Guest breaking etiquette.

hashtag43016

I just received a Facebook message from a girl asking if her husband (FI was in their wedding in august) was going to be in our wedding and if not, who were the other groomsmen and best man? Mind you our wedding is next month, I feel like you would know by now if you were in the wedding. I'm just in a mini moment of awe that people feel this is okay to do and don't consider it rude. And FI has done nothing of any sort to sway this person into believing he'll be in the wedding. I listed off the groomsmen and said I look forward to seeing them at the wedding. (you knotties taught me that line lol) 

I'd love to hear stories if anyone else has had guests be rude and break etiquette.  

spockforprez

Daaaaang that is freakin bold. I hope you don't have any additional drama (I can imagine all sorts of scenarios based on the BSC crap I have read on TK) but if you do, please share it!  

ernursej

Tacky!!! I really like Facebook (keeps me close with friends and family all over the globe) but I think it has opened up an depersonalized alley for people to do stuff like this. I could never imagine phoning someone or asking this question in person, but through Facebook ... I guess rudeness comes in and manners go out the window. 

holyguacamole79

Mine didn't come from a guest, but from an uninvited person.  My aunt (who has been there for me so many times I can't begin to count) found out a few weeks before my wedding that she had breast cancer.  She and her wife live in VA and her double mastectomy was scheduled for the Tuesday before our wedding, so she and her wife had to decline.  I was crushed, but obviously understood.   My dad is a dentist and worked in an office with 8 women. 7 of them were invited since they were like family to me (The 8th one started working for him shortly after invites went out, so I did not invite her).  Shortly after finding out about my aunt, she approached my dad and said,  "I hear that your sister and her wife won't be able to get to the wedding because of her surgery.  Can I come in her place?"  Dad calmly said,  "Guac and her FI are the ones handling the guest list;  you'll have to ask her."  She never did, thankfully. 

My aunt has her surgery and recovered super fast.  She asked her surgeon if she could fly to Houston,and the surgeon agreed.  She said she couldn't stand the thought of not being there!   She's been cancer free for over 2 years now. 

hashtag43016

OH MY GOODNESS! FI just came home and told me that his aunt and uncle talked to our friend who got officiated for our wedding and asked if he really wanted to officiate our wedding. Then they asked him if he would read some scriptures or a prayer! And THEN they said they would call our venue and have a pastor officiate for us! WHAT?!? Like WHAT?! We are having a friend officiate because we don't want anything religious done because we aren't religious! No prayers! No scriptures! It's also why we're not getting married in a church! UGH! What is happening to people that they feel this is okay to do!

LondonLisa

hashtag43016 said:

OH MY GOODNESS! FI just came home and told me that his aunt and uncle talked to our friend who got officiated for our wedding and asked if he really wanted to officiate our wedding. Then they asked him if he would read some scriptures or a prayer! And THEN they said they would call our venue and have a pastor officiate for us! WHAT?!? Like WHAT?! We are having a friend officiate because we don't want anything religious done because we aren't religious! No prayers! No scriptures! It's also why we're not getting married in a church! UGH! What is happening to people that they feel this is okay to do!

Call your venue- tell them that only changes directly from you/fi are to be accepted. If anyone tries to make changes have the venue say that only you and fi are authorised.  People go crazy around weddings! It's worth it for peace of mind. 

PamBeesly524

This happened to me too - my friend who I was already planning on asking to be a BM got impatient and asked my MOH who was who, and then asked ME if my friend was my MOH and if she was a BM. Mind you this was over a year out from my wedding, so I was just waiting until it got closer to ask. It made me super uncomfortable and upset that she felt like she needed to know sooner than I wanted to ask. 

hashtag43016

LondonLisa said:

hashtag43016 said:

OH MY GOODNESS! FI just came home and told me that his aunt and uncle talked to our friend who got officiated for our wedding and asked if he really wanted to officiate our wedding. Then they asked him if he would read some scriptures or a prayer! And THEN they said they would call our venue and have a pastor officiate for us! WHAT?!? Like WHAT?! We are having a friend officiate because we don't want anything religious done because we aren't religious! No prayers! No scriptures! It's also why we're not getting married in a church! UGH! What is happening to people that they feel this is okay to do!

