combo house warming/engagement party invitations

sparklepants41

adk19 said:

Knottie1451259695 said:

Yes maybe the title of "housewarming" is in correct. I didn't know gifts were customary for a housewarming. I just want to get people to celebrate because I finally got a bigger place  that is suitable for entertaining rather than the studio I am moving out of.

I think you should throw a party.  If people ask why you're throwing a party, you can tell them it's because life is awesome.  You're throwing an "Everything is Awesome" party (Lego Movie, anyone?)

I agree with @adk19  - definitely throw a party. But don't call it a housewarming. And congrats on getting a bigger place, OP!

ADK I just got that darned song out of my head after having it stuck in there since the movie came out. So thanks for that. ;-)

ILoveBeachMusic

thisismynickname said:

In NYC, don't people also buy "apartments"? I'm in Chicago where you rent an apartment but you buy a condo. (No idea exactly why.) No one buys an apartment here and maybe it's just my years of watching Sex and the City, but it seems like buying apartments is a thing in NYC. 

Housewarmings here are for buying a place and the gifts are wine or maybe a houseplant. I've never seen someone register for a housewarming, ever, thank God. I'm of the mindset that if you can afford a mortgage you can afford your own towels. 

But yeah OP have fun at your housewarming / life is awesome party! Skip the engagement element. People will oo and ah over your ring anyway. Don't talk about the wedding if you can help it because it will be awkward if your party has non-wedding invitees. Learn the refrain "nothing's been decided yet."

Daughter lives in Chicago. When she was renting with room mates, they would have a house-warming party just for an excuse to throw a party. I think people brought wine nothing else. She and husband now own their place (they call it an apartment BTW). I'm pretty sure they didn't throw a house warming party because the wedding was so close.

I agree registering for a house warming is weird and I've never heard of that until lurking on TK.

nerdwife

Knottie1451259695 said:

honestly I just want to celebrate with my friends because a lot of good things happen to me and my fiance recently.  I'm not expecting to get gifts out of either situations.

Knottie1451259695 said:

Yes maybe the title of "housewarming" is in correct. I didn't know gifts were customary for a housewarming. I just want to get people to celebrate because I finally got a bigger place  that is suitable for entertaining rather than the studio I am moving out of.

Knottie1451259695 said:

I must be really dumb because I didn't realize that gifts were associated with both a housewarming and engagement party. I just thought they were excuses to celebrate with family and friends even more.

With that being said. If my fiance and I are hosting our own wedding (nobody else is helping us pay for it) why would it be in bad etiquette to throw our own "engagement" party. I mean if my parents were hosting our wedding would it be in bad taste for them to also throw an engagement party????

Didn't realize how clueless I was when it came to this stuff. I just wanted to have a good time among friends.

Your first two responses were good - you just want to celebrate, so you should have a party, because parties are fun!

As PPs have said, it's against etiquette to throw a party in your honor, which includes engagement parties, bachelorette parties, and bridal showers. That logic doesn't apply to your parents, so parents who pay for weddings are also welcome to pay for engagement parties (because they are not the guests of honor).

So, like you said, just have a good time among friends. Don't call it an engagement party. Apparently there's some disagreement about whether a housewarming party is appropriate, but I think that's probably fine. Or just have a YAY PARTY party. People will look at your ring and ask you about your engagement, I promise. And look at your new apartment - and I know what you mean. I used to live in a studio and I love having people over now.

[Deleted User]

IMO everyone here is being VERY nitpicky. Throwing a party is not rude! People enjoy parties - they're fun! Just don't call it something that will give people the inclination they're being invited to a wedding if they won't be. IMO unlike a shower (which is *about* gifts) and a bachelorette party (which is classically something the BP does for the bride to treat her), an engagement party is much looser, since it can be framed any way you want it to be. Having a party to celebrate exciting news is fine! You can have a party to celebrate anything you want as long as YOU host it

[Deleted User]

sparklepants41 said:

adk19 said:

Knottie1451259695 said:

Yes maybe the title of "housewarming" is in correct. I didn't know gifts were customary for a housewarming. I just want to get people to celebrate because I finally got a bigger place  that is suitable for entertaining rather than the studio I am moving out of.

I think you should throw a party.  If people ask why you're throwing a party, you can tell them it's because life is awesome.  You're throwing an "Everything is Awesome" party (Lego Movie, anyone?)

I agree with @adk19  - definitely throw a party. But don't call it a housewarming. And congrats on getting a bigger place, OP!

