone whether or not they are invited to the wedding, I'd not call it an "engagement party."

dyerwise

As I learned here, it is against etiquette to throw your own engagement party. That is something someone else should offer to throw for you.

monkeysip

Yes, you can't throw your own engagement party, and you'd need to invite anyone invited to the E-party to the wedding.  So you really should just throw a house-warming party.  Or even just a party.

CMGragain

You are perfectly OK, throwing an open house.  You are not OK throwing your own engagement party.  That is just not done.  Someone offers to throw an engagement party for you.  You cannot be both the host and the honoree.

Just have an open house.  That way, there will be no conflict about your guest list for your wedding.  Lots of brides do not have engagement parties at all.  It is OK to tell people you are engaged at your open house.

thefanciestbeckler

scribe95 said:

OT, but do people house house-warming parties for apartments? Just seems odd.

I thought the same thing. I mean I get having a party for the heck of it and then saying "Oh and you'll get to see the new apartment too!" but I don't get throwing a housewarming party for an apartment.

The speshuls are abundant these days, ladies.

CMGragain

I missed the apartment issue!  Agree with PPs.

Maggie0829

scribe95 said:

OT, but do people house house-warming parties for apartments? Just seems odd.

Seems weird.  But then again I have never understood the point of house warming parties either.  Just seems like a back handed way to get people to give you gifts.

nerdwife

I actually don't think the apartment housewarming is weird. I live in a city area, so basically everyone I know lives in an apartment, and I've been to some housewarming parties before. I mean, I agree that housewarming parties in general are kinda weird, but I don't think having an apartment vs. a house should disqualify you.

Maggie0829

nerdwife said:

I actually don't think the apartment housewarming is weird. I live in a city area, so basically everyone I know lives in an apartment, and I've been to some housewarming parties before. I mean, I agree that housewarming parties in general are kinda weird, but I don't think having an apartment vs. a house should disqualify you.

I think maybe we are assuming that this is a rented apartment.  And usually housewarming parties are for places that have been bought, not rented.

whoabethers

nerdwife said:

I actually don't think the apartment housewarming is weird. I live in a city area, so basically everyone I know lives in an apartment, and I've been to some housewarming parties before. I mean, I agree that housewarming parties in general are kinda weird, but I don't think having an apartment vs. a house should disqualify you.

Yeah, I've been to housewarming parties in apartments before. In my hometown, it was more common for people to buy houses out of college, but living in Los Angeles for several years, NOBODY bought houses. New apartments were a big deal.

nerdwife

Maggie0829 said:

nerdwife said:

I actually don't think the apartment housewarming is weird. I live in a city area, so basically everyone I know lives in an apartment, and I've been to some housewarming parties before. I mean, I agree that housewarming parties in general are kinda weird, but I don't think having an apartment vs. a house should disqualify you.

I think maybe we are assuming that this is a rented apartment.  And usually housewarming parties are for places that have been bought, not rented.

Is it bad etiquette to have a housewarming party for a rented place? That's a genuine question. I have been to housewarming parties for newly rented apartments, and I didn't really think it was particularly weird or rude. Though I think people mostly bring like wine, not actual household gifts. 

Maggie0829

nerdwife said:

Maggie0829 said:

nerdwife said:

I actually don't think the apartment housewarming is weird. I live in a city area, so basically everyone I know lives in an apartment, and I've been to some housewarming parties before. I mean, I agree that housewarming parties in general are kinda weird, but I don't think having an apartment vs. a house should disqualify you.

I think maybe we are assuming that this is a rented apartment.  And usually housewarming parties are for places that have been bought, not rented.

Is it bad etiquette to have a housewarming party for a rented place? That's a genuine question. I have been to housewarming parties for newly rented apartments, and I didn't really think it was particularly weird or rude. Though I think people mostly bring like wine, not actual household gifts. 

I have only ever seen housewarming parties for newly purchased homes/condos.  I guess in my area rentals are seen as temporary while purchased homes are usually for the long haul (hopefully, unless circumstances change).  Many of my friends have rented places but only once they bought did they ever have a housewarming.  Maybe it varies from region to region based upon what is most prevalent (buying vs renting), but I would find it odd to have a housewarming for a rental property.

As far as gifts I have seen everything from nothing, to wine, to small appliances, to sheets/towels, etc given.

InLoveInQueens

nerdwife said:

Maggie0829 said:

nerdwife said:

I actually don't think the apartment housewarming is weird. I live in a city area, so basically everyone I know lives in an apartment, and I've been to some housewarming parties before. I mean, I agree that housewarming parties in general are kinda weird, but I don't think having an apartment vs. a house should disqualify you.