Call your venue- tell them that only changes directly from you/fi are to be accepted. If anyone tries to make changes have the venue say that only you and fi are authorised.  People go crazy around weddings! It's worth it for peace of mind. 

That's a good idea! I'm doing that today!

thisismynickname2

I had someone ask me over FB message about my wedding plans so she could plan her travel for the year (she'd moved away). I wasn't planning on inviting her and bean-dipped her. Mind you, this was after she gave me serious evil-eye for having my wedding the day after her 30th birthday.
A few months later, she asks me about my rehearsal dinner as she assumed Mutual Friend was a bridesmaid (she wasn't) and she was trying to plan her birthday. I told her not to worry about plan whatever she wanted for her birthday. 
When she finally got the picture she wasn't invited, she decided to celebrate in Vegas and invited a few of our mutual friends. Luckily, they all came to my wedding rather than her bday in Vegas...

And, luckily, that was the worst I had to deal with. DH had to talk his mom out of inviting last minute people we didn't even know, but, his mom, his talk. Phew! 

short+sassy

thisismynickname said:

I had someone ask me over FB message about my wedding plans so she could plan her travel for the year (she'd moved away). I wasn't planning on inviting her and bean-dipped her. Mind you, this was after she gave me serious evil-eye for having my wedding the day after her 30th birthday.
A few months later, she asks me about my rehearsal dinner as she assumed Mutual Friend was a bridesmaid (she wasn't) and she was trying to plan her birthday. I told her not to worry about plan whatever she wanted for her birthday. 
When she finally got the picture she wasn't invited, she decided to celebrate in Vegas and invited a few of our mutual friends. Luckily, they all came to my wedding rather than her bday in Vegas...

And, luckily, that was the worst I had to deal with. DH had to talk his mom out of inviting last minute people we didn't even know, but, his mom, his talk. Phew! 

So much craziness and entitlement in these posts, that its hard to pick a winner.

But I'm going to nominate this one.  I just love it so much.  A casual friend...NOT EVEN INVITED TO THE WEDDING...was upset you scheduled your wedding a day after her 30th bday.  I realize she didn't know she wasn't invited at the time of her "evil eye", but still.  That is some of the most crazy pants stuff I have heard.

I'm sure it happens a million times a year that somebody's guest at somebody's wedding has a bday the same weekend.   

[Deleted User]

short+sassy said:

thisismynickname said:

I had someone ask me over FB message about my wedding plans so she could plan her travel for the year (she'd moved away). I wasn't planning on inviting her and bean-dipped her. Mind you, this was after she gave me serious evil-eye for having my wedding the day after her 30th birthday.
A few months later, she asks me about my rehearsal dinner as she assumed Mutual Friend was a bridesmaid (she wasn't) and she was trying to plan her birthday. I told her not to worry about plan whatever she wanted for her birthday. 
When she finally got the picture she wasn't invited, she decided to celebrate in Vegas and invited a few of our mutual friends. Luckily, they all came to my wedding rather than her bday in Vegas...

And, luckily, that was the worst I had to deal with. DH had to talk his mom out of inviting last minute people we didn't even know, but, his mom, his talk. Phew! 

So much craziness and entitlement in these posts, that its hard to pick a winner.

But I'm going to nominate this one.  I just love it so much.  A casual friend...NOT EVEN INVITED TO THE WEDDING...was upset you scheduled your wedding a day after her 30th bday.  I realize she didn't know she wasn't invited at the time of her "evil eye", but still.  That is some of the most crazy pants stuff I have heard.

I'm sure it happens a million times a year that somebody's guest at somebody's wedding has a bday the same weekend.   