ADK I just got that darned song out of my head after having it stuck in there since the movie came out. So thanks for that. ;-)

Yep.  Glad I could help.  It's a beautiful Friday here in Chicago, I'll be singing that song on the Red Line on my way home.  I hope I occasionally sing outloud to get the 'crazy person' look.  We're hitting a high of 60 degrees today and tomorrow.  EVERYthing is AWEsome!!!

nerdwife

Knottie1455576458 said:

IMO everyone here is being VERY nitpicky. Throwing a party is not rude! People enjoy parties - they're fun! Just don't call it something that will give people the inclination they're being invited to a wedding if they won't be. IMO unlike a shower (which is *about* gifts) and a bachelorette party (which is classically something the BP does for the bride to treat her), an engagement party is much looser, since it can be framed any way you want it to be. Having a party to celebrate exciting news is fine! You can have a party to celebrate anything you want as long as YOU host it

Well this is just factually inaccurate. 

VIBB2017

wink0erin said:

I'm piping in to say I have never considered house/apartment-warming parties to be gift-giving events, aside from maybe someone bringing a bottle of wine or a magnet for the fridge. The idea of having a registry for that is just icky. Any that I have been to were to show people your new place and to just enjoy company, snacks, and drinks.

That said, OP, don't throw your own e-party. Just have a apartment-warming or regular party. What kind of invites are you thinking? Paper? E-vite? Facebook event?

very casual thing, free evite. No dress code. And yes I did not know housewarmings were gift-giving events despite re-watching the Rugrats first episode and Steve complained about not getting a gift ( I just thought he was being greedy, lol.)

[Deleted User]

Knottie1451259695 said:

wink0erin said:

I'm piping in to say I have never considered house/apartment-warming parties to be gift-giving events, aside from maybe someone bringing a bottle of wine or a magnet for the fridge. The idea of having a registry for that is just icky. Any that I have been to were to show people your new place and to just enjoy company, snacks, and drinks.

That said, OP, don't throw your own e-party. Just have a apartment-warming or regular party. What kind of invites are you thinking? Paper? E-vite? Facebook event?

very casual thing, free evite. No dress code. And yes I did not know housewarmings were gift-giving events despite re-watching the Rugrats first episode and Steve complained about not getting a gift ( I just thought he was being greedy, lol.)

Well, you should never have a dress code of any kind unless the venue requires it, such as Clubs where men must wear a collared shirt and jacket.  Even "Black Tie" isn't a dress code; it's a type of event with very specific requirements.  So, unless by 'dress code' you mean, "bring your swimsuit because the pool will be open" you should NEVER have a dress code.

[Deleted User]

nerdwife said:

Knottie1455576458 said:

IMO everyone here is being VERY nitpicky. Throwing a party is not rude! People enjoy parties - they're fun! Just don't call it something that will give people the inclination they're being invited to a wedding if they won't be. IMO unlike a shower (which is *about* gifts) and a bachelorette party (which is classically something the BP does for the bride to treat her), an engagement party is much looser, since it can be framed any way you want it to be. Having a party to celebrate exciting news is fine! You can have a party to celebrate anything you want as long as YOU host it

Well this is just factually inaccurate. 

Hi Knottie, welcome to the Etiquette board where we deal in actual etiquette not just thoughts, feelings, kitties, and rainbows.  Maybe you should hang around and/or read a few etiquette books before you start telling us we're all wrong and nitpicky.  Thanks for playing.

Viczaesar

Knottie1451259695 said:

I must be really dumb because I didn't realize that gifts were associated with both a housewarming and engagement party. I just thought they were excuses to celebrate with family and friends even more. I was not expecting to get gifts at all.

I am now probaby not call it an engagement or house/apartment warming party, but just out of curiousity. If my fiance and I are hosting our own wedding (nobody else is helping us pay for it) why would it be in bad etiquette to throw our own "engagement" party. I mean if my parents were hosting our wedding would it be in bad taste for them to also throw an engagement party???? And say if the parents are footing the wedding bill, wouldn't it be considerate of the children to pay for the engagement party or something??? Sorry if these questions are dumb, I just never thought about them too much, because I don't care about the wedding day, I care about all the days that come after.

Honestly, Didn't realize how clueless I was when it came to this stuff. I just wanted to have a good time among friends.

also thank you for all the helpful responses.

The inappropriateness of throwing an engagement party for yourself is because it's inappropriate to throw a party in your own honor ("come over and celebrate us!").  The fact that people might also see it as a gift-giving event is ancillary.  It's not a gift-giving event in the same way that a shower is.  It wouldn't be in bad taste for anyone else, including parents, to throw an engagement party for you because none of those people would be the ones being honored. 

