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[Deleted User]

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LondonLisa

Knottie1450803568 said:

My fiancee and I recently got engaged. As soon as we announced it to family and let them know we were planning for March 18th, 2018 about two years away my parents offered to contribute which was wonderful. Unfortunately, once we actually sat down to start looking at pricing and planning we realized we wouldn't be able to afford our end of the bargain in that time frame without cutting back the guest list which was pretty much 120 members of our family and very few friends. (Divorced parents on both sides=lots of family. I'm sure some of you can relate.)

The more we think about it the more we feel like the best choice is to have a court house ceremony followed by a lunch we'll host for those in attendance. We don't want to plan for a wedding by factoring in my parents contribution and then have that fall through because it's not their responsibility and life happens. And with FI being a student working very few hours, there is no good way in our minds to cut the guest list in a way that feels good to both of us. Which is why pairing it down to immediate family and doing what we can afford feels like the best choice.  We plan on having a vow renewal on our 5th wedding anniversary with all of our family and planning a big reception afterwards. 

1) I've told my two best friends and immediate family the date we were hoping for and the type of event we were hoping to be able to host. I know I spoke too soon, but my question is how do I address this now that we're planning for the court house and they will no longer be in attendance to my big day?

2) If we pay for lunch at a local restaurant after our ceremony is that enough of a reception to be considered a "thank you" for our few guests?

3) Is it still within proper etiquette to have a large ceremony and reception for our vow renewal as long as people are aware that's all it is? 

4) Just any tips to avoid etiquette mishaps in this situation would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

1.) Get married at the courthouse. Send out marriage announcements (unless you have sent STDs then you need to send cancellations)
2) as long as you are paying for everything, totally fine!
3.) no. You can have a large party anytime you want but this isn't a wedding redo. Vow renewals are really for milestone dates, like 30 years! Even then, they are short ceremonies (more like toasts to each other). Nothing "bridal" (no wedding gown/ bridal party/ bachelorette/registries).
4.) the courthouse is your wedding full stop. You need to stop looking at this vow renewal as your chance to play bride. 

ShesSoCold

Knottie1450803568 said:

My fiancee and I recently got engaged. As soon as we announced it to family and let them know we were planning for March 18th, 2018 about two years away my parents offered to contribute which was wonderful. Unfortunately, once we actually sat down to start looking at pricing and planning we realized we wouldn't be able to afford our end of the bargain in that time frame without cutting back the guest list which was pretty much 120 members of our family and very few friends. (Divorced parents on both sides=lots of family. I'm sure some of you can relate.)

The more we think about it the more we feel like the best choice is to have a court house ceremony followed by a lunch we'll host for those in attendance. We don't want to plan for a wedding by factoring in my parents contribution and then have that fall through because it's not their responsibility and life happens. And with FI being a student working very few hours, there is no good way in our minds to cut the guest list in a way that feels good to both of us. Which is why pairing it down to immediate family and doing what we can afford feels like the best choice.  We plan on having a vow renewal on our 5th wedding anniversary with all of our family and planning a big reception afterwards. 

1) I've told my two best friends and immediate family the date we were hoping for and the type of event we were hoping to be able to host. I know I spoke too soon, but my question is how do I address this now that we're planning for the court house and they will no longer be in attendance to my big day?

2) If we pay for lunch at a local restaurant after our ceremony is that enough of a reception to be considered a "thank you" for our few guests?

3) Is it still within proper etiquette to have a large ceremony and reception for our vow renewal as long as people are aware that's all it is? 

4) Just any tips to avoid etiquette mishaps in this situation would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

1. If they're truly your best friends, I'd think that you can talk to them about pretty much everything. Just tell them what you told us, apologize and let them know how much they mean to you.

2. Yes, that's fine, as long as you pay for everything your guests are offered (so, if there's bar, you need to pay for their drinks. if that's not in your budget, try to get a room in the restaurant without a bar in it and let people know what types of drinks are available).