My cousin got married the day of one of his niece's 4th birthday and another of his niece's 1st birthday.  Best wedding ever since they had Three Cakes!!!

wink0erin

short+sassy said:

thisismynickname said:

I had someone ask me over FB message about my wedding plans so she could plan her travel for the year (she'd moved away). I wasn't planning on inviting her and bean-dipped her. Mind you, this was after she gave me serious evil-eye for having my wedding the day after her 30th birthday.
A few months later, she asks me about my rehearsal dinner as she assumed Mutual Friend was a bridesmaid (she wasn't) and she was trying to plan her birthday. I told her not to worry about plan whatever she wanted for her birthday. 
When she finally got the picture she wasn't invited, she decided to celebrate in Vegas and invited a few of our mutual friends. Luckily, they all came to my wedding rather than her bday in Vegas...

And, luckily, that was the worst I had to deal with. DH had to talk his mom out of inviting last minute people we didn't even know, but, his mom, his talk. Phew! 

So much craziness and entitlement in these posts, that its hard to pick a winner.

But I'm going to nominate this one.  I just love it so much.  A casual friend...NOT EVEN INVITED TO THE WEDDING...was upset you scheduled your wedding a day after her 30th bday.  I realize she didn't know she wasn't invited at the time of her "evil eye", but still.  That is some of the most crazy pants stuff I have heard.

I'm sure it happens a million times a year that somebody's guest at somebody's wedding has a bday the same weekend.   

A good friend of mine got married on my 21st birthday. It was awesome! As a result, I not only remember their anniversary every year, but how many years they have been married (and they remember my birthday every year too.) I don't understand people needing multiple days for one-day events.  

flantastic

adk19 said:

short+sassy said:

thisismynickname said:

I had someone ask me over FB message about my wedding plans so she could plan her travel for the year (she'd moved away). I wasn't planning on inviting her and bean-dipped her. Mind you, this was after she gave me serious evil-eye for having my wedding the day after her 30th birthday.
A few months later, she asks me about my rehearsal dinner as she assumed Mutual Friend was a bridesmaid (she wasn't) and she was trying to plan her birthday. I told her not to worry about plan whatever she wanted for her birthday. 
When she finally got the picture she wasn't invited, she decided to celebrate in Vegas and invited a few of our mutual friends. Luckily, they all came to my wedding rather than her bday in Vegas...

And, luckily, that was the worst I had to deal with. DH had to talk his mom out of inviting last minute people we didn't even know, but, his mom, his talk. Phew! 

So much craziness and entitlement in these posts, that its hard to pick a winner.

But I'm going to nominate this one.  I just love it so much.  A casual friend...NOT EVEN INVITED TO THE WEDDING...was upset you scheduled your wedding a day after her 30th bday.  I realize she didn't know she wasn't invited at the time of her "evil eye", but still.  That is some of the most crazy pants stuff I have heard.

I'm sure it happens a million times a year that somebody's guest at somebody's wedding has a bday the same weekend.   

My cousin got married the day of one of his niece's 4th birthday and another of his niece's 1st birthday.  Best wedding ever since they had Three Cakes!!!

They got the nieces cakes? Didn't they know that they had no obligation to celebrate those kids at all? At most they should have gotten a cupcake. But no singing. Oh, NO singing. Those little shits have got to face the real world sometime.

PrettyGirlLost

hashtag43016 said:

I just received a Facebook message from a girl asking if her husband (FI was in their wedding in august) was going to be in our wedding and if not, who were the other groomsmen and best man? Mind you our wedding is next month, I feel like you would know by now if you were in the wedding. I'm just in a mini moment of awe that people feel this is okay to do and don't consider it rude. And FI has done nothing of any sort to sway this person into believing he'll be in the wedding. I listed off the groomsmen and said I look forward to seeing them at the wedding. (you knotties taught me that line lol) 

I'd love to hear stories if anyone else has had guests be rude and break etiquette.  

I had a guest ask me if he could bring my Aunt Martha to the wedding, rather than Aunt Sally, who was on the invitation, because Aunt Sally couldn't make it.

The nerve of some people!  How dare guests ask questions, it's so rude!

