Ok, so I think my FI & I have found ourselves in a bad spot:
We've asked one of our best friends to be our officiant. When we asked, he said that he'd be happy to as long as it wasn't in a Church and it wouldn't be a problem with his (Catholic) religion. I've since done some research, and although the Church doesn't care if a Catholic judge or captain or something marries a couple outside of Church, getting ordained online by another "church" is really not cool in their eyes.
Separately, one of my bridesmen and one of FI's groomsmen both are ordained (online) already, and both offered to officiate way back when we got engaged. We asked our third friend because he's equally close to both of us and we couldn't agree on a side for him, whereas the others have closer relationships to either me or FI - though all 5 of us are very good friends.
Here's my plan. I'd like the etiquette-board blessing on this, or all of your advice on how to go about this:
1. Ask officiant friend to chat with his priest about this. Maybe it's fine, but maybe not - I definitely want him to know now, when we have plenty of time to change plans.
2. Here's the part I'm not sure about as far as etiquette goes: If it's a problem, ask either the groomsman or the bridesman to officiate, and ask the current officiant to be in the wedding party, essentially switching out roles. I don't want to treat my friends as though they're interchangeable (they're definitely not!), but I'd rather do that than ask a friend to go against his religion.
Thoughts?
Re: Officiant & Wedding Party Question
We're pretty much treating them all as one big wedding party, officiant included (for the gift budget, outfits, pictures - and if we're lucky enough to be offered bachelor/bachelorette parties, we'll probably suggest one co-ed thing for that, too), so fortunately the only change will be where people stand and what they say the day of.
Other options to look into: I've heard some areas have one day "permits" to be a civil minister for weddings. If it's an option where you're getting married, your friend could do that.
Also do you live in a self-uniting state? PA and CO are the two, and you and your FI would be the ministers, and your friend could direct the rest of the ceremony.
If all else fails, I think it'd be fine to swap roles especially since other WP members had volunteered to officiate.
Unfortunately, though we'll be living in PA at the time, we're going to be married in NJ, which is my home state. They'll allow pretty much any public servant or leader of religious institution to marry us, but they don't have 1 day licenses. That would be fabulous.
<And here's where I'd make a very bad joke about marrying ourselves at home in the morning and having the ceremony in the evening, if I had enough coffee to be that glib yet this morning.
I just got a chance to talk in person with this friend. (He had been on vacation, and I didn't think it was a phone/text kinda conversation.) Apparently, he had gotten ordained in college as a joke, before his religion became so important to him, and it's still valid. SO, that's a big weight off my shoulders.
I'm going to put his church's opinion on that in the "not my circus, not my monkeys" column, and stop stressing about it.