Bad advice columns: why we have an etiquette board

[Deleted User]

Knottie18029834 said:

And here is the columnist's response to criticism. I don't believe the Post institute actually said that...

http://www.post-gazette.com/life/ask-natalie/2016/03/08/Ask-Natalie-More-wedding-dilemmas/stories/201603080011

I do.  Ms. Emily's heirs have run her name into the ground with their cowtowing to the Wedding Industry.  Sigh.

badbnagdway

Sadly, it seems the Emily Post Institute just does not live up to the legacy of its namesake: http://emilypost.com/advice/inside-weddings-registry-rules/

badbnagdway

adk19 said:

Knottie18029834 said:

And here is the columnist's response to criticism. I don't believe the Post institute actually said that...

http://www.post-gazette.com/life/ask-natalie/2016/03/08/Ask-Natalie-More-wedding-dilemmas/stories/201603080011

I do.  Ms. Emily's heirs have run her name into the ground with their cowtowing to the Wedding Industry.  Sigh.

Jinx. 

I will say this on wedding gifts - we had a not-small contingent of in-town friends from whom we did not receive gifts. I didn't mind the lack of gifts but I did kind of mind that they didn't think to, maybe even as a group, get us a card. Not a card with money in it - just a simple greeting card. 

[Deleted User]

badbnagdway said:

adk19 said:

Knottie18029834 said:

And here is the columnist's response to criticism. I don't believe the Post institute actually said that...

http://www.post-gazette.com/life/ask-natalie/2016/03/08/Ask-Natalie-More-wedding-dilemmas/stories/201603080011

I do.  Ms. Emily's heirs have run her name into the ground with their cowtowing to the Wedding Industry.  Sigh.

Jinx. 

I will say this on wedding gifts - we had a not-small contingent of in-town friends from whom we did not receive gifts. I didn't mind the lack of gifts but I did kind of mind that they didn't think to, maybe even as a group, get us a card. Not a card with money in it - just a simple greeting card. 

Maybe they did get you a card.  And it's in the small purse used only for weddings in the back of the spare bedroom closet.  Or in the pocket of the fancy jacket they wore to your wedding that is currently hanging in the back of the coat closet because it's too fancy for anything other than weddings or the Opera.  That's usually where the wedding cards I purchase end up.  Signed, sealed, and very much not delivered.

PamBeesly524

Knottie18029834 said:

And here is the columnist's response to criticism. I don't believe the Post institute actually said that...

http://www.post-gazette.com/life/ask-natalie/2016/03/08/Ask-Natalie-More-wedding-dilemmas/stories/201603080011

What the what? I thought it couldn't get any worse... “Not only is giving a gift the right thing to do, but it is obligatory — whether you attend the wedding or not.”

So that means that if my 4th cousin twice removed invites me to a wedding just to be gift grabby, I HAVE to send them a gift even if I don't attend? That's just awful.

Some of the new comments though are gold:

"Natalie and Emily are right! While love can't be measured in dollars, a lack of dollars equals a lack of love. Don't be "that person" who is not up on the new etiquette! Not only should you bring a gift, and bring money to the wedding (or just give them your credit card), but you should also set up a defined monthly contribution for the new couple. Thank glory for Paypal and automated transactions to make life easy!"

"Yes, don't worry about that "culture of greed" thing. People aren't getting greedier, we're merely getting more efficient. Just scan the QR code on your wedding invitation, and you'll be able to enter your credit card number and tap the icon to show us exactly how much you care, in dollars, euros or yen. 

Attending the wedding is optional, but if you insist on showing up, you can even pay for your airfare, hotel, seat at the ceremony, meal and service charges at the same time. It may be a long ceremony. Would you like the $25 upgrade to a seat with more legroom in the first five pews?"

banana468

I think the other problem with this is that etiquette works both ways:

-As a host you should not expect things of your guests.   You should not walk through life with the mentality of things being tit for tat.   So the notion that you invited someone to your wedding and therefore you're somehow owed is poor form.

-It's also poor form as a guest to not give something to the couple (assuming that the invited guest was not asked as a reason to give a gift only.   Your 3rd cousin twice removed that you see every decade falls into the group of 'invited for gift only).   That said, the gift is what you want it to be.   You can give a stack of doilies and that's your gift.   But it is good form to give SOMETHING.   And it's poor form to use the "I never had to give you something because you shouldn't expect it" line.    

I realize that this is a fine line to walk.   As a bride or guest of honor in any way, you shouldn't expect anything.   But as a guest, you should try to do something - not nothing.     

badbnagdway

adk19 said:

badbnagdway said:

adk19 said:

Knottie18029834 said:

And here is the columnist's response to criticism. I don't believe the Post institute actually said that...

http://www.post-gazette.com/life/ask-natalie/2016/03/08/Ask-Natalie-More-wedding-dilemmas/stories/201603080011

I do.  Ms. Emily's heirs have run her name into the ground with their cowtowing to the Wedding Industry.  Sigh.

Jinx. 

I will say this on wedding gifts - we had a not-small contingent of in-town friends from whom we did not receive gifts. I didn't mind the lack of gifts but I did kind of mind that they didn't think to, maybe even as a group, get us a card. Not a card with money in it - just a simple greeting card. 

Maybe they did get you a card.  And it's in the small purse used only for weddings in the back of the spare bedroom closet.  Or in the pocket of the fancy jacket they wore to your wedding that is currently hanging in the back of the coat closet because it's too fancy for anything other than weddings or the Opera.  That's usually where the wedding cards I purchase end up.  Signed, sealed, and very much not delivered.

It's possible - and I'll never know since I would never ask.