CharmedPam

hashtag43016 said:

I just received a Facebook message from a girl asking if her husband (FI was in their wedding in august) was going to be in our wedding and if not, who were the other groomsmen and best man? Mind you our wedding is next month, I feel like you would know by now if you were in the wedding. I'm just in a mini moment of awe that people feel this is okay to do and don't consider it rude. And FI has done nothing of any sort to sway this person into believing he'll be in the wedding. I listed off the groomsmen and said I look forward to seeing them at the wedding. (you knotties taught me that line lol) 

I'd love to hear stories if anyone else has had guests be rude and break etiquette.  

yup.  I asked my bridesmaid to be my bridesmaid and she said "oh why don't you ask Barry to be a groomsman?"

Barry is her fiancé. 

Vivandiere8

My DH's grandparents brought along their neighbor to our wedding. Didn't ask us if she could come, didn't tell us she was coming, just brought her along (apparently because when she heard they were going to their grandson's wedding she said she would like to go). I had never met her, and my DH said he vaguely remembered seeing her around when he was a child visiting. They just took a chair from another table and squeezed her into theirs.

Thankfully we had a family of guests not show up so we didn't have problems from the caterer or anything with extra cost, but still... I was so amazed that someone would go beyond the typical "Can we bring along so and so?" or "We are bringing so and so" to just... bringing someone along who was never invited, and we were complete strangers with.

Cheermom84

So we just told everyone that we were engaged on Sunday and the wedding will be about a year from now. My best friend knows she is maid of honor and I have two daughters (FI has no kids) and when we told my kids we were getting married they asked if they could be in the wedding (they are 9 and 3) we told them they could have whatever part in the wedding they want and they said right away bridesmaid and flower girl. We also know were we want to get married and that my mom will make my dress and my daughters dresses (my mom has said this since I was little and when we told her we were getting married she offered to make my daughters dresses as well). This is all that planned because we very recently got engaged.

FI has this girl that is one of his best friend's, I will call her Jane. Jane introduced us, her daughter, Ann who is 12 and my 9 year old Sara (names changed) are on the same cheer team. Yesterday FI gets home from working night shift and he has a text from Jane saying "My kids were really excited because they thought they would be in the wedding I don't know what you think but Sara told Ann she can't be in the wedding" FI didn't respond and went to bed. He gets up to get ready for work and has a new message from Jane saying "I forgot I sent this" so FI tells her he was sleeping and Sara was at practice so after practice we will get her side and take care of it but we don't even know who all will be in the wedding since we have been engaged for 1 day and its over a year away. Jane responds back don't worry Sara and Ann talked after school and Ann doesn't care if she is in it or not you know me I get a little crazy about stuff. 

After practice I talk to Sara. She said Ann asked her what Sara will be in the wedding and Sara said a bridesmaid. Then Ann asked if she would be in the wedding and Sare said I dont know my mom and FI haven't decided anything yet. FI asked Jane about this and she admits she told her kids they can be in the wedding and then says she has found my dress and these are the plans she has made so far and if my kids can sit with their grandparents because to many kids in the wedding will look bad. FI told her we would plan the wedding and if I needed help I would ask but Jane kept sending info and ignoring what FI said. After that FI stopped responding to her messages and told me we will plan what we want and he will talk to Jane hubby to tell her to stop cause she isn't listening to me.

glasgowtolondon

PrettyGirlLost said:

hashtag43016 said:

I just received a Facebook message from a girl asking if her husband (FI was in their wedding in august) was going to be in our wedding and if not, who were the other groomsmen and best man? Mind you our wedding is next month, I feel like you would know by now if you were in the wedding. I'm just in a mini moment of awe that people feel this is okay to do and don't consider it rude. And FI has done nothing of any sort to sway this person into believing he'll be in the wedding. I listed off the groomsmen and said I look forward to seeing them at the wedding. (you knotties taught me that line lol) 

I'd love to hear stories if anyone else has had guests be rude and break etiquette.  

I had a guest ask me if he could bring my Aunt Martha to the wedding, rather than Aunt Sally, who was on the invitation, because Aunt Sally couldn't make it.

The nerve of some people!  How dare guests ask questions, it's so rude!