I think maybe we are assuming that this is a rented apartment.  And usually housewarming parties are for places that have been bought, not rented.

Is it bad etiquette to have a housewarming party for a rented place? That's a genuine question. I have been to housewarming parties for newly rented apartments, and I didn't really think it was particularly weird or rude. Though I think people mostly bring like wine, not actual household gifts. 

I've gone to "apartment-warming" parties for rented apartments before, but it's basically an excuse to have people over and drink, no one brings gifts. My friend threw a party when her and her fiance moved into their most recent place because they wanted to make everyone eat gourmet cheese from an awesome shop around the corner from their new place. Might be a bit different in NYC since buying a place, even an apartment, is a lot rarer. People plan to rent for a good long while.

nerdwife

InLoveInQueens said:

nerdwife said:

Maggie0829 said:

nerdwife said:

I actually don't think the apartment housewarming is weird. I live in a city area, so basically everyone I know lives in an apartment, and I've been to some housewarming parties before. I mean, I agree that housewarming parties in general are kinda weird, but I don't think having an apartment vs. a house should disqualify you.

I think maybe we are assuming that this is a rented apartment.  And usually housewarming parties are for places that have been bought, not rented.

Is it bad etiquette to have a housewarming party for a rented place? That's a genuine question. I have been to housewarming parties for newly rented apartments, and I didn't really think it was particularly weird or rude. Though I think people mostly bring like wine, not actual household gifts. 

I've gone to "apartment-warming" parties for rented apartments before, but it's basically an excuse to have people over and drink, no one brings gifts. My friend threw a party when her and her fiance moved into their most recent place because they wanted to make everyone eat gourmet cheese from an awesome shop around the corner from their new place. Might be a bit different in NYC since buying a place, even an apartment, is a lot rarer. People plan to rent for a good long while.

Yeah, I live in the nyc area, so that's what I think is different. Most people I know are planning on renting apartments for a long time (because, like you said, it's really hard to buy a place here), and when they do eventually buy, it's in a surrounding suburb. But yeah, like I said, it's more of a bring wine type occasion, not a bring typical housewarming gifts.

I don't know if that makes it better (I promise not to say "well where I live, this etiquette doesn't matter"), but I think that's what's happening?

Anyway, the OP shouldn't throw her own engagement party. So there's that.

JediElizabeth

Same here, re: the NYC metro area. I've had apartment warmings for probably 5 apartments so far, and have never received (or expected to receive) a gift. All my friends do the same.

But then again, we're the type to have parties at least once a month, so we're usually just looking for an excuse to have a bunch of people over and drink. 

ThxSugar

I have been to several housewarming parties in rented apartments. Generally though it is just the first party you (general) have in your new place after you get it all set up, not a gift giving event. 

spockforprez

I had a housewarming for my first (rented) apartment. I was 22, I didn't really realize it was a gift-giving occasion (and now that I'm wiser, I DESPISE housewarming registries... one party I was invited to had "the couple would like gifts cards to Target, Home Depot, Lowes, and HomeGoods" on the invitation, gross!). To me it was more about hosting friends and family for the first time on my own. It was really fun!

I did get a couple gifts at that party, but the best one was a huge box of double- and triple-A batteries from my aunt. Best gift ever. (For our engagement the same aunt gave us two boxes of first aid items, things you wouldn't really think about until you had a need for them. She's the best.)

We had a "poolwarming" when we bought our house last summer. Hamburgers, hot dogs, swimming. It was super fun! To be honest, I mostly wanted to do it because there is no way I was going to get people to visit otherwise haha. Living 2 hours away from all of your friends and family, in a high traffic area, no one ever wants to come! And FH and I put six weeks of work into the house before we could move in and we wanted others to see it!

I don't really see the need to bitch about housewarmings being gift-grabby, unless the person registers or otherwise has an overt expectation for gifts. I think they are mostly about feeling "settled" by hosting people for the first time, and feeling proud of their new place. If you don't want to buy a gift, don't buy one. Go and enjoy the free food and smile at your friend's happiness. 

MyNameIsNot

Housewarmings are common in my area. Gifts are usually along the lines of a bottle of wine. 

Usually it's when you buy, not rent, your first place. I've been to ones where people bought apartments/condos and houses. Still, it's usually something someone has once, maybe twice in a lifetime. It would be weird for someone to throw a party every few years when they moved rentals. 

princessleia22

Like others said, you shouldn't throw your own e-party and anyone invited to an e-party need to be invited to the wedding.

