Moms and Maids

Should I get my bridesmaids gifts?

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Re: Should I get my bridesmaids gifts?

  • CasadenaCasadena member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited March 2016
    I know this is an unpopular opinion, but as a 5 time bridesmaid - I would MUCH rather you not get me a gift.  If you're going to spend money, don't make me buy my dress, etc. and pay for that.  I know that as a bride you're honoring our friendship by asking me to stand in your wedding and I greatly appreciate that.  But on the other side, I don't need or want you to spend money on impractical (no matter how individualized or lovingly picked out) things.  

    I dont' know, it's not a bad thing to get or give gifts necessarily, i just really dislike the seemingly recent norm of giving presents anytime someone does anything nice for you.  Overall, if you're going to spend money, just buy my wedding stuff - i would appreciate that 1000 times more.  Again, not popular - but just my flip side experience and opinion.

    That being said OP your REASONS for not getting your bridesmaids gifts is ridiculous. It's awesome that paid for the dress and hair, etc. if you'd like them to wear something specific.  However, they are in no way required to help you do ANYTHING for your wedding.  It doesn't mean they're crappy people.
    MesmrEweahoyweddingYogaSandyCatherineJaneUk
  • OP - I think that there are a lot of expectations from the wedding industry for your maids to support you in many ways during the planning and execution of a wedding. However, maids do not have any obligation to participate in planning. I'm sorry that your expectations have not been met. That would be frustrating. You are entitled to feel whatever you feel, but acting on it would be rude. Please get your wedding party a thank you gift. Doesn't have to be large and expensive. Something that speaks to each girl's interests would be appropriate. 
    OliveOilsMom
  • The shortened version of a reply... OP - you're spending hundreds already on your BM's for all WP attire and hair/makeup..  I get your frustration, and while I agree with the PP on many things covered far longer, IMO, keep your budget to $5-10 MAX and choose something relatively simple (non-wedding day attire necklace/earrings, GC, toasting glass, coffee mug in their "style", picture frame, same thing as the groomsmen, etc.).. 
  • CasadenaCasadena member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited March 2016
    adk19 said:
    Casadena said:
    I know this is an unpopular opinion, but as a 5 time bridesmaid - I would MUCH rather you not get me a gift.  If you're going to spend money, don't make me buy my dress, etc. and pay for that.  I know that as a bride you're honoring our friendship by asking me to stand in your wedding and I greatly appreciate that.  But on the other side, I don't need or want you to spend money on impractical (no matter how individualized or lovingly picked out) things.  

    I dont' know, it's not a bad thing to get or give gifts necessarily, i just really dislike the seemingly recent norm of giving presents anytime someone does anything nice for you.  Overall, if you're going to spend money, just buy my wedding stuff - i would appreciate that 1000 times more.  Again, not popular - but just my flip side experience and opinion.

    That being said OP your REASONS for not getting your bridesmaids gifts is ridiculous. It's awesome that paid for the dress and hair, etc. if you'd like them to wear something specific.  However, they are in no way required to help you do ANYTHING for your wedding.  It doesn't mean they're crappy people.
    You say you don't want impractical gifts?  What about a practical gift then?  You mention to me once that you can never find a Phillips Head screwdriver when you're looking for one, so I get you one on a keychain.  Individualized AND practical!  You read on your Kindle almost non-stop, so I buy you an amazon giftcard.  I go to your house for Thanksgiving dinner and notice you're serving gravy out of a measuring cup, so I gift you a gravy boat.  Unnecessary, but practical!  This is what we mean by buying  your Bridesmaids individualized gifts.  

    I don't like stuff.  I've been decluttering my house for six months now.  I'm finally getting to the point where I'm happy with my amount of stuff.  But if I'm a bridesmaid or groomswoman, the best gift I could get would be a sixpack or bomber of local craft beer and an old thrift store copy of a hardcover classic novel.

    And.  For my wedding, I'm going to allow the bridal party to wear whatever the hell they want, so they don't have to purchase an outfit at all because I don't care about color or style or length or anything.  But I'll want to show my bridal party how much I care for them.  So I'll buy them something they appreciate, and maybe write them each notes about how much they mean to me.





    SIB:
    I know what you mean by practical!! 

    A wonderful thank you note would be the best thing!!!!  A six pack or something would also be fine, and obviously get used :).  My frustration is more with the fact that they feel they have to "buy something to show they appreciate me" at all.  Because to me, getting a six pack doesnt feel like you appreciate my friendship.  I feel like you appreciate my friendship bc you asked me to be in your wedding....