At least she didn't ask to bring old death-breath Sven.

LondonLisa

Cheermom84 said:

So we just told everyone that we were engaged on Sunday and the wedding will be about a year from now. My best friend knows she is maid of honor and I have two daughters (FI has no kids) and when we told my kids we were getting married they asked if they could be in the wedding (they are 9 and 3) we told them they could have whatever part in the wedding they want and they said right away bridesmaid and flower girl. We also know were we want to get married and that my mom will make my dress and my daughters dresses (my mom has said this since I was little and when we told her we were getting married she offered to make my daughters dresses as well). This is all that planned because we very recently got engaged.

FI has this girl that is one of his best friend's, I will call her Jane. Jane introduced us, her daughter, Ann who is 12 and my 9 year old Sara (names changed) are on the same cheer team. Yesterday FI gets home from working night shift and he has a text from Jane saying "My kids were really excited because they thought they would be in the wedding I don't know what you think but Sara told Ann she can't be in the wedding" FI didn't respond and went to bed. He gets up to get ready for work and has a new message from Jane saying "I forgot I sent this" so FI tells her he was sleeping and Sara was at practice so after practice we will get her side and take care of it but we don't even know who all will be in the wedding since we have been engaged for 1 day and its over a year away. Jane responds back don't worry Sara and Ann talked after school and Ann doesn't care if she is in it or not you know me I get a little crazy about stuff. 

After practice I talk to Sara. She said Ann asked her what Sara will be in the wedding and Sara said a bridesmaid. Then Ann asked if she would be in the wedding and Sare said I dont know my mom and FI haven't decided anything yet. FI asked Jane about this and she admits she told her kids they can be in the wedding and then says she has found my dress and these are the plans she has made so far and if my kids can sit with their grandparents because to many kids in the wedding will look bad. FI told her we would plan the wedding and if I needed help I would ask but Jane kept sending info and ignoring what FI said. After that FI stopped responding to her messages and told me we will plan what we want and he will talk to Jane hubby to tell her to stop cause she isn't listening to me.

Stop engaging with her. Your fi doesn't need to talk to her husband. That will cause drama. Just ignore the emails and texts. If she asks about her kids again, just say directly "the only children we are having in the wedding are ours".

mollybarker11

Cheermom84 said:

FI asked Jane about this and she admits she told her kids they can be in the wedding and then says she has found my dress and these are the plans she has made so far and if my kids can sit with their grandparents because to many kids in the wedding will look bad.

Hold the phone. Tell me I'm misreading the "my"s here because it looks like

1. Jane picked out your wedding dress & is making plans for your wedding

2. Jane wants your daughters to sit with their grandparents instead of being BM & FG, because

3. Jane thinks her kids are going to stand in your wedding so you should kick your own daughters out to make room???????????????????



I agree with @LondonLisa that your FI should not complicate matters by having a talk with Jane's husband. You've told her you're planning your own wedding, leave it at that. Ignore her messages, hopefully she'll get the hint when you stop responding.

Cheermom84

mollybarker11 said:

Cheermom84 said:

FI asked Jane about this and she admits she told her kids they can be in the wedding and then says she has found my dress and these are the plans she has made so far and if my kids can sit with their grandparents because to many kids in the wedding will look bad.

Hold the phone. Tell me I'm misreading the "my"s here because it looks like

1. Jane picked out your wedding dress & is making plans for your wedding

2. Jane wants your daughters to sit with their grandparents instead of being BM & FG, because

3. Jane thinks her kids are going to stand in your wedding so you should kick your own daughters out to make room???????????????????



I agree with @LondonLisa that your FI should not complicate matters by having a talk with Jane's husband. You've told her you're planning your own wedding, leave it at that. Ignore her messages, hopefully she'll get the hint when you stop responding.

(new and can't figure out how to get out of the quote box)

You read it right. I was livid when he showed me the text messages but even though I wanted to give her a piece of my mind I didn't day anything to her and let FI take care of it. Thanks for the advice ladies! I will tell FI to just ignore her about wedding stuff and not talk to her hubby.