Whoever is hosting the wedding is immaterial.  A wedding is a legal union of two people, followed by a reception to thank the guests for coming.  The reception is not a party in honor of the married couple, despite what some people think. 

Viczaesar

Housewarming parties are not gift giving parties.  People can choose to bring a gift if they want, and typically it's something like a plant or a bottle of wine.  But it's fine to throw a housewarming party, regardless of whether you bought or are renting.  OP, feel free to have a housewarming party.  Just don't call it an engagement party.

geebee908

Knottie1451259695 said:

I must be really dumb because I didn't realize that gifts were associated with both a housewarming and engagement party. I just thought they were excuses to celebrate with family and friends even more. I was not expecting to get gifts at all.

I am now probaby not call it an engagement or house/apartment warming party, but just out of curiousity. If my fiance and I are hosting our own wedding (nobody else is helping us pay for it) why would it be in bad etiquette to throw our own "engagement" party. I mean if my parents were hosting our wedding would it be in bad taste for them to also throw an engagement party???? And say if the parents are footing the wedding bill, wouldn't it be considerate of the children to pay for the engagement party or something??? Sorry if these questions are dumb, I just never thought about them too much, because I don't care about the wedding day, I care about all the days that come after.

Honestly, Didn't realize how clueless I was when it came to this stuff. I just wanted to have a good time among friends.

also thank you for all the helpful responses.

The premise is that you don't host a party in your own honor. An engagement party would be that type of party. A wedding reception is a party to thank your guests for witnessing your wedding ceremony. So, they, in fact, are the honorees and thus why you should host them as graciously as possible and why you can be the hosts. A lot of couples have the misconception that the wedding reception is all about them.

SP29

I am also 100% on board with housewarming parties- or rented apartment-warming parties. I've been to many, had two myself (one a rented apartment, now a rented house).

Any that I've been to, as well as hosted, have not been gift giving events beyond a bottle of wine, or a potted plant. More of a "come see our new place! I'll give you food!". 

I would find a registry for a housewarming too much. 

OP- You can have a party to say "come see our new place!". You can let your friends know you got engaged at the party. But no, you should not invite people to pre-wedding events unless they are also invited to the wedding. 

As for pre-wedding events- these are never required, thus only happen if someone else offers to host it. The person who offers to host can be ANYONE- doesn't have to be the bride or grooms parents, or anyone from the WP. Thus, doesn't matter who is footing the bill for the wedding. The wedding reception is to thank your guests for attending your ceremony- thus the B&G are free to host it.

Change your screen name to something more individual (hard to keep track of the various Knottie#s) and stick around! Lots to learn here and everyone would love to help you if you need/want  

whoabethers

Knottie1455576458 said:

IMO everyone here is being VERY nitpicky. Throwing a party is not rude! People enjoy parties - they're fun! Just don't call it something that will give people the inclination they're being invited to a wedding if they won't be. IMO unlike a shower (which is *about* gifts) and a bachelorette party (which is classically something the BP does for the bride to treat her), an engagement party is much looser, since it can be framed any way you want it to be. Having a party to celebrate exciting news is fine! You can have a party to celebrate anything you want as long as YOU host it

I think everyone who has posted has been in agreement that parties are fun.   

MobKaz

adk19 said:

sparklepants41 said:

adk19 said:

Knottie1451259695 said:

Yes maybe the title of "housewarming" is in correct. I didn't know gifts were customary for a housewarming. I just want to get people to celebrate because I finally got a bigger place  that is suitable for entertaining rather than the studio I am moving out of.

I think you should throw a party.  If people ask why you're throwing a party, you can tell them it's because life is awesome.  You're throwing an "Everything is Awesome" party (Lego Movie, anyone?)

I agree with @adk19  - definitely throw a party. But don't call it a housewarming. And congrats on getting a bigger place, OP!

ADK I just got that darned song out of my head after having it stuck in there since the movie came out. So thanks for that. ;-)

Yep.  Glad I could help.  It's a beautiful Friday here in Chicago, I'll be singing that song on the Red Line on my way home.  I hope I occasionally sing outloud to get the 'crazy person' look.  We're hitting a high of 60 degrees today and tomorrow.  EVERYthing is AWEsome!!!

I hope you're wearing some ankle weights!  The winds are insane today!  I feel just a little bad for saying this, but watching the kids at recess today was pretty entertaining.  A lot of our little kinders had trouble staying upright!