My suggestion, just throw a "Life is Awesome" party.  Celebrate all the good things happening in your life with your friends, without labeling the party as an e-party or housewarming party or any label at all. It sounds like that's your main intent anyway.

spockforprez

MyNameIsNot said:

Housewarmings are common in my area. Gifts are usually along the lines of a bottle of wine. 

Usually it's when you buy, not rent, your first place. I've been to ones where people bought apartments/condos and houses. Still, it's usually something someone has once, maybe twice in a lifetime. It would be weird for someone to throw a party every few years when they moved rentals. 

Why is that weird? "Come see my new place and hang out!" is a perfectly good reason for a party. 

MyNameIsNot

spockforprez said:

MyNameIsNot said:

Housewarmings are common in my area. Gifts are usually along the lines of a bottle of wine. 

Usually it's when you buy, not rent, your first place. I've been to ones where people bought apartments/condos and houses. Still, it's usually something someone has once, maybe twice in a lifetime. It would be weird for someone to throw a party every few years when they moved rentals. 

Why is that weird? "Come see my new place and hang out!" is a perfectly good reason for a party. 

It would be weird because no one does it and it would come off AWish. Note that I prefaced with "in my area."

This may not be applicable to your circle at all. 

thisismynickname2

In NYC, don't people also buy "apartments"? I'm in Chicago where you rent an apartment but you buy a condo. (No idea exactly why.) No one buys an apartment here and maybe it's just my years of watching Sex and the City, but it seems like buying apartments is a thing in NYC. 

Housewarmings here are for buying a place and the gifts are wine or maybe a houseplant. I've never seen someone register for a housewarming, ever, thank God. I'm of the mindset that if you can afford a mortgage you can afford your own towels. 

But yeah OP have fun at your housewarming / life is awesome party! Skip the engagement element. People will oo and ah over your ring anyway. Don't talk about the wedding if you can help it because it will be awkward if your party has non-wedding invitees. Learn the refrain "nothing's been decided yet."

wink0erin

I'm piping in to say I have never considered house/apartment-warming parties to be gift-giving events, aside from maybe someone bringing a bottle of wine or a magnet for the fridge. The idea of having a registry for that is just icky. Any that I have been to were to show people your new place and to just enjoy company, snacks, and drinks.

That said, OP, don't throw your own e-party. Just have a apartment-warming or regular party. What kind of invites are you thinking? Paper? E-vite? Facebook event?

Jen4948

Owning the home isn't a prerequisite for a housewarming.  Nor does the home in question have to be a house.  New apartment tenants can have a housewarming in their new apartment.

[Deleted User]

I've always had a housewarming when I moved into a new rented apartment! I make a few appetizers and cocktails, at max people bring a six pack of beer or a bottle of wine (the same as they would bring if I said "hey come over before that concert we're going to!" or anything like that" and everyone had a good time. OP - it is not against ettiquette to throw yourself a housewarming party - there's no reason to call it an "engagement" party as well since that has implications for gifts and is connected to your wedding

VIBB2017

honestly I just want to celebrate with my friends because a lot of good things happen to me and my fiance recently.  I'm not expecting to get gifts out of either situations.

VIBB2017

Yes maybe the title of "housewarming" is in correct. I didn't know gifts were customary for a housewarming. I just want to get people to celebrate because I finally got a bigger place  that is suitable for entertaining rather than the studio I am moving out of.

VIBB2017

I must be really dumb because I didn't realize that gifts were associated with both a housewarming and engagement party. I just thought they were excuses to celebrate with family and friends even more. I was not expecting to get gifts at all.

I am now probaby not call it an engagement or house/apartment warming party, but just out of curiousity. If my fiance and I are hosting our own wedding (nobody else is helping us pay for it) why would it be in bad etiquette to throw our own "engagement" party. I mean if my parents were hosting our wedding would it be in bad taste for them to also throw an engagement party???? And say if the parents are footing the wedding bill, wouldn't it be considerate of the children to pay for the engagement party or something??? Sorry if these questions are dumb, I just never thought about them too much, because I don't care about the wedding day, I care about all the days that come after.

Honestly, Didn't realize how clueless I was when it came to this stuff. I just wanted to have a good time among friends.

also thank you for all the helpful responses.

[Deleted User]

Knottie1451259695 said:

Yes maybe the title of "housewarming" is in correct. I didn't know gifts were customary for a housewarming. I just want to get people to celebrate because I finally got a bigger place  that is suitable for entertaining rather than the studio I am moving out of.

I think you should throw a party.  If people ask why you're throwing a party, you can tell them it's because life is awesome.  You're throwing an "Everything is Awesome" party (Lego Movie, anyone?)