    Again this is just my opinion, I'm not a big gift person in general and i know that's not usually a popular opinion here!  But again, I do think OP's REASONS for not getting her bridesmaids gifts are totally ridiculous. 
    SP29
  • Casadena said:
    I know this is an unpopular opinion, but as a 5 time bridesmaid - I would MUCH rather you not get me a gift.  If you're going to spend money, don't make me buy my dress, etc. and pay for that.  I know that as a bride you're honoring our friendship by asking me to stand in your wedding and I greatly appreciate that.  But on the other side, I don't need or want you to spend money on impractical (no matter how individualized or lovingly picked out) things.  

    I dont' know, it's not a bad thing to get or give gifts necessarily, i just really dislike the seemingly recent norm of giving presents anytime someone does anything nice for you.  Overall, if you're going to spend money, just buy my wedding stuff - i would appreciate that 1000 times more.  Again, not popular - but just my flip side experience and opinion.

    That being said OP your REASONS for not getting your bridesmaids gifts is ridiculous. It's awesome that paid for the dress and hair, etc. if you'd like them to wear something specific.  However, they are in no way required to help you do ANYTHING for your wedding.  It doesn't mean they're crappy people.
    I have to agree.  I would also agree that IF a BM were to do it anyway, paying for having hair and make up done professionally would be a generous gift.  I will qualify, however, that the hair style and make up application should be done to the preferences of the BM.  If the bride is dictating the hair style, then it is not a gift.

    Paying for the dress is also very generous.  However, if the BM had absolutely no input as to their personal comfort and style, then I would not really qualify that as a gift.
    SP29Casadena
  • Casadena said:
    I know this is an unpopular opinion, but as a 5 time bridesmaid - I would MUCH rather you not get me a gift.  If you're going to spend money, don't make me buy my dress, etc. and pay for that.  I know that as a bride you're honoring our friendship by asking me to stand in your wedding and I greatly appreciate that.  But on the other side, I don't need or want you to spend money on impractical (no matter how individualized or lovingly picked out) things.  

    I dont' know, it's not a bad thing to get or give gifts necessarily, i just really dislike the seemingly recent norm of giving presents anytime someone does anything nice for you.  Overall, if you're going to spend money, just buy my wedding stuff - i would appreciate that 1000 times more.  Again, not popular - but just my flip side experience and opinion.

    That being said OP your REASONS for not getting your bridesmaids gifts is ridiculous. It's awesome that paid for the dress and hair, etc. if you'd like them to wear something specific.  However, they are in no way required to help you do ANYTHING for your wedding.  It doesn't mean they're crappy people.

    I definitely get what you're saying here, especially if the gift isn't something you could ever use/wear/whatever. I've only been a BM twice and both times my "gift" was the required wedding jewelry and it is stuff that never got worn again so I suppose I'm happy I didn't have to pay for it haha.
  • Okay so here is my issue... I am getting married in 5 weeks. Since I started planning about 6 months ago my 4 bridesmaids have done nothing. I paid for all of their dresses and I will pay for their hair and make up. I found my dress without, I have done all my DIYs without them and I even went to bridal shows without them. Forget about bachelorette party and bridal shower they have no motivation to do anything. So as of now I refuseto by them anything and I believe I am justified.. what do you guys think?
    I know im in the minority here but it sounds to me like you don't want your friends to necessarily do wedding things but show some interest. Quite honestly they sound a little crappy and flaky but maybe there is no ill will intended. I think rather than be passive aggressive about it and not get them a gift, you should (nicely and respectfully) voice your concerns. As previously stated, everyone has their own problems and issues and it's easy to get consumed with your own stuff and not be aware of what's going on with the people around you, maybe you're all guilty of that. In any case, if you want to salvage these friendships someone has to make a move. Good luck!
    Knottie1447032720
  • Sammy1112 said:
    Okay so here is my issue... I am getting married in 5 weeks. Since I started planning about 6 months ago my 4 bridesmaids have done nothing. I paid for all of their dresses and I will pay for their hair and make up. I found my dress without, I have done all my DIYs without them and I even went to bridal shows without them. Forget about bachelorette party and bridal shower they have no motivation to do anything. So as of now I refuseto by them anything and I believe I am justified.. what do you guys think?
    I know im in the minority here but it sounds to me like you don't want your friends to necessarily do wedding things but show some interest. Quite honestly they sound a little crappy and flaky but maybe there is no ill will intended. I think rather than be passive aggressive about it and not get them a gift, you should (nicely and respectfully) voice your concerns. As previously stated, everyone has their own problems and issues and it's easy to get consumed with your own stuff and not be aware of what's going on with the people around you, maybe you're all guilty of that. In any case, if you want to salvage these friendships someone has to make a move. Good luck!
    It doesn't make someone to be a crappy friend to, you know, be concerned about real life things (job, school, family), rather than going to bridal shows and helping to pick out a dress.  The BMs aren't required to do anything other than show up, on time, sober, and in the correct attire the day of the wedding.  Nothing in OPs post made her friends seem crappy...but OP sure did come off entitled.  