LD1970

Whether an engagement party or housewarming is a gift giving event depends on where you are.  I've never been to a housewarming that wasn't a gift giving event - and real gifts, not wine.  And except for one shower where the couple wasn't from this part of the country, every engagement party warranted gifts like you'd give at a shower.

MobKaz

LD1970 said:

Whether an engagement party or housewarming is a gift giving event depends on where you are.  I've never been to a housewarming that wasn't a gift giving event - and real gifts, not wine.  And except for one shower where the couple wasn't from this part of the country, every engagement party warranted gifts like you'd give at a shower.

Oh hell no.  In my area, engagement parties are not unusual, but they are not common either.  At the few I have attended, there might have been a token gift here or there, such as a photo frame or wedding planning book.  How/why would someone already have a registry in place for an engagement party? 

Viczaesar

LD1970 said:

Whether an engagement party or housewarming is a gift giving event depends on where you are.  I've never been to a housewarming that wasn't a gift giving event - and real gifts, not wine.  And except for one shower where the couple wasn't from this part of the country, every engagement party warranted gifts like you'd give at a shower.

More your circle than where you are, but the events themselves are still not in essence gift-giving events, unlike showers.

LD1970

MobKaz said:

LD1970 said:

Whether an engagement party or housewarming is a gift giving event depends on where you are.  I've never been to a housewarming that wasn't a gift giving event - and real gifts, not wine.  And except for one shower where the couple wasn't from this part of the country, every engagement party warranted gifts like you'd give at a shower.

Oh hell no.  In my area, engagement parties are not unusual, but they are not common either.  At the few I have attended, there might have been a token gift here or there, such as a photo frame or wedding planning book.  How/why would someone already have a registry in place for an engagement party? 

Dunno, but they have. And engagement parties are really common here.  Both my sister and I specifically refused engagement parties because we thought it was too gift-grabby to have three gift-giving events:  engagement party, shower, and wedding.  It's really just assumed here, and with "real" gifts.  The ONLY engagement party I've ever attended that was like I've seen described here was in NY, but a couple from California.  My H and I were the only ones who brought a gift, and I was shocked.  Every other one I've ever been to has been at an event venue like a mini wedding and had a gift table, etc.

I'd say it was a "circle" thing rather than a location thing, but I don't have just one circle, so it seems like a location thing.

My H and I registered quickly, but we only had an 8-month engagement.  We also, like I said, refused an engagement party.

drunkenwitch

LD1970 said:

Whether an engagement party or housewarming is a gift giving event depends on where you are.  I've never been to a housewarming that wasn't a gift giving event - and real gifts, not wine.  And except for one shower where the couple wasn't from this part of the country, every engagement party warranted gifts like you'd give at a shower.

Umm, no. I have been to many parties labeled housewarming or engagement and it's always been about getting your friends together and having a good time, not how much stuff will my people bring me. 

Jen4948

VIBB2017 said:

I must be really dumb because I didn't realize that gifts were associated with both a housewarming and engagement party. I just thought they were excuses to celebrate with family and friends even more. I was not expecting to get gifts at all.

I am now probaby not call it an engagement or house/apartment warming party, but just out of curiousity. If my fiance and I are hosting our own wedding (nobody else is helping us pay for it) why would it be in bad etiquette to throw our own "engagement" party. I mean if my parents were hosting our wedding would it be in bad taste for them to also throw an engagement party???? And say if the parents are footing the wedding bill, wouldn't it be considerate of the children to pay for the engagement party or something??? Sorry if these questions are dumb, I just never thought about them too much, because I don't care about the wedding day, I care about all the days that come after.

Honestly, Didn't realize how clueless I was when it came to this stuff. I just wanted to have a good time among friends.

also thank you for all the helpful responses.

It's bad form to throw any kind of party in your own honor, whether it's a birthday party, shower, bachelor/ette party, or whatever, regardless of who is paying, because paying doesn't equal "hosting." (That's why invitations for self-hosted weddings don't list anyone as hosts.). If someone else doesn't host a wedding-related party for you, you forgo it.

LD1970

drunkenwitch said:

LD1970 said:

Whether an engagement party or housewarming is a gift giving event depends on where you are.  I've never been to a housewarming that wasn't a gift giving event - and real gifts, not wine.  And except for one shower where the couple wasn't from this part of the country, every engagement party warranted gifts like you'd give at a shower.

Umm, no. I have been to many parties labeled housewarming or engagement and it's always been about getting your friends together and having a good time, not how much stuff will my people bring me. 

That's nice.