3. Ceremony and reception? I mean, I guess. I'm not a fan of big vow renewals because your marriage isn't a driver's license that needs to be renewed, but to each his own. I definitely would NOT have a bridal party, registry, any type of pre-wedding party (shower or bachelorette) or a big giant ball gown.

madamerwin

I agree w/ @LondonLisa, except that I think a vow renewal at 5 years is not terrible... Still kinda early for one, but better than one year. But definitely no ceremony, big white dress, bridal shower, or gift registry. It would be completely okay for you and your H to give short speeches at the vow renewal, but definitely don't have a ceremony re-do.

Otherwise, the rest of your plans sound fine. A lunch after the courthouse wedding is a proper reception as long as you are paying for it.

madamerwin

Holy crap, that was a FAST DD!

thisismynickname2

Darn it!

ShesSoCold

That was quick!

madamerwin

ShesSoCold said:

That was quick!

Thanks for quoting... Though if OP had her feelers hurt by these incredibly tame responses, she clearly shouldn't be on the internet.

geebee908

Knottie#s, I hardly knew you. 

ETA: Do DDs not get puppy gifs anymore?

tigerlily6

Yeah. . . woah, what just happened? I am scratching my head at how this became a DD scenario. 

[Deleted User]

I never understand this reaction.  I mean, I understand someone closing out of a website because their fee-fees got hurt.  But who says, "Fuck this shit and fuck all of you!  DELETE ME from this bullshit!  I hate you allllllllll!"?  That's a pretty drastic reaction when all we said was, "um, maybe you should think about this a little more, here are some things you may not have considered."

glasgowtolondon

geebee908 said:

Knottie#s, I hardly knew you. 

ETA: Do DDs not get puppy gifs anymore?

Shall we?

madamerwin

geebee908

madamerwin said:

Awww. Puppies and babies!

drunkenwitch

If she's not mature enough to handle a little feedback on the internets, she is not mature enough to get married.

holyguacamole79

ShesSoCold

madamerwin said:

show previous quotes

ShesSoCold said:

That was quick!

Thanks for quoting... Though if OP had her feelers hurt by these incredibly tame responses, she clearly shouldn't be on the internet.

In her defense, I did say "not" in all caps, which can be scary.

holyguacamole79

ShesSoCold said:

show previous quotes

madamerwin said:

ShesSoCold said:

That was quick!

Thanks for quoting... Though if OP had her feelers hurt by these incredibly tame responses, she clearly shouldn't be on the internet.

In her defense, I did say "not" in all caps, which can be scary.

scrunchythief

thefanciestbeckler

Crap! How did I miss this???

drunkenwitch

thefanciestbeckler said:

Crap! How did I miss this???

Damn near everyone did. Lightening fast DD

InLoveInQueens

drunkenwitch said:

If she's not mature enough to handle a little feedback on the internets, she is not mature enough to get married.

It wasn't even anything "rude" or "bullying" like most DDs get, everyone said "your plan is cool, have your wedding and enjoy it". I guess it was being told that the vow renewal isn't a second wedding made her take her toys and go home.

I had the exact wedding she's now planning, city hall with immediate family (and my bff) and lunch after. It was awesome

CMGragain

I dislike any wedding plan that includes a future vow renewal to make up for the expensive party they missed by getting married simply.  No one is entitled to a big wedding/vow renewal.

lovesclimbing

This doesn't make any sense at all!! How in the world can they pay for a PPD if they can't afford the exact same thing right now?!

thefanciestbeckler

drunkenwitch said:

show previous quotes

thefanciestbeckler said:

Crap! How did I miss this???

Damn near everyone did. Lightening fast DD

I can't even figure out why this DD happened... this post was really tame! Oh well!

drunkenwitch

thefanciestbeckler said:

show previous quotes

drunkenwitch said:

thefanciestbeckler said:

Crap! How did I miss this???

Damn near everyone did. Lightening fast DD

I can't even figure out why this DD happened... this post was really tame! Oh well!

My best guess is "I didn't get instant validation and told I was a precious, perfect snowflake so I will flounce and huff". Just a guess.