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    InLoveInQueensfloridabride44[Deleted User]
  • I've read a couple of the comments on the thread and it seems like you have already made up your mind that you are not getting them a gift, so just go with your gut feeling. If you already paid for their dresses and willing to pay for the hair and makeup, they will probably accept that as their gifts. My friends definitely wouldn't care one way or another if I gave them a gift because that's just how we are. However, I will be getting my BMs a small gift.
  • Okay seriously everyone on this post needs to take a chill pill. Lol. Ican see where you're coming from. I lost my MOH BC her boyfriend wouldn't let her be in my wedding. Although she had just very very recently gotten with the guy and I've been through thick and thin with her for the last 7 years and wanted her up there with me for the MST special day of my life. But anyways, its possible that you guys might just be falling out BC of all this wedding stuff. Specially since you're trying to plan it in such a short time and you're on your own. The thing about your FI idk. My FI isn't much into it but I've had his support since the beginning. For my bridesmaids I asked them to be part of my wedding by making them cute little boxes with nail polish and make up stuff inside. Its more of the thought that counts situation. At the same time they are not obligated to say yes and be ypour bridesmaid so maybe don't be so hard on them and yourself. I can say that you weren't obligated to pay for their dresses. Unless you were being super picky about it and wanted something specifically. I just gave my bridesmaids a ribbon of the color I had in mind or something along the line and let them pick their own dresses. And even some of them asked me to go with them just for fun. Try to have fun along this process. Specially if you only want to this once in your life. Its not about being stressed. But about enjoying the road. So the day of can be that much special. :)
  • Okay seriously everyone on this post needs to take a chill pill. Lol. Ican see where you're coming from. I lost my MOH BC her boyfriend wouldn't let her be in my wedding. Although she had just very very recently gotten with the guy and I've been through thick and thin with her for the last 7 years and wanted her up there with me for the MST special day of my life. But anyways, its possible that you guys might just be falling out BC of all this wedding stuff. Specially since you're trying to plan it in such a short time and you're on your own. The thing about your FI idk. My FI isn't much into it but I've had his support since the beginning. For my bridesmaids I asked them to be part of my wedding by making them cute little boxes with nail polish and make up stuff inside. Its more of the thought that counts situation. At the same time they are not obligated to say yes and be ypour bridesmaid so maybe don't be so hard on them and yourself. I can say that you weren't obligated to pay for their dresses. Unless you were being super picky about it and wanted something specifically. I just gave my bridesmaids a ribbon of the color I had in mind or something along the line and let them pick their own dresses. And even some of them asked me to go with them just for fun. Try to have fun along this process. Specially if you only want to this once in your life. Its not about being stressed. But about enjoying the road. So the day of can be that much special. :)
    Your MOH leaving your wedding because of (or blaming it on) her boyfriend has nothing to do with this post. And many of us didn't "enjoy the road" because wedding planning is stressful, but we're stil married. THAt is what's most important.


    [Deleted User]InLoveInQueens
  • I honestly feel like if you paid a large amount of money for their dresses, hair, and makeup that those are their gifts. I agree, thry should be at the bridal shower and bachelorette party but sometimes things happen. I'm getting married in three weeks and my BM's haven't been that much help as one is almost always negative and can't drive anywhere, the other doesn't want to drive 20 minutes to participate in anything, the other two are cool but one has has four kids and the other lives out of state. So I  realize that while the wedding is about me and my fiancé, all the days leading up to it are not about me and my wedding. People have lives and other things going on. Although, one of the bridesmaids has an issue with my MOH and another bridesmaid, I still appreciate them standing by my side, putting aside differences and being there for me so I'm giving them all gifts. 
  • @Knottie94222315 do not bump posts!!!
    Greenjinjo HeffalumpDrillSergeantCat
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