MobKaz

LD1970 said:

MobKaz said:

LD1970 said:

Whether an engagement party or housewarming is a gift giving event depends on where you are.  I've never been to a housewarming that wasn't a gift giving event - and real gifts, not wine.  And except for one shower where the couple wasn't from this part of the country, every engagement party warranted gifts like you'd give at a shower.

Oh hell no.  In my area, engagement parties are not unusual, but they are not common either.  At the few I have attended, there might have been a token gift here or there, such as a photo frame or wedding planning book.  How/why would someone already have a registry in place for an engagement party? 

Dunno, but they have. And engagement parties are really common here.  Both my sister and I specifically refused engagement parties because we thought it was too gift-grabby to have three gift-giving events:  engagement party, shower, and wedding.  It's really just assumed here, and with "real" gifts.  The ONLY engagement party I've ever attended that was like I've seen described here was in NY, but a couple from California.  My H and I were the only ones who brought a gift, and I was shocked.  Every other one I've ever been to has been at an event venue like a mini wedding and had a gift table, etc.

I'd say it was a "circle" thing rather than a location thing, but I don't have just one circle, so it seems like a location thing.

My H and I registered quickly, but we only had an 8-month engagement.  We also, like I said, refused an engagement party.

Your situation makes complete sense. 

Of the engagement parties I have attended, the brides were 18-24 months out from their wedding date.  That seems very rushed and premature for the creation of a registry.  In my daughter's case, when she became engaged both she and her BF were still living at home.  To create a registry at that point made no sense.  By the following September they had purchased a home together and only then did they begin to realize what they might need in terms of registry items.

I also agree that the custom of engagement parties seems to be more of a "circle" or family tradition.

drunkenwitch

LD1970 said:

drunkenwitch said:

LD1970 said:

Whether an engagement party or housewarming is a gift giving event depends on where you are.  I've never been to a housewarming that wasn't a gift giving event - and real gifts, not wine.  And except for one shower where the couple wasn't from this part of the country, every engagement party warranted gifts like you'd give at a shower.

Umm, no. I have been to many parties labeled housewarming or engagement and it's always been about getting your friends together and having a good time, not how much stuff will my people bring me. 

That's nice.

I know, it really is nice to be friends with people who aren't greedy.

LD1970

I know.  It is.

PrettyGirlLost

We don't really do housewarming parties in my circle, but I can't see any issues with hosting a party to get your friends together and show off your new apartment or house, especially if it's your 1st.

I wouldn't consider a housewarming party a gift giving event.  I'd show up with a bottle of wine, or a floral arrangement, or something like that. . . just like I would bring to any event someone hosted.

PrettyGirlLost

If you can't throw a party in honor of yourselves because it's gauche, then how are housewarming parties etiquette approved? 

SP29

PrettyGirlLost said:

If you can't throw a party in honor of yourselves because it's gauche, then how are housewarming parties etiquette approved? 

This is an interesting questions. Because the point of the house warming is to see the new home. Thus, it would not be proper for someone else to throw a housewarming for someone else ("so I'm going to throw a party at your house, K?"). The house is the "guest of honour"?

flantastic

SP29 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

If you can't throw a party in honor of yourselves because it's gauche, then how are housewarming parties etiquette approved? 

This is an interesting questions. Because the point of the house warming is to see the new home. Thus, it would not be proper for someone else to throw a housewarming for someone else ("so I'm going to throw a party at your house, K?"). The house is the "guest of honour"?

That's what I'm thinking - it's about the house. I wouldn't consider myself being honored by this sort of a party, except insofar as people care enough about me to be excited for my house.

thisismynickname2

flantastic said:

SP29 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

If you can't throw a party in honor of yourselves because it's gauche, then how are housewarming parties etiquette approved? 

This is an interesting questions. Because the point of the house warming is to see the new home. Thus, it would not be proper for someone else to throw a housewarming for someone else ("so I'm going to throw a party at your house, K?"). The house is the "guest of honour"?

That's what I'm thinking - it's about the house. I wouldn't consider myself being honored by this sort of a party, except insofar as people care enough about me to be excited for my house.

I don't know... It's a really interesting question. Houses don't just magically appear. Owning a home has been considered a big part of the American dream; it symbolizes that you've accomplished some amount of financial security and a willingness to take on more responsibility (in theory). So in that sense, it is about the hosts, in a way. 
My opinion is that it's just an excuse to have a party, not to honor yourself for making a big fat purchase- that's rather gauche. The first time you have people over you're warming the place quite literally. Any other party you host at your place is just a party, like a dinner party or super bowl party. The word housewarming can just denote the first party of many you can throw